I actually have nothing to talk about here today. Strange eh, i'm bored silly just now ! JUst living life in a fairly quiet and mundane manner. Behaving myself aswel, keeping out of trouble and working (fairly) hard on uni shite. Just generally being a good lad and stayin away from all the bad stuff.
So that's going to have to change soon ! Haha
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Blank
I actually have nothing to talk about here today. Strange eh, i'm bored silly just now ! JUst living life in a fairly quiet and mundane manner. Behaving myself aswel, keeping out of trouble and working (fairly) hard on uni shite. Just generally being a good lad and stayin away from all the bad stuff.
So that's going to have to change soon ! Haha
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
So that's going to have to change soon ! Haha
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Saturday, 26 September 2009
Path Taken, Opportunity Missed
I'm gonna take a little step back and look at a set of events that took place so long ago it feels like an entirelly differant life. Well, it was really only two and a half years ago, but it seems plenty more. This was back when i was clean, just a person.. No baggage, hang-up's, issues or sadness. Naive and excitable. It was in this state that i made the firt bad choice, first of many. Funniest thing is, is that it took me two years to notice how dumb i was.
Like all good stories, and most of mine, it's all to do with a girl. This oneis pretty much the forgotten girl in my life. Nothing agiainst her of course, we were both just kids. Her 13 me 14, and due to that a lack of knowledge on how to approach things. She was rather skinny, so i'll refer to her as 'Bones'. I liked her quite a lot.
We were put in touch through our frineds who had been going out for a good while. To keep things short then, we talked an talked, and i began to like her. Strange thing was, she really, really, liked me. She made it obvious and that excited me, i had never been in a scenario like that before. Liking a person who i knew for certain would be my Girlfriend if i asked. So, in typical me style... i Didn't. Not for cynical reasons though, i was just scared. Some things never change i suppose. Eventually the topic came up, quite casually infact. We just talked and agreed to become a 'couple'. However i was going to New York in a few weeks, and her living in Fife and going to school at Doller Acadamy meant i wouldn't get to see her for a long time. So i said that it would be smartest to wait until i was back from holidays. She would nearly be done with school, so we'd have the whole summer to hang out. Seemed perfect.... I promised. So therefore i had to go and fuck it all up. Yay !
This is the point in the narrative were the hero (Me) has his head turned by a villain/temptress, and loses sight of what's important and in turn loses the princess/love interest ('Bones'). So then, who is the villain in this sad little tale. Well, she was ginger and evil. So i think she'll be called 'Diablo'. Now 'Diablo' was a girl from my school who i'd gotten to know at a school camp. I had prety much forgotten her, but then she seemed to take a liking to my innocent little self.
'Diablo' was very differant to 'Bones' in everyway possible. She was obviously attractive, opposed to the subtle beauty of the (year younger) 'Bones'. loud, confident, opposed to shy. Cury and sexual, as oppsed to thin and untainted. Most iportantly she just wasn't a nice person. Just hollow, a shell. I still doubt whether she ever truelly had a feeling for me, or if she could just portay those emotions effectivly. Then we became a 'couple', completely forgetting my earlier promise to the real and infactuated 'Bones'. I didn't even realise..... So 'Diablo' hd completely changed my plans. And would again very quickly. We finished before we ever really, no more than a month. I was upset, devestated to be honest. Not because i particularly like her, just what she represented. I needed to open up, wanted somebody to talk to. Step forward (of course) .... 'Bones'. !
Seemingly not pissed of that i'd broken a promise to her in order to chase the non-existant ideals that el 'Diablo' has so clearly represented. She became a best friend to me, when i was desperate for one. Fair play to her like, if it was me i'd have been pretty angry .
So anyway, we became very close, but in a purely friendly manner. Such a relationship that probably ruined any lingering chance of a romantic scenario emerging. That, looking back, was a real fucking shame.
Now a couple of years later and a fair few doses of the 'olheartbreak later i can look back and really understand just how dumb i acted ! Their is no way i would let something like that happen now. Not a fucking chance !
I treated the poor girl like shit, and i don't think i could ever make that back up. I broke a promise. I never got a chance to anyway. I don't know her anymore, i should, but contact was lost. My loss i'd say. I hear about her occasionally throguh others and she's doing alright, changed alot presumably. I'm sure she's not caring. Christ i was stupid. So there ya'll have it. My first experience of life kicking me in the nuts and running of giggling about it. Two options, i took the wrong one. Bad times. I wonder how differant things would have been had i been smart at 14.
So that's 2007........ 2008 wass even more interesting. Keep reading people.
Like all good stories, and most of mine, it's all to do with a girl. This oneis pretty much the forgotten girl in my life. Nothing agiainst her of course, we were both just kids. Her 13 me 14, and due to that a lack of knowledge on how to approach things. She was rather skinny, so i'll refer to her as 'Bones'. I liked her quite a lot.
We were put in touch through our frineds who had been going out for a good while. To keep things short then, we talked an talked, and i began to like her. Strange thing was, she really, really, liked me. She made it obvious and that excited me, i had never been in a scenario like that before. Liking a person who i knew for certain would be my Girlfriend if i asked. So, in typical me style... i Didn't. Not for cynical reasons though, i was just scared. Some things never change i suppose. Eventually the topic came up, quite casually infact. We just talked and agreed to become a 'couple'. However i was going to New York in a few weeks, and her living in Fife and going to school at Doller Acadamy meant i wouldn't get to see her for a long time. So i said that it would be smartest to wait until i was back from holidays. She would nearly be done with school, so we'd have the whole summer to hang out. Seemed perfect.... I promised. So therefore i had to go and fuck it all up. Yay !
This is the point in the narrative were the hero (Me) has his head turned by a villain/temptress, and loses sight of what's important and in turn loses the princess/love interest ('Bones'). So then, who is the villain in this sad little tale. Well, she was ginger and evil. So i think she'll be called 'Diablo'. Now 'Diablo' was a girl from my school who i'd gotten to know at a school camp. I had prety much forgotten her, but then she seemed to take a liking to my innocent little self.
'Diablo' was very differant to 'Bones' in everyway possible. She was obviously attractive, opposed to the subtle beauty of the (year younger) 'Bones'. loud, confident, opposed to shy. Cury and sexual, as oppsed to thin and untainted. Most iportantly she just wasn't a nice person. Just hollow, a shell. I still doubt whether she ever truelly had a feeling for me, or if she could just portay those emotions effectivly. Then we became a 'couple', completely forgetting my earlier promise to the real and infactuated 'Bones'. I didn't even realise..... So 'Diablo' hd completely changed my plans. And would again very quickly. We finished before we ever really, no more than a month. I was upset, devestated to be honest. Not because i particularly like her, just what she represented. I needed to open up, wanted somebody to talk to. Step forward (of course) .... 'Bones'. !
Seemingly not pissed of that i'd broken a promise to her in order to chase the non-existant ideals that el 'Diablo' has so clearly represented. She became a best friend to me, when i was desperate for one. Fair play to her like, if it was me i'd have been pretty angry .
So anyway, we became very close, but in a purely friendly manner. Such a relationship that probably ruined any lingering chance of a romantic scenario emerging. That, looking back, was a real fucking shame.
Now a couple of years later and a fair few doses of the 'olheartbreak later i can look back and really understand just how dumb i acted ! Their is no way i would let something like that happen now. Not a fucking chance !
I treated the poor girl like shit, and i don't think i could ever make that back up. I broke a promise. I never got a chance to anyway. I don't know her anymore, i should, but contact was lost. My loss i'd say. I hear about her occasionally throguh others and she's doing alright, changed alot presumably. I'm sure she's not caring. Christ i was stupid. So there ya'll have it. My first experience of life kicking me in the nuts and running of giggling about it. Two options, i took the wrong one. Bad times. I wonder how differant things would have been had i been smart at 14.
So that's 2007........ 2008 wass even more interesting. Keep reading people.
'When you see a smile, respond. Don't look back in regret.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Path Taken, Opportunity Missed
I'm gonna take a little step back and look at a set of events that took place so long ago it feels like an entirelly differant life. Well, it was really only two and a half years ago, but it seems plenty more. This was back when i was clean, just a person.. No baggage, hang-up's, issues or sadness. Naive and excitable. It was in this state that i made the firt bad choice, first of many. Funniest thing is, is that it took me two years to notice how dumb i was.
Like all good stories, and most of mine, it's all to do with a girl. This oneis pretty much the forgotten girl in my life. Nothing agiainst her of course, we were both just kids. Her 13 me 14, and due to that a lack of knowledge on how to approach things. She was rather skinny, so i'll refer to her as 'Bones'. I liked her quite a lot.
We were put in touch through our frineds who had been going out for a good while. To keep things short then, we talked an talked, and i began to like her. Strange thing was, she really, really, liked me. She made it obvious and that excited me, i had never been in a scenario like that before. Liking a person who i knew for certain would be my Girlfriend if i asked. So, in typical me style... i Didn't. Not for cynical reasons though, i was just scared. Some things never change i suppose. Eventually the topic came up, quite casually infact. We just talked and agreed to become a 'couple'. However i was going to New York in a few weeks, and her living in Fife and going to school at Doller Acadamy meant i wouldn't get to see her for a long time. So i said that it would be smartest to wait until i was back from holidays. She would nearly be done with school, so we'd have the whole summer to hang out. Seemed perfect.... I promised. So therefore i had to go and fuck it all up. Yay !
This is the point in the narrative were the hero (Me) has his head turned by a villain/temptress, and loses sight of what's important and in turn loses the princess/love interest ('Bones'). So then, who is the villain in this sad little tale. Well, she was ginger and evil. So i think she'll be called 'Diablo'. Now 'Diablo' was a girl from my school who i'd gotten to know at a school camp. I had prety much forgotten her, but then she seemed to take a liking to my innocent little self.
'Diablo' was very differant to 'Bones' in everyway possible. She was obviously attractive, opposed to the subtle beauty of the (year younger) 'Bones'. loud, confident, opposed to shy. Cury and sexual, as oppsed to thin and untainted. Most iportantly she just wasn't a nice person. Just hollow, a shell. I still doubt whether she ever truelly had a feeling for me, or if she could just portay those emotions effectivly. Then we became a 'couple', completely forgetting my earlier promise to the real and infactuated 'Bones'. I didn't even realise..... So 'Diablo' hd completely changed my plans. And would again very quickly. We finished before we ever really, no more than a month. I was upset, devestated to be honest. Not because i particularly like her, just what she represented. I needed to open up, wanted somebody to talk to. Step forward (of course) .... 'Bones'. !
Seemingly not pissed of that i'd broken a promise to her in order to chase the non-existant ideals that el 'Diablo' has so clearly represented. She became a best friend to me, when i was desperate for one. Fair play to her like, if it was me i'd have been pretty angry .
So anyway, we became very close, but in a purely friendly manner. Such a relationship that probably ruined any lingering chance of a romantic scenario emerging. That, looking back, was a real fucking shame.
Now a couple of years later and a fair few doses of the 'olheartbreak later i can look back and really understand just how dumb i acted ! Their is no way i would let something like that happen now. Not a fucking chance !
I treated the poor girl like shit, and i don't think i could ever make that back up. I broke a promise. I never got a chance to anyway. I don't know her anymore, i should, but contact was lost. My loss i'd say. I hear about her occasionally throguh others and she's doing alright, changed alot presumably. I'm sure she's not caring. Christ i was stupid. So there ya'll have it. My first experience of life kicking me in the nuts and running of giggling about it. Two options, i took the wrong one. Bad times. I wonder how differant things would have been had i been smart at 14.
So that's 2007........ 2008 wass even more interesting. Keep reading people.
Like all good stories, and most of mine, it's all to do with a girl. This oneis pretty much the forgotten girl in my life. Nothing agiainst her of course, we were both just kids. Her 13 me 14, and due to that a lack of knowledge on how to approach things. She was rather skinny, so i'll refer to her as 'Bones'. I liked her quite a lot.
We were put in touch through our frineds who had been going out for a good while. To keep things short then, we talked an talked, and i began to like her. Strange thing was, she really, really, liked me. She made it obvious and that excited me, i had never been in a scenario like that before. Liking a person who i knew for certain would be my Girlfriend if i asked. So, in typical me style... i Didn't. Not for cynical reasons though, i was just scared. Some things never change i suppose. Eventually the topic came up, quite casually infact. We just talked and agreed to become a 'couple'. However i was going to New York in a few weeks, and her living in Fife and going to school at Doller Acadamy meant i wouldn't get to see her for a long time. So i said that it would be smartest to wait until i was back from holidays. She would nearly be done with school, so we'd have the whole summer to hang out. Seemed perfect.... I promised. So therefore i had to go and fuck it all up. Yay !
This is the point in the narrative were the hero (Me) has his head turned by a villain/temptress, and loses sight of what's important and in turn loses the princess/love interest ('Bones'). So then, who is the villain in this sad little tale. Well, she was ginger and evil. So i think she'll be called 'Diablo'. Now 'Diablo' was a girl from my school who i'd gotten to know at a school camp. I had prety much forgotten her, but then she seemed to take a liking to my innocent little self.
'Diablo' was very differant to 'Bones' in everyway possible. She was obviously attractive, opposed to the subtle beauty of the (year younger) 'Bones'. loud, confident, opposed to shy. Cury and sexual, as oppsed to thin and untainted. Most iportantly she just wasn't a nice person. Just hollow, a shell. I still doubt whether she ever truelly had a feeling for me, or if she could just portay those emotions effectivly. Then we became a 'couple', completely forgetting my earlier promise to the real and infactuated 'Bones'. I didn't even realise..... So 'Diablo' hd completely changed my plans. And would again very quickly. We finished before we ever really, no more than a month. I was upset, devestated to be honest. Not because i particularly like her, just what she represented. I needed to open up, wanted somebody to talk to. Step forward (of course) .... 'Bones'. !
Seemingly not pissed of that i'd broken a promise to her in order to chase the non-existant ideals that el 'Diablo' has so clearly represented. She became a best friend to me, when i was desperate for one. Fair play to her like, if it was me i'd have been pretty angry .
So anyway, we became very close, but in a purely friendly manner. Such a relationship that probably ruined any lingering chance of a romantic scenario emerging. That, looking back, was a real fucking shame.
Now a couple of years later and a fair few doses of the 'olheartbreak later i can look back and really understand just how dumb i acted ! Their is no way i would let something like that happen now. Not a fucking chance !
I treated the poor girl like shit, and i don't think i could ever make that back up. I broke a promise. I never got a chance to anyway. I don't know her anymore, i should, but contact was lost. My loss i'd say. I hear about her occasionally throguh others and she's doing alright, changed alot presumably. I'm sure she's not caring. Christ i was stupid. So there ya'll have it. My first experience of life kicking me in the nuts and running of giggling about it. Two options, i took the wrong one. Bad times. I wonder how differant things would have been had i been smart at 14.
So that's 2007........ 2008 wass even more interesting. Keep reading people.
'When you see a smile, respond. Don't look back in regret.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Heroes And Saviours.
How can a mother stand by, whilst her daughter is beaten and murdered, because her boyfriened doesn't like kids.
Why can the military be allowed to misuse their powers. Take pleasure in the pain of innocent civilains. Purely in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Should we stand by and allow politicians, to walk all over us. Stand by and allow them to appease themselves, whilst we struggle to meake ends meet.
How can people pray to a God, who doesn't care, who gave up a long time ago.
Role models, no longer standing tall as people to look up too. Fallible and all too human.
Their are no heroes.... Their is no God.
Why can the military be allowed to misuse their powers. Take pleasure in the pain of innocent civilains. Purely in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Should we stand by and allow politicians, to walk all over us. Stand by and allow them to appease themselves, whilst we struggle to meake ends meet.
How can people pray to a God, who doesn't care, who gave up a long time ago.
Role models, no longer standing tall as people to look up too. Fallible and all too human.
Their are no heroes.... Their is no God.
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Heroes And Saviours.
How can a mother stand by, whilst her daughter is beaten and murdered, because her boyfriened doesn't like kids.
Why can the military be allowed to misuse their powers. Take pleasure in the pain of innocent civilains. Purely in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Should we stand by and allow politicians, to walk all over us. Stand by and allow them to appease themselves, whilst we struggle to meake ends meet.
How can people pray to a God, who doesn't care, who gave up a long time ago.
Role models, no longer standing tall as people to look up too. Fallible and all too human.
Their are no heroes.... Their is no God.
Why can the military be allowed to misuse their powers. Take pleasure in the pain of innocent civilains. Purely in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Should we stand by and allow politicians, to walk all over us. Stand by and allow them to appease themselves, whilst we struggle to meake ends meet.
How can people pray to a God, who doesn't care, who gave up a long time ago.
Role models, no longer standing tall as people to look up too. Fallible and all too human.
Their are no heroes.... Their is no God.
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Street side Coffee shop
' The sun shines through the dusty windows onto the cluttered tables,
And Upon tired faces, searchin for awakening, a caffine clarity.
The hissing of the machines and anonymous chatter mask the street noice as the door opens wide,
I starte before me at a picture so perfect, hair golden, like the sun. A body so devine you can only pause and admire. Time stands still....
I sip my cofee.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Street side Coffee shop
' The sun shines through the dusty windows onto the cluttered tables,
And Upon tired faces, searchin for awakening, a caffine clarity.
The hissing of the machines and anonymous chatter mask the street noice as the door opens wide,
I starte before me at a picture so perfect, hair golden, like the sun. A body so devine you can only pause and admire. Time stands still....
I sip my cofee.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Dirty, Big, Secret
I never noticed the date. All day i knew that their was something important about it, but i couldn't work it out. Now it's hit me ! It's the 24th of September !!!!! Yah, that date won't mean anything to anybody except me. Cause i've never spoken about it..... Untill now.
What had happened was (as previously mentioned) this time last year i had just gone through a pretty fucked up, upsetting situation. I couldn't sleep, not well anyway, and was just starting to use medication to help. Stil occasionally do, but i really am feeling alot better ! Anyway, i'm not quite sure what happened, it's kinda a blur and it has been a year so i wouldn't expect to remeber it exactly, but i done something stupid, and it could have fucked things up seriously badly !
I don' think it was delibarate, i hope not.... But it wouldn't surprise me, if a part of me had told myself to do it, as i said, i wasn't in a good place ! Please bare in mind that i had just literary had everything i had worked on for 6 months torn away ! I'd been left completely stranded, with all my hopefull plans for the future broken. So i took too much, collapsed. Then i lost consciousness. It was not a nice night. I kept waking up, but couldn't move... I was in agony, but i couldn't make a sound, i wanted to scream so badly but everytime i opened my mouth nothing came out. For the one and only time in my life i was really scared, i din't know what was happening, i couldn't think straight ! I suppose i thought i would die. That part didn't scare me, it never has. But i was scared of how others would react, it would have been a pretty damm shit way to go anyway. I deserve a far better death then that !
However, after what must have been 4 maybe 5 hours, i relaxed, i fell asleep, and crawled into bed. When i got up the next day my house was empty ( I was given that week of school) and i walked the dog and pretty much hated myself. I still don't know whether it really was an accident or not, but i still don't trust myself. I know what i'm capable of, and why i have to avoid any chance i can get to self destruct. I'm the most dangerous thing in the world to me ! That's an oddly comforting thing actually !
Well anyway, i needed to get that of my chest, Be safe, Be lawful, love all.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
What had happened was (as previously mentioned) this time last year i had just gone through a pretty fucked up, upsetting situation. I couldn't sleep, not well anyway, and was just starting to use medication to help. Stil occasionally do, but i really am feeling alot better ! Anyway, i'm not quite sure what happened, it's kinda a blur and it has been a year so i wouldn't expect to remeber it exactly, but i done something stupid, and it could have fucked things up seriously badly !
I don' think it was delibarate, i hope not.... But it wouldn't surprise me, if a part of me had told myself to do it, as i said, i wasn't in a good place ! Please bare in mind that i had just literary had everything i had worked on for 6 months torn away ! I'd been left completely stranded, with all my hopefull plans for the future broken. So i took too much, collapsed. Then i lost consciousness. It was not a nice night. I kept waking up, but couldn't move... I was in agony, but i couldn't make a sound, i wanted to scream so badly but everytime i opened my mouth nothing came out. For the one and only time in my life i was really scared, i din't know what was happening, i couldn't think straight ! I suppose i thought i would die. That part didn't scare me, it never has. But i was scared of how others would react, it would have been a pretty damm shit way to go anyway. I deserve a far better death then that !
However, after what must have been 4 maybe 5 hours, i relaxed, i fell asleep, and crawled into bed. When i got up the next day my house was empty ( I was given that week of school) and i walked the dog and pretty much hated myself. I still don't know whether it really was an accident or not, but i still don't trust myself. I know what i'm capable of, and why i have to avoid any chance i can get to self destruct. I'm the most dangerous thing in the world to me ! That's an oddly comforting thing actually !
Well anyway, i needed to get that of my chest, Be safe, Be lawful, love all.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Dirty, Big, Secret
I never noticed the date. All day i knew that their was something important about it, but i couldn't work it out. Now it's hit me ! It's the 24th of September !!!!! Yah, that date won't mean anything to anybody except me. Cause i've never spoken about it..... Untill now.
What had happened was (as previously mentioned) this time last year i had just gone through a pretty fucked up, upsetting situation. I couldn't sleep, not well anyway, and was just starting to use medication to help. Stil occasionally do, but i really am feeling alot better ! Anyway, i'm not quite sure what happened, it's kinda a blur and it has been a year so i wouldn't expect to remeber it exactly, but i done something stupid, and it could have fucked things up seriously badly !
I don' think it was delibarate, i hope not.... But it wouldn't surprise me, if a part of me had told myself to do it, as i said, i wasn't in a good place ! Please bare in mind that i had just literary had everything i had worked on for 6 months torn away ! I'd been left completely stranded, with all my hopefull plans for the future broken. So i took too much, collapsed. Then i lost consciousness. It was not a nice night. I kept waking up, but couldn't move... I was in agony, but i couldn't make a sound, i wanted to scream so badly but everytime i opened my mouth nothing came out. For the one and only time in my life i was really scared, i din't know what was happening, i couldn't think straight ! I suppose i thought i would die. That part didn't scare me, it never has. But i was scared of how others would react, it would have been a pretty damm shit way to go anyway. I deserve a far better death then that !
However, after what must have been 4 maybe 5 hours, i relaxed, i fell asleep, and crawled into bed. When i got up the next day my house was empty ( I was given that week of school) and i walked the dog and pretty much hated myself. I still don't know whether it really was an accident or not, but i still don't trust myself. I know what i'm capable of, and why i have to avoid any chance i can get to self destruct. I'm the most dangerous thing in the world to me ! That's an oddly comforting thing actually !
Well anyway, i needed to get that of my chest, Be safe, Be lawful, love all.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
What had happened was (as previously mentioned) this time last year i had just gone through a pretty fucked up, upsetting situation. I couldn't sleep, not well anyway, and was just starting to use medication to help. Stil occasionally do, but i really am feeling alot better ! Anyway, i'm not quite sure what happened, it's kinda a blur and it has been a year so i wouldn't expect to remeber it exactly, but i done something stupid, and it could have fucked things up seriously badly !
I don' think it was delibarate, i hope not.... But it wouldn't surprise me, if a part of me had told myself to do it, as i said, i wasn't in a good place ! Please bare in mind that i had just literary had everything i had worked on for 6 months torn away ! I'd been left completely stranded, with all my hopefull plans for the future broken. So i took too much, collapsed. Then i lost consciousness. It was not a nice night. I kept waking up, but couldn't move... I was in agony, but i couldn't make a sound, i wanted to scream so badly but everytime i opened my mouth nothing came out. For the one and only time in my life i was really scared, i din't know what was happening, i couldn't think straight ! I suppose i thought i would die. That part didn't scare me, it never has. But i was scared of how others would react, it would have been a pretty damm shit way to go anyway. I deserve a far better death then that !
However, after what must have been 4 maybe 5 hours, i relaxed, i fell asleep, and crawled into bed. When i got up the next day my house was empty ( I was given that week of school) and i walked the dog and pretty much hated myself. I still don't know whether it really was an accident or not, but i still don't trust myself. I know what i'm capable of, and why i have to avoid any chance i can get to self destruct. I'm the most dangerous thing in the world to me ! That's an oddly comforting thing actually !
Well anyway, i needed to get that of my chest, Be safe, Be lawful, love all.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Sunday, 20 September 2009
The Day The Sun Said Suck It
Today is the 20th of September 2009. One year ago today was possibly the worst day of my life. On the 20th of September 2008, I broke. Part of me died. A part of me that will never be brought back. Any suggestion of ideals and a truely happy existance were forever washed away.
From that day untill very recently, I was existing in a state of numbness. Living outwith myself. I could'nt see nor find any beauty or love. I was really, badly depressed, unable to exist without thoughts of sadness and her. Looking back on the worst of it, the period between this date and the end of Febuary. The real bad times as they are, they seem to me to be a blur. They melt into each other, each and every day, like a slow dissolving path into hell. And truthfully that does describe how I felt. I went as far as staring death in the faces. I looked into the eyes of a killer, but I escaped. I pulled through.
I covered it up of course, to an observer it would seem that life went on, with just a twinge of sadness. The truth of course, is much differant. I acted the part, with few drops of character. I have to however thank the person who was there to save me on the few occasions were I couldn't hide myself any longer. I had a few moments were I entirely broke down, and I have to thank my dad, who really did rescue me. Stopped me from doing anything too drastic and frankly answered my screams for help. Thank you so much. I wouldn't be lying if I said that if it wasn't for him, this blog would not be being written.
As previously stated I'm over the worst of it, I found ways to deal with the pain. Some immoral, some dangerous and some which are just plain stupid, but in the end it has helped. Of course Im not over it all. Never will be. I think about her everyday, and whilst it does make me happy to talk with her, especially now that our bond has re-kindled (all be it in a purely friendly way) it does make things easier. That's not to say I don't look back and feel the crushing pain that comes with knowing that the best, most amazing period of your life has came and went. I do fucking love you though.
Contrast last year to this year. On the weekend that marked the end last year, she was a permanet fixture almost. All of Friday night and much of today was spent in her company. As it should be, me, her and the opportunity to do just what ever we want. Of course it wasn't just us all the time, other people are around, revolving faces. But I don't mind, I know I'm a priority, just is she to me.
There is alot more to say, and it will be.... But not just now. I suppose I should just enjoy the fact that i had a nice weekend, whichi did. Thank you. It's a hard day, not a happy moment in the past, but atleast things have improved. And who knows what the future has in store...
Looking at the past is both full of enjoyment and sadness, to live is to feel. And feelings stay forever.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
From that day untill very recently, I was existing in a state of numbness. Living outwith myself. I could'nt see nor find any beauty or love. I was really, badly depressed, unable to exist without thoughts of sadness and her. Looking back on the worst of it, the period between this date and the end of Febuary. The real bad times as they are, they seem to me to be a blur. They melt into each other, each and every day, like a slow dissolving path into hell. And truthfully that does describe how I felt. I went as far as staring death in the faces. I looked into the eyes of a killer, but I escaped. I pulled through.
I covered it up of course, to an observer it would seem that life went on, with just a twinge of sadness. The truth of course, is much differant. I acted the part, with few drops of character. I have to however thank the person who was there to save me on the few occasions were I couldn't hide myself any longer. I had a few moments were I entirely broke down, and I have to thank my dad, who really did rescue me. Stopped me from doing anything too drastic and frankly answered my screams for help. Thank you so much. I wouldn't be lying if I said that if it wasn't for him, this blog would not be being written.
As previously stated I'm over the worst of it, I found ways to deal with the pain. Some immoral, some dangerous and some which are just plain stupid, but in the end it has helped. Of course Im not over it all. Never will be. I think about her everyday, and whilst it does make me happy to talk with her, especially now that our bond has re-kindled (all be it in a purely friendly way) it does make things easier. That's not to say I don't look back and feel the crushing pain that comes with knowing that the best, most amazing period of your life has came and went. I do fucking love you though.
Contrast last year to this year. On the weekend that marked the end last year, she was a permanet fixture almost. All of Friday night and much of today was spent in her company. As it should be, me, her and the opportunity to do just what ever we want. Of course it wasn't just us all the time, other people are around, revolving faces. But I don't mind, I know I'm a priority, just is she to me.
There is alot more to say, and it will be.... But not just now. I suppose I should just enjoy the fact that i had a nice weekend, whichi did. Thank you. It's a hard day, not a happy moment in the past, but atleast things have improved. And who knows what the future has in store...
Looking at the past is both full of enjoyment and sadness, to live is to feel. And feelings stay forever.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
The Day The Sun Said Suck It
Today is the 20th of September 2009. One year ago today was possibly the worst day of my life. On the 20th of September 2008, I broke. Part of me died. A part of me that will never be brought back. Any suggestion of ideals and a truely happy existance were forever washed away.
From that day untill very recently, I was existing in a state of numbness. Living outwith myself. I could'nt see nor find any beauty or love. I was really, badly depressed, unable to exist without thoughts of sadness and her. Looking back on the worst of it, the period between this date and the end of Febuary. The real bad times as they are, they seem to me to be a blur. They melt into each other, each and every day, like a slow dissolving path into hell. And truthfully that does describe how I felt. I went as far as staring death in the faces. I looked into the eyes of a killer, but I escaped. I pulled through.
I covered it up of course, to an observer it would seem that life went on, with just a twinge of sadness. The truth of course, is much differant. I acted the part, with few drops of character. I have to however thank the person who was there to save me on the few occasions were I couldn't hide myself any longer. I had a few moments were I entirely broke down, and I have to thank my dad, who really did rescue me. Stopped me from doing anything too drastic and frankly answered my screams for help. Thank you so much. I wouldn't be lying if I said that if it wasn't for him, this blog would not be being written.
As previously stated I'm over the worst of it, I found ways to deal with the pain. Some immoral, some dangerous and some which are just plain stupid, but in the end it has helped. Of course Im not over it all. Never will be. I think about her everyday, and whilst it does make me happy to talk with her, especially now that our bond has re-kindled (all be it in a purely friendly way) it does make things easier. That's not to say I don't look back and feel the crushing pain that comes with knowing that the best, most amazing period of your life has came and went. I do fucking love you though.
Contrast last year to this year. On the weekend that marked the end last year, she was a permanet fixture almost. All of Friday night and much of today was spent in her company. As it should be, me, her and the opportunity to do just what ever we want. Of course it wasn't just us all the time, other people are around, revolving faces. But I don't mind, I know I'm a priority, just is she to me.
There is alot more to say, and it will be.... But not just now. I suppose I should just enjoy the fact that i had a nice weekend, whichi did. Thank you. It's a hard day, not a happy moment in the past, but atleast things have improved. And who knows what the future has in store...
Looking at the past is both full of enjoyment and sadness, to live is to feel. And feelings stay forever.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
From that day untill very recently, I was existing in a state of numbness. Living outwith myself. I could'nt see nor find any beauty or love. I was really, badly depressed, unable to exist without thoughts of sadness and her. Looking back on the worst of it, the period between this date and the end of Febuary. The real bad times as they are, they seem to me to be a blur. They melt into each other, each and every day, like a slow dissolving path into hell. And truthfully that does describe how I felt. I went as far as staring death in the faces. I looked into the eyes of a killer, but I escaped. I pulled through.
I covered it up of course, to an observer it would seem that life went on, with just a twinge of sadness. The truth of course, is much differant. I acted the part, with few drops of character. I have to however thank the person who was there to save me on the few occasions were I couldn't hide myself any longer. I had a few moments were I entirely broke down, and I have to thank my dad, who really did rescue me. Stopped me from doing anything too drastic and frankly answered my screams for help. Thank you so much. I wouldn't be lying if I said that if it wasn't for him, this blog would not be being written.
As previously stated I'm over the worst of it, I found ways to deal with the pain. Some immoral, some dangerous and some which are just plain stupid, but in the end it has helped. Of course Im not over it all. Never will be. I think about her everyday, and whilst it does make me happy to talk with her, especially now that our bond has re-kindled (all be it in a purely friendly way) it does make things easier. That's not to say I don't look back and feel the crushing pain that comes with knowing that the best, most amazing period of your life has came and went. I do fucking love you though.
Contrast last year to this year. On the weekend that marked the end last year, she was a permanet fixture almost. All of Friday night and much of today was spent in her company. As it should be, me, her and the opportunity to do just what ever we want. Of course it wasn't just us all the time, other people are around, revolving faces. But I don't mind, I know I'm a priority, just is she to me.
There is alot more to say, and it will be.... But not just now. I suppose I should just enjoy the fact that i had a nice weekend, whichi did. Thank you. It's a hard day, not a happy moment in the past, but atleast things have improved. And who knows what the future has in store...
Looking at the past is both full of enjoyment and sadness, to live is to feel. And feelings stay forever.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Saturday, 19 September 2009
More Than This
'What Am I Supposed To Do,
I Built The Seems Around You,
And I...
Need...
More Than This'
-Matt Nathanson.
I'll Be Talkin To ya xx
More Than This
'What Am I Supposed To Do,
I Built The Seems Around You,
And I...
Need...
More Than This'
-Matt Nathanson.
I'll Be Talkin To ya xx
Fun.. With a side order of sadness.
Last night was great. Her Courtship was in town so we sauntered along to see the film Dorian gray. Was pretty good to be honest, based around a novel written by Oscar Wilde so it's coming from pretty impressive source material anyways ! Haha. Ben Barnes is too pretty to really be a guy aswel, that kinda scared me.
The ghost of great days passed was on fantastic form aswel. Loooked amazing too, despite wearin a dumb preppy as shit jacket, but it sorta combined with the glasses to create a kinda sexy, naughty teacher look, which is never a bad thing.
But yeah, watchin the film was cool, we've not done that in far too long, nice to see she's still in the habit of clinging to me pretty much for the full lenth of the movie aswel, despite it really not being that scary. Oooh wells. She's cute Lolz
Walked up to a friends house afterwards for a party, the walk took the best part of half hour to be honest but that was cool, the chat was a-a-awesome.... Seriously is one of the few people i feel comfertable enough around to just talk honestly with. She also insisted on running for a while, despite being in high heels, madness but really rather funny. Not a fan of my jacket neither she was though, the criticsms that were thrown at it really did make sense though, it suddenly feels less of a great jacket, to the attic it goes for a wee while, until i work out a new approach to it.
The party we were at sucked, but i seen loads of folk i havn't in ages which was alrite i guess. Police came though so we had to leave, but i wasn't too bothered, was ready to leave anyways. Walked from there back down to inverleith to take her home. Accompanied by an old mate of mine who was quite drunk and came with. He was quite leechy though and that sorta pissed me off, although she dealt with it well, just went along with it, didn't cause a scene or nothing. She probably quite enjoyed it too, she likes the attention really, her tank top was gathering her a fair bit of that aswel fuck sake haha.
All in all a decent night, however walking home, and today i've been feeling kinda down about the whole thing. It's like.. I'm happy with the scenario the now, and it's probably the best option, almost certaintly infact, but i can't help but wish it was more then this, the highs and lows of my life really are based around how things are playin with her, so i suppose it's only natural that i want to spend more time then ican with her.
I have some thinking to do....
i'll be talkin to ya xx
The ghost of great days passed was on fantastic form aswel. Loooked amazing too, despite wearin a dumb preppy as shit jacket, but it sorta combined with the glasses to create a kinda sexy, naughty teacher look, which is never a bad thing.
But yeah, watchin the film was cool, we've not done that in far too long, nice to see she's still in the habit of clinging to me pretty much for the full lenth of the movie aswel, despite it really not being that scary. Oooh wells. She's cute Lolz
Walked up to a friends house afterwards for a party, the walk took the best part of half hour to be honest but that was cool, the chat was a-a-awesome.... Seriously is one of the few people i feel comfertable enough around to just talk honestly with. She also insisted on running for a while, despite being in high heels, madness but really rather funny. Not a fan of my jacket neither she was though, the criticsms that were thrown at it really did make sense though, it suddenly feels less of a great jacket, to the attic it goes for a wee while, until i work out a new approach to it.
The party we were at sucked, but i seen loads of folk i havn't in ages which was alrite i guess. Police came though so we had to leave, but i wasn't too bothered, was ready to leave anyways. Walked from there back down to inverleith to take her home. Accompanied by an old mate of mine who was quite drunk and came with. He was quite leechy though and that sorta pissed me off, although she dealt with it well, just went along with it, didn't cause a scene or nothing. She probably quite enjoyed it too, she likes the attention really, her tank top was gathering her a fair bit of that aswel fuck sake haha.
All in all a decent night, however walking home, and today i've been feeling kinda down about the whole thing. It's like.. I'm happy with the scenario the now, and it's probably the best option, almost certaintly infact, but i can't help but wish it was more then this, the highs and lows of my life really are based around how things are playin with her, so i suppose it's only natural that i want to spend more time then ican with her.
I have some thinking to do....
i'll be talkin to ya xx
Fun.. With a side order of sadness.
Last night was great. Her Courtship was in town so we sauntered along to see the film Dorian gray. Was pretty good to be honest, based around a novel written by Oscar Wilde so it's coming from pretty impressive source material anyways ! Haha. Ben Barnes is too pretty to really be a guy aswel, that kinda scared me.
The ghost of great days passed was on fantastic form aswel. Loooked amazing too, despite wearin a dumb preppy as shit jacket, but it sorta combined with the glasses to create a kinda sexy, naughty teacher look, which is never a bad thing.
But yeah, watchin the film was cool, we've not done that in far too long, nice to see she's still in the habit of clinging to me pretty much for the full lenth of the movie aswel, despite it really not being that scary. Oooh wells. She's cute Lolz
Walked up to a friends house afterwards for a party, the walk took the best part of half hour to be honest but that was cool, the chat was a-a-awesome.... Seriously is one of the few people i feel comfertable enough around to just talk honestly with. She also insisted on running for a while, despite being in high heels, madness but really rather funny. Not a fan of my jacket neither she was though, the criticsms that were thrown at it really did make sense though, it suddenly feels less of a great jacket, to the attic it goes for a wee while, until i work out a new approach to it.
The party we were at sucked, but i seen loads of folk i havn't in ages which was alrite i guess. Police came though so we had to leave, but i wasn't too bothered, was ready to leave anyways. Walked from there back down to inverleith to take her home. Accompanied by an old mate of mine who was quite drunk and came with. He was quite leechy though and that sorta pissed me off, although she dealt with it well, just went along with it, didn't cause a scene or nothing. She probably quite enjoyed it too, she likes the attention really, her tank top was gathering her a fair bit of that aswel fuck sake haha.
All in all a decent night, however walking home, and today i've been feeling kinda down about the whole thing. It's like.. I'm happy with the scenario the now, and it's probably the best option, almost certaintly infact, but i can't help but wish it was more then this, the highs and lows of my life really are based around how things are playin with her, so i suppose it's only natural that i want to spend more time then ican with her.
I have some thinking to do....
i'll be talkin to ya xx
The ghost of great days passed was on fantastic form aswel. Loooked amazing too, despite wearin a dumb preppy as shit jacket, but it sorta combined with the glasses to create a kinda sexy, naughty teacher look, which is never a bad thing.
But yeah, watchin the film was cool, we've not done that in far too long, nice to see she's still in the habit of clinging to me pretty much for the full lenth of the movie aswel, despite it really not being that scary. Oooh wells. She's cute Lolz
Walked up to a friends house afterwards for a party, the walk took the best part of half hour to be honest but that was cool, the chat was a-a-awesome.... Seriously is one of the few people i feel comfertable enough around to just talk honestly with. She also insisted on running for a while, despite being in high heels, madness but really rather funny. Not a fan of my jacket neither she was though, the criticsms that were thrown at it really did make sense though, it suddenly feels less of a great jacket, to the attic it goes for a wee while, until i work out a new approach to it.
The party we were at sucked, but i seen loads of folk i havn't in ages which was alrite i guess. Police came though so we had to leave, but i wasn't too bothered, was ready to leave anyways. Walked from there back down to inverleith to take her home. Accompanied by an old mate of mine who was quite drunk and came with. He was quite leechy though and that sorta pissed me off, although she dealt with it well, just went along with it, didn't cause a scene or nothing. She probably quite enjoyed it too, she likes the attention really, her tank top was gathering her a fair bit of that aswel fuck sake haha.
All in all a decent night, however walking home, and today i've been feeling kinda down about the whole thing. It's like.. I'm happy with the scenario the now, and it's probably the best option, almost certaintly infact, but i can't help but wish it was more then this, the highs and lows of my life really are based around how things are playin with her, so i suppose it's only natural that i want to spend more time then ican with her.
I have some thinking to do....
i'll be talkin to ya xx
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Stuck
A mood swing, a change of heart,
How can excitement become so fearful.... So suddenly,
I know that what i'm looking for is long disapeared,
But if the will is there surely it can be rescued....
Can it ?
Maybe a love of each other, isn't as important as the 'Us' that it became,
Since then, everythings moved on,
Except my love..... That is still stuck to you.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
How can excitement become so fearful.... So suddenly,
I know that what i'm looking for is long disapeared,
But if the will is there surely it can be rescued....
Can it ?
Maybe a love of each other, isn't as important as the 'Us' that it became,
Since then, everythings moved on,
Except my love..... That is still stuck to you.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Stuck
A mood swing, a change of heart,
How can excitement become so fearful.... So suddenly,
I know that what i'm looking for is long disapeared,
But if the will is there surely it can be rescued....
Can it ?
Maybe a love of each other, isn't as important as the 'Us' that it became,
Since then, everythings moved on,
Except my love..... That is still stuck to you.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
How can excitement become so fearful.... So suddenly,
I know that what i'm looking for is long disapeared,
But if the will is there surely it can be rescued....
Can it ?
Maybe a love of each other, isn't as important as the 'Us' that it became,
Since then, everythings moved on,
Except my love..... That is still stuck to you.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Foul !
Broke the news to the uni people today tht i was in Florida for the second half of October !
I Can't wait. They are less enthusiastic however. Instead of enjoying my holiday i'll be spending it reading bum loads of stuff that frankly i have no interest what's so ever in reading. On top of that i have to hand in the three assignents i'll miss before i go, which means i'm gonna have to start work on them without actually having a great understanding of the topic... Great. Way to fuck up my first set of modules !!!
Not too happy as it goes. Cunts !
To round it off nicely, Celtic managed to throw away a 1-0 lead tonight against a team of shit from Isreal. It doesn't usually bother me, but my bad mood has led to be being easily pissed of, and that shower of fannies has tipped me over the edge.
Hopefully a good weekend on the go though, hopefully.... Shall wait and see.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
I Can't wait. They are less enthusiastic however. Instead of enjoying my holiday i'll be spending it reading bum loads of stuff that frankly i have no interest what's so ever in reading. On top of that i have to hand in the three assignents i'll miss before i go, which means i'm gonna have to start work on them without actually having a great understanding of the topic... Great. Way to fuck up my first set of modules !!!
Not too happy as it goes. Cunts !
To round it off nicely, Celtic managed to throw away a 1-0 lead tonight against a team of shit from Isreal. It doesn't usually bother me, but my bad mood has led to be being easily pissed of, and that shower of fannies has tipped me over the edge.
Hopefully a good weekend on the go though, hopefully.... Shall wait and see.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Foul !
Broke the news to the uni people today tht i was in Florida for the second half of October !
I Can't wait. They are less enthusiastic however. Instead of enjoying my holiday i'll be spending it reading bum loads of stuff that frankly i have no interest what's so ever in reading. On top of that i have to hand in the three assignents i'll miss before i go, which means i'm gonna have to start work on them without actually having a great understanding of the topic... Great. Way to fuck up my first set of modules !!!
Not too happy as it goes. Cunts !
To round it off nicely, Celtic managed to throw away a 1-0 lead tonight against a team of shit from Isreal. It doesn't usually bother me, but my bad mood has led to be being easily pissed of, and that shower of fannies has tipped me over the edge.
Hopefully a good weekend on the go though, hopefully.... Shall wait and see.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
I Can't wait. They are less enthusiastic however. Instead of enjoying my holiday i'll be spending it reading bum loads of stuff that frankly i have no interest what's so ever in reading. On top of that i have to hand in the three assignents i'll miss before i go, which means i'm gonna have to start work on them without actually having a great understanding of the topic... Great. Way to fuck up my first set of modules !!!
Not too happy as it goes. Cunts !
To round it off nicely, Celtic managed to throw away a 1-0 lead tonight against a team of shit from Isreal. It doesn't usually bother me, but my bad mood has led to be being easily pissed of, and that shower of fannies has tipped me over the edge.
Hopefully a good weekend on the go though, hopefully.... Shall wait and see.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Woken Up
For the last few weeks I've been floating by on my own little cloud of optimism... Optimism, happiness, hope all that shit. It was nice. Those moments are far to rare, but I supppose that makes them better.
I've snapped out of it now. I have stared right into the eyes of the 'ugly' truth and couldn't fight it. It was there to be accepted, always was I suppose. Is it really bad that I just hoped that for once things were swinging in my favour ?
Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see, well I did actually, who doesn't though ? I done what I needed to do, but it was logical, all paths seemed to be leading there. And it felt differant, how it used to feel... Real. It wasn't.
I need to learn, learn to accept the facts. What I want, need, crave the most Is no longer in existance, it hasn't been for close to a year ! Yet whenever my imagination seizes on the slightest crumb of hope I'm away ! It's pathetic. I suck, seriously, I'm one of the most useless, spineless, whiney little bastards on the planet. I fucking hate myself. Seriously, I'm a waste of space. I am a complete and utter nobody. Full of grand plans, dreams and hope. Whilst in reality all I am is a sad, lonely little shit, who will never amount to nothing. I cannot be satisfied, and will not be, unless the impossible sneaks up on me. Not gonna happen though. I truelly am the archatect of my own misery. No one to blame but me. Scream, shout... Do what the fuck you want, I don't care, not now, not this time ! I'm done. I'm just gonna down tools, accept I'm in the past, theirs a path, a good, succesful one. I'm just not on it...
FUCK !!!!!!
I need saved again, it's not been this bad in a long time. Sleepin pills it is, I'm a dick.
Sleep tight lovers.
I'll be talkin yo ya xx
I've snapped out of it now. I have stared right into the eyes of the 'ugly' truth and couldn't fight it. It was there to be accepted, always was I suppose. Is it really bad that I just hoped that for once things were swinging in my favour ?
Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see, well I did actually, who doesn't though ? I done what I needed to do, but it was logical, all paths seemed to be leading there. And it felt differant, how it used to feel... Real. It wasn't.
I need to learn, learn to accept the facts. What I want, need, crave the most Is no longer in existance, it hasn't been for close to a year ! Yet whenever my imagination seizes on the slightest crumb of hope I'm away ! It's pathetic. I suck, seriously, I'm one of the most useless, spineless, whiney little bastards on the planet. I fucking hate myself. Seriously, I'm a waste of space. I am a complete and utter nobody. Full of grand plans, dreams and hope. Whilst in reality all I am is a sad, lonely little shit, who will never amount to nothing. I cannot be satisfied, and will not be, unless the impossible sneaks up on me. Not gonna happen though. I truelly am the archatect of my own misery. No one to blame but me. Scream, shout... Do what the fuck you want, I don't care, not now, not this time ! I'm done. I'm just gonna down tools, accept I'm in the past, theirs a path, a good, succesful one. I'm just not on it...
FUCK !!!!!!
I need saved again, it's not been this bad in a long time. Sleepin pills it is, I'm a dick.
Sleep tight lovers.
I'll be talkin yo ya xx
Woken Up
For the last few weeks I've been floating by on my own little cloud of optimism... Optimism, happiness, hope all that shit. It was nice. Those moments are far to rare, but I supppose that makes them better.
I've snapped out of it now. I have stared right into the eyes of the 'ugly' truth and couldn't fight it. It was there to be accepted, always was I suppose. Is it really bad that I just hoped that for once things were swinging in my favour ?
Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see, well I did actually, who doesn't though ? I done what I needed to do, but it was logical, all paths seemed to be leading there. And it felt differant, how it used to feel... Real. It wasn't.
I need to learn, learn to accept the facts. What I want, need, crave the most Is no longer in existance, it hasn't been for close to a year ! Yet whenever my imagination seizes on the slightest crumb of hope I'm away ! It's pathetic. I suck, seriously, I'm one of the most useless, spineless, whiney little bastards on the planet. I fucking hate myself. Seriously, I'm a waste of space. I am a complete and utter nobody. Full of grand plans, dreams and hope. Whilst in reality all I am is a sad, lonely little shit, who will never amount to nothing. I cannot be satisfied, and will not be, unless the impossible sneaks up on me. Not gonna happen though. I truelly am the archatect of my own misery. No one to blame but me. Scream, shout... Do what the fuck you want, I don't care, not now, not this time ! I'm done. I'm just gonna down tools, accept I'm in the past, theirs a path, a good, succesful one. I'm just not on it...
FUCK !!!!!!
I need saved again, it's not been this bad in a long time. Sleepin pills it is, I'm a dick.
Sleep tight lovers.
I'll be talkin yo ya xx
I've snapped out of it now. I have stared right into the eyes of the 'ugly' truth and couldn't fight it. It was there to be accepted, always was I suppose. Is it really bad that I just hoped that for once things were swinging in my favour ?
Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see, well I did actually, who doesn't though ? I done what I needed to do, but it was logical, all paths seemed to be leading there. And it felt differant, how it used to feel... Real. It wasn't.
I need to learn, learn to accept the facts. What I want, need, crave the most Is no longer in existance, it hasn't been for close to a year ! Yet whenever my imagination seizes on the slightest crumb of hope I'm away ! It's pathetic. I suck, seriously, I'm one of the most useless, spineless, whiney little bastards on the planet. I fucking hate myself. Seriously, I'm a waste of space. I am a complete and utter nobody. Full of grand plans, dreams and hope. Whilst in reality all I am is a sad, lonely little shit, who will never amount to nothing. I cannot be satisfied, and will not be, unless the impossible sneaks up on me. Not gonna happen though. I truelly am the archatect of my own misery. No one to blame but me. Scream, shout... Do what the fuck you want, I don't care, not now, not this time ! I'm done. I'm just gonna down tools, accept I'm in the past, theirs a path, a good, succesful one. I'm just not on it...
FUCK !!!!!!
I need saved again, it's not been this bad in a long time. Sleepin pills it is, I'm a dick.
Sleep tight lovers.
I'll be talkin yo ya xx
Monday, 14 September 2009
Balls Rolling
This is a big week for me. First week proper at university. Should be good, lot's of reading mind, but i'm up for it !
Football trails on Tuesday, well tomorrow. I cannot wait for this, dead excited, me nd davieee are away from 4-6 playin so that'll be good. Excitin times...
Tuesday and thursday i've got days off actually, so hopefully i'll be able to take advantage of this. Catch up on some of my reading and things, gotta read a book called 'the magic toyshop' by some woman called Angela Carter. No idea whhat it's about but shall get it read good and proper ! haha.
This weekend aswel.. Oft ! Nothing concrete yet, but could be important, all about the big schemes y'know. Friday night is a maybe, think saturday night is a certainty, soo atleast, i'll get abit of time with the 'it' girl. That's the way things should be too, a plentyful weekend of MacDoogz. Only 4 sleeps !!!
Right, i'm offski.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Football trails on Tuesday, well tomorrow. I cannot wait for this, dead excited, me nd davieee are away from 4-6 playin so that'll be good. Excitin times...
Tuesday and thursday i've got days off actually, so hopefully i'll be able to take advantage of this. Catch up on some of my reading and things, gotta read a book called 'the magic toyshop' by some woman called Angela Carter. No idea whhat it's about but shall get it read good and proper ! haha.
This weekend aswel.. Oft ! Nothing concrete yet, but could be important, all about the big schemes y'know. Friday night is a maybe, think saturday night is a certainty, soo atleast, i'll get abit of time with the 'it' girl. That's the way things should be too, a plentyful weekend of MacDoogz. Only 4 sleeps !!!
Right, i'm offski.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Balls Rolling
This is a big week for me. First week proper at university. Should be good, lot's of reading mind, but i'm up for it !
Football trails on Tuesday, well tomorrow. I cannot wait for this, dead excited, me nd davieee are away from 4-6 playin so that'll be good. Excitin times...
Tuesday and thursday i've got days off actually, so hopefully i'll be able to take advantage of this. Catch up on some of my reading and things, gotta read a book called 'the magic toyshop' by some woman called Angela Carter. No idea whhat it's about but shall get it read good and proper ! haha.
This weekend aswel.. Oft ! Nothing concrete yet, but could be important, all about the big schemes y'know. Friday night is a maybe, think saturday night is a certainty, soo atleast, i'll get abit of time with the 'it' girl. That's the way things should be too, a plentyful weekend of MacDoogz. Only 4 sleeps !!!
Right, i'm offski.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Football trails on Tuesday, well tomorrow. I cannot wait for this, dead excited, me nd davieee are away from 4-6 playin so that'll be good. Excitin times...
Tuesday and thursday i've got days off actually, so hopefully i'll be able to take advantage of this. Catch up on some of my reading and things, gotta read a book called 'the magic toyshop' by some woman called Angela Carter. No idea whhat it's about but shall get it read good and proper ! haha.
This weekend aswel.. Oft ! Nothing concrete yet, but could be important, all about the big schemes y'know. Friday night is a maybe, think saturday night is a certainty, soo atleast, i'll get abit of time with the 'it' girl. That's the way things should be too, a plentyful weekend of MacDoogz. Only 4 sleeps !!!
Right, i'm offski.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Better Then Ok
This weekend has been a good 'un. To be honest I wasn't expecting it but it's been good fun.
Now Friday just sorta happened, after seein a film, Julie&Julia (good by the way), me and the bud sauntered down to my other pals flat for a wee party, turned it it wasn't wee ! What ensued was a fairly decent building(?) party. I had my usual dumbass moment but managed to get away from this one without getting myself in too much bother, was great fun though ! Then the policee came and sorts killed the mood a little and people were jumping on/off roofs and through windows and really that's my que to leave.
So last night then..... My uncle Chris 4Oth birthday party. Wasn't expecting it to be anything more then awrite, but 'un fact it became quite good. I didn't dance of course, but I did enjoy the company of the folk there, the unashamed people watching and just in general the night. Wasn't too happy on some lady-boy thing, shouting (loudly may I add) about me marrying it's child. That scared me. Ewww !
Right, well who knows what shenanigans I'll get into today, maybe it'll be good and I can have a perfect weekend ! Byeeee.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Now Friday just sorta happened, after seein a film, Julie&Julia (good by the way), me and the bud sauntered down to my other pals flat for a wee party, turned it it wasn't wee ! What ensued was a fairly decent building(?) party. I had my usual dumbass moment but managed to get away from this one without getting myself in too much bother, was great fun though ! Then the policee came and sorts killed the mood a little and people were jumping on/off roofs and through windows and really that's my que to leave.
So last night then..... My uncle Chris 4Oth birthday party. Wasn't expecting it to be anything more then awrite, but 'un fact it became quite good. I didn't dance of course, but I did enjoy the company of the folk there, the unashamed people watching and just in general the night. Wasn't too happy on some lady-boy thing, shouting (loudly may I add) about me marrying it's child. That scared me. Ewww !
Right, well who knows what shenanigans I'll get into today, maybe it'll be good and I can have a perfect weekend ! Byeeee.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Better Then Ok
This weekend has been a good 'un. To be honest I wasn't expecting it but it's been good fun.
Now Friday just sorta happened, after seein a film, Julie&Julia (good by the way), me and the bud sauntered down to my other pals flat for a wee party, turned it it wasn't wee ! What ensued was a fairly decent building(?) party. I had my usual dumbass moment but managed to get away from this one without getting myself in too much bother, was great fun though ! Then the policee came and sorts killed the mood a little and people were jumping on/off roofs and through windows and really that's my que to leave.
So last night then..... My uncle Chris 4Oth birthday party. Wasn't expecting it to be anything more then awrite, but 'un fact it became quite good. I didn't dance of course, but I did enjoy the company of the folk there, the unashamed people watching and just in general the night. Wasn't too happy on some lady-boy thing, shouting (loudly may I add) about me marrying it's child. That scared me. Ewww !
Right, well who knows what shenanigans I'll get into today, maybe it'll be good and I can have a perfect weekend ! Byeeee.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Now Friday just sorta happened, after seein a film, Julie&Julia (good by the way), me and the bud sauntered down to my other pals flat for a wee party, turned it it wasn't wee ! What ensued was a fairly decent building(?) party. I had my usual dumbass moment but managed to get away from this one without getting myself in too much bother, was great fun though ! Then the policee came and sorts killed the mood a little and people were jumping on/off roofs and through windows and really that's my que to leave.
So last night then..... My uncle Chris 4Oth birthday party. Wasn't expecting it to be anything more then awrite, but 'un fact it became quite good. I didn't dance of course, but I did enjoy the company of the folk there, the unashamed people watching and just in general the night. Wasn't too happy on some lady-boy thing, shouting (loudly may I add) about me marrying it's child. That scared me. Ewww !
Right, well who knows what shenanigans I'll get into today, maybe it'll be good and I can have a perfect weekend ! Byeeee.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Who Knew
'That last kiss i'll cherish, until we meet again,
And time makes it harder, i wish i could remember,
But i keep your memory,
You visit me in my sleep,
My darling, Who knew ?'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Who Knew
'That last kiss i'll cherish, until we meet again,
And time makes it harder, i wish i could remember,
But i keep your memory,
You visit me in my sleep,
My darling, Who knew ?'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Friday, 11 September 2009
Sunny, With A Slight Chance Of Cloud
Well then, first week of Napier University is done, just an introductory week though, so it's not been particularly difficult, but it has been eye opening. Compared to this school really is shite, it's a complete step up and a change of direction really, i'm impressed like, really am, delighted to he there actually !
The people have all been great, that's not just students either, staff too, all dead cool. A lot more informal then the resaltionship with teachers at school. Like your treated as an equal witch is weird at first, but kinda nice after a wee bit.
Done a pub quiz yesterday too, which i thought was a really smart way to sorta force people to get to know each other, my team were third, so yeah, that's ok i suppose, bloody arrogant bastard team in the corner won it ! Not bitter of course haha. Note to self, don't take things so serious !! Signed up for football team trials aswell. That'll be a decent chance to get involved with something too, meet more people and stuff. And i'm totally aware i'm not the best footbalelr in the world, but i'm fairly confident i can nail down a place in one of the teams, although theres guys kicking about who'll be like 25/26 so they'll be hard to play against, as i really am quite small. Maybe have to hit the gym haha.
All this is great, but i am aware that startin proper next week will be differant, there's bound to be alot of assignemts to get on with and that's a bugger :/ But i do prefer working the way this course requires me to, which is talk about stuff in a lecture or class or somethin, and then just leave me to piss of and do the actual writing and thinking of it myself. As you'll have gathered writing is something i don't mind doing, and i already think too much, so now i'll have something actually proper relevent to put my mind to use on ! Desperatley hoping i can keep on top of everything though, don't want to get left behind or anythin. That'll be a problem come October 15th to 30th as i'm offski to Florida with everyone, and therefore missin two weeks worth of classes, but i think i can make that back up, just use internet and shit to follow what's going on, maybe hope some nice fucker will let me see their notes when i'm back. You never know, hopefully it'll all sort itself out. Nothing i could do to change it anyway haha.
Alright, so what's my agggenda for this weekend. Going round to a mates pad tonight for a party apparently, should be ok. And tomorrow (Saturday) night i've got my Uncles 40th birthday, that might be a good laugh, hopefully anyway. That's it though. Bound to catch a wee film in there at some point aswel, as is the standard procedure haha. Liking the look of Julie & Julia, but District 9 could be awrite aswel, play it by ear me thinks.
All My Love,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
The people have all been great, that's not just students either, staff too, all dead cool. A lot more informal then the resaltionship with teachers at school. Like your treated as an equal witch is weird at first, but kinda nice after a wee bit.
Done a pub quiz yesterday too, which i thought was a really smart way to sorta force people to get to know each other, my team were third, so yeah, that's ok i suppose, bloody arrogant bastard team in the corner won it ! Not bitter of course haha. Note to self, don't take things so serious !! Signed up for football team trials aswell. That'll be a decent chance to get involved with something too, meet more people and stuff. And i'm totally aware i'm not the best footbalelr in the world, but i'm fairly confident i can nail down a place in one of the teams, although theres guys kicking about who'll be like 25/26 so they'll be hard to play against, as i really am quite small. Maybe have to hit the gym haha.
All this is great, but i am aware that startin proper next week will be differant, there's bound to be alot of assignemts to get on with and that's a bugger :/ But i do prefer working the way this course requires me to, which is talk about stuff in a lecture or class or somethin, and then just leave me to piss of and do the actual writing and thinking of it myself. As you'll have gathered writing is something i don't mind doing, and i already think too much, so now i'll have something actually proper relevent to put my mind to use on ! Desperatley hoping i can keep on top of everything though, don't want to get left behind or anythin. That'll be a problem come October 15th to 30th as i'm offski to Florida with everyone, and therefore missin two weeks worth of classes, but i think i can make that back up, just use internet and shit to follow what's going on, maybe hope some nice fucker will let me see their notes when i'm back. You never know, hopefully it'll all sort itself out. Nothing i could do to change it anyway haha.
Alright, so what's my agggenda for this weekend. Going round to a mates pad tonight for a party apparently, should be ok. And tomorrow (Saturday) night i've got my Uncles 40th birthday, that might be a good laugh, hopefully anyway. That's it though. Bound to catch a wee film in there at some point aswel, as is the standard procedure haha. Liking the look of Julie & Julia, but District 9 could be awrite aswel, play it by ear me thinks.
All My Love,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Sunny, With A Slight Chance Of Cloud
Well then, first week of Napier University is done, just an introductory week though, so it's not been particularly difficult, but it has been eye opening. Compared to this school really is shite, it's a complete step up and a change of direction really, i'm impressed like, really am, delighted to he there actually !
The people have all been great, that's not just students either, staff too, all dead cool. A lot more informal then the resaltionship with teachers at school. Like your treated as an equal witch is weird at first, but kinda nice after a wee bit.
Done a pub quiz yesterday too, which i thought was a really smart way to sorta force people to get to know each other, my team were third, so yeah, that's ok i suppose, bloody arrogant bastard team in the corner won it ! Not bitter of course haha. Note to self, don't take things so serious !! Signed up for football team trials aswell. That'll be a decent chance to get involved with something too, meet more people and stuff. And i'm totally aware i'm not the best footbalelr in the world, but i'm fairly confident i can nail down a place in one of the teams, although theres guys kicking about who'll be like 25/26 so they'll be hard to play against, as i really am quite small. Maybe have to hit the gym haha.
All this is great, but i am aware that startin proper next week will be differant, there's bound to be alot of assignemts to get on with and that's a bugger :/ But i do prefer working the way this course requires me to, which is talk about stuff in a lecture or class or somethin, and then just leave me to piss of and do the actual writing and thinking of it myself. As you'll have gathered writing is something i don't mind doing, and i already think too much, so now i'll have something actually proper relevent to put my mind to use on ! Desperatley hoping i can keep on top of everything though, don't want to get left behind or anythin. That'll be a problem come October 15th to 30th as i'm offski to Florida with everyone, and therefore missin two weeks worth of classes, but i think i can make that back up, just use internet and shit to follow what's going on, maybe hope some nice fucker will let me see their notes when i'm back. You never know, hopefully it'll all sort itself out. Nothing i could do to change it anyway haha.
Alright, so what's my agggenda for this weekend. Going round to a mates pad tonight for a party apparently, should be ok. And tomorrow (Saturday) night i've got my Uncles 40th birthday, that might be a good laugh, hopefully anyway. That's it though. Bound to catch a wee film in there at some point aswel, as is the standard procedure haha. Liking the look of Julie & Julia, but District 9 could be awrite aswel, play it by ear me thinks.
All My Love,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
The people have all been great, that's not just students either, staff too, all dead cool. A lot more informal then the resaltionship with teachers at school. Like your treated as an equal witch is weird at first, but kinda nice after a wee bit.
Done a pub quiz yesterday too, which i thought was a really smart way to sorta force people to get to know each other, my team were third, so yeah, that's ok i suppose, bloody arrogant bastard team in the corner won it ! Not bitter of course haha. Note to self, don't take things so serious !! Signed up for football team trials aswell. That'll be a decent chance to get involved with something too, meet more people and stuff. And i'm totally aware i'm not the best footbalelr in the world, but i'm fairly confident i can nail down a place in one of the teams, although theres guys kicking about who'll be like 25/26 so they'll be hard to play against, as i really am quite small. Maybe have to hit the gym haha.
All this is great, but i am aware that startin proper next week will be differant, there's bound to be alot of assignemts to get on with and that's a bugger :/ But i do prefer working the way this course requires me to, which is talk about stuff in a lecture or class or somethin, and then just leave me to piss of and do the actual writing and thinking of it myself. As you'll have gathered writing is something i don't mind doing, and i already think too much, so now i'll have something actually proper relevent to put my mind to use on ! Desperatley hoping i can keep on top of everything though, don't want to get left behind or anythin. That'll be a problem come October 15th to 30th as i'm offski to Florida with everyone, and therefore missin two weeks worth of classes, but i think i can make that back up, just use internet and shit to follow what's going on, maybe hope some nice fucker will let me see their notes when i'm back. You never know, hopefully it'll all sort itself out. Nothing i could do to change it anyway haha.
Alright, so what's my agggenda for this weekend. Going round to a mates pad tonight for a party apparently, should be ok. And tomorrow (Saturday) night i've got my Uncles 40th birthday, that might be a good laugh, hopefully anyway. That's it though. Bound to catch a wee film in there at some point aswel, as is the standard procedure haha. Liking the look of Julie & Julia, but District 9 could be awrite aswel, play it by ear me thinks.
All My Love,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Thursday, 10 September 2009
The notebook
I'm lying in bed, watchin this again just now. Omg ! It's absoloute agony. Just so fucking sad.
Instead of waffling on for ever I'll just keep this quite short. Not only is this one of the most quotable, powerful, affecting films of the 21st century, it's also just magical. Every emotional curve it throws out is felt. Especially by anyone who can lay claim to the (not so great) feeling of having their heart built up, before being painfully torn apart !
I just fucking love this movie, could watch it over and over again :)
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Instