I don't even know where to begin right now. I actually woke up todday in a gleaming good mood, but as the hours have progressed that's went well and truly down-hill. I sorta just noticed that right as of this moment my life and in particular my social prospects have become a bit of a wasteland. The events of the last few days have taken it all and just blown it the fuck up. This week actually started very promisingly, it was looking pretty good, and Wednesday night had potential to be pretty fucking spectacular. It tuerned out to be eventful, but not the night i had really wanted. The day was good, and to be fair, some part of the night were hilarious and good fun! But the more dark turn of events had blighted it, and really made me question not just the company i keep, but also myself and the recent ease that which I have found myself able to fly off the handle and become for lack of a better word, extremely aggresive! I don't like that. Outwith that, i think i could have broken a few boundaries, not too sure though, that's all a little bit hazy, and frankly it's a minor worry, although i have now been left with a curious sense of what if? What if i had allowed myself to go that extra little distance, just what woulda happened? I'll never know the answer to that, which is probably best for all concerned, theres enough shit flying about right now, that would have been a case of too much I'd say.
So what now? I can't be sure. Theres a sorta lull now, nothing comiong up which could cause anything or lead to anything. My intention is to just keep a nice low profile , right up until i go on holiday at the end of this Month, and take that opprtuinity, three weeks of being gone, to re-evaluate. Theres a part of me thst is longing to just cut the chord and see what else is out there, but in truth i do kinda love the disfunctional, fucked up reality that I exist in. It's unpredictable, unbelievable, and at times incredble!
You just never know what the fucks gonna happen next. I like that, sometimes, not all the time though, every so often i would enjoy a nice, normal night out, without throwing drinks, scatched necks, accidental companions and the next day feeling of... WOOPS! I have almost forgotten that sometimes nights out don;t need a fight at the end of it, to count as an event! Or do they even need to be events at all? I don't have a clue.
Whatever.
I'll work it out, like usual. Why is it always such a mess though?
Sigh....
I'll be Talking to Ya X
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Saturday, 12 May 2012
So Much on my Mind
I don't even know where to begin right now. I actually woke up todday in a gleaming good mood, but as the hours have progressed that's went well and truly down-hill. I sorta just noticed that right as of this moment my life and in particular my social prospects have become a bit of a wasteland. The events of the last few days have taken it all and just blown it the fuck up. This week actually started very promisingly, it was looking pretty good, and Wednesday night had potential to be pretty fucking spectacular. It tuerned out to be eventful, but not the night i had really wanted. The day was good, and to be fair, some part of the night were hilarious and good fun! But the more dark turn of events had blighted it, and really made me question not just the company i keep, but also myself and the recent ease that which I have found myself able to fly off the handle and become for lack of a better word, extremely aggresive! I don't like that. Outwith that, i think i could have broken a few boundaries, not too sure though, that's all a little bit hazy, and frankly it's a minor worry, although i have now been left with a curious sense of what if? What if i had allowed myself to go that extra little distance, just what woulda happened? I'll never know the answer to that, which is probably best for all concerned, theres enough shit flying about right now, that would have been a case of too much I'd say.
So what now? I can't be sure. Theres a sorta lull now, nothing comiong up which could cause anything or lead to anything. My intention is to just keep a nice low profile , right up until i go on holiday at the end of this Month, and take that opprtuinity, three weeks of being gone, to re-evaluate. Theres a part of me thst is longing to just cut the chord and see what else is out there, but in truth i do kinda love the disfunctional, fucked up reality that I exist in. It's unpredictable, unbelievable, and at times incredble!
You just never know what the fucks gonna happen next. I like that, sometimes, not all the time though, every so often i would enjoy a nice, normal night out, without throwing drinks, scatched necks, accidental companions and the next day feeling of... WOOPS! I have almost forgotten that sometimes nights out don;t need a fight at the end of it, to count as an event! Or do they even need to be events at all? I don't have a clue.
Whatever.
I'll work it out, like usual. Why is it always such a mess though?
Sigh....
I'll be Talking to Ya X
So what now? I can't be sure. Theres a sorta lull now, nothing comiong up which could cause anything or lead to anything. My intention is to just keep a nice low profile , right up until i go on holiday at the end of this Month, and take that opprtuinity, three weeks of being gone, to re-evaluate. Theres a part of me thst is longing to just cut the chord and see what else is out there, but in truth i do kinda love the disfunctional, fucked up reality that I exist in. It's unpredictable, unbelievable, and at times incredble!
You just never know what the fucks gonna happen next. I like that, sometimes, not all the time though, every so often i would enjoy a nice, normal night out, without throwing drinks, scatched necks, accidental companions and the next day feeling of... WOOPS! I have almost forgotten that sometimes nights out don;t need a fight at the end of it, to count as an event! Or do they even need to be events at all? I don't have a clue.
Whatever.
I'll work it out, like usual. Why is it always such a mess though?
Sigh....
I'll be Talking to Ya X
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
And Here We Go!....
Hi.
I am currently sufficating, entirely and completely entombed by misery of my own doing. There is nothing to fathom or place, i don't even think theres much to be torn apart and studied. It;'s more just a scenario which needs to be dealt with and settled.... I just don't know what the situation is yet!
There isn't a wrong answer, not yet, but is there even a correct one? I can't think of it if there is. I never have the luxuary of perfectly suitable choices, then again who does? But it just seems to always be in flux with me, i never seem to be able to actually stumble through any substantial period of time without a momumental fuck-up! Or if not that, at least a crisis of confidence. Not really confidence in my actions, but confidence in my descisions, or lack-off. It's a tricky spot to find myself in, again and again and again.... But i routinely seem too, alas, maybe that's my ow misforutne, in a cosmically inspired and ordered movement to rid my life of all simplicity and enjoyment. That;s melodramatic actually, of course theres enjoyment, but only after some fucking issue usually, worse of late! And i'm not ever really willing to just nod and accept that. I WANT CONFLICT AND I WANT IT NOW!! That is essentially my moto in these most troubling of times.
I don;t really have anything to be generally upset over, infact, things should be brillinat! But i think it's just a case of something being missingm whilst the ingrediants for some early life Nirvana exist around me, the thing that binds them all together is possibly absent? Or maybe that 'thing' just doesn't exist? At least not in the form i'd previously thought and hoped. I don't think it's really possible to know that, not until it's too late however....
I don't enjoy this, i am aware that some percieve me to be a bit of an attention seeker, just trying to get people to look in my direction, but that honestly couldn't be further from the truth, although that as an argument will always be difficult to succed with, as the act of defending the need for attention is, infact, very attention drawing, therefrore decreeing the entire statement on trial as pointless and untrue. But we deviate, back too topic.
Actually, i don't even have a topic to cover, not quite yet, but i will, i'm fairly certain of that fact.
Oh, and i'm back. Enjoy!
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
I am currently sufficating, entirely and completely entombed by misery of my own doing. There is nothing to fathom or place, i don't even think theres much to be torn apart and studied. It;'s more just a scenario which needs to be dealt with and settled.... I just don't know what the situation is yet!
There isn't a wrong answer, not yet, but is there even a correct one? I can't think of it if there is. I never have the luxuary of perfectly suitable choices, then again who does? But it just seems to always be in flux with me, i never seem to be able to actually stumble through any substantial period of time without a momumental fuck-up! Or if not that, at least a crisis of confidence. Not really confidence in my actions, but confidence in my descisions, or lack-off. It's a tricky spot to find myself in, again and again and again.... But i routinely seem too, alas, maybe that's my ow misforutne, in a cosmically inspired and ordered movement to rid my life of all simplicity and enjoyment. That;s melodramatic actually, of course theres enjoyment, but only after some fucking issue usually, worse of late! And i'm not ever really willing to just nod and accept that. I WANT CONFLICT AND I WANT IT NOW!! That is essentially my moto in these most troubling of times.
I don;t really have anything to be generally upset over, infact, things should be brillinat! But i think it's just a case of something being missingm whilst the ingrediants for some early life Nirvana exist around me, the thing that binds them all together is possibly absent? Or maybe that 'thing' just doesn't exist? At least not in the form i'd previously thought and hoped. I don't think it's really possible to know that, not until it's too late however....
I don't enjoy this, i am aware that some percieve me to be a bit of an attention seeker, just trying to get people to look in my direction, but that honestly couldn't be further from the truth, although that as an argument will always be difficult to succed with, as the act of defending the need for attention is, infact, very attention drawing, therefrore decreeing the entire statement on trial as pointless and untrue. But we deviate, back too topic.
Actually, i don't even have a topic to cover, not quite yet, but i will, i'm fairly certain of that fact.
Oh, and i'm back. Enjoy!
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
And Here We Go!....
Hi.
I am currently sufficating, entirely and completely entombed by misery of my own doing. There is nothing to fathom or place, i don't even think theres much to be torn apart and studied. It;'s more just a scenario which needs to be dealt with and settled.... I just don't know what the situation is yet!
There isn't a wrong answer, not yet, but is there even a correct one? I can't think of it if there is. I never have the luxuary of perfectly suitable choices, then again who does? But it just seems to always be in flux with me, i never seem to be able to actually stumble through any substantial period of time without a momumental fuck-up! Or if not that, at least a crisis of confidence. Not really confidence in my actions, but confidence in my descisions, or lack-off. It's a tricky spot to find myself in, again and again and again.... But i routinely seem too, alas, maybe that's my ow misforutne, in a cosmically inspired and ordered movement to rid my life of all simplicity and enjoyment. That;s melodramatic actually, of course theres enjoyment, but only after some fucking issue usually, worse of late! And i'm not ever really willing to just nod and accept that. I WANT CONFLICT AND I WANT IT NOW!! That is essentially my moto in these most troubling of times.
I don;t really have anything to be generally upset over, infact, things should be brillinat! But i think it's just a case of something being missingm whilst the ingrediants for some early life Nirvana exist around me, the thing that binds them all together is possibly absent? Or maybe that 'thing' just doesn't exist? At least not in the form i'd previously thought and hoped. I don't think it's really possible to know that, not until it's too late however....
I don't enjoy this, i am aware that some percieve me to be a bit of an attention seeker, just trying to get people to look in my direction, but that honestly couldn't be further from the truth, although that as an argument will always be difficult to succed with, as the act of defending the need for attention is, infact, very attention drawing, therefrore decreeing the entire statement on trial as pointless and untrue. But we deviate, back too topic.
Actually, i don't even have a topic to cover, not quite yet, but i will, i'm fairly certain of that fact.
Oh, and i'm back. Enjoy!
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
I am currently sufficating, entirely and completely entombed by misery of my own doing. There is nothing to fathom or place, i don't even think theres much to be torn apart and studied. It;'s more just a scenario which needs to be dealt with and settled.... I just don't know what the situation is yet!
There isn't a wrong answer, not yet, but is there even a correct one? I can't think of it if there is. I never have the luxuary of perfectly suitable choices, then again who does? But it just seems to always be in flux with me, i never seem to be able to actually stumble through any substantial period of time without a momumental fuck-up! Or if not that, at least a crisis of confidence. Not really confidence in my actions, but confidence in my descisions, or lack-off. It's a tricky spot to find myself in, again and again and again.... But i routinely seem too, alas, maybe that's my ow misforutne, in a cosmically inspired and ordered movement to rid my life of all simplicity and enjoyment. That;s melodramatic actually, of course theres enjoyment, but only after some fucking issue usually, worse of late! And i'm not ever really willing to just nod and accept that. I WANT CONFLICT AND I WANT IT NOW!! That is essentially my moto in these most troubling of times.
I don;t really have anything to be generally upset over, infact, things should be brillinat! But i think it's just a case of something being missingm whilst the ingrediants for some early life Nirvana exist around me, the thing that binds them all together is possibly absent? Or maybe that 'thing' just doesn't exist? At least not in the form i'd previously thought and hoped. I don't think it's really possible to know that, not until it's too late however....
I don't enjoy this, i am aware that some percieve me to be a bit of an attention seeker, just trying to get people to look in my direction, but that honestly couldn't be further from the truth, although that as an argument will always be difficult to succed with, as the act of defending the need for attention is, infact, very attention drawing, therefrore decreeing the entire statement on trial as pointless and untrue. But we deviate, back too topic.
Actually, i don't even have a topic to cover, not quite yet, but i will, i'm fairly certain of that fact.
Oh, and i'm back. Enjoy!
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Dearly Beloved....
To Whom it may concern. This is the last will and testement. The last draw of breath to be had here. For now and the forseeable future. This just isn't fun anymore. It's all too serious, all too real, and that doesn't make this good reading, or good writing. So for now, and untill such times as i see fit, this is a ghost town, a throwback.
I can only look back and say this, this time last year it felt like everything was way out infront of me, life was good and something special was in the air. How right i was ! Thing's swung from one moment of perfection to the best, and yeah it all eventually blew up but getting ther was fun ! Now it seems like all the best that was on offer is behind me, yeah i get that it sounds down-beat but it's true, so in turn this page has suffered, how many times can i sit and moan the shit out of everything untill it get's very, very boring ! Not any more is the answer. So it's time to take a step back and stop !
So what's to do ? I feel more Runkle than Moody these day's. Even Rick Srringfield doesn't have the answers. Mothaaa Fuckaaaa, the games a bogey. Time to pack up and get out i'd say ! Da, da,daa, da, da, dada, daa, dada. Or something like that ! Jesus, I piss myself off sometimes. I don;t want this to turn into some sorta long, rambling goodbye, but i can see it heading in that direction, i'll have to do some havy editing i think.
So atm, what's it all like. I feel (more or less) like i'm drifting in and out, sometimes i'm capable and smart, other times i'm just a horrendous fuck up ! I've been working really hard to secure a friend, somebody who deep down i think doesn't really like me, but at the same times is drawn in enough to spend time with me, and at the end of the day i want to be her friend, regardless of her issues. And i think i'm doing that well. Or, at least as well as i can be. I've got a busy time coming up as it goes, at the end of this week i'm heading up North for a few days, with seven of my mates for a weekend away. It's two of their birthdays so that'll be a good laugh. The way the numbers have worked out have thrown a certain spanner in the works however, so we'll see how that pans out. I'm actually quite interested yet apprehensive about all that ! I suppose i'll find out soonish anyway. Once i'm back from thre i've got a few trips to the doctors to see too, nothing startling, just some shit to deal with, and then my friend's dad's 50th birthday party which knowing my family and friends will be a fantastic night :) So it's all systems go for that ! And then the following week i have three uni essays to hand in ! That'll be a struggle, but i always scrape through. So fingers crossed.
Ok, so that's that then, it was intended to be a lot longer, but i've cut it all down to a very small size, i couldn't be assed with the fancy shit ! At the end of the day it's clear what i'm saying. Untill i get everything back in order and on track, i'm leaving this behind. I'm pretty sure few of you will be upset, but it's kinda a big deal for me. IN case any of you missed it by the way, it was this pagges two year birthday earlier in the month. SO when would be a better time to send it on a hiatus. At the end of the day, we all know i'll be back on this and sputing forth my opinions and the like in no time at all, but hopefully when that happens it'll spell my return to the game with good news. Untill then everybody....
I''ll be talkin' to ya xxx
(And not for a long time.)
I can only look back and say this, this time last year it felt like everything was way out infront of me, life was good and something special was in the air. How right i was ! Thing's swung from one moment of perfection to the best, and yeah it all eventually blew up but getting ther was fun ! Now it seems like all the best that was on offer is behind me, yeah i get that it sounds down-beat but it's true, so in turn this page has suffered, how many times can i sit and moan the shit out of everything untill it get's very, very boring ! Not any more is the answer. So it's time to take a step back and stop !
So what's to do ? I feel more Runkle than Moody these day's. Even Rick Srringfield doesn't have the answers. Mothaaa Fuckaaaa, the games a bogey. Time to pack up and get out i'd say ! Da, da,daa, da, da, dada, daa, dada. Or something like that ! Jesus, I piss myself off sometimes. I don;t want this to turn into some sorta long, rambling goodbye, but i can see it heading in that direction, i'll have to do some havy editing i think.
So atm, what's it all like. I feel (more or less) like i'm drifting in and out, sometimes i'm capable and smart, other times i'm just a horrendous fuck up ! I've been working really hard to secure a friend, somebody who deep down i think doesn't really like me, but at the same times is drawn in enough to spend time with me, and at the end of the day i want to be her friend, regardless of her issues. And i think i'm doing that well. Or, at least as well as i can be. I've got a busy time coming up as it goes, at the end of this week i'm heading up North for a few days, with seven of my mates for a weekend away. It's two of their birthdays so that'll be a good laugh. The way the numbers have worked out have thrown a certain spanner in the works however, so we'll see how that pans out. I'm actually quite interested yet apprehensive about all that ! I suppose i'll find out soonish anyway. Once i'm back from thre i've got a few trips to the doctors to see too, nothing startling, just some shit to deal with, and then my friend's dad's 50th birthday party which knowing my family and friends will be a fantastic night :) So it's all systems go for that ! And then the following week i have three uni essays to hand in ! That'll be a struggle, but i always scrape through. So fingers crossed.
Ok, so that's that then, it was intended to be a lot longer, but i've cut it all down to a very small size, i couldn't be assed with the fancy shit ! At the end of the day it's clear what i'm saying. Untill i get everything back in order and on track, i'm leaving this behind. I'm pretty sure few of you will be upset, but it's kinda a big deal for me. IN case any of you missed it by the way, it was this pagges two year birthday earlier in the month. SO when would be a better time to send it on a hiatus. At the end of the day, we all know i'll be back on this and sputing forth my opinions and the like in no time at all, but hopefully when that happens it'll spell my return to the game with good news. Untill then everybody....
I''ll be talkin' to ya xxx
(And not for a long time.)
Dearly Beloved....
To Whom it may concern. This is the last will and testement. The last draw of breath to be had here. For now and the forseeable future. This just isn't fun anymore. It's all too serious, all too real, and that doesn't make this good reading, or good writing. So for now, and untill such times as i see fit, this is a ghost town, a throwback.
I can only look back and say this, this time last year it felt like everything was way out infront of me, life was good and something special was in the air. How right i was ! Thing's swung from one moment of perfection to the best, and yeah it all eventually blew up but getting ther was fun ! Now it seems like all the best that was on offer is behind me, yeah i get that it sounds down-beat but it's true, so in turn this page has suffered, how many times can i sit and moan the shit out of everything untill it get's very, very boring ! Not any more is the answer. So it's time to take a step back and stop !
So what's to do ? I feel more Runkle than Moody these day's. Even Rick Srringfield doesn't have the answers. Mothaaa Fuckaaaa, the games a bogey. Time to pack up and get out i'd say ! Da, da,daa, da, da, dada, daa, dada. Or something like that ! Jesus, I piss myself off sometimes. I don;t want this to turn into some sorta long, rambling goodbye, but i can see it heading in that direction, i'll have to do some havy editing i think.
So atm, what's it all like. I feel (more or less) like i'm drifting in and out, sometimes i'm capable and smart, other times i'm just a horrendous fuck up ! I've been working really hard to secure a friend, somebody who deep down i think doesn't really like me, but at the same times is drawn in enough to spend time with me, and at the end of the day i want to be her friend, regardless of her issues. And i think i'm doing that well. Or, at least as well as i can be. I've got a busy time coming up as it goes, at the end of this week i'm heading up North for a few days, with seven of my mates for a weekend away. It's two of their birthdays so that'll be a good laugh. The way the numbers have worked out have thrown a certain spanner in the works however, so we'll see how that pans out. I'm actually quite interested yet apprehensive about all that ! I suppose i'll find out soonish anyway. Once i'm back from thre i've got a few trips to the doctors to see too, nothing startling, just some shit to deal with, and then my friend's dad's 50th birthday party which knowing my family and friends will be a fantastic night :) So it's all systems go for that ! And then the following week i have three uni essays to hand in ! That'll be a struggle, but i always scrape through. So fingers crossed.
Ok, so that's that then, it was intended to be a lot longer, but i've cut it all down to a very small size, i couldn't be assed with the fancy shit ! At the end of the day it's clear what i'm saying. Untill i get everything back in order and on track, i'm leaving this behind. I'm pretty sure few of you will be upset, but it's kinda a big deal for me. IN case any of you missed it by the way, it was this pagges two year birthday earlier in the month. SO when would be a better time to send it on a hiatus. At the end of the day, we all know i'll be back on this and sputing forth my opinions and the like in no time at all, but hopefully when that happens it'll spell my return to the game with good news. Untill then everybody....
I''ll be talkin' to ya xxx
(And not for a long time.)
I can only look back and say this, this time last year it felt like everything was way out infront of me, life was good and something special was in the air. How right i was ! Thing's swung from one moment of perfection to the best, and yeah it all eventually blew up but getting ther was fun ! Now it seems like all the best that was on offer is behind me, yeah i get that it sounds down-beat but it's true, so in turn this page has suffered, how many times can i sit and moan the shit out of everything untill it get's very, very boring ! Not any more is the answer. So it's time to take a step back and stop !
