Another Fine Mess

So i can now safely say the whole Christmas/New Year period is offically over. It being January 17th is of course a rather sizeable clue to this fact but it's went on a little longer then tradition entails. I'm back at university for real tomorrow, startigng the work all over again and frankly i can't face it, i really am not interested just now. This is not a reflection on uni at all by the way, more to do with the fact that i have had an extremely eventful and enjoyable month and a half and the thought of pushing on and just leaving it in the past (as it so often does) scares the shit out of me. It's just been so much fun, and i'm not willing to let everything settle down again, NO !

I'll involve you a little by giving abit more detail of the 'festive' time for myself. Basicly from the last week of November up untill this weeekend i had what can only be described as one of the single most engrossing, emotional, powerful and fucking increbible periods of my life. From the first (sorta) christmas party at the student halls in tollcross all the way up till friday night this weekend it's been one hell of a journey. I had a thing for one girl, which didn't go anywere and then had my head turned by somebody entirely differant on christmas day. This isn't labelled as anything and despite my hidden feelings it's still going to stay this way, but i love it ! There has been numerous nights out, excessive amounts of drinking and just loads of good memories. Be it... walking around the German market and fudding about in Urban outfitters before having a Kfc bucket Eat off, or having a semi drunk girl tell me how much she loves me and trying to keep things calm. Driving around in Disco's car, sometimes going no place in particular. Or even just sitting around lstening to music booking New Years tickets with the anticipation that a great night is on the way, or finally realising on christmas day that the answer has been right infront of me for sooo long. How about New Year itself, managing to reduce somebody to tears and possibly ruin an entire friendship over just one incident. Also sitting in the car park at McDonalds listening to goosebumps tapes. Finally to just lie and hold her hand, with the question on my mind of do i deserve more then this, and is it their ?...

That (above) doesn't even scratch the surface.

Going back tomorrow poses some problems. First of all i'll need to organise. This is fairly easy but a hassle all the same. Also, i;m gonna need to get used to a routine again, my frequent comings and goings and genral freeedom of movement will have to take a back seat whilst i work out my new timetable and make sure i don't fuck up my degree. Finally and perhaps most problematic will be trying to resolve a friendship that i could have maybe, slightly, just a little bit, fucked up. Not my fault however, some people just need to GROW THE FUCK UP ! Apologies... But yeah, seriously, i'm not wanting to jeaprodise anything or potentially alienate myself from the larger group, so this better not run, because in a me versus her scenario i will tear her to peices and it won't be pretty. I'm a mean fucker when the mood takes me, and i have a soft spot for her anyways. Hmmm... What else ? Oh aye, i'm going to have to just wait and see how things pan out with 'tärkeä tyttö'. Hopefully i can make something of all that.

Anyway im coming away from this last few month with far more memories and events then i could have possibly imagined. Almost all good, although resulting in some poor consequences. Fucking hell, come to think of it, it's been chaotic, very rushed, hectic and underplanned, by i love it it, i really do. I thrive on that kinda enviroment, and even with the weird situation which has appeared now, i guess i'm almost pleased, that is basicly what i set out to do all those months ago when i started at the uni. I knew it would happen eventually, it's sub-conscious and ultimatly inevitable. I thrive on it, the chaos and sheer emotion of bad enviroemtns, i suppose i do the most damage and my best work in this condiotion, what can i say, sometimes it pays to be bad.

So what else is left to say, nothing much. I suppose i am right back were i always end up, excited, upset, angry, energised, confused, empowered, conflicted, emotional, unbreakable and of course, hoplesly, unavoidably, regretably in love. Fuck.

I'll be talkin to ya xx