A Broken Bones Matilda

Anybody Reading ever had that weird sense at some point that you are hated ? Disliked etc... Despite the fact that on front value everything is ok. To me atm, it sorta feels like that. A friend of mine I don't think actually wants to be, this upsets me.

Now of course there's more to it then just that. I feel like I lit this fire & now it won't go out, I really did cause the problems, I'll accept that now, and in all truth I don't deserve a friend from it. I want one though but, I honestly want to be the best friend I can be to this person, despite my shitty behaviour ! Y'see this is somebody who I would class as possibly a great friend, one of my best. And I want to try my very hardest to be that to them.

I just think though that despite the fact that we do talk and get on I feel that I really wouldn't be much of a loss if I dissapeared and I find that sad, especially when it's entirely possible to have a great friendship there. I don't deserve that, course not, but it won't stop me from trying.. Even if I don't like the shoes...

I'll be talkin to ya xx

A Broken Bones Matilda

Anybody Reading ever had that weird sense at some point that you are hated ? Disliked etc... Despite the fact that on front value everything is ok. To me atm, it sorta feels like that. A friend of mine I don't think actually wants to be, this upsets me.

Now of course there's more to it then just that. I feel like I lit this fire & now it won't go out, I really did cause the problems, I'll accept that now, and in all truth I don't deserve a friend from it. I want one though but, I honestly want to be the best friend I can be to this person, despite my shitty behaviour ! Y'see this is somebody who I would class as possibly a great friend, one of my best. And I want to try my very hardest to be that to them.

I just think though that despite the fact that we do talk and get on I feel that I really wouldn't be much of a loss if I dissapeared and I find that sad, especially when it's entirely possible to have a great friendship there. I don't deserve that, course not, but it won't stop me from trying.. Even if I don't like the shoes...

I'll be talkin to ya xx

Mere Minutes, 'Till Midnight

It's always down to moments, split seconds, mere minutes.

Some of the most important events that i've ever experienced or been through have been down to split second decisions, spur of the momonet thoughts. It's scary really. That at any moment something could happen that can through your life in any direction, sometimes the complete oppostie of where you actually saw it headed. Just when you think you have it all worked out you sit down and something occurs to you that makes you re-evaluate and re-think. I'll never understand how this is.

It's these moments that we live and die by. Whether it's planned or just a spur of the moment though, our actions still count, they don't get washed away if we made the choice based on a circumstance that later might not be an issue, or was just at the time a pressing concern. It's not who we are underneath or how we think, but what we do that defines us. And sometimes a person can come out looking bad, without having any malice or desire to do so.

My life has been full of these moments and will conitniue to do so. I'm famously bad at choosing the correct option in these scenarios and probably always will be, but i accept that. I've learned to expect dissapointment, one day i'll get it all right hopefully, but that isn't going to be today. At the moment all i can do is continue to exist and make sure that i enjoy what i do.

For no reason at all today i feel weird, i can't place the reasons, i should be at my happiest for ages, but it just seems to be the way of it with me. I have this habit of making things difficult for myself. But fuck it, i'll just have to cheer up, i suppose i have a reason to be cheerful now. I appreciate that, and no matter what sorta split second decisions i'm faced, i promise i will not allow myself to fuck this one up.

Addicted.

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

Mere Minutes, 'Till Midnight

It's always down to moments, split seconds, mere minutes.

Some of the most important events that i've ever experienced or been through have been down to split second decisions, spur of the momonet thoughts. It's scary really. That at any moment something could happen that can through your life in any direction, sometimes the complete oppostie of where you actually saw it headed. Just when you think you have it all worked out you sit down and something occurs to you that makes you re-evaluate and re-think. I'll never understand how this is.

It's these moments that we live and die by. Whether it's planned or just a spur of the moment though, our actions still count, they don't get washed away if we made the choice based on a circumstance that later might not be an issue, or was just at the time a pressing concern. It's not who we are underneath or how we think, but what we do that defines us. And sometimes a person can come out looking bad, without having any malice or desire to do so.

My life has been full of these moments and will conitniue to do so. I'm famously bad at choosing the correct option in these scenarios and probably always will be, but i accept that. I've learned to expect dissapointment, one day i'll get it all right hopefully, but that isn't going to be today. At the moment all i can do is continue to exist and make sure that i enjoy what i do.

For no reason at all today i feel weird, i can't place the reasons, i should be at my happiest for ages, but it just seems to be the way of it with me. I have this habit of making things difficult for myself. But fuck it, i'll just have to cheer up, i suppose i have a reason to be cheerful now. I appreciate that, and no matter what sorta split second decisions i'm faced, i promise i will not allow myself to fuck this one up.

Addicted.

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

She Called It Love.

So just as I thought I had a pretty good handle on what was going on and things, it all seems to have taken an unexpected twist ! But a good twist, a welcome one.

I'll give a little background information here. I'm currently going out with a girl. We have been friends since around October, and started to have a more 'intimate' relationship at Christmas. Since them we have gotten along pretty nicely, but last month we finally decided to go the extra step & start a proper 'thing' and I have to be honest it's working out extremely well. She is actually much better as a girlfriend as I would have thought.

However, it seems that I have underestimated the seriousness of what I've gotten myself into. Last night, she told me she loved me. She noticed I hesitated and that I was surprised, but not in a bad way. We talked about it, and despite not being too good at communicating in actual words I feel I got my point across well. I'm not freaked out, I should be, but I'm not. I am actually pleased with this turn if events....

I'm still not completely sure, but she calls it love. And if she thinks so then, I think she might just be right.

I'll be talkin to yaa xxx

She Called It Love.

So just as I thought I had a pretty good handle on what was going on and things, it all seems to have taken an unexpected twist ! But a good twist, a welcome one.

I'll give a little background information here. I'm currently going out with a girl. We have been friends since around October, and started to have a more 'intimate' relationship at Christmas. Since them we have gotten along pretty nicely, but last month we finally decided to go the extra step & start a proper 'thing' and I have to be honest it's working out extremely well. She is actually much better as a girlfriend as I would have thought.

However, it seems that I have underestimated the seriousness of what I've gotten myself into. Last night, she told me she loved me. She noticed I hesitated and that I was surprised, but not in a bad way. We talked about it, and despite not being too good at communicating in actual words I feel I got my point across well. I'm not freaked out, I should be, but I'm not. I am actually pleased with this turn if events....

I'm still not completely sure, but she calls it love. And if she thinks so then, I think she might just be right.

I'll be talkin to yaa xxx

Wendy Clear

Let's take the boat out on the bay,
Forget your job for just one day,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad,
It might be inappropriate, because,
Either way, our band gets dropped, oh yeah,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad.

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

The 3 date theory's getting old,
Everyone's getting left out in the cold,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad,
So I'll see you with another guy,
Who pretends not to hear you when you cry, oh yeah,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad.

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

I'll be moving on, moving on, moving on and on....
Moving on, moving on, moving on and on and on....

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad


A Great Song- Blink 182

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx

Wendy Clear

Let's take the boat out on the bay,
Forget your job for just one day,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad,
It might be inappropriate, because,
Either way, our band gets dropped, oh yeah,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad.

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

The 3 date theory's getting old,
Everyone's getting left out in the cold,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad,
So I'll see you with another guy,
Who pretends not to hear you when you cry, oh yeah,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad.

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

I'll be moving on, moving on, moving on and on....
Moving on, moving on, moving on and on and on....

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad


A Great Song- Blink 182

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx

Christ Celtic have Turned Really Shit !

This ain't something i really bring up often on here. Mainly 'cause i don#t give all that much of a shit to be fair, but still.. Now i'm going too.

I support Celtic Fc, a supposedly fantastic football team, have done all my life. Problem is at the moment we are completely UN-fantastic. Embarasingly so. Now, i'm not a mad passionate football fan, nor am i a knee jerk reaction type of dude. I'm still 100% a supporter of course. Just mega pissed off. The last five years or so of 'Downsizing' are coming back to haunt the club now. The team is a collection of cowards, journeymen and limited footballers. We can't even beat a debt riddled and piss poor rangers team, what fucking chance have we got !!!

It's sad to think that until only 5 or so years ago we were actually really good, great players, good football and winning everything domestically and competing in Europe. Its sad :/

Oooh well. Moan over,, i'm away to re-engage with the real world !

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

Christ Celtic have Turned Really Shit !

This ain't something i really bring up often on here. Mainly 'cause i don#t give all that much of a shit to be fair, but still.. Now i'm going too.

I support Celtic Fc, a supposedly fantastic football team, have done all my life. Problem is at the moment we are completely UN-fantastic. Embarasingly so. Now, i'm not a mad passionate football fan, nor am i a knee jerk reaction type of dude. I'm still 100% a supporter of course. Just mega pissed off. The last five years or so of 'Downsizing' are coming back to haunt the club now. The team is a collection of cowards, journeymen and limited footballers. We can't even beat a debt riddled and piss poor rangers team, what fucking chance have we got !!!

It's sad to think that until only 5 or so years ago we were actually really good, great players, good football and winning everything domestically and competing in Europe. Its sad :/

Oooh well. Moan over,, i'm away to re-engage with the real world !

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

Heart Shaped Box

if i say live , you'd scream die. Fight, fight, fight..... Is it real, could it be fake. I don't believe it any more, but it might be there. Don't cry. don't cry baby, baby don't cry. Truth ? Who needs it ? Wants it ? Well maybe, occasionally, but di i have to give it up ? Could i let it out. Sometimes not always. Does it matter, would it matter ? I'm there often, with you, but never really there, ya get me ? More like just existing, within your space, i don't feel a part of it all ? The comings and goings ? More just like an add-on. Make sense ? Nope, thought is not, just lie down and take a pill, everythings under control....... But no ! It ficking isn't under control, it's all a big fucking mess, a lie, a big evil lie. But you still want it all the same. Don't look away i know you do, i can tell. What's not though ? Is their a next ? What if you don't come back, what if if i never want to see you again. Does next happen ? Or does everything stop, does the world stop spinning, do we all die ? Maybe.. But maybe not. It could spin on, round and round and round and round, never ending, a fucking circus of bullshit. But what about good, nice, old fashioned good ? Yeah ok, so mybe it all works out good, cool, fucking A, i'm glad, but it's sufficating, i can't look so far, ahhh ! the lights glareing, i'm blind, i can't fucking see, not a thing, i can't see myself, i can't see my life, i can't even see God. That's because there isn't a God. Say's cynical bastard in my head. I believe him... I know says i, God is dead, soon everything could be dead. But i want to live, and live i fucking will, just watch me. I dare you all to stop me, i'll fight forever, without my arms, my legs, hell even my eyes, but that shouldn't matter because i'm blind, remember ! See you forgot nobody cares, not a bit, do you give a shit ? She does... I think, but how do i know ? I'll never know, not till the things is gone, far, far away. Forever. But the hands she says, and the darkness, but i don't listen, i can't be bothered. I just stand on the bridge, look at the waves, covering solid sharp rocks. Stepping onto the wall i look down again, i just see a face, an angry face, it wants to eat me whole, i get scared and decide not to jump, not yet, i go home, and go to sleep, with her, i sleep better with her, i don't get why. So then i wake up, sadly. I wanted to sleep forever, i look in my globe, i go to the centre of the Earth and i find the treasure, little white pill, i take them all, i smile.. And then i drift off again, this time i might not wake up, who knows ? I didn't, until she screamed, i woke up. And we both cried... Do i ? Don't i ? You'll never know. Not from me, i'm too scared....


I'll be talkin to ya xx

Heart Shaped Box

if i say live , you'd scream die. Fight, fight, fight..... Is it real, could it be fake. I don't believe it any more, but it might be there. Don't cry. don't cry baby, baby don't cry. Truth ? Who needs it ? Wants it ? Well maybe, occasionally, but di i have to give it up ? Could i let it out. Sometimes not always. Does it matter, would it matter ? I'm there often, with you, but never really there, ya get me ? More like just existing, within your space, i don't feel a part of it all ? The comings and goings ? More just like an add-on. Make sense ? Nope, thought is not, just lie down and take a pill, everythings under control....... But no ! It ficking isn't under control, it's all a big fucking mess, a lie, a big evil lie. But you still want it all the same. Don't look away i know you do, i can tell. What's not though ? Is their a next ? What if you don't come back, what if if i never want to see you again. Does next happen ? Or does everything stop, does the world stop spinning, do we all die ? Maybe.. But maybe not. It could spin on, round and round and round and round, never ending, a fucking circus of bullshit. But what about good, nice, old fashioned good ? Yeah ok, so mybe it all works out good, cool, fucking A, i'm glad, but it's sufficating, i can't look so far, ahhh ! the lights glareing, i'm blind, i can't fucking see, not a thing, i can't see myself, i can't see my life, i can't even see God. That's because there isn't a God. Say's cynical bastard in my head. I believe him... I know says i, God is dead, soon everything could be dead. But i want to live, and live i fucking will, just watch me. I dare you all to stop me, i'll fight forever, without my arms, my legs, hell even my eyes, but that shouldn't matter because i'm blind, remember ! See you forgot nobody cares, not a bit, do you give a shit ? She does... I think, but how do i know ? I'll never know, not till the things is gone, far, far away. Forever. But the hands she says, and the darkness, but i don't listen, i can't be bothered. I just stand on the bridge, look at the waves, covering solid sharp rocks. Stepping onto the wall i look down again, i just see a face, an angry face, it wants to eat me whole, i get scared and decide not to jump, not yet, i go home, and go to sleep, with her, i sleep better with her, i don't get why. So then i wake up, sadly. I wanted to sleep forever, i look in my globe, i go to the centre of the Earth and i find the treasure, little white pill, i take them all, i smile.. And then i drift off again, this time i might not wake up, who knows ? I didn't, until she screamed, i woke up. And we both cried... Do i ? Don't i ? You'll never know. Not from me, i'm too scared....


I'll be talkin to ya xx

'The Attitude'

This is a little excert from the script to the movie 'Fast Times At Ridgemount High'. I freakin love this film, and i was watching it the other night with my houseguest and it dawned on me that this dialogue had always totally passed me by. Which is criminal as it is pretty damm brilliant... Enjoy.


Mike Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.


Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.


Mike Damone: That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.


Mark Ratner: The attitude?


Mike Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.


I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

'The Attitude'

This is a little excert from the script to the movie 'Fast Times At Ridgemount High'. I freakin love this film, and i was watching it the other night with my houseguest and it dawned on me that this dialogue had always totally passed me by. Which is criminal as it is pretty damm brilliant... Enjoy.


Mike Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.


Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.


Mike Damone: That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.


Mark Ratner: The attitude?


Mike Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.


I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

An April Fool

So i havn't been overly buzy on this of late, mainly due to being overly buzy in the real world. But i did think it would be funny to do some sort of giant post today about some really crazy topic and make it seem dead convincing etc... before dropping the hint at the end that i was being a twat and just taking the piss :) However as i sat down to write it something occured to me which is even crazier then anything i could possiblymake-up, something that is completely unexpected that a week ago even i couldn't have imagined, due to the unlikelyhood of it all.

Last thursday threw a spanner in the works, and believe it or not ladies, and gentleman, I have a girlfriend, and it was my number one choice aswel. The girl who i'd perviously been quite convinced wouldn't be into the whole relationship thing. So there ya have it, a little status updaye for ya'll.

And this is not an April fool :)

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX

An April Fool

So i havn't been overly buzy on this of late, mainly due to being overly buzy in the real world. But i did think it would be funny to do some sort of giant post today about some really crazy topic and make it seem dead convincing etc... before dropping the hint at the end that i was being a twat and just taking the piss :) However as i sat down to write it something occured to me which is even crazier then anything i could possiblymake-up, something that is completely unexpected that a week ago even i couldn't have imagined, due to the unlikelyhood of it all.

Last thursday threw a spanner in the works, and believe it or not ladies, and gentleman, I have a girlfriend, and it was my number one choice aswel. The girl who i'd perviously been quite convinced wouldn't be into the whole relationship thing. So there ya have it, a little status updaye for ya'll.

And this is not an April fool :)

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX