So Much on my Mind

I don't even know where to begin right now. I actually woke up todday in a gleaming good mood, but as the hours have progressed that's went well and truly down-hill. I sorta just noticed that right as of this moment my life and in particular my social prospects have become a bit of a wasteland. The events of the last few days have taken it all and just blown it the fuck up. This week actually started very promisingly, it was looking pretty good, and Wednesday night had potential to be pretty fucking spectacular. It tuerned out to be eventful, but not the night i had really wanted. The day was good, and to be fair, some part of the night were hilarious and good fun! But the more dark turn of events had blighted it, and really made me question not just the company i keep, but also myself and the recent ease that which I have found myself able to fly off the handle and become for lack of a better word, extremely aggresive! I don't like that. Outwith that, i think i could have broken a few boundaries, not too sure though, that's all a little bit hazy, and frankly it's a minor worry, although i have now been left with a curious sense of what if? What if i had allowed myself to go that extra little distance, just what woulda happened? I'll never know the answer to that, which is probably best for all concerned, theres enough shit flying about right now, that would have been a case of too much I'd say.

So what now? I can't be sure. Theres a sorta lull now, nothing comiong up which could cause anything or lead to anything. My intention is to just keep a nice low profile , right up until i go on holiday at the end of this Month, and take that opprtuinity, three weeks of being gone, to re-evaluate. Theres a part of me thst is longing to just cut the chord and see what else is out there, but in truth i do kinda love the disfunctional, fucked up reality that I exist in. It's unpredictable, unbelievable, and at times incredble!
You just never know what the fucks gonna happen next. I like that, sometimes, not all the time though, every so often i would enjoy a nice, normal night out, without throwing drinks, scatched necks, accidental companions and the next day feeling of... WOOPS! I have almost forgotten that sometimes nights out don;t need a fight at the end of it, to count as an event! Or do they even need to be events at all? I don't have a clue.

Whatever.

I'll work it out, like usual. Why is it always such a mess though?

Sigh....

I'll be Talking to Ya X

So Much on my Mind

I don't even know where to begin right now. I actually woke up todday in a gleaming good mood, but as the hours have progressed that's went well and truly down-hill. I sorta just noticed that right as of this moment my life and in particular my social prospects have become a bit of a wasteland. The events of the last few days have taken it all and just blown it the fuck up. This week actually started very promisingly, it was looking pretty good, and Wednesday night had potential to be pretty fucking spectacular. It tuerned out to be eventful, but not the night i had really wanted. The day was good, and to be fair, some part of the night were hilarious and good fun! But the more dark turn of events had blighted it, and really made me question not just the company i keep, but also myself and the recent ease that which I have found myself able to fly off the handle and become for lack of a better word, extremely aggresive! I don't like that. Outwith that, i think i could have broken a few boundaries, not too sure though, that's all a little bit hazy, and frankly it's a minor worry, although i have now been left with a curious sense of what if? What if i had allowed myself to go that extra little distance, just what woulda happened? I'll never know the answer to that, which is probably best for all concerned, theres enough shit flying about right now, that would have been a case of too much I'd say.

So what now? I can't be sure. Theres a sorta lull now, nothing comiong up which could cause anything or lead to anything. My intention is to just keep a nice low profile , right up until i go on holiday at the end of this Month, and take that opprtuinity, three weeks of being gone, to re-evaluate. Theres a part of me thst is longing to just cut the chord and see what else is out there, but in truth i do kinda love the disfunctional, fucked up reality that I exist in. It's unpredictable, unbelievable, and at times incredble!
You just never know what the fucks gonna happen next. I like that, sometimes, not all the time though, every so often i would enjoy a nice, normal night out, without throwing drinks, scatched necks, accidental companions and the next day feeling of... WOOPS! I have almost forgotten that sometimes nights out don;t need a fight at the end of it, to count as an event! Or do they even need to be events at all? I don't have a clue.

Whatever.

I'll work it out, like usual. Why is it always such a mess though?

Sigh....

I'll be Talking to Ya X

And Here We Go!....

Hi.

I am currently sufficating, entirely and completely entombed by misery of my own doing. There is nothing to fathom or place, i don't even think theres much to be torn apart and studied. It;'s more just a scenario which needs to be dealt with and settled.... I just don't know what the situation is yet!

There isn't a wrong answer, not yet, but is there even a correct one? I can't think of it if there is. I never have the luxuary of perfectly suitable choices, then again who does? But it just seems to always be in flux with me, i never seem to be able to actually stumble through any substantial period of time without a momumental fuck-up! Or if not that, at least a crisis of confidence. Not really confidence in my actions, but confidence in my descisions, or lack-off. It's a tricky spot to find myself in, again and again and again.... But i routinely seem too, alas, maybe that's my ow misforutne, in a cosmically inspired and ordered movement to rid my life of all simplicity and enjoyment. That;s melodramatic actually, of course theres enjoyment, but only after some fucking issue usually, worse of late! And i'm not ever really willing to just nod and accept that. I WANT CONFLICT AND I WANT IT NOW!! That is essentially my moto in these most troubling of times.

I don;t really have anything to be generally upset over, infact, things should be brillinat! But i think it's just a case of something being missingm whilst the ingrediants for some early life Nirvana exist around me, the thing that binds them all together is possibly absent? Or maybe that 'thing' just doesn't exist? At least not  in the form i'd previously thought and hoped. I don't think it's really possible to know that, not until it's too late however....

I don't enjoy this, i am aware that some percieve me to be a bit of an attention seeker, just trying to get people to look in my direction, but that honestly couldn't be further from the truth, although that as an argument will always be difficult to succed with, as the act of defending the need for attention is, infact, very attention drawing, therefrore decreeing the entire statement on trial as pointless and untrue. But we deviate, back too topic.

Actually, i don't even have a topic to cover, not quite yet, but i will, i'm fairly certain of that fact.

Oh, and i'm back. Enjoy!

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

And Here We Go!....

Hi.

I am currently sufficating, entirely and completely entombed by misery of my own doing. There is nothing to fathom or place, i don't even think theres much to be torn apart and studied. It;'s more just a scenario which needs to be dealt with and settled.... I just don't know what the situation is yet!

There isn't a wrong answer, not yet, but is there even a correct one? I can't think of it if there is. I never have the luxuary of perfectly suitable choices, then again who does? But it just seems to always be in flux with me, i never seem to be able to actually stumble through any substantial period of time without a momumental fuck-up! Or if not that, at least a crisis of confidence. Not really confidence in my actions, but confidence in my descisions, or lack-off. It's a tricky spot to find myself in, again and again and again.... But i routinely seem too, alas, maybe that's my ow misforutne, in a cosmically inspired and ordered movement to rid my life of all simplicity and enjoyment. That;s melodramatic actually, of course theres enjoyment, but only after some fucking issue usually, worse of late! And i'm not ever really willing to just nod and accept that. I WANT CONFLICT AND I WANT IT NOW!! That is essentially my moto in these most troubling of times.

I don;t really have anything to be generally upset over, infact, things should be brillinat! But i think it's just a case of something being missingm whilst the ingrediants for some early life Nirvana exist around me, the thing that binds them all together is possibly absent? Or maybe that 'thing' just doesn't exist? At least not  in the form i'd previously thought and hoped. I don't think it's really possible to know that, not until it's too late however....

I don't enjoy this, i am aware that some percieve me to be a bit of an attention seeker, just trying to get people to look in my direction, but that honestly couldn't be further from the truth, although that as an argument will always be difficult to succed with, as the act of defending the need for attention is, infact, very attention drawing, therefrore decreeing the entire statement on trial as pointless and untrue. But we deviate, back too topic.

Actually, i don't even have a topic to cover, not quite yet, but i will, i'm fairly certain of that fact.

Oh, and i'm back. Enjoy!

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx