Update time. Nothing new really, just the same old, same old. There lies the problem, in having nothing groundbreaking occur it feels like a lot has happend. You live, you learn. Isn't that right. Aww who knows ! Basicly i'm fucking fed-up ... Again ! It's feeling like the constant tide has more or les just settled for now, i honestly can't see anything, or make that anyone (maybe) on the horizon. And that never bodes well for me does it ?
If things aren't in flux i'm fucked (could be a new motta that) and it's leading up to that. I had plans, great big fucking ambitious plans, for the start of this uni year, but by this point already, it's mostly fallen by the wayside. Everyone has found a groove, a rythm and a purpose. And i'm feeling kinda left out, i'm not soo much integral as external. I don't really need to be there now. I have nothing to pull me in. There are literaly people who want me to just fuck of, just get ghost. And yeah i deserve it ! i feel fucking bad. i say the wrong things, at the wrong times. I'm relentless in my constant pursuit of something better, the next big chapter so to speak. And in doing so maybe i do bulldose over the few people who i should stop and thank and then apologise too. The under-appreciated. I genuinally am kept sane by these mofo's and the only credit i ever give back is by walking all over them at every opportunity. Act first, feel bad later ! That's total bullshit isn't it ! All i can say is that i mean well, but in a fight between doing the right thing, and engaging my massive fucking ego, i constantly lose track of what is happening. And then spend days regreting it. Feeling a complete and utter wanker ! I am trying now though, i am doing my best to be good. I like being good to people. It makes me feel decent and also i enjoy it. in the right company, i find everything fun. This week i've smiled more then i have for a long, long time. And two people are to thank for that. I wish i could than them both. He knows, of course he does. That boy is like my emotional barrier, he keeps me safe so he does. She has everyright to murder me, but still tries to be nice to me ! I honestly don't get it ! I don't deserve shit ! But i get to hear nice things, and she should be thanked, and loved. But i don't have the balls to say that, or even show that. Except maybe here. Maybe ?
What the fuck else then... Could the apprentice be moving on from the master, and in doing so, taking some of his ideas with him. Surely not ! Well..... ? I'm not so sure, the banker, the one i was sure of, ever so sure. My first priority if you will... BOOM ! Looks to be gone, swept up in a cloud of him ! I don't get it, i'm happy about it though, i don't deserve another go at that game, and this guy is awesome. He's far more inclined to not fuck it up so all the best, i'm gonna make this happen for you sir, even if i'm lost in the muck doing it. But i'm not gonna be sitting on my ass waiting on any runner up prize. Not at all, when the shit hits the fan (And when does it never) there will be a new competition, and a new numero uno. What i couldn't possibly say ! But i'll cross that bridge only when the paths flooded, at the moment the land seems firm. But for how much longer ? Theres gotta be something coming soon.... A Big black cloud of mystery. Or atleast a sniff of a chase. That is all it takes, get me to engage, and i can still run with the best of them. I don't think my confidence has ever been this fucking low. I can barely look in the mirror without wanting to punch myself (Which i done by the way, and yes it does fucking hurt !) i've annoyed me. It's like everything that i had going for me has pissed of someplace, i'm no longer commanding attention, the interest, the questions have been replaced by a kinda nonchelance. Yes that's him, yeah we know and yup we think he's a cock too. Sums up the worlds approach to the Steve dilemma at this moment in hstory.
This can all of course change fast though, fast like the flash ! I just need a change of some sort, a slight rumble in the jungle. And all will be back to usual. I just wanna be able to say 'Steve is back' and that will be a god damm relief ! It has been too long now, i've just been a shadow of what i was, and this shit doesn't sit well. I suppose its time to find some confidence. Wait for it, it's coming... i know it ! It always is, lull before a storm. Perhaps ? I hope so, i need so. So time to introduce a little anarchy, time to let chaos come down on all this. And maybe, just maybe, it's that time again. To set the mother fucking house on fire. 1, 2, 3.... I'm trying.
I'll Be Talking To Ya xxx
Friday, 15 October 2010
Take My Breath Away, I'm A Supernova....
Update time. Nothing new really, just the same old, same old. There lies the problem, in having nothing groundbreaking occur it feels like a lot has happend. You live, you learn. Isn't that right. Aww who knows ! Basicly i'm fucking fed-up ... Again ! It's feeling like the constant tide has more or les just settled for now, i honestly can't see anything, or make that anyone (maybe) on the horizon. And that never bodes well for me does it ?
If things aren't in flux i'm fucked (could be a new motta that) and it's leading up to that. I had plans, great big fucking ambitious plans, for the start of this uni year, but by this point already, it's mostly fallen by the wayside. Everyone has found a groove, a rythm and a purpose. And i'm feeling kinda left out, i'm not soo much integral as external. I don't really need to be there now. I have nothing to pull me in. There are literaly people who want me to just fuck of, just get ghost. And yeah i deserve it ! i feel fucking bad. i say the wrong things, at the wrong times. I'm relentless in my constant pursuit of something better, the next big chapter so to speak. And in doing so maybe i do bulldose over the few people who i should stop and thank and then apologise too. The under-appreciated. I genuinally am kept sane by these mofo's and the only credit i ever give back is by walking all over them at every opportunity. Act first, feel bad later ! That's total bullshit isn't it ! All i can say is that i mean well, but in a fight between doing the right thing, and engaging my massive fucking ego, i constantly lose track of what is happening. And then spend days regreting it. Feeling a complete and utter wanker ! I am trying now though, i am doing my best to be good. I like being good to people. It makes me feel decent and also i enjoy it. in the right company, i find everything fun. This week i've smiled more then i have for a long, long time. And two people are to thank for that. I wish i could than them both. He knows, of course he does. That boy is like my emotional barrier, he keeps me safe so he does. She has everyright to murder me, but still tries to be nice to me ! I honestly don't get it ! I don't deserve shit ! But i get to hear nice things, and she should be thanked, and loved. But i don't have the balls to say that, or even show that. Except maybe here. Maybe ?
What the fuck else then... Could the apprentice be moving on from the master, and in doing so, taking some of his ideas with him. Surely not ! Well..... ? I'm not so sure, the banker, the one i was sure of, ever so sure. My first priority if you will... BOOM ! Looks to be gone, swept up in a cloud of him ! I don't get it, i'm happy about it though, i don't deserve another go at that game, and this guy is awesome. He's far more inclined to not fuck it up so all the best, i'm gonna make this happen for you sir, even if i'm lost in the muck doing it. But i'm not gonna be sitting on my ass waiting on any runner up prize. Not at all, when the shit hits the fan (And when does it never) there will be a new competition, and a new numero uno. What i couldn't possibly say ! But i'll cross that bridge only when the paths flooded, at the moment the land seems firm. But for how much longer ? Theres gotta be something coming soon.... A Big black cloud of mystery. Or atleast a sniff of a chase. That is all it takes, get me to engage, and i can still run with the best of them. I don't think my confidence has ever been this fucking low. I can barely look in the mirror without wanting to punch myself (Which i done by the way, and yes it does fucking hurt !) i've annoyed me. It's like everything that i had going for me has pissed of someplace, i'm no longer commanding attention, the interest, the questions have been replaced by a kinda nonchelance. Yes that's him, yeah we know and yup we think he's a cock too. Sums up the worlds approach to the Steve dilemma at this moment in hstory.
This can all of course change fast though, fast like the flash ! I just need a change of some sort, a slight rumble in the jungle. And all will be back to usual. I just wanna be able to say 'Steve is back' and that will be a god damm relief ! It has been too long now, i've just been a shadow of what i was, and this shit doesn't sit well. I suppose its time to find some confidence. Wait for it, it's coming... i know it ! It always is, lull before a storm. Perhaps ? I hope so, i need so. So time to introduce a little anarchy, time to let chaos come down on all this. And maybe, just maybe, it's that time again. To set the mother fucking house on fire. 1, 2, 3.... I'm trying.
I'll Be Talking To Ya xxx
If things aren't in flux i'm fucked (could be a new motta that) and it's leading up to that. I had plans, great big fucking ambitious plans, for the start of this uni year, but by this point already, it's mostly fallen by the wayside. Everyone has found a groove, a rythm and a purpose. And i'm feeling kinda left out, i'm not soo much integral as external. I don't really need to be there now. I have nothing to pull me in. There are literaly people who want me to just fuck of, just get ghost. And yeah i deserve it ! i feel fucking bad. i say the wrong things, at the wrong times. I'm relentless in my constant pursuit of something better, the next big chapter so to speak. And in doing so maybe i do bulldose over the few people who i should stop and thank and then apologise too. The under-appreciated. I genuinally am kept sane by these mofo's and the only credit i ever give back is by walking all over them at every opportunity. Act first, feel bad later ! That's total bullshit isn't it ! All i can say is that i mean well, but in a fight between doing the right thing, and engaging my massive fucking ego, i constantly lose track of what is happening. And then spend days regreting it. Feeling a complete and utter wanker ! I am trying now though, i am doing my best to be good. I like being good to people. It makes me feel decent and also i enjoy it. in the right company, i find everything fun. This week i've smiled more then i have for a long, long time. And two people are to thank for that. I wish i could than them both. He knows, of course he does. That boy is like my emotional barrier, he keeps me safe so he does. She has everyright to murder me, but still tries to be nice to me ! I honestly don't get it ! I don't deserve shit ! But i get to hear nice things, and she should be thanked, and loved. But i don't have the balls to say that, or even show that. Except maybe here. Maybe ?
What the fuck else then... Could the apprentice be moving on from the master, and in doing so, taking some of his ideas with him. Surely not ! Well..... ? I'm not so sure, the banker, the one i was sure of, ever so sure. My first priority if you will... BOOM ! Looks to be gone, swept up in a cloud of him ! I don't get it, i'm happy about it though, i don't deserve another go at that game, and this guy is awesome. He's far more inclined to not fuck it up so all the best, i'm gonna make this happen for you sir, even if i'm lost in the muck doing it. But i'm not gonna be sitting on my ass waiting on any runner up prize. Not at all, when the shit hits the fan (And when does it never) there will be a new competition, and a new numero uno. What i couldn't possibly say ! But i'll cross that bridge only when the paths flooded, at the moment the land seems firm. But for how much longer ? Theres gotta be something coming soon.... A Big black cloud of mystery. Or atleast a sniff of a chase. That is all it takes, get me to engage, and i can still run with the best of them. I don't think my confidence has ever been this fucking low. I can barely look in the mirror without wanting to punch myself (Which i done by the way, and yes it does fucking hurt !) i've annoyed me. It's like everything that i had going for me has pissed of someplace, i'm no longer commanding attention, the interest, the questions have been replaced by a kinda nonchelance. Yes that's him, yeah we know and yup we think he's a cock too. Sums up the worlds approach to the Steve dilemma at this moment in hstory.
This can all of course change fast though, fast like the flash ! I just need a change of some sort, a slight rumble in the jungle. And all will be back to usual. I just wanna be able to say 'Steve is back' and that will be a god damm relief ! It has been too long now, i've just been a shadow of what i was, and this shit doesn't sit well. I suppose its time to find some confidence. Wait for it, it's coming... i know it ! It always is, lull before a storm. Perhaps ? I hope so, i need so. So time to introduce a little anarchy, time to let chaos come down on all this. And maybe, just maybe, it's that time again. To set the mother fucking house on fire. 1, 2, 3.... I'm trying.
I'll Be Talking To Ya xxx
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