Me Thinks it's a go-er !
..............................................................
Well, maybe.....
I'll be Talkin To Ya xx
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
-
The truth is out....
And it hurts.
But what can i do ?
I laugh, i cry, i'll live then die.
Nothings eternal.
But one thing cannot change,
I'll be broken again.
For one reason...
I am addicted to love.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
And it hurts.
But what can i do ?
I laugh, i cry, i'll live then die.
Nothings eternal.
But one thing cannot change,
I'll be broken again.
For one reason...
I am addicted to love.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
You Don't Know But...
' The way you're singing in your sleep,
The way you look before you leap,
The strange illusions that you keep,
You don't know,
But i'm noticing.
The way your touch turns into arcs,
The way you slide into the dark,
The beating of my open heart,
You don't know,
But i'm noticing.'
— David Levithan
I'll be talkin to ya xx
The way you look before you leap,
The strange illusions that you keep,
You don't know,
But i'm noticing.
The way your touch turns into arcs,
The way you slide into the dark,
The beating of my open heart,
You don't know,
But i'm noticing.'
— David Levithan
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Friday, 24 April 2009
An Infinite Playlist. <3
Phew, glad todays over with, had a rather stressful day at the school. Lots of writing, two english essay for exam practices and an RMPS Nab, i'm not really the study type, apparently i actually Procrastinatate... ( thanks Dave) but it's not that, i don't put stuff off for late, i just like don't do it usually ! Not sure what that's called, lack of motivation, lazyness ? Fuck knows ! Anywhooo i managed to pretty much bullshit my way through both with what felt like ease, not got them back yet of course but i'm confident so that's good.
Was invited out to Portobello beach tonight by my most recent friendly female, had to turn this offer down however, wouldn't have minded going to be honoust. But i just felt it would be a bit silly really, another chance for me to do something a little bit silly, which i'm tryiong to avoid doing until after my exams anyway ! Anyway, i'm promised to the airport at 8 Am tomorrow, as my jetsetting little bain of existance has requested my presence bright and breazy, as Mrs McD's mothership is going into orbit and before she leaves the Mship wants to see me as it's been about 8 months or so ! Always been fond of Macdougz senior so that will be nice. Then that means i'm entrusted to care for the junior one for the ret of the day, until she public trnsports her way back to the convent ! Hmm..... Next saturday we're hanging out too, this is shaping up like last year all over again, can't see the 18th of May having the same outcome though ! haha.
You'd think i'd learn from mistakes.....
What else then, might head out later, my thinking is this actually, i've had a change of opinion, if shorty can get into twn from Porty before 12 i'll go spend a few hours at her flat then get home before 4, catch up on Miley Cyrus on Jonathen Ross, then just stay up till i go to the airport, and blitz Saturday on excitement alone, then just sleep all of Sunday ! It's a plan batman....
Sounds too easy however !
This week has reminded me of something i said a while back, life really does constantly keep moving, things recently seem to be changing, it's always this time of year, or even reverting as the case me be, i'm becoming closer to numerous people, which in fairness isn't a bad thing, but not exactley what i was wanting, and certain others are re-appearing with a vengence, not complaining, theirs a select few that are always welcome. Btw, just want to let somebody know, as he might be reading (you nosey bastard) that whilst i may constantly seem pre-occupied, don't try and back off, please ! haha, stay involved, keep me sane mate. I'd drop anything to help you out, and theirs just a chance that i'm going down down a path just now, that might lead to some bad results (for me likes, nobody else) so just try and be there if needs be ! Thanks, i'd trust you with my life pal !
Oooh and i think you're to come to mine tomorrow ? Cause parents are headin out or some such event ! I'll shoot you a text if you don't read this by the morning haha.
Right, fuck this, i'm going out, cheery bye
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Was invited out to Portobello beach tonight by my most recent friendly female, had to turn this offer down however, wouldn't have minded going to be honoust. But i just felt it would be a bit silly really, another chance for me to do something a little bit silly, which i'm tryiong to avoid doing until after my exams anyway ! Anyway, i'm promised to the airport at 8 Am tomorrow, as my jetsetting little bain of existance has requested my presence bright and breazy, as Mrs McD's mothership is going into orbit and before she leaves the Mship wants to see me as it's been about 8 months or so ! Always been fond of Macdougz senior so that will be nice. Then that means i'm entrusted to care for the junior one for the ret of the day, until she public trnsports her way back to the convent ! Hmm..... Next saturday we're hanging out too, this is shaping up like last year all over again, can't see the 18th of May having the same outcome though ! haha.
You'd think i'd learn from mistakes.....
What else then, might head out later, my thinking is this actually, i've had a change of opinion, if shorty can get into twn from Porty before 12 i'll go spend a few hours at her flat then get home before 4, catch up on Miley Cyrus on Jonathen Ross, then just stay up till i go to the airport, and blitz Saturday on excitement alone, then just sleep all of Sunday ! It's a plan batman....
Sounds too easy however !
This week has reminded me of something i said a while back, life really does constantly keep moving, things recently seem to be changing, it's always this time of year, or even reverting as the case me be, i'm becoming closer to numerous people, which in fairness isn't a bad thing, but not exactley what i was wanting, and certain others are re-appearing with a vengence, not complaining, theirs a select few that are always welcome. Btw, just want to let somebody know, as he might be reading (you nosey bastard) that whilst i may constantly seem pre-occupied, don't try and back off, please ! haha, stay involved, keep me sane mate. I'd drop anything to help you out, and theirs just a chance that i'm going down down a path just now, that might lead to some bad results (for me likes, nobody else) so just try and be there if needs be ! Thanks, i'd trust you with my life pal !
Oooh and i think you're to come to mine tomorrow ? Cause parents are headin out or some such event ! I'll shoot you a text if you don't read this by the morning haha.
Right, fuck this, i'm going out, cheery bye
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Thursday, 23 April 2009
Did He ? Naaaaaa
Let's be honoust, is studying really important ?
Did This guy Ever Study ??
Doubt It !
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Stress
Awk shite ! I'm stressed !
Got a Nab for Rmps 2morro, either at lunch or after school. Rather get it done at lunch likes, but problem is i have a double timed essay in English right before ! Might be tired out. So that's two things i really should be preparing for tonight !!
Cannot be arsed though, which is why i'm wasting my life on this...
C'mon, study, study, study.... Do It....
Hmm.. I'll Consider !
I'll be talkin to yaa xx
Got a Nab for Rmps 2morro, either at lunch or after school. Rather get it done at lunch likes, but problem is i have a double timed essay in English right before ! Might be tired out. So that's two things i really should be preparing for tonight !!
Cannot be arsed though, which is why i'm wasting my life on this...
C'mon, study, study, study.... Do It....
Hmm.. I'll Consider !
I'll be talkin to yaa xx
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
Soy Adicto Adorar
So it's happening again....
I know it's silly, but stuffs happnin, in my head, things moving about and finding new places to sit. People landing in differant places, i'm seein things differantly, well, in most regards, theirs still the unmovable object at the forefront of my mind, but that's fine, i'm used to her.
It's the other one, i don't want it, or at least i didn't. Truth is, i would like to be happy here, and i probably could be ! But i'm just not sure, i can see soo many possible problems and frankly i don't want to get let down all over again.
Fuck it i'll probably take the risk anyway, already kinda have i suppose, didn't work there, but it's a matter of time i think.
This weekends shapin up nicely though ! Got a good few things on, pretty cool.
Weird, exams really soon, but like, i can't give them any thought, too much other shit in my head, can't be sure where my priorities should lie actually. Heart versus Head....
Only one winner !
Got a follower btw ! Thanks, glad to know somebody appreciates my shit !
Gonna love you and leave you
I'll be talkin to ya xx
I know it's silly, but stuffs happnin, in my head, things moving about and finding new places to sit. People landing in differant places, i'm seein things differantly, well, in most regards, theirs still the unmovable object at the forefront of my mind, but that's fine, i'm used to her.
It's the other one, i don't want it, or at least i didn't. Truth is, i would like to be happy here, and i probably could be ! But i'm just not sure, i can see soo many possible problems and frankly i don't want to get let down all over again.
Fuck it i'll probably take the risk anyway, already kinda have i suppose, didn't work there, but it's a matter of time i think.
This weekends shapin up nicely though ! Got a good few things on, pretty cool.
Weird, exams really soon, but like, i can't give them any thought, too much other shit in my head, can't be sure where my priorities should lie actually. Heart versus Head....
Only one winner !
Got a follower btw ! Thanks, glad to know somebody appreciates my shit !
Gonna love you and leave you
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Sunday, 19 April 2009
Nice Night
Last night was fun !
Decent film,
Great company,
Good Laugh.
What more can i want ? Nothing really
After a shitter of a morning it was the perfect way to just relax and let of steam, really liked it.
Don't know what it is, but i just like driving around. Even if greigs drivin ! haha. Naa he's fine really. But just being out in our own car.. feels, a donno, just more free, like not having to bother about bus times, or taxi money, it's kinda the same as the freedom you get from walking ! But just easier to convince people to come with you. Soo aye, i can't wait to drive ! No clue if it's as fun actually beeing the driver though.
Think i might just stick to riding shotgun !
I'll be talkin to yaa xx
Decent film,
Great company,
Good Laugh.
What more can i want ? Nothing really
After a shitter of a morning it was the perfect way to just relax and let of steam, really liked it.
Don't know what it is, but i just like driving around. Even if greigs drivin ! haha. Naa he's fine really. But just being out in our own car.. feels, a donno, just more free, like not having to bother about bus times, or taxi money, it's kinda the same as the freedom you get from walking ! But just easier to convince people to come with you. Soo aye, i can't wait to drive ! No clue if it's as fun actually beeing the driver though.
Think i might just stick to riding shotgun !
I'll be talkin to yaa xx
Saturday, 18 April 2009
Woops
Well, I just made an arse of myself ! Couldn't keep the 'ol mouth shut....
Go me ! Well fucking done ! I cannot help myself sometimes. It's quite embarasing though, avoided things like this for so long. And for a good bloody reason too !
So what do I do ? Well, I'm not up for losing a friend aswel as the chance of something more, so I'll just have to play it cool ! Harder then you might think though.
Fuck sake ! I can be a complete idiot sometimes, when will I learn....... ?
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Go me ! Well fucking done ! I cannot help myself sometimes. It's quite embarasing though, avoided things like this for so long. And for a good bloody reason too !
So what do I do ? Well, I'm not up for losing a friend aswel as the chance of something more, so I'll just have to play it cool ! Harder then you might think though.
Fuck sake ! I can be a complete idiot sometimes, when will I learn....... ?
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Thursday, 16 April 2009
Wow !!
I Love Pink !!
Seriously, She's soo fucking Cool !
Seen her concert in glasgow !
Want to marry her !
I'm not a stalker, honoust.....
'
When my tears start to fall, I'll come out from behind these walls, and say nobody knows'
When my tears start to fall, I'll come out from behind these walls, and say nobody knows'
Brillaint lyrics !
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
The Myth Of Us
It will never makes any sense to me.
What really happened ! It went from perfect to completely broken in the matter of three days ! I Don't think i'll ever undertand it.
Why has it affected me so much ? Probably 'cause you were perfect. Everything you did was amazing and i seriously couldn't ever find a thing to fault or critisise. I mean that.
And ever since the shit went down, we've done nothing but play these stupid little games and go back and forth constantly, promising everything, but never getting anywere. It's all been pointless really. But you're still always on my mind, even when i'm with others ! It's weird, but i kinda enjoy it. It suggests to me that what i felt was real, not just ignorance to the obvious. Maybe you feel differant, but i don't know, it's not for me to ask, i wouldn't want to show you any sign of weakness, not anymore anyway. I question alot of things, but not you, Love is a strong word but not strong enough to surround how i feel for you.
No matter what has been said, the myth of us probably will never die. It's always gonna be you, like Ross and Rachal, It's not over and never has been. But until things change, theirs no option but to remain just that, a myth. I don't want to be broken again.
Until then, i'm honoured to have you as my friend, somebody i know i can turn to, as can you !
'But somehow it all makes sense,
Cause i've done it before in the past tense,
And i know i'll see you again,
Cause the myth of us never ends.'
I'll be talkin to yaa xxxx
What really happened ! It went from perfect to completely broken in the matter of three days ! I Don't think i'll ever undertand it.
Why has it affected me so much ? Probably 'cause you were perfect. Everything you did was amazing and i seriously couldn't ever find a thing to fault or critisise. I mean that.
And ever since the shit went down, we've done nothing but play these stupid little games and go back and forth constantly, promising everything, but never getting anywere. It's all been pointless really. But you're still always on my mind, even when i'm with others ! It's weird, but i kinda enjoy it. It suggests to me that what i felt was real, not just ignorance to the obvious. Maybe you feel differant, but i don't know, it's not for me to ask, i wouldn't want to show you any sign of weakness, not anymore anyway. I question alot of things, but not you, Love is a strong word but not strong enough to surround how i feel for you.
No matter what has been said, the myth of us probably will never die. It's always gonna be you, like Ross and Rachal, It's not over and never has been. But until things change, theirs no option but to remain just that, a myth. I don't want to be broken again.
Until then, i'm honoured to have you as my friend, somebody i know i can turn to, as can you !
'But somehow it all makes sense,
Cause i've done it before in the past tense,
And i know i'll see you again,
Cause the myth of us never ends.'
I'll be talkin to yaa xxxx
Free Fallin'
By Tom Petty
She's a good girl, loves her mama,
Loves Jesus and America too,
She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis,
Loves horses and her boyfriend too,
Loves horses and her boyfriend too,
It's a long day living in reseda,
There's a freeway runnin' through the yard,
And I'm a bad boy 'cause I don't even miss her,
I'm a bad boy for breakin her heart.
And I'm free, free fallin',
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'.
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'.
All the vampires walkin' through the valley,
Move west down ventura boulevard,
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows,
All the good girls are home with broken hearts.
Move west down ventura boulevard,
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows,
All the good girls are home with broken hearts.
And I'm free, free fallin',
Yeah I'm free, free fallin',
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin', now I'm free fallin',
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin', now I'm free fallin'
.
I wanna glide down over mulholland,
I wanna write her name in the sky,
Gonna free fall out into nothin',
Gonna leave this world for a while.
And I'm free, free fallin',
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
What Is Certain ?
What in this world is certain ?
We'll live, die, laugh, cry... What else ? Of importance anyway ?
If everything else just happens by chance, how much should they really mean ? Why do let ourselves be molded and shaped by events, which essentually are random. Could we not just arrange for our lives to go in one certain direction, plan the entire thin out and go for it ? Obviously not, but why is that the case ?
Nothing makes sense !!
I'm uncertain.....
Not in a negative way, sorta a nervous excited way ! I've a dilemma, i think i might have a decision to make, but i'm not really sure if :
1. The decision is actually there to be made at all.
2. If it is my choice to make.
3. If i really want what it's offering.
.........
It's true that, what i said before, that we only realise what we had was so good once it's gone. So i need to decide. What will i realise after making this possible choice. I Don't want to be regretting anything else down the line, theirs enough of them to fill a huge closet, with alot more then just skeletons. But what if i ruin the good thing that's going on now by just doing what i do best... Ahhhh Dilema !
I hate feelings sometimes, but i crave them ! They always lead me to doing something stupid !
Oooh well, let's just see.
Who cares eh ? It won't last, the only certainty is that at some stage their will be tears, but who'll there from is anyones guess....
What is certain then ?
That i'm 16 and frankly know far too much about what i shouldn't. Life is a fucker sometimes, it's never simple.
But i'm happy, i know that,
And at least that's something !
Yeah.....
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
We'll live, die, laugh, cry... What else ? Of importance anyway ?
If everything else just happens by chance, how much should they really mean ? Why do let ourselves be molded and shaped by events, which essentually are random. Could we not just arrange for our lives to go in one certain direction, plan the entire thin out and go for it ? Obviously not, but why is that the case ?
Nothing makes sense !!
I'm uncertain.....
Not in a negative way, sorta a nervous excited way ! I've a dilemma, i think i might have a decision to make, but i'm not really sure if :
1. The decision is actually there to be made at all.
2. If it is my choice to make.
3. If i really want what it's offering.
.........
It's true that, what i said before, that we only realise what we had was so good once it's gone. So i need to decide. What will i realise after making this possible choice. I Don't want to be regretting anything else down the line, theirs enough of them to fill a huge closet, with alot more then just skeletons. But what if i ruin the good thing that's going on now by just doing what i do best... Ahhhh Dilema !
I hate feelings sometimes, but i crave them ! They always lead me to doing something stupid !
Oooh well, let's just see.
Who cares eh ? It won't last, the only certainty is that at some stage their will be tears, but who'll there from is anyones guess....
What is certain then ?
That i'm 16 and frankly know far too much about what i shouldn't. Life is a fucker sometimes, it's never simple.
But i'm happy, i know that,
And at least that's something !
Yeah.....
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Saturday, 11 April 2009
My Hat
Just a quick question .....
Is it really that muh of a big deal to wear a hat ?
Not like a big bloody feathery thing or some shit, just a simple beanie hat !!!
The amount of grief people give me for it is ridiculous !
I can understand that wearing it indoors is abit weird, but like, why not, it's not like anybody should be caring, it's only me and what ever family members or whoever happens to be roaming the halls of my house that even see ! Just stops me advertising my messy morning hair to them !
But going out ..... WEll that's a differant story. Why were hats invented... To keep a head warm in the cold.... Why then are people tryigng to ruin my nice warm head by constantly harrasing me to take it off !! Bastards ! The lot of them.
From here on in, i wish to declare, my alligance and love for the beanie hat. Long live the king of all hats !
I'll be talkin to Ya xxx
Is it really that muh of a big deal to wear a hat ?
Not like a big bloody feathery thing or some shit, just a simple beanie hat !!!
The amount of grief people give me for it is ridiculous !
I can understand that wearing it indoors is abit weird, but like, why not, it's not like anybody should be caring, it's only me and what ever family members or whoever happens to be roaming the halls of my house that even see ! Just stops me advertising my messy morning hair to them !
But going out ..... WEll that's a differant story. Why were hats invented... To keep a head warm in the cold.... Why then are people tryigng to ruin my nice warm head by constantly harrasing me to take it off !! Bastards ! The lot of them.
From here on in, i wish to declare, my alligance and love for the beanie hat. Long live the king of all hats !
I'll be talkin to Ya xxx
Friday, 10 April 2009
Realisation
Whilst i've had a difficult time of late, i've tried my best to not doubt myself, which is something i've done too much of before ! I do have potential, i just havn't seen it yet.
However, the last few days have went rather well, it all starts with one little thing i suppose, which can set of all sorts of shit, and then boom ! Once again i'm back in control ! THe players are differant, but the games the same !
And i've proven it to myself again, after a month out, i can still pretty much take my pick ! .....
God I'm Good !
Haha
It won't last, give it a week an i'll be fed up again, but that's the way of things really ! But until then i'm gonna try my best to enjoy myself !
Wow, really am fucking Good sometimes !!
I'll Be Talkin To Yaa xx
However, the last few days have went rather well, it all starts with one little thing i suppose, which can set of all sorts of shit, and then boom ! Once again i'm back in control ! THe players are differant, but the games the same !
And i've proven it to myself again, after a month out, i can still pretty much take my pick ! .....
God I'm Good !
Haha
It won't last, give it a week an i'll be fed up again, but that's the way of things really ! But until then i'm gonna try my best to enjoy myself !
Wow, really am fucking Good sometimes !!
I'll Be Talkin To Yaa xx
Monday, 6 April 2009
My Words To Live By
When life puts you on a downward spiral, don't give up hope.
Keep moving forward, with you're eyes and mind wide open,
and believe that somewere, somehow, the light will shine down.
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Everything
Best Song Ever !!! Written by Jason Wade, performed by Lifehouse:
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
where I find peace again.
You are the strength,
That keeps me walking.
You are the hope,
That keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...
You're everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands,
you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart,
And you take my breath away.
Would you take me in?
Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Cause you're all I want,
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
Your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
A Kind Of Elusion
Maybe it's all as simple as this: Nothing is real, everything can be fixed. Until the very end.
Or maybe not... If only, but theirs some times were i'm pretty sure that no matter how hard i try or wish, a situation is really gone, past me, nothing i can do to solve the problem or anything. I can deal with that though, it's cool, it's better then worrying i suppose.
I'll come clean, of late i've been messed up pretty bad by a girl ( you may have noticed). This girl though was never some major, important part of my life ! No.. I knew her for like two weeks at tops, and it was great, yeah, but i was never serious with it, and never intended to get 'involved'. I could tell she wasn't the commitment type from the get go, that's what i wanted truth be told. But.... (always a but) I was dumb as fuck and might have stumbled too far into it all, and now even though it's clear as day it's over, i'm begining to wish that i could go again ! Why ? Christ knows, i'm 100 percent certain i can go and get another person without much effort, but this girl really was differant, i let myself get attached (all be it accidently) because their was a connection, the so called 'elusive spark' ! Haha, this is just silly, but i can't help it !!
Doesn't matter anyway now, she's away with some other guy and once again i'm on my Sweeney Todd. Used to this though so it's not a problem, i'll get over it, i have my own 'methods' most people probbably wouldn't approve, but fuck them ! I don't care, i can do whatever i need to in order to feel better whether they like it or not ! If anyother preachy mother-fuckers try and tell what i should or shouldn't do, i swear i'll castrate them with a razer blade ! Possibly slightly extreme actually.... Yeah ok, i'll just leave at a simple punch or something.. Happy ? Good, bet you're glad !
Oooh, to whom it may concern... I AM NOT A BLOODY EMO !!! I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF... I'M NOT A DAILY SELF FUCKING HARMER.... AND I'M NOT PARANOID ! .... yet
Apologies for the rant.
I don't like people who try and label me, none of their business like !
Ahhh, seriously, how do i get myself into these situations ! It's like one crazy drama after another. I wish did have a real person i could actually talk to sometimes. Can't afford a therapy session though ! And really nobody who i know would probably believe the stupid shit i get caught up in, no wonder, sometimes i can't believe it. The last time i can remember being completely care free would be like close to two years ago, in New York. After that things have just went mad, i've changed alot, but that seems to be a daily occurence like.
Take the wind with the clouds, and the sun with the rain. Keep moving on, cause seriously, things have to improve. I hope.
I'll be talkin to Yaaa xxx
Or maybe not... If only, but theirs some times were i'm pretty sure that no matter how hard i try or wish, a situation is really gone, past me, nothing i can do to solve the problem or anything. I can deal with that though, it's cool, it's better then worrying i suppose.
I'll come clean, of late i've been messed up pretty bad by a girl ( you may have noticed). This girl though was never some major, important part of my life ! No.. I knew her for like two weeks at tops, and it was great, yeah, but i was never serious with it, and never intended to get 'involved'. I could tell she wasn't the commitment type from the get go, that's what i wanted truth be told. But.... (always a but) I was dumb as fuck and might have stumbled too far into it all, and now even though it's clear as day it's over, i'm begining to wish that i could go again ! Why ? Christ knows, i'm 100 percent certain i can go and get another person without much effort, but this girl really was differant, i let myself get attached (all be it accidently) because their was a connection, the so called 'elusive spark' ! Haha, this is just silly, but i can't help it !!
Doesn't matter anyway now, she's away with some other guy and once again i'm on my Sweeney Todd. Used to this though so it's not a problem, i'll get over it, i have my own 'methods' most people probbably wouldn't approve, but fuck them ! I don't care, i can do whatever i need to in order to feel better whether they like it or not ! If anyother preachy mother-fuckers try and tell what i should or shouldn't do, i swear i'll castrate them with a razer blade ! Possibly slightly extreme actually.... Yeah ok, i'll just leave at a simple punch or something.. Happy ? Good, bet you're glad !
Oooh, to whom it may concern... I AM NOT A BLOODY EMO !!! I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF... I'M NOT A DAILY SELF FUCKING HARMER.... AND I'M NOT PARANOID ! .... yet
Apologies for the rant.
I don't like people who try and label me, none of their business like !
Ahhh, seriously, how do i get myself into these situations ! It's like one crazy drama after another. I wish did have a real person i could actually talk to sometimes. Can't afford a therapy session though ! And really nobody who i know would probably believe the stupid shit i get caught up in, no wonder, sometimes i can't believe it. The last time i can remember being completely care free would be like close to two years ago, in New York. After that things have just went mad, i've changed alot, but that seems to be a daily occurence like.
Take the wind with the clouds, and the sun with the rain. Keep moving on, cause seriously, things have to improve. I hope.
I'll be talkin to Yaaa xxx
Sunday, 5 April 2009
Define it.....
I run too fast,
I fly so high,
I hit so hard,
Too wide my eye,
So full my heart,
So deep the pain,
Too short the kiss,
My tears of shame
I'll be talkin to yaa xxxx
I fly so high,
I hit so hard,
Too wide my eye,
So full my heart,
So deep the pain,
Too short the kiss,
My tears of shame
I'll be talkin to yaa xxxx
The pursuit of happiness
What is happiness ?
How can it be defined ?
In my belief, happiness is a state of mind, brought on by any number of causes. No matter how big or small, anything can make somebody happy. And everybodys different, differant things do it for them etc...
My experiences however suggest one severely downbeat fact ! True happiness, surely what we're all after is just a dream, and is near to impossible to find, as we only realize how great something/someone was, once it's lost or over. When we're living these moments there taken for granted, almost wasted. It's only with hindsight we eventually grasp just how much we enjoyed something, or just how much a person meant to you. It's sad but it really does seem true......
Happiness is only in looking back then ? I sincerally hope i'm wrong !
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
How can it be defined ?
In my belief, happiness is a state of mind, brought on by any number of causes. No matter how big or small, anything can make somebody happy. And everybodys different, differant things do it for them etc...
My experiences however suggest one severely downbeat fact ! True happiness, surely what we're all after is just a dream, and is near to impossible to find, as we only realize how great something/someone was, once it's lost or over. When we're living these moments there taken for granted, almost wasted. It's only with hindsight we eventually grasp just how much we enjoyed something, or just how much a person meant to you. It's sad but it really does seem true......
Happiness is only in looking back then ? I sincerally hope i'm wrong !
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Saturday, 4 April 2009
Confessions of a borderline insomniac
It's like stupid O'clock and i can't fucking sleep ! Maybe writin some shit down will help. You never know i suppose. I'd straight blog it, but i can't be arsed wanderin over and kicking up the computer. So i'll just write it here, in my trusty Ipod notes section, will probably post it up later on the blog. I'm enjoyin the dark and quiet anyway, why ruin it with a noisy bloody computer ?
Well frankly i feel like i've hit rock bottom, a new low actually. All my options look exhausted and i've no clue which way to turn. I've barely got anyone i can trust and it sucks ! I say barely cause there are still a few, most notably Dave. Take a bow mate, i know that you won't change or bullshit me. You're really the only person i trust enough to give any idea of what's really goin on in my head and ho the real 'me' is. I'm difficult i know that, but i try my best to not be a dick around you ! True i probably only give up about 5% of what's really goin on, but that's 4% more then anyone else gets from me. It's strange like, cause sometimes without meaning it, i do just open up and out comes loads of stuff i'd really rather i didn't say, but at least i know you won't judge me or hate me for it. To be honoust i wish i could tell you everything, hell, i wish i could tell anybody ! But i can't, i'm just scared of leaving myself open like that. Last night for example me and Dave had a nice wee walk, and i was all set to show him some of the places were i like to go, my little 'reflective' areas you could say. But i couldn't, not yet, some stuff is just best being kept private, it's still raw and maybe sharing it would cheapen the effect it has on me ?
I know this probably makes no sense to anybody......
Thing is like, the last year, their is soo much stuff i've done which i should regret, i've been hurt countless times, hurt others, made countless mistakes, lost friends, made friends with the wrong people and generally just acted carelessly, without giving a fuck. But i wouldn't change a thing ! It's making 'me' into 'me', if you get what i mean ? Even the last month, so mcuh happened, and i was sky high for awhile, the best i'd felt in ages, then after what ? 10 days or something, i was on my arse again ! But that's just the way the world goes 'round. I'll learn from it, i'd much rather be regretting what i did do then what i didn't do. And in that respect i have very little regrets....
I Should be happy ! I can't though, theirs still so much shit goin on, well i see it that way anyway. What bothers me the most, is the way that you just don't care ! But i can't help that. You have you're own little journey to make. Maybe we'll meet at the end ? Just get my dvd back though eh ?
God i wish i could sleep, this isn't nice, feels like i'm back to being friends with Mr. Insomnia again.... Fabbie ! Well, at least i'm warm.....
Sweet dreams people.
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Well frankly i feel like i've hit rock bottom, a new low actually. All my options look exhausted and i've no clue which way to turn. I've barely got anyone i can trust and it sucks ! I say barely cause there are still a few, most notably Dave. Take a bow mate, i know that you won't change or bullshit me. You're really the only person i trust enough to give any idea of what's really goin on in my head and ho the real 'me' is. I'm difficult i know that, but i try my best to not be a dick around you ! True i probably only give up about 5% of what's really goin on, but that's 4% more then anyone else gets from me. It's strange like, cause sometimes without meaning it, i do just open up and out comes loads of stuff i'd really rather i didn't say, but at least i know you won't judge me or hate me for it. To be honoust i wish i could tell you everything, hell, i wish i could tell anybody ! But i can't, i'm just scared of leaving myself open like that. Last night for example me and Dave had a nice wee walk, and i was all set to show him some of the places were i like to go, my little 'reflective' areas you could say. But i couldn't, not yet, some stuff is just best being kept private, it's still raw and maybe sharing it would cheapen the effect it has on me ?
I know this probably makes no sense to anybody......
Thing is like, the last year, their is soo much stuff i've done which i should regret, i've been hurt countless times, hurt others, made countless mistakes, lost friends, made friends with the wrong people and generally just acted carelessly, without giving a fuck. But i wouldn't change a thing ! It's making 'me' into 'me', if you get what i mean ? Even the last month, so mcuh happened, and i was sky high for awhile, the best i'd felt in ages, then after what ? 10 days or something, i was on my arse again ! But that's just the way the world goes 'round. I'll learn from it, i'd much rather be regretting what i did do then what i didn't do. And in that respect i have very little regrets....
I Should be happy ! I can't though, theirs still so much shit goin on, well i see it that way anyway. What bothers me the most, is the way that you just don't care ! But i can't help that. You have you're own little journey to make. Maybe we'll meet at the end ? Just get my dvd back though eh ?
God i wish i could sleep, this isn't nice, feels like i'm back to being friends with Mr. Insomnia again.... Fabbie ! Well, at least i'm warm.....
Sweet dreams people.
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Friday, 3 April 2009
All The Same
Y'know what right annoys me ? All the fucking, preppy little jack wills, ralph lauren clones that i see walking about every day ! They all look exactly the same, without fail, with their canterbury trackies and their fucking body warmers ! Have none of them ever had an original thought in their life !
Now wait, if memory serves me right, in one big group of private school, preppy little shits that walked past me today, one of the clones had a pair of black shoes instead of white, and was wearing a beanie hat. That was as radical as they could manage, he was clearly the rebel of the pack, the non-conformist, showing his uniqueness and pulling away from the pack..... What A Maverick !... Fuck sake !
It's a sad world we live in where this standard dress code is almost accepted, and the folk who dare to actually wear clothes that are some way creative and/or stylish (in real terms, not their impression of) are given funny looks and mocked for being 'differant' or 'awkward'. No wonder i hate them ! It's pathetic ! I really don't understand why somebody would be happy to go about looking like every single other person in their wee clique ! How do these people define themselves ?
Thing is, they'll probably coast through their lives like this, just trying to fit in and do what they think is 'cool'. Probably go to some typical University or whatever, and change their opinion of what the world is every time they read or see something new, influenced and motivated by whatever there told to be led by. Sad thing is, eventually they'll grow-up and realise that all their life they havn't once had an original bloody thought, and by the time this dawns on them it's too late, cause they've followed the pattern and become just another boring, everyday person, never achieving anything or doing something exciting in their life.
If i didn't loathe them so much, i'd almost feel sorry for them.
The sad, young, preppy, wealthy, spoilt, privatly educated youth of the country. In my opinion the secret shame of the country.
The clone Army....
God i hate them !
I'll be talkin to yaa xxxx
Now wait, if memory serves me right, in one big group of private school, preppy little shits that walked past me today, one of the clones had a pair of black shoes instead of white, and was wearing a beanie hat. That was as radical as they could manage, he was clearly the rebel of the pack, the non-conformist, showing his uniqueness and pulling away from the pack..... What A Maverick !... Fuck sake !
It's a sad world we live in where this standard dress code is almost accepted, and the folk who dare to actually wear clothes that are some way creative and/or stylish (in real terms, not their impression of) are given funny looks and mocked for being 'differant' or 'awkward'. No wonder i hate them ! It's pathetic ! I really don't understand why somebody would be happy to go about looking like every single other person in their wee clique ! How do these people define themselves ?
Thing is, they'll probably coast through their lives like this, just trying to fit in and do what they think is 'cool'. Probably go to some typical University or whatever, and change their opinion of what the world is every time they read or see something new, influenced and motivated by whatever there told to be led by. Sad thing is, eventually they'll grow-up and realise that all their life they havn't once had an original bloody thought, and by the time this dawns on them it's too late, cause they've followed the pattern and become just another boring, everyday person, never achieving anything or doing something exciting in their life.
If i didn't loathe them so much, i'd almost feel sorry for them.
The sad, young, preppy, wealthy, spoilt, privatly educated youth of the country. In my opinion the secret shame of the country.
The clone Army....
God i hate them !
I'll be talkin to yaa xxxx
Thursday, 2 April 2009
Sunnnny Day !!
It's Sooo bloody sunny out today !! It's cool, shows that summer's now too far away ! Excitin stuff. Was an ideal day for a nice walk, had the dog out early, but would have been nice to head out agian later, nobody to go with though ! Booo
I Did get a haircut though. Hopefully people will stop comparin me to fucking Zac Efron now (Shut up ! It has happened) i mean i'm sure he's a nice lad and all, but i can't bloody stand him ! However i am slightly paranoid that i now look like Gary Caldwell (thanks Uncle J !!!) But i think that's just me being a wee bit silly.
Have you ever had that awkward hairdresser moment when the person (usually like a trainee or some young girl) is doing the whole washing hair thingy, y'know the pre-cut shit. And then like they come round in front, and cause you're sittin and their standin , theminute they lean over to sort everything out, you get a complete eye-full ! Especially today, when her top left fek awl to the imagination. The question though is, were the hell do you look ?? Like as much as it's natural to stare, it's still rude ! But if you try and turn away it's really obvious and kinda embarasin. But if you just sit there, it's like, hey, i'm starin at you're tits ! I mean really, it's a lose-lose situation !
Ahh well ! What ya gonna do. It's pretty funny actually !
Seriously, i'm just bloggin for the bloody sake of it now, i'm just that cool ! Shaft this, i'm away to phone for food.
Fun Times.
I'll be talkin to yaaa xxx
I Did get a haircut though. Hopefully people will stop comparin me to fucking Zac Efron now (Shut up ! It has happened) i mean i'm sure he's a nice lad and all, but i can't bloody stand him ! However i am slightly paranoid that i now look like Gary Caldwell (thanks Uncle J !!!) But i think that's just me being a wee bit silly.
Have you ever had that awkward hairdresser moment when the person (usually like a trainee or some young girl) is doing the whole washing hair thingy, y'know the pre-cut shit. And then like they come round in front, and cause you're sittin and their standin , theminute they lean over to sort everything out, you get a complete eye-full ! Especially today, when her top left fek awl to the imagination. The question though is, were the hell do you look ?? Like as much as it's natural to stare, it's still rude ! But if you try and turn away it's really obvious and kinda embarasin. But if you just sit there, it's like, hey, i'm starin at you're tits ! I mean really, it's a lose-lose situation !
Ahh well ! What ya gonna do. It's pretty funny actually !
Seriously, i'm just bloggin for the bloody sake of it now, i'm just that cool ! Shaft this, i'm away to phone for food.
Fun Times.
I'll be talkin to yaaa xxx
OC Series 3 !!!
Watching the Seth/Summer break-up is possibly the most hard to watch thing i've seen in a long time !! It's horrific ! Like huge sympathy for Bilson, but Brody, Seriously ? Dude is just fucked in the head ! We all know he's never gonna get any better !
This ranks pretty highly on my sad scens from stuff list ! Here it is btw.....
5. Superboy/Wondergirl. From Teen Titans comic, during infinite crisis.
4. Seth/Summer. Break-up in the Oc Series 3
3. Edward Scissorhands. The scene near the end, where Winona comes out the house sayin he's dead.
2. The letter scene from the Notebook. When Ally is reading the 365th letter Noah sent her, that's been kept away from her. Everyone should cry !!!
1. Last scene of the Titanic. When Rose, is dreaming of the Titanic. She see's all the dead folk alive, then looks up the big staircase and Jack just turns. Then they kiss, brilliant stuff !
I'll be Talking To Ya xxxx
This ranks pretty highly on my sad scens from stuff list ! Here it is btw.....
5. Superboy/Wondergirl. From Teen Titans comic, during infinite crisis.
4. Seth/Summer. Break-up in the Oc Series 3
3. Edward Scissorhands. The scene near the end, where Winona comes out the house sayin he's dead.
2. The letter scene from the Notebook. When Ally is reading the 365th letter Noah sent her, that's been kept away from her. Everyone should cry !!!
1. Last scene of the Titanic. When Rose, is dreaming of the Titanic. She see's all the dead folk alive, then looks up the big staircase and Jack just turns. Then they kiss, brilliant stuff !
I'll be Talking To Ya xxxx
Lost
Awrite, So i'm back with some more pearls of wisdom, from my young, muddled head !
It's simple, i feel lost. Completely middle of the road, stranded, out the way, lost..... And i can't figure out what to do, not this time anyway.
It's a mixture of a bunch of stuff, like, if i'm leavin school this year, in about 6 weeks actually, (i think) What will i do with myself ? I'll make new friends hopefully, but will i ? I mean i've been at my school for ever and i don't seem to have many from their who i actually enjoy. My other mates will be doin all thier own stuff too, so i'm just worried that i'll be left on my own ! I mean yeah i'll meet new people and probably get along fine with them, but i just don't see myself making many friends, i just struggle to connect with people unless i feel a connection instantly ! It's pretty difficult to explain.
Not just that though, theirs the other issue aswell. As in what to do i do about my feelings for certain people. I mean i've proven countles times, that unless i'm careful i'll lose myself to somebody and it never goes well. It's just confusing, i don't know whether to say something and explain ow i'm feeling, or just to let it go and move on, which is probably best, as theirs like no future here me not thinks, but still, i don't want to just give-up ! I hate the way giving-up makes me feel, like a coward, a loser and generally a complete failure, i don't want to fail at anything, let alone this, but i am so lost, i have no idea which way to head.
Being lost isn't always a bad thing though, due to the way i'm feeling right now, i've actually taken to just walkin (in the dark), getting lost, good and proper ! Then just wanderin till i feel like finding my way home. I enjoy actually going out about some of the places that are pretty representative of the last month and just sitting, thinking, trying to work everything out, no success yet though, it does center me though, it's strange. But i do feel better afterwards !
Doing this though, really lets me focus on the most neglected person in my life, myself. And i've found that getting lost in my own mind, lost in myself, is a positive thing. The way i see it, is that when i'm focusing on me, and lost in myself, then i can (for a few moments anyway) completely forget why i'm trying to hide anyway ! And can at least pretend that all is well in my life and i'm not a complete emotional wreck !
Sometimes i really fucking hate myself !
Truth is, theirs is two places in the i'm more then happy to be lost. Myself, of course.... And in you ! ..... Or maybe you ?? Shit !
I'm sorry, i know it was barely anytime at all, but i just miss you soo fucking much !
What do i do though ????
I'll be talkin To Yaa xxxx
It's simple, i feel lost. Completely middle of the road, stranded, out the way, lost..... And i can't figure out what to do, not this time anyway.
It's a mixture of a bunch of stuff, like, if i'm leavin school this year, in about 6 weeks actually, (i think) What will i do with myself ? I'll make new friends hopefully, but will i ? I mean i've been at my school for ever and i don't seem to have many from their who i actually enjoy. My other mates will be doin all thier own stuff too, so i'm just worried that i'll be left on my own ! I mean yeah i'll meet new people and probably get along fine with them, but i just don't see myself making many friends, i just struggle to connect with people unless i feel a connection instantly ! It's pretty difficult to explain.
Not just that though, theirs the other issue aswell. As in what to do i do about my feelings for certain people. I mean i've proven countles times, that unless i'm careful i'll lose myself to somebody and it never goes well. It's just confusing, i don't know whether to say something and explain ow i'm feeling, or just to let it go and move on, which is probably best, as theirs like no future here me not thinks, but still, i don't want to just give-up ! I hate the way giving-up makes me feel, like a coward, a loser and generally a complete failure, i don't want to fail at anything, let alone this, but i am so lost, i have no idea which way to head.
Being lost isn't always a bad thing though, due to the way i'm feeling right now, i've actually taken to just walkin (in the dark), getting lost, good and proper ! Then just wanderin till i feel like finding my way home. I enjoy actually going out about some of the places that are pretty representative of the last month and just sitting, thinking, trying to work everything out, no success yet though, it does center me though, it's strange. But i do feel better afterwards !
Doing this though, really lets me focus on the most neglected person in my life, myself. And i've found that getting lost in my own mind, lost in myself, is a positive thing. The way i see it, is that when i'm focusing on me, and lost in myself, then i can (for a few moments anyway) completely forget why i'm trying to hide anyway ! And can at least pretend that all is well in my life and i'm not a complete emotional wreck !
Sometimes i really fucking hate myself !
Truth is, theirs is two places in the i'm more then happy to be lost. Myself, of course.... And in you ! ..... Or maybe you ?? Shit !
I'm sorry, i know it was barely anytime at all, but i just miss you soo fucking much !
What do i do though ????
I'll be talkin To Yaa xxxx
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