Heavier than Heaven

Do you ever get the feeling that the entire balance of the world is set up just to fuck you up ? The notion that no matter how hard you try, or how much you put into life, things will always work against you ?

I don't know why, but for some reason nothing can ever just be plain sailing with me. Ever since I really started to do stuff with my life and began to actually properly interact with the world it's always been one fucked up scenario after another.

I'm not trying to moan like, compared to loads of people I'm way better off, but it's just like the things that I want, in terms if emotional stuff, constantly elude me. I am overly emotional, I'm well aware of that of course, but what I don't get is why whenever I'm in a situation were I am starting to have proper feelings for somebody, as opposed to just a common attraction, the whole fucking thing manages to break down in a moutain of shit !

Basicly what I'm getting at is the fact that the sorta people I end up developing strong emotions for are not the kinda folk who their is a 'long term' with. I'm usually happy with that to start though, it's just after awhile I get tired of the uncertainty and guessing games ! Maybe sometimes all I want is to feel important. Is that so wrong ? Is that why I am heavier than heaven ?

I'll be talkin to ya xx