So what's to do ? I feel more Runkle than Moody these day's. Even Rick Srringfield doesn't have the answers. Mothaaa Fuckaaaa, the games a bogey. Time to pack up and get out i'd say ! Da, da,daa, da, da, dada, daa, dada. Or something like that ! Jesus, I piss myself off sometimes. I don;t want this to turn into some sorta long, rambling goodbye, but i can see it heading in that direction, i'll have to do some havy editing i think.
So atm, what's it all like. I feel (more or less) like i'm drifting in and out, sometimes i'm capable and smart, other times i'm just a horrendous fuck up ! I've been working really hard to secure a friend, somebody who deep down i think doesn't really like me, but at the same times is drawn in enough to spend time with me, and at the end of the day i want to be her friend, regardless of her issues. And i think i'm doing that well. Or, at least as well as i can be. I've got a busy time coming up as it goes, at the end of this week i'm heading up North for a few days, with seven of my mates for a weekend away. It's two of their birthdays so that'll be a good laugh. The way the numbers have worked out have thrown a certain spanner in the works however, so we'll see how that pans out. I'm actually quite interested yet apprehensive about all that ! I suppose i'll find out soonish anyway. Once i'm back from thre i've got a few trips to the doctors to see too, nothing startling, just some shit to deal with, and then my friend's dad's 50th birthday party which knowing my family and friends will be a fantastic night :) So it's all systems go for that ! And then the following week i have three uni essays to hand in ! That'll be a struggle, but i always scrape through. So fingers crossed.
Ok, so that's that then, it was intended to be a lot longer, but i've cut it all down to a very small size, i couldn't be assed with the fancy shit ! At the end of the day it's clear what i'm saying. Untill i get everything back in order and on track, i'm leaving this behind. I'm pretty sure few of you will be upset, but it's kinda a big deal for me. IN case any of you missed it by the way, it was this pagges two year birthday earlier in the month. SO when would be a better time to send it on a hiatus. At the end of the day, we all know i'll be back on this and sputing forth my opinions and the like in no time at all, but hopefully when that happens it'll spell my return to the game with good news. Untill then everybody....
I''ll be talkin' to ya xxx
(And not for a long time.)
Friday, 25 February 2011
Treading Water
Oooh, this bad, real fucking bad. I honestly feel (for the first time in a while) that I'm losing control. It's slipping away, falling through the cracks. And I don't even know what it is, just that it's not lasting, past the fucking sell by date.
Ever look up right, just stare at the night, and think that someplace, somebody else could be doing that exact same thing and that person could be the one. That one that will eventually swoop in a fix everything. Who knows, maybe there looking at the exact same star, sharing the same thoughts, the same fears. What is there to fear ? God damn everything. Bravado gets ya far, but it can't win the war, just the early battles. How important are these fucking things ? Does it even matter ?
I suppose I just miss the way-back-when.... When we was all just children, but we all thought that we knew everything ! And that we ran the fucking game. We were wrong, of course, but we still are, everyone still keeps fucking it up, the 'everyone' back then is differant to who is all there now, but it's the same old mistakes ! At least back then, we though we had it all figured out, right before we threw it all away ! Now we're throwing it away, but without working anything out first. Back then we had a real plan, things were laid out, they didn't just happen. And it was easy, it all made sense ! Now there isn't any sense, just abject chaos and destruction, and it's sad that it's how I feel most comfertable a large amount of the time, and I do well from it, but every so often I just need to feel something real, and I think maybe that time is now, again....
So, hopefully out there somewere, there is somebody sitting alone, just looking at the sky, sharing a star with somebody who just might be me, if that person is out there, or if that person is you, then hopefully I will see you soon :)
I'll Be Talking To Yaa xxx
Ever look up right, just stare at the night, and think that someplace, somebody else could be doing that exact same thing and that person could be the one. That one that will eventually swoop in a fix everything. Who knows, maybe there looking at the exact same star, sharing the same thoughts, the same fears. What is there to fear ? God damn everything. Bravado gets ya far, but it can't win the war, just the early battles. How important are these fucking things ? Does it even matter ?
I suppose I just miss the way-back-when.... When we was all just children, but we all thought that we knew everything ! And that we ran the fucking game. We were wrong, of course, but we still are, everyone still keeps fucking it up, the 'everyone' back then is differant to who is all there now, but it's the same old mistakes ! At least back then, we though we had it all figured out, right before we threw it all away ! Now we're throwing it away, but without working anything out first. Back then we had a real plan, things were laid out, they didn't just happen. And it was easy, it all made sense ! Now there isn't any sense, just abject chaos and destruction, and it's sad that it's how I feel most comfertable a large amount of the time, and I do well from it, but every so often I just need to feel something real, and I think maybe that time is now, again....
So, hopefully out there somewere, there is somebody sitting alone, just looking at the sky, sharing a star with somebody who just might be me, if that person is out there, or if that person is you, then hopefully I will see you soon :)
I'll Be Talking To Yaa xxx
Treading Water
Oooh, this bad, real fucking bad. I honestly feel (for the first time in a while) that I'm losing control. It's slipping away, falling through the cracks. And I don't even know what it is, just that it's not lasting, past the fucking sell by date.
Ever look up right, just stare at the night, and think that someplace, somebody else could be doing that exact same thing and that person could be the one. That one that will eventually swoop in a fix everything. Who knows, maybe there looking at the exact same star, sharing the same thoughts, the same fears. What is there to fear ? God damn everything. Bravado gets ya far, but it can't win the war, just the early battles. How important are these fucking things ? Does it even matter ?
I suppose I just miss the way-back-when.... When we was all just children, but we all thought that we knew everything ! And that we ran the fucking game. We were wrong, of course, but we still are, everyone still keeps fucking it up, the 'everyone' back then is differant to who is all there now, but it's the same old mistakes ! At least back then, we though we had it all figured out, right before we threw it all away ! Now we're throwing it away, but without working anything out first. Back then we had a real plan, things were laid out, they didn't just happen. And it was easy, it all made sense ! Now there isn't any sense, just abject chaos and destruction, and it's sad that it's how I feel most comfertable a large amount of the time, and I do well from it, but every so often I just need to feel something real, and I think maybe that time is now, again....
So, hopefully out there somewere, there is somebody sitting alone, just looking at the sky, sharing a star with somebody who just might be me, if that person is out there, or if that person is you, then hopefully I will see you soon :)
I'll Be Talking To Yaa xxx
Ever look up right, just stare at the night, and think that someplace, somebody else could be doing that exact same thing and that person could be the one. That one that will eventually swoop in a fix everything. Who knows, maybe there looking at the exact same star, sharing the same thoughts, the same fears. What is there to fear ? God damn everything. Bravado gets ya far, but it can't win the war, just the early battles. How important are these fucking things ? Does it even matter ?
I suppose I just miss the way-back-when.... When we was all just children, but we all thought that we knew everything ! And that we ran the fucking game. We were wrong, of course, but we still are, everyone still keeps fucking it up, the 'everyone' back then is differant to who is all there now, but it's the same old mistakes ! At least back then, we though we had it all figured out, right before we threw it all away ! Now we're throwing it away, but without working anything out first. Back then we had a real plan, things were laid out, they didn't just happen. And it was easy, it all made sense ! Now there isn't any sense, just abject chaos and destruction, and it's sad that it's how I feel most comfertable a large amount of the time, and I do well from it, but every so often I just need to feel something real, and I think maybe that time is now, again....
So, hopefully out there somewere, there is somebody sitting alone, just looking at the sky, sharing a star with somebody who just might be me, if that person is out there, or if that person is you, then hopefully I will see you soon :)
I'll Be Talking To Yaa xxx
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Strange.
I have had one of the weirdest three week periods of my life recently. That is saying something !
I can't define it now, simply because there really isn't anything solid to examine. But what i do know is that something is slowly going away, it's like therapy almost. I might feel better once this is all tied up. As a lifestyle choice, the way i have been going on hasn't been working for me, sure in fits and starts, but overall i've been a miserable bastard ! There has been no salvation, no great change in direction. Justa flicker, that maybe it's not as bad as i thought.
Maybe i haven't lost it. Or possibly i've just found it again ? I can't even begin to imagine... But something is waiting in the shadows, sure of it. There's beauty in a car crash, and this is exactly what i am witnessing. One giant, wreck waiting to happen. Matter of time i'd say.
Let's tear it down, brick by fucking brick.... We'll see. Maybe not yet.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
I can't define it now, simply because there really isn't anything solid to examine. But what i do know is that something is slowly going away, it's like therapy almost. I might feel better once this is all tied up. As a lifestyle choice, the way i have been going on hasn't been working for me, sure in fits and starts, but overall i've been a miserable bastard ! There has been no salvation, no great change in direction. Justa flicker, that maybe it's not as bad as i thought.
Maybe i haven't lost it. Or possibly i've just found it again ? I can't even begin to imagine... But something is waiting in the shadows, sure of it. There's beauty in a car crash, and this is exactly what i am witnessing. One giant, wreck waiting to happen. Matter of time i'd say.
Let's tear it down, brick by fucking brick.... We'll see. Maybe not yet.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Strange.
I have had one of the weirdest three week periods of my life recently. That is saying something !
I can't define it now, simply because there really isn't anything solid to examine. But what i do know is that something is slowly going away, it's like therapy almost. I might feel better once this is all tied up. As a lifestyle choice, the way i have been going on hasn't been working for me, sure in fits and starts, but overall i've been a miserable bastard ! There has been no salvation, no great change in direction. Justa flicker, that maybe it's not as bad as i thought.
Maybe i haven't lost it. Or possibly i've just found it again ? I can't even begin to imagine... But something is waiting in the shadows, sure of it. There's beauty in a car crash, and this is exactly what i am witnessing. One giant, wreck waiting to happen. Matter of time i'd say.
Let's tear it down, brick by fucking brick.... We'll see. Maybe not yet.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
I can't define it now, simply because there really isn't anything solid to examine. But what i do know is that something is slowly going away, it's like therapy almost. I might feel better once this is all tied up. As a lifestyle choice, the way i have been going on hasn't been working for me, sure in fits and starts, but overall i've been a miserable bastard ! There has been no salvation, no great change in direction. Justa flicker, that maybe it's not as bad as i thought.
Maybe i haven't lost it. Or possibly i've just found it again ? I can't even begin to imagine... But something is waiting in the shadows, sure of it. There's beauty in a car crash, and this is exactly what i am witnessing. One giant, wreck waiting to happen. Matter of time i'd say.
Let's tear it down, brick by fucking brick.... We'll see. Maybe not yet.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Monday, 31 January 2011
As The Wind Blows
I love walking in the dark, with the wind blowing around you. Ever notice how the trees always seem to be going at differant directions, depending on your perspective. Tonight they were blowing down, they looked sad, defeated. Sorta tragic really, considering that once upon a time they were standing proud, looking amazing and were untouchable, well.. kinda !
Expectation is the weakness here, when you expect you can be left disapointed, you'd have thought people would have learnt that over te last few thousand years, but no, we all keep doing it, curcumstances are never as cut and dried as they seem, or at least as we would like them to be.
I love that sound... Like the sound of wind blowing through bushes and leaves, rustling them above and beside you, whilst your feet hit the hard road, walking, alone and in silence, no cars or traffic to take you out your head, this is were the magic happens, things make sense, when you can only hear yourself in your head....It actually feels like i'm in a John Carpenter movie, i secretly wish to be greeted by a knife wielding, masked killer around a corner purely for some excited. I'd actuakky love to live a real life horror movies, ghost, something like that !
Do you ever just wish you were somebody else entirely ? Just morph into another human. It's strange. I look at myself, and i barely recognise it all. I'm not what or who i was previously, it's like i've been diluted, watered down. Sanatised even ! It's horrible. I find myself clinging to what i was like, forcing it, but it's not the same. Recently i've noticed signs of things returning to how they were, i've been improving, regaining my abilities, but it's a slow process, and i'm being stunted. Their really isn't anything to do. I cant cause trouble, when i have to create the situation in the first place. It's just so boring. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I might actually be mentally ill, i have never been able to accept a situation, it's always stringing events together by merely just existing, but invoking trouble, untill i get what i want, what i need. But what i really want doesnt exist anymore. Sure we might pass each by every so often, like boats in the night. And yeah we might have docked together for a while, but it was never going to be forever, i didn't want it to be, of course i still don't, but it is exactly what i need now. To save me from this shit ! This mundane, poison ridden, risk free, pathetic existance. That's harsh i know, but i generally feel sufficated sometimes. Not by people, just by everything in life, it's not fair. Were did it all go ? WERE THE FUCK IS IT ???
Help me....
Please....
I now want to sing karaoke ! Weird.
I need a mission statement, a proper plan, a good one. It's not that easy of course, but i know that all i need is one thing, one event, to set of a chain, a domino effect so to speak. It's bound to happen ! I've been good, i've bided my time, but now i'm needing mmy luck to change. It's almost like a tiger or something, being shaved and flung into a zoo, with no possible escape. I feel sorry for that poor bastard, atleast i've got a chance. But looking back on this blog of late, it's been moan, moan, moan ! Like a broken fucking records. It's time to be pro-active kids ! I just need to make shit stuff happen ! It's all do-able. It's been done before. I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself, feeling hard done by.
The past is set in stone, of course, it can't be changed. But the future is unwritten, that's my ace card, the fact that i'm working on a blank canvas. People still aren't keen to get to close to me, and i like that, they are still wary, despite my relative good behaviour and lack of drive recently. Folks know the potential is there, for me to fly of the side of the mountain and just fall all the fucking way down, laughing as i drop and pulling in anybody who is near down with me. Some of you are safe, but the rest of the world is fair game, be prepared. You've all been warned, back off now... Or enjoy the fall.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Expectation is the weakness here, when you expect you can be left disapointed, you'd have thought people would have learnt that over te last few thousand years, but no, we all keep doing it, curcumstances are never as cut and dried as they seem, or at least as we would like them to be.
I love that sound... Like the sound of wind blowing through bushes and leaves, rustling them above and beside you, whilst your feet hit the hard road, walking, alone and in silence, no cars or traffic to take you out your head, this is were the magic happens, things make sense, when you can only hear yourself in your head....It actually feels like i'm in a John Carpenter movie, i secretly wish to be greeted by a knife wielding, masked killer around a corner purely for some excited. I'd actuakky love to live a real life horror movies, ghost, something like that !
Do you ever just wish you were somebody else entirely ? Just morph into another human. It's strange. I look at myself, and i barely recognise it all. I'm not what or who i was previously, it's like i've been diluted, watered down. Sanatised even ! It's horrible. I find myself clinging to what i was like, forcing it, but it's not the same. Recently i've noticed signs of things returning to how they were, i've been improving, regaining my abilities, but it's a slow process, and i'm being stunted. Their really isn't anything to do. I cant cause trouble, when i have to create the situation in the first place. It's just so boring. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I might actually be mentally ill, i have never been able to accept a situation, it's always stringing events together by merely just existing, but invoking trouble, untill i get what i want, what i need. But what i really want doesnt exist anymore. Sure we might pass each by every so often, like boats in the night. And yeah we might have docked together for a while, but it was never going to be forever, i didn't want it to be, of course i still don't, but it is exactly what i need now. To save me from this shit ! This mundane, poison ridden, risk free, pathetic existance. That's harsh i know, but i generally feel sufficated sometimes. Not by people, just by everything in life, it's not fair. Were did it all go ? WERE THE FUCK IS IT ???
Help me....
Please....
I now want to sing karaoke ! Weird.
I need a mission statement, a proper plan, a good one. It's not that easy of course, but i know that all i need is one thing, one event, to set of a chain, a domino effect so to speak. It's bound to happen ! I've been good, i've bided my time, but now i'm needing mmy luck to change. It's almost like a tiger or something, being shaved and flung into a zoo, with no possible escape. I feel sorry for that poor bastard, atleast i've got a chance. But looking back on this blog of late, it's been moan, moan, moan ! Like a broken fucking records. It's time to be pro-active kids ! I just need to make shit stuff happen ! It's all do-able. It's been done before. I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself, feeling hard done by.
The past is set in stone, of course, it can't be changed. But the future is unwritten, that's my ace card, the fact that i'm working on a blank canvas. People still aren't keen to get to close to me, and i like that, they are still wary, despite my relative good behaviour and lack of drive recently. Folks know the potential is there, for me to fly of the side of the mountain and just fall all the fucking way down, laughing as i drop and pulling in anybody who is near down with me. Some of you are safe, but the rest of the world is fair game, be prepared. You've all been warned, back off now... Or enjoy the fall.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
As The Wind Blows
I love walking in the dark, with the wind blowing around you. Ever notice how the trees always seem to be going at differant directions, depending on your perspective. Tonight they were blowing down, they looked sad, defeated. Sorta tragic really, considering that once upon a time they were standing proud, looking amazing and were untouchable, well.. kinda !
Expectation is the weakness here, when you expect you can be left disapointed, you'd have thought people would have learnt that over te last few thousand years, but no, we all keep doing it, curcumstances are never as cut and dried as they seem, or at least as we would like them to be.
I love that sound... Like the sound of wind blowing through bushes and leaves, rustling them above and beside you, whilst your feet hit the hard road, walking, alone and in silence, no cars or traffic to take you out your head, this is were the magic happens, things make sense, when you can only hear yourself in your head....It actually feels like i'm in a John Carpenter movie, i secretly wish to be greeted by a knife wielding, masked killer around a corner purely for some excited. I'd actuakky love to live a real life horror movies, ghost, something like that !
Do you ever just wish you were somebody else entirely ? Just morph into another human. It's strange. I look at myself, and i barely recognise it all. I'm not what or who i was previously, it's like i've been diluted, watered down. Sanatised even ! It's horrible. I find myself clinging to what i was like, forcing it, but it's not the same. Recently i've noticed signs of things returning to how they were, i've been improving, regaining my abilities, but it's a slow process, and i'm being stunted. Their really isn't anything to do. I cant cause trouble, when i have to create the situation in the first place. It's just so boring. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I might actually be mentally ill, i have never been able to accept a situation, it's always stringing events together by merely just existing, but invoking trouble, untill i get what i want, what i need. But what i really want doesnt exist anymore. Sure we might pass each by every so often, like boats in the night. And yeah we might have docked together for a while, but it was never going to be forever, i didn't want it to be, of course i still don't, but it is exactly what i need now. To save me from this shit ! This mundane, poison ridden, risk free, pathetic existance. That's harsh i know, but i generally feel sufficated sometimes. Not by people, just by everything in life, it's not fair. Were did it all go ? WERE THE FUCK IS IT ???
Help me....
Please....
I now want to sing karaoke ! Weird.
I need a mission statement, a proper plan, a good one. It's not that easy of course, but i know that all i need is one thing, one event, to set of a chain, a domino effect so to speak. It's bound to happen ! I've been good, i've bided my time, but now i'm needing mmy luck to change. It's almost like a tiger or something, being shaved and flung into a zoo, with no possible escape. I feel sorry for that poor bastard, atleast i've got a chance. But looking back on this blog of late, it's been moan, moan, moan ! Like a broken fucking records. It's time to be pro-active kids ! I just need to make shit stuff happen ! It's all do-able. It's been done before. I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself, feeling hard done by.
The past is set in stone, of course, it can't be changed. But the future is unwritten, that's my ace card, the fact that i'm working on a blank canvas. People still aren't keen to get to close to me, and i like that, they are still wary, despite my relative good behaviour and lack of drive recently. Folks know the potential is there, for me to fly of the side of the mountain and just fall all the fucking way down, laughing as i drop and pulling in anybody who is near down with me. Some of you are safe, but the rest of the world is fair game, be prepared. You've all been warned, back off now... Or enjoy the fall.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Expectation is the weakness here, when you expect you can be left disapointed, you'd have thought people would have learnt that over te last few thousand years, but no, we all keep doing it, curcumstances are never as cut and dried as they seem, or at least as we would like them to be.
I love that sound... Like the sound of wind blowing through bushes and leaves, rustling them above and beside you, whilst your feet hit the hard road, walking, alone and in silence, no cars or traffic to take you out your head, this is were the magic happens, things make sense, when you can only hear yourself in your head....It actually feels like i'm in a John Carpenter movie, i secretly wish to be greeted by a knife wielding, masked killer around a corner purely for some excited. I'd actuakky love to live a real life horror movies, ghost, something like that !
Do you ever just wish you were somebody else entirely ? Just morph into another human. It's strange. I look at myself, and i barely recognise it all. I'm not what or who i was previously, it's like i've been diluted, watered down. Sanatised even ! It's horrible. I find myself clinging to what i was like, forcing it, but it's not the same. Recently i've noticed signs of things returning to how they were, i've been improving, regaining my abilities, but it's a slow process, and i'm being stunted. Their really isn't anything to do. I cant cause trouble, when i have to create the situation in the first place. It's just so boring. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I might actually be mentally ill, i have never been able to accept a situation, it's always stringing events together by merely just existing, but invoking trouble, untill i get what i want, what i need. But what i really want doesnt exist anymore. Sure we might pass each by every so often, like boats in the night. And yeah we might have docked together for a while, but it was never going to be forever, i didn't want it to be, of course i still don't, but it is exactly what i need now. To save me from this shit ! This mundane, poison ridden, risk free, pathetic existance. That's harsh i know, but i generally feel sufficated sometimes. Not by people, just by everything in life, it's not fair. Were did it all go ? WERE THE FUCK IS IT ???
Help me....
Please....
I now want to sing karaoke ! Weird.
I need a mission statement, a proper plan, a good one. It's not that easy of course, but i know that all i need is one thing, one event, to set of a chain, a domino effect so to speak. It's bound to happen ! I've been good, i've bided my time, but now i'm needing mmy luck to change. It's almost like a tiger or something, being shaved and flung into a zoo, with no possible escape. I feel sorry for that poor bastard, atleast i've got a chance. But looking back on this blog of late, it's been moan, moan, moan ! Like a broken fucking records. It's time to be pro-active kids ! I just need to make shit stuff happen ! It's all do-able. It's been done before. I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself, feeling hard done by.
The past is set in stone, of course, it can't be changed. But the future is unwritten, that's my ace card, the fact that i'm working on a blank canvas. People still aren't keen to get to close to me, and i like that, they are still wary, despite my relative good behaviour and lack of drive recently. Folks know the potential is there, for me to fly of the side of the mountain and just fall all the fucking way down, laughing as i drop and pulling in anybody who is near down with me. Some of you are safe, but the rest of the world is fair game, be prepared. You've all been warned, back off now... Or enjoy the fall.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Friday, 7 January 2011
Moments
When you put some actual thought into it, you realise that you split your life into individual moments. Every chapter of it is summed up in your mind by one particular vison, or moment. Often exagarated, but usually perfect. And that is what it's all about i'd say. Life is these moments, i saw a film last night, Love & Other Drugs, and it really rammed this point home to me so to speak. Life cannot be perfect, as people we all have flaws and will almost certaintly muck up every good thing we are given, this can't be helped. Sad but true. However, it's not too matter, because in the end what we do have is the perfect moments, as many as we want. And they won't ever leave us, they can't be lost. Because these monets are forever engrained in our minds, they become a part of us, part of the make-up that creates us, forms us and makes us whatever it is that we are and are supposed to become.
So this brings me to me.... The moments in my head, i've got many, i live in these monets more often than not, cling to them even. But that's not the be all and end all, i am on a constant journey to create new moments, new segments of reality, little steps of perfection on a rough and sort of depressing staircase. However, it really isn't easy that's for sure. It's like at the moment, life is diluted, everything is watered down. Colours don't stand out as bright as they have before, nothing is as exciting, everything has become the same. Excitemtn has basically just fucked off, this is as bad as it's been in a long time. The small brief moments of enjoyment are just toally overshadowed by the shit that surrounds them. I cannot win with this ! It dawned on me a matter of hours ago that my decisions in the past, and lack of action in certain scenarios have all resulted in this ! I am without a doubt the very man who was was too afraid to fly so who never did land. Were would i have been now had i just flown, had i just went for it, took the leap of faith so to speak. Not here that's for sure, but then i would have missed out on so much else, it's impossible to know or comprehend ! So i won't.
End of the day, this is exactly were i am, my own choices have led me here, so instead of complaining i'm going to make it work, i will find something, anything and everything will be good again. As Bette Davis would say: 'Why Let Us Ask For The Moon, When We Have The Stars.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
So this brings me to me.... The moments in my head, i've got many, i live in these monets more often than not, cling to them even. But that's not the be all and end all, i am on a constant journey to create new moments, new segments of reality, little steps of perfection on a rough and sort of depressing staircase. However, it really isn't easy that's for sure. It's like at the moment, life is diluted, everything is watered down. Colours don't stand out as bright as they have before, nothing is as exciting, everything has become the same. Excitemtn has basically just fucked off, this is as bad as it's been in a long time. The small brief moments of enjoyment are just toally overshadowed by the shit that surrounds them. I cannot win with this ! It dawned on me a matter of hours ago that my decisions in the past, and lack of action in certain scenarios have all resulted in this ! I am without a doubt the very man who was was too afraid to fly so who never did land. Were would i have been now had i just flown, had i just went for it, took the leap of faith so to speak. Not here that's for sure, but then i would have missed out on so much else, it's impossible to know or comprehend ! So i won't.
End of the day, this is exactly were i am, my own choices have led me here, so instead of complaining i'm going to make it work, i will find something, anything and everything will be good again. As Bette Davis would say: 'Why Let Us Ask For The Moon, When We Have The Stars.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
Moments
When you put some actual thought into it, you realise that you split your life into individual moments. Every chapter of it is summed up in your mind by one particular vison, or moment. Often exagarated, but usually perfect. And that is what it's all about i'd say. Life is these moments, i saw a film last night, Love & Other Drugs, and it really rammed this point home to me so to speak. Life cannot be perfect, as people we all have flaws and will almost certaintly muck up every good thing we are given, this can't be helped. Sad but true. However, it's not too matter, because in the end what we do have is the perfect moments, as many as we want. And they won't ever leave us, they can't be lost. Because these monets are forever engrained in our minds, they become a part of us, part of the make-up that creates us, forms us and makes us whatever it is that we are and are supposed to become.
So this brings me to me.... The moments in my head, i've got many, i live in these monets more often than not, cling to them even. But that's not the be all and end all, i am on a constant journey to create new moments, new segments of reality, little steps of perfection on a rough and sort of depressing staircase. However, it really isn't easy that's for sure. It's like at the moment, life is diluted, everything is watered down. Colours don't stand out as bright as they have before, nothing is as exciting, everything has become the same. Excitemtn has basically just fucked off, this is as bad as it's been in a long time. The small brief moments of enjoyment are just toally overshadowed by the shit that surrounds them. I cannot win with this ! It dawned on me a matter of hours ago that my decisions in the past, and lack of action in certain scenarios have all resulted in this ! I am without a doubt the very man who was was too afraid to fly so who never did land. Were would i have been now had i just flown, had i just went for it, took the leap of faith so to speak. Not here that's for sure, but then i would have missed out on so much else, it's impossible to know or comprehend ! So i won't.
End of the day, this is exactly were i am, my own choices have led me here, so instead of complaining i'm going to make it work, i will find something, anything and everything will be good again. As Bette Davis would say: 'Why Let Us Ask For The Moon, When We Have The Stars.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
So this brings me to me.... The moments in my head, i've got many, i live in these monets more often than not, cling to them even. But that's not the be all and end all, i am on a constant journey to create new moments, new segments of reality, little steps of perfection on a rough and sort of depressing staircase. However, it really isn't easy that's for sure. It's like at the moment, life is diluted, everything is watered down. Colours don't stand out as bright as they have before, nothing is as exciting, everything has become the same. Excitemtn has basically just fucked off, this is as bad as it's been in a long time. The small brief moments of enjoyment are just toally overshadowed by the shit that surrounds them. I cannot win with this ! It dawned on me a matter of hours ago that my decisions in the past, and lack of action in certain scenarios have all resulted in this ! I am without a doubt the very man who was was too afraid to fly so who never did land. Were would i have been now had i just flown, had i just went for it, took the leap of faith so to speak. Not here that's for sure, but then i would have missed out on so much else, it's impossible to know or comprehend ! So i won't.
End of the day, this is exactly were i am, my own choices have led me here, so instead of complaining i'm going to make it work, i will find something, anything and everything will be good again. As Bette Davis would say: 'Why Let Us Ask For The Moon, When We Have The Stars.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
Thursday, 6 January 2011
Forever Is Always
It's totally fucking impossible to navigate everything perfectly without ruining it all, or at least ruining something ! I just keep falling into traps, not even new traps, sometimes the same old ones, that I've navigated and fallen into before ! It's just one constant hurdle after another, and you don't even realise it untill it's too late, and people are burst, ruined and mighty pissed off !
All I want, seriously is the path of least resistance. I like when people say the right things, do what I like and make me feel good. The kinda person that does that serves to make me feel comfortable and in doing so I can't help but fall into them every so often, it's simple like that. but I cannot help but feel bad, for the good of their act is not justified by what I can offer in return. I honestly do feel like an empty vessel. I can't feel genuine emotions for the situation, merely the ones that I force because I think I have too. It's no secret, but maybe it's not fair...
So where do I see myself moving ? To be fair, it's very hard to say. I have this idea, an elusive notion so to speak. Theirs no defonative answer yet, no real salvation. But I'd the rumours are to be believed a hurricane might soon be hitting, a perfect storm. We shall see. Maybe I am finally going to find what I've been hunting for since I realised what is was exactly, that special something, that intrigue and awe. Of course it's just smoke & Mirrors just now and so it will most likely to remain for months yet. If it's worth it, it will be a long process, I don't want to rush and screw anything up. I gotta look clearly and be sure of what I'm doing. A problem I've failed at before. I just have to keep calm and not be like an over-excited fool ! This could even be something special ! Here's hoping, and here's looking at you kid. Play nice.
I'll Be Talkin' To Yaa xxx
All I want, seriously is the path of least resistance. I like when people say the right things, do what I like and make me feel good. The kinda person that does that serves to make me feel comfortable and in doing so I can't help but fall into them every so often, it's simple like that. but I cannot help but feel bad, for the good of their act is not justified by what I can offer in return. I honestly do feel like an empty vessel. I can't feel genuine emotions for the situation, merely the ones that I force because I think I have too. It's no secret, but maybe it's not fair...
So where do I see myself moving ? To be fair, it's very hard to say. I have this idea, an elusive notion so to speak. Theirs no defonative answer yet, no real salvation. But I'd the rumours are to be believed a hurricane might soon be hitting, a perfect storm. We shall see. Maybe I am finally going to find what I've been hunting for since I realised what is was exactly, that special something, that intrigue and awe. Of course it's just smoke & Mirrors just now and so it will most likely to remain for months yet. If it's worth it, it will be a long process, I don't want to rush and screw anything up. I gotta look clearly and be sure of what I'm doing. A problem I've failed at before. I just have to keep calm and not be like an over-excited fool ! This could even be something special ! Here's hoping, and here's looking at you kid. Play nice.
I'll Be Talkin' To Yaa xxx
Forever Is Always
It's totally fucking impossible to navigate everything perfectly without ruining it all, or at least ruining something ! I just keep falling into traps, not even new traps, sometimes the same old ones, that I've navigated and fallen into before ! It's just one constant hurdle after another, and you don't even realise it untill it's too late, and people are burst, ruined and mighty pissed off !
All I want, seriously is the path of least resistance. I like when people say the right things, do what I like and make me feel good. The kinda person that does that serves to make me feel comfortable and in doing so I can't help but fall into them every so often, it's simple like that. but I cannot help but feel bad, for the good of their act is not justified by what I can offer in return. I honestly do feel like an empty vessel. I can't feel genuine emotions for the situation, merely the ones that I force because I think I have too. It's no secret, but maybe it's not fair...
So where do I see myself moving ? To be fair, it's very hard to say. I have this idea, an elusive notion so to speak. Theirs no defonative answer yet, no real salvation. But I'd the rumours are to be believed a hurricane might soon be hitting, a perfect storm. We shall see. Maybe I am finally going to find what I've been hunting for since I realised what is was exactly, that special something, that intrigue and awe. Of course it's just smoke & Mirrors just now and so it will most likely to remain for months yet. If it's worth it, it will be a long process, I don't want to rush and screw anything up. I gotta look clearly and be sure of what I'm doing. A problem I've failed at before. I just have to keep calm and not be like an over-excited fool ! This could even be something special ! Here's hoping, and here's looking at you kid. Play nice.
I'll Be Talkin' To Yaa xxx
All I want, seriously is the path of least resistance. I like when people say the right things, do what I like and make me feel good. The kinda person that does that serves to make me feel comfortable and in doing so I can't help but fall into them every so often, it's simple like that. but I cannot help but feel bad, for the good of their act is not justified by what I can offer in return. I honestly do feel like an empty vessel. I can't feel genuine emotions for the situation, merely the ones that I force because I think I have too. It's no secret, but maybe it's not fair...
So where do I see myself moving ? To be fair, it's very hard to say. I have this idea, an elusive notion so to speak. Theirs no defonative answer yet, no real salvation. But I'd the rumours are to be believed a hurricane might soon be hitting, a perfect storm. We shall see. Maybe I am finally going to find what I've been hunting for since I realised what is was exactly, that special something, that intrigue and awe. Of course it's just smoke & Mirrors just now and so it will most likely to remain for months yet. If it's worth it, it will be a long process, I don't want to rush and screw anything up. I gotta look clearly and be sure of what I'm doing. A problem I've failed at before. I just have to keep calm and not be like an over-excited fool ! This could even be something special ! Here's hoping, and here's looking at you kid. Play nice.
I'll Be Talkin' To Yaa xxx
Friday, 31 December 2010
2010- A Year in Review
So once again i'n gonna do a little summary of this year. All i can say, first and foremost is this... Fuck me, it's been a little bit mental. All aboard :)
January:
So the year kicked off with a bang. Literally, from the moment the clock hit midnight the shit hit the fan. As would become a theme, i wasnt really aware, just doing what i felt like doing. Some people took it all too seriously, ahh well. But New Year was fantastic. And the month itself was good. I was led down a path in the first part that i thought was something possibly special, but then that just kinda petered out... Or so i thought. Uni kicked off again. This term would fly by though, and i have to admit it was nowhere near as brilliant as the first. Ahh well.
February:
This was a strange month. But good. The first half flew in without too much incident. A highlight being my good friend and relative Dave begining to stamp his mark upon my uni friends and starting the integration of my social circles. The first part of the month was spent basically with the uni group hanging around with each other in various wee events, nothing groundbreaking, but nice. The second half but brought about the events that led to the previously given up, becoming a reality, which was a very welcome turn of events.
March:
This was one of the top months. Fantastic sums it up. It built up slowly, with a lot of uni work to be done and dusted early on. This was completed without incident. So then the fun began. Paddy's day. One of the best nights of my life ! I can barely remember much of it, except it was class ! this was followed by a few nights, topped of by a mate (Sean's) 20th birthday. Well done him for lasting that long, but for me the night was pretty magical. I left with a girlfriend. The same girl who i had first felt something special with in January, having met her the previous October. We sorta fell back towards each other in February and by March we were together. Good stuff !
April:
Nothing exciting really happend in April to be honest. Just uni work and chilling with the girlfriend. Good fun though :) I'm really struggling to think of any major. So, we shall move swiftly on.....
May:
This was a bloody busy month so it was. aw a good few gigs, namely Hole and Rihanna. Hole was class, fully in love with courney Love, what a legend ! There was a few good parties too this month. My brother and my friend (and surrogate sister) Cherry/Sonia/Charlotta Reini, both turned 21 on the same weekend. That was good fun, i love a party. So for that reason, i got very drunk. The month finished up with me flying off to Florida, then onto New York on holiday.
June:
June stared in the USA with two weeks in Good 'ol Orlando. Me, mom, dad, Stuart and Natalie. A really nice two weeks, then on to New York for a few days. I really do love that city ! The world cup kicked of as well, but as per usual it was a bit shit, a total let down, and thus won't be mentioned any further. After coming home, i stayed for a week in gorgie with the then girlfriend, and just hung out, socialising with the usual suspects and generally just having a right good time. I then turned 18 which was a case of thank the fucking lord ! i couldn be arsed with havin to loan others ID's for much longer. I did realise however that after turning 18 people stop checking yoour age places. Therefore rendering it sorta pointless. That is an exagaration by the way, not a fair representation of Scottish licensing law.
July:
This was fine, right up until the final whistle. Again, it wasn't too busy, well not with exciting stuff anyway, just the usual kinda stuff. I was out & about a lot, drinking loads and in general just having a right good old giggle. Yay ! Also this month saw the dawning of the most powerful and feared pub quiz team in the land, it didnt appear fully formed, me, Dave and Greig started of with just a mindful of answers and no steady name, but it was the begining of something sorta brillinat. Right at the end however, the last day ! My life kinda hit a road block. Me and the girlfriend broke up ! i almost, sorta saw it coming but not enough to not still be upset by it. It really floored me and of course (with me being the enotional sort) i was left pretty devestated.
August:
This entire month was a write off. There was no chance i was gonna be up to much good, i was basically feeling kinda numb. The only proper highlight was seeing my favourite band Blink-182 in concert for the first time in six years. This gig serves as my release after all the bullshit that had preceeded it that month, i went fucking crazy, not my usual reserved, controlled self. And had a great fucking time. Also a friend reered her head again and became very helpful in getting over my winy, emo bullshit. so thanks for that.
September.
This month saw me go back to uni, the uni social group start up again, and Dave becoming a main player in it all, with greig also joining a few gatherings, so now my separate social locations had grouped together, quite useful :) All was good this month to be honest, i started to feel a lot better about everything and it all got pretty fun again, so cant really complain.
October:
Wow, this was a bit busy and kinda, sorta, just a little bit mental ! Went to London with el Dave to see lifehouse, amazing gig ! Few parties: Daves 19th and a kick ass halloween costume party which we all got done up brillinatly for (check a few posts ago.) Dave neded up with a girlfriend, who is absolutely lovely, so well done him, i'm delighted for him :) Me on the other didnt get a new girlfriend. I did kinda get involved with the rooomate of two pals, although purely in a friendly manner at this point, although it wouldnt remain like that, due to a lapse in my resistance haha. MY closenss to her caused issues, i wasnt supposed to spend time with her, there was anger and a lot of jealousy, i just remained aloof, inoring the trouble that was brewing around me, and the ignoring the manner in which my actionss were starting to cause problems beyond even my limits.
November:
Ok, ok, i fucked the fucking roommate ! That basically sums this month up, it's all i heard at te time, and all i've heard since ! I'm through apologising for it though, i only did what came natural, yeah it was daft but i defy any single guy to have said no. End of story ! Apart from that this month was decent. a lot of drama was going on, mostly caused by me, but i managed to stay clear of too much trouble as others had to pick up the peices, yeah it's a 'lil mean, but hey, gotta do it !
December:
This month has been rather good. Ruined by having a job like, but atleast i've earned a fair whack of cash ! i've been working at Next for those interested, actually a decent place to work, staff get treated really well, but the clothes themselves are proper shite ! so i'd not recommend buying anything from the store ! haha. What else... Ehh, christmass was chilled, but nice. A family affair. I've got a large and really good fun family though so it's always a laugh. It's still December until midnight though, so hopefully still some good times to come :)
So there you have it. It's been an up and down year. All in all i'd say good though. The good was as good as it get's the bad, was bottom of the barrel stuff, but as always, i survive, and i bounce back.
A few thankyou's are in order.
Dad,
Mom,
Stuart,
Dave,
Natalie,
Molly (my Dog),
My entire uni group of friends,
And a special mention to a certain Lisa Reini. Over one year we have experienced every side of each other. Every mood, every feeling, every fight, every fall. For awhile we were as close as it get's. Now we are quite distant. But we are both still there, as it should be. So thank you for being this year for me. For making it everythin it is, and leaving me with the memories of everything it was. Thanks for the memories my dear :)
Good night, and good luck !
I'll Be Talkin to Yaa xxx
January:
So the year kicked off with a bang. Literally, from the moment the clock hit midnight the shit hit the fan. As would become a theme, i wasnt really aware, just doing what i felt like doing. Some people took it all too seriously, ahh well. But New Year was fantastic. And the month itself was good. I was led down a path in the first part that i thought was something possibly special, but then that just kinda petered out... Or so i thought. Uni kicked off again. This term would fly by though, and i have to admit it was nowhere near as brilliant as the first. Ahh well.
February:
This was a strange month. But good. The first half flew in without too much incident. A highlight being my good friend and relative Dave begining to stamp his mark upon my uni friends and starting the integration of my social circles. The first part of the month was spent basically with the uni group hanging around with each other in various wee events, nothing groundbreaking, but nice. The second half but brought about the events that led to the previously given up, becoming a reality, which was a very welcome turn of events.
March:
This was one of the top months. Fantastic sums it up. It built up slowly, with a lot of uni work to be done and dusted early on. This was completed without incident. So then the fun began. Paddy's day. One of the best nights of my life ! I can barely remember much of it, except it was class ! this was followed by a few nights, topped of by a mate (Sean's) 20th birthday. Well done him for lasting that long, but for me the night was pretty magical. I left with a girlfriend. The same girl who i had first felt something special with in January, having met her the previous October. We sorta fell back towards each other in February and by March we were together. Good stuff !
April:
Nothing exciting really happend in April to be honest. Just uni work and chilling with the girlfriend. Good fun though :) I'm really struggling to think of any major. So, we shall move swiftly on.....
May:
This was a bloody busy month so it was. aw a good few gigs, namely Hole and Rihanna. Hole was class, fully in love with courney Love, what a legend ! There was a few good parties too this month. My brother and my friend (and surrogate sister) Cherry/Sonia/Charlotta Reini, both turned 21 on the same weekend. That was good fun, i love a party. So for that reason, i got very drunk. The month finished up with me flying off to Florida, then onto New York on holiday.
June:
June stared in the USA with two weeks in Good 'ol Orlando. Me, mom, dad, Stuart and Natalie. A really nice two weeks, then on to New York for a few days. I really do love that city ! The world cup kicked of as well, but as per usual it was a bit shit, a total let down, and thus won't be mentioned any further. After coming home, i stayed for a week in gorgie with the then girlfriend, and just hung out, socialising with the usual suspects and generally just having a right good time. I then turned 18 which was a case of thank the fucking lord ! i couldn be arsed with havin to loan others ID's for much longer. I did realise however that after turning 18 people stop checking yoour age places. Therefore rendering it sorta pointless. That is an exagaration by the way, not a fair representation of Scottish licensing law.
July:
This was fine, right up until the final whistle. Again, it wasn't too busy, well not with exciting stuff anyway, just the usual kinda stuff. I was out & about a lot, drinking loads and in general just having a right good old giggle. Yay ! Also this month saw the dawning of the most powerful and feared pub quiz team in the land, it didnt appear fully formed, me, Dave and Greig started of with just a mindful of answers and no steady name, but it was the begining of something sorta brillinat. Right at the end however, the last day ! My life kinda hit a road block. Me and the girlfriend broke up ! i almost, sorta saw it coming but not enough to not still be upset by it. It really floored me and of course (with me being the enotional sort) i was left pretty devestated.
August:
This entire month was a write off. There was no chance i was gonna be up to much good, i was basically feeling kinda numb. The only proper highlight was seeing my favourite band Blink-182 in concert for the first time in six years. This gig serves as my release after all the bullshit that had preceeded it that month, i went fucking crazy, not my usual reserved, controlled self. And had a great fucking time. Also a friend reered her head again and became very helpful in getting over my winy, emo bullshit. so thanks for that.
September.
This month saw me go back to uni, the uni social group start up again, and Dave becoming a main player in it all, with greig also joining a few gatherings, so now my separate social locations had grouped together, quite useful :) All was good this month to be honest, i started to feel a lot better about everything and it all got pretty fun again, so cant really complain.
October:
Wow, this was a bit busy and kinda, sorta, just a little bit mental ! Went to London with el Dave to see lifehouse, amazing gig ! Few parties: Daves 19th and a kick ass halloween costume party which we all got done up brillinatly for (check a few posts ago.) Dave neded up with a girlfriend, who is absolutely lovely, so well done him, i'm delighted for him :) Me on the other didnt get a new girlfriend. I did kinda get involved with the rooomate of two pals, although purely in a friendly manner at this point, although it wouldnt remain like that, due to a lapse in my resistance haha. MY closenss to her caused issues, i wasnt supposed to spend time with her, there was anger and a lot of jealousy, i just remained aloof, inoring the trouble that was brewing around me, and the ignoring the manner in which my actionss were starting to cause problems beyond even my limits.
November:
Ok, ok, i fucked the fucking roommate ! That basically sums this month up, it's all i heard at te time, and all i've heard since ! I'm through apologising for it though, i only did what came natural, yeah it was daft but i defy any single guy to have said no. End of story ! Apart from that this month was decent. a lot of drama was going on, mostly caused by me, but i managed to stay clear of too much trouble as others had to pick up the peices, yeah it's a 'lil mean, but hey, gotta do it !
December:
This month has been rather good. Ruined by having a job like, but atleast i've earned a fair whack of cash ! i've been working at Next for those interested, actually a decent place to work, staff get treated really well, but the clothes themselves are proper shite ! so i'd not recommend buying anything from the store ! haha. What else... Ehh, christmass was chilled, but nice. A family affair. I've got a large and really good fun family though so it's always a laugh. It's still December until midnight though, so hopefully still some good times to come :)
So there you have it. It's been an up and down year. All in all i'd say good though. The good was as good as it get's the bad, was bottom of the barrel stuff, but as always, i survive, and i bounce back.
A few thankyou's are in order.
Dad,
Mom,
Stuart,
Dave,
Natalie,
Molly (my Dog),
My entire uni group of friends,
And a special mention to a certain Lisa Reini. Over one year we have experienced every side of each other. Every mood, every feeling, every fight, every fall. For awhile we were as close as it get's. Now we are quite distant. But we are both still there, as it should be. So thank you for being this year for me. For making it everythin it is, and leaving me with the memories of everything it was. Thanks for the memories my dear :)
Good night, and good luck !
I'll Be Talkin to Yaa xxx
2010- A Year in Review
So once again i'n gonna do a little summary of this year. All i can say, first and foremost is this... Fuck me, it's been a little bit mental. All aboard :)
January:
So the year kicked off with a bang. Literally, from the moment the clock hit midnight the shit hit the fan. As would become a theme, i wasnt really aware, just doing what i felt like doing. Some people took it all too seriously, ahh well. But New Year was fantastic. And the month itself was good. I was led down a path in the first part that i thought was something possibly special, but then that just kinda petered out... Or so i thought. Uni kicked off again. This term would fly by though, and i have to admit it was nowhere near as brilliant as the first. Ahh well.
February:
This was a strange month. But good. The first half flew in without too much incident. A highlight being my good friend and relative Dave begining to stamp his mark upon my uni friends and starting the integration of my social circles. The first part of the month was spent basically with the uni group hanging around with each other in various wee events, nothing groundbreaking, but nice. The second half but brought about the events that led to the previously given up, becoming a reality, which was a very welcome turn of events.
March:
This was one of the top months. Fantastic sums it up. It built up slowly, with a lot of uni work to be done and dusted early on. This was completed without incident. So then the fun began. Paddy's day. One of the best nights of my life ! I can barely remember much of it, except it was class ! this was followed by a few nights, topped of by a mate (Sean's) 20th birthday. Well done him for lasting that long, but for me the night was pretty magical. I left with a girlfriend. The same girl who i had first felt something special with in January, having met her the previous October. We sorta fell back towards each other in February and by March we were together. Good stuff !
April:
Nothing exciting really happend in April to be honest. Just uni work and chilling with the girlfriend. Good fun though :) I'm really struggling to think of any major. So, we shall move swiftly on.....
May:
This was a bloody busy month so it was. aw a good few gigs, namely Hole and Rihanna. Hole was class, fully in love with courney Love, what a legend ! There was a few good parties too this month. My brother and my friend (and surrogate sister) Cherry/Sonia/Charlotta Reini, both turned 21 on the same weekend. That was good fun, i love a party. So for that reason, i got very drunk. The month finished up with me flying off to Florida, then onto New York on holiday.
June:
June stared in the USA with two weeks in Good 'ol Orlando. Me, mom, dad, Stuart and Natalie. A really nice two weeks, then on to New York for a few days. I really do love that city ! The world cup kicked of as well, but as per usual it was a bit shit, a total let down, and thus won't be mentioned any further. After coming home, i stayed for a week in gorgie with the then girlfriend, and just hung out, socialising with the usual suspects and generally just having a right good time. I then turned 18 which was a case of thank the fucking lord ! i couldn be arsed with havin to loan others ID's for much longer. I did realise however that after turning 18 people stop checking yoour age places. Therefore rendering it sorta pointless. That is an exagaration by the way, not a fair representation of Scottish licensing law.
July:
This was fine, right up until the final whistle. Again, it wasn't too busy, well not with exciting stuff anyway, just the usual kinda stuff. I was out & about a lot, drinking loads and in general just having a right good old giggle. Yay ! Also this month saw the dawning of the most powerful and feared pub quiz team in the land, it didnt appear fully formed, me, Dave and Greig started of with just a mindful of answers and no steady name, but it was the begining of something sorta brillinat. Right at the end however, the last day ! My life kinda hit a road block. Me and the girlfriend broke up ! i almost, sorta saw it coming but not enough to not still be upset by it. It really floored me and of course (with me being the enotional sort) i was left pretty devestated.
August:
This entire month was a write off. There was no chance i was gonna be up to much good, i was basically feeling kinda numb. The only proper highlight was seeing my favourite band Blink-182 in concert for the first time in six years. This gig serves as my release after all the bullshit that had preceeded it that month, i went fucking crazy, not my usual reserved, controlled self. And had a great fucking time. Also a friend reered her head again and became very helpful in getting over my winy, emo bullshit. so thanks for that.
September.
This month saw me go back to uni, the uni social group start up again, and Dave becoming a main player in it all, with greig also joining a few gatherings, so now my separate social locations had grouped together, quite useful :) All was good this month to be honest, i started to feel a lot better about everything and it all got pretty fun again, so cant really complain.
October:
Wow, this was a bit busy and kinda, sorta, just a little bit mental ! Went to London with el Dave to see lifehouse, amazing gig ! Few parties: Daves 19th and a kick ass halloween costume party which we all got done up brillinatly for (check a few posts ago.) Dave neded up with a girlfriend, who is absolutely lovely, so well done him, i'm delighted for him :) Me on the other didnt get a new girlfriend. I did kinda get involved with the rooomate of two pals, although purely in a friendly manner at this point, although it wouldnt remain like that, due to a lapse in my resistance haha. MY closenss to her caused issues, i wasnt supposed to spend time with her, there was anger and a lot of jealousy, i just remained aloof, inoring the trouble that was brewing around me, and the ignoring the manner in which my actionss were starting to cause problems beyond even my limits.
November:
Ok, ok, i fucked the fucking roommate ! That basically sums this month up, it's all i heard at te time, and all i've heard since ! I'm through apologising for it though, i only did what came natural, yeah it was daft but i defy any single guy to have said no. End of story ! Apart from that this month was decent. a lot of drama was going on, mostly caused by me, but i managed to stay clear of too much trouble as others had to pick up the peices, yeah it's a 'lil mean, but hey, gotta do it !
December:
This month has been rather good. Ruined by having a job like, but atleast i've earned a fair whack of cash ! i've been working at Next for those interested, actually a decent place to work, staff get treated really well, but the clothes themselves are proper shite ! so i'd not recommend buying anything from the store ! haha. What else... Ehh, christmass was chilled, but nice. A family affair. I've got a large and really good fun family though so it's always a laugh. It's still December until midnight though, so hopefully still some good times to come :)
So there you have it. It's been an up and down year. All in all i'd say good though. The good was as good as it get's the bad, was bottom of the barrel stuff, but as always, i survive, and i bounce back.
A few thankyou's are in order.
Dad,
Mom,
Stuart,
Dave,
Natalie,
Molly (my Dog),
My entire uni group of friends,
And a special mention to a certain Lisa Reini. Over one year we have experienced every side of each other. Every mood, every feeling, every fight, every fall. For awhile we were as close as it get's. Now we are quite distant. But we are both still there, as it should be. So thank you for being this year for me. For making it everythin it is, and leaving me with the memories of everything it was. Thanks for the memories my dear :)
Good night, and good luck !
I'll Be Talkin to Yaa xxx
January:
So the year kicked off with a bang. Literally, from the moment the clock hit midnight the shit hit the fan. As would become a theme, i wasnt really aware, just doing what i felt like doing. Some people took it all too seriously, ahh well. But New Year was fantastic. And the month itself was good. I was led down a path in the first part that i thought was something possibly special, but then that just kinda petered out... Or so i thought. Uni kicked off again. This term would fly by though, and i have to admit it was nowhere near as brilliant as the first. Ahh well.
February:
This was a strange month. But good. The first half flew in without too much incident. A highlight being my good friend and relative Dave begining to stamp his mark upon my uni friends and starting the integration of my social circles. The first part of the month was spent basically with the uni group hanging around with each other in various wee events, nothing groundbreaking, but nice. The second half but brought about the events that led to the previously given up, becoming a reality, which was a very welcome turn of events.
March:
This was one of the top months. Fantastic sums it up. It built up slowly, with a lot of uni work to be done and dusted early on. This was completed without incident. So then the fun began. Paddy's day. One of the best nights of my life ! I can barely remember much of it, except it was class ! this was followed by a few nights, topped of by a mate (Sean's) 20th birthday. Well done him for lasting that long, but for me the night was pretty magical. I left with a girlfriend. The same girl who i had first felt something special with in January, having met her the previous October. We sorta fell back towards each other in February and by March we were together. Good stuff !
April:
Nothing exciting really happend in April to be honest. Just uni work and chilling with the girlfriend. Good fun though :) I'm really struggling to think of any major. So, we shall move swiftly on.....
May:
This was a bloody busy month so it was. aw a good few gigs, namely Hole and Rihanna. Hole was class, fully in love with courney Love, what a legend ! There was a few good parties too this month. My brother and my friend (and surrogate sister) Cherry/Sonia/Charlotta Reini, both turned 21 on the same weekend. That was good fun, i love a party. So for that reason, i got very drunk. The month finished up with me flying off to Florida, then onto New York on holiday.
June:
June stared in the USA with two weeks in Good 'ol Orlando. Me, mom, dad, Stuart and Natalie. A really nice two weeks, then on to New York for a few days. I really do love that city ! The world cup kicked of as well, but as per usual it was a bit shit, a total let down, and thus won't be mentioned any further. After coming home, i stayed for a week in gorgie with the then girlfriend, and just hung out, socialising with the usual suspects and generally just having a right good time. I then turned 18 which was a case of thank the fucking lord ! i couldn be arsed with havin to loan others ID's for much longer. I did realise however that after turning 18 people stop checking yoour age places. Therefore rendering it sorta pointless. That is an exagaration by the way, not a fair representation of Scottish licensing law.
July:
This was fine, right up until the final whistle. Again, it wasn't too busy, well not with exciting stuff anyway, just the usual kinda stuff. I was out & about a lot, drinking loads and in general just having a right good old giggle. Yay ! Also this month saw the dawning of the most powerful and feared pub quiz team in the land, it didnt appear fully formed, me, Dave and Greig started of with just a mindful of answers and no steady name, but it was the begining of something sorta brillinat. Right at the end however, the last day ! My life kinda hit a road block. Me and the girlfriend broke up ! i almost, sorta saw it coming but not enough to not still be upset by it. It really floored me and of course (with me being the enotional sort) i was left pretty devestated.
August:
This entire month was a write off. There was no chance i was gonna be up to much good, i was basically feeling kinda numb. The only proper highlight was seeing my favourite band Blink-182 in concert for the first time in six years. This gig serves as my release after all the bullshit that had preceeded it that month, i went fucking crazy, not my usual reserved, controlled self. And had a great fucking time. Also a friend reered her head again and became very helpful in getting over my winy, emo bullshit. so thanks for that.
September.
This month saw me go back to uni, the uni social group start up again, and Dave becoming a main player in it all, with greig also joining a few gatherings, so now my separate social locations had grouped together, quite useful :) All was good this month to be honest, i started to feel a lot better about everything and it all got pretty fun again, so cant really complain.
October:
Wow, this was a bit busy and kinda, sorta, just a little bit mental ! Went to London with el Dave to see lifehouse, amazing gig ! Few parties: Daves 19th and a kick ass halloween costume party which we all got done up brillinatly for (check a few posts ago.) Dave neded up with a girlfriend, who is absolutely lovely, so well done him, i'm delighted for him :) Me on the other didnt get a new girlfriend. I did kinda get involved with the rooomate of two pals, although purely in a friendly manner at this point, although it wouldnt remain like that, due to a lapse in my resistance haha. MY closenss to her caused issues, i wasnt supposed to spend time with her, there was anger and a lot of jealousy, i just remained aloof, inoring the trouble that was brewing around me, and the ignoring the manner in which my actionss were starting to cause problems beyond even my limits.
November:
Ok, ok, i fucked the fucking roommate ! That basically sums this month up, it's all i heard at te time, and all i've heard since ! I'm through apologising for it though, i only did what came natural, yeah it was daft but i defy any single guy to have said no. End of story ! Apart from that this month was decent. a lot of drama was going on, mostly caused by me, but i managed to stay clear of too much trouble as others had to pick up the peices, yeah it's a 'lil mean, but hey, gotta do it !
December:
This month has been rather good. Ruined by having a job like, but atleast i've earned a fair whack of cash ! i've been working at Next for those interested, actually a decent place to work, staff get treated really well, but the clothes themselves are proper shite ! so i'd not recommend buying anything from the store ! haha. What else... Ehh, christmass was chilled, but nice. A family affair. I've got a large and really good fun family though so it's always a laugh. It's still December until midnight though, so hopefully still some good times to come :)
So there you have it. It's been an up and down year. All in all i'd say good though. The good was as good as it get's the bad, was bottom of the barrel stuff, but as always, i survive, and i bounce back.
A few thankyou's are in order.
Dad,
Mom,
Stuart,
Dave,
Natalie,
Molly (my Dog),
My entire uni group of friends,
And a special mention to a certain Lisa Reini. Over one year we have experienced every side of each other. Every mood, every feeling, every fight, every fall. For awhile we were as close as it get's. Now we are quite distant. But we are both still there, as it should be. So thank you for being this year for me. For making it everythin it is, and leaving me with the memories of everything it was. Thanks for the memories my dear :)
Good night, and good luck !
I'll Be Talkin to Yaa xxx
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Like A Rolling Stone
Some people can't help but fire in too heavy handed. How was I to guess that she was gonna be this contradictory ? She wears promiscuity like a badge of honour, but then declares herself heartbroken. For fuck sake. I've always got to find some drama don't I. Even when I'm trying to avoid it, I get caught up !
I was totally cool with the friends thing. I know it causes bother because she's burnt bridges with our (formally) mutual friends, but I can deal with that. I had no major issues. But then this !
No, I wasn't using her !
No, I wasn't leading her on !
No, I don't want anything more !
I mean shit guys, could it have been anymore obvious that this was the case ?seriously, there was no thought my end. I was just living life, enjoying myself while I'm at it, (not really in fairness mind :/) and just trying to exist without dying. Easier said then done clearly.
I suppose some folks are just a little troubled, more so than I could ever appreciate, and therefore I won't judge you on it, just put it down to deeper things than my awesomeness ! That was a joke by the way.
True what they say about judging books by their covers mind, bad fucking idea !
Please, just act your age and let things be. It's not difficult. Accept that it's a no, and move on,
Thankyou.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
I was totally cool with the friends thing. I know it causes bother because she's burnt bridges with our (formally) mutual friends, but I can deal with that. I had no major issues. But then this !
No, I wasn't using her !
No, I wasn't leading her on !
No, I don't want anything more !
I mean shit guys, could it have been anymore obvious that this was the case ?seriously, there was no thought my end. I was just living life, enjoying myself while I'm at it, (not really in fairness mind :/) and just trying to exist without dying. Easier said then done clearly.
I suppose some folks are just a little troubled, more so than I could ever appreciate, and therefore I won't judge you on it, just put it down to deeper things than my awesomeness ! That was a joke by the way.
True what they say about judging books by their covers mind, bad fucking idea !
Please, just act your age and let things be. It's not difficult. Accept that it's a no, and move on,
Thankyou.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Like A Rolling Stone
Some people can't help but fire in too heavy handed. How was I to guess that she was gonna be this contradictory ? She wears promiscuity like a badge of honour, but then declares herself heartbroken. For fuck sake. I've always got to find some drama don't I. Even when I'm trying to avoid it, I get caught up !
I was totally cool with the friends thing. I know it causes bother because she's burnt bridges with our (formally) mutual friends, but I can deal with that. I had no major issues. But then this !
No, I wasn't using her !
No, I wasn't leading her on !
No, I don't want anything more !
I mean shit guys, could it have been anymore obvious that this was the case ?seriously, there was no thought my end. I was just living life, enjoying myself while I'm at it, (not really in fairness mind :/) and just trying to exist without dying. Easier said then done clearly.
I suppose some folks are just a little troubled, more so than I could ever appreciate, and therefore I won't judge you on it, just put it down to deeper things than my awesomeness ! That was a joke by the way.
True what they say about judging books by their covers mind, bad fucking idea !
Please, just act your age and let things be. It's not difficult. Accept that it's a no, and move on,
Thankyou.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
I was totally cool with the friends thing. I know it causes bother because she's burnt bridges with our (formally) mutual friends, but I can deal with that. I had no major issues. But then this !
No, I wasn't using her !
No, I wasn't leading her on !
No, I don't want anything more !
I mean shit guys, could it have been anymore obvious that this was the case ?seriously, there was no thought my end. I was just living life, enjoying myself while I'm at it, (not really in fairness mind :/) and just trying to exist without dying. Easier said then done clearly.
I suppose some folks are just a little troubled, more so than I could ever appreciate, and therefore I won't judge you on it, just put it down to deeper things than my awesomeness ! That was a joke by the way.
True what they say about judging books by their covers mind, bad fucking idea !
Please, just act your age and let things be. It's not difficult. Accept that it's a no, and move on,
Thankyou.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
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