So Much on my Mind

I don't even know where to begin right now. I actually woke up todday in a gleaming good mood, but as the hours have progressed that's went well and truly down-hill. I sorta just noticed that right as of this moment my life and in particular my social prospects have become a bit of a wasteland. The events of the last few days have taken it all and just blown it the fuck up. This week actually started very promisingly, it was looking pretty good, and Wednesday night had potential to be pretty fucking spectacular. It tuerned out to be eventful, but not the night i had really wanted. The day was good, and to be fair, some part of the night were hilarious and good fun! But the more dark turn of events had blighted it, and really made me question not just the company i keep, but also myself and the recent ease that which I have found myself able to fly off the handle and become for lack of a better word, extremely aggresive! I don't like that. Outwith that, i think i could have broken a few boundaries, not too sure though, that's all a little bit hazy, and frankly it's a minor worry, although i have now been left with a curious sense of what if? What if i had allowed myself to go that extra little distance, just what woulda happened? I'll never know the answer to that, which is probably best for all concerned, theres enough shit flying about right now, that would have been a case of too much I'd say.

So what now? I can't be sure. Theres a sorta lull now, nothing comiong up which could cause anything or lead to anything. My intention is to just keep a nice low profile , right up until i go on holiday at the end of this Month, and take that opprtuinity, three weeks of being gone, to re-evaluate. Theres a part of me thst is longing to just cut the chord and see what else is out there, but in truth i do kinda love the disfunctional, fucked up reality that I exist in. It's unpredictable, unbelievable, and at times incredble!
You just never know what the fucks gonna happen next. I like that, sometimes, not all the time though, every so often i would enjoy a nice, normal night out, without throwing drinks, scatched necks, accidental companions and the next day feeling of... WOOPS! I have almost forgotten that sometimes nights out don;t need a fight at the end of it, to count as an event! Or do they even need to be events at all? I don't have a clue.

Whatever.

I'll work it out, like usual. Why is it always such a mess though?

Sigh....

I'll be Talking to Ya X

So Much on my Mind

I don't even know where to begin right now. I actually woke up todday in a gleaming good mood, but as the hours have progressed that's went well and truly down-hill. I sorta just noticed that right as of this moment my life and in particular my social prospects have become a bit of a wasteland. The events of the last few days have taken it all and just blown it the fuck up. This week actually started very promisingly, it was looking pretty good, and Wednesday night had potential to be pretty fucking spectacular. It tuerned out to be eventful, but not the night i had really wanted. The day was good, and to be fair, some part of the night were hilarious and good fun! But the more dark turn of events had blighted it, and really made me question not just the company i keep, but also myself and the recent ease that which I have found myself able to fly off the handle and become for lack of a better word, extremely aggresive! I don't like that. Outwith that, i think i could have broken a few boundaries, not too sure though, that's all a little bit hazy, and frankly it's a minor worry, although i have now been left with a curious sense of what if? What if i had allowed myself to go that extra little distance, just what woulda happened? I'll never know the answer to that, which is probably best for all concerned, theres enough shit flying about right now, that would have been a case of too much I'd say.

So what now? I can't be sure. Theres a sorta lull now, nothing comiong up which could cause anything or lead to anything. My intention is to just keep a nice low profile , right up until i go on holiday at the end of this Month, and take that opprtuinity, three weeks of being gone, to re-evaluate. Theres a part of me thst is longing to just cut the chord and see what else is out there, but in truth i do kinda love the disfunctional, fucked up reality that I exist in. It's unpredictable, unbelievable, and at times incredble!
You just never know what the fucks gonna happen next. I like that, sometimes, not all the time though, every so often i would enjoy a nice, normal night out, without throwing drinks, scatched necks, accidental companions and the next day feeling of... WOOPS! I have almost forgotten that sometimes nights out don;t need a fight at the end of it, to count as an event! Or do they even need to be events at all? I don't have a clue.

Whatever.

I'll work it out, like usual. Why is it always such a mess though?

Sigh....

I'll be Talking to Ya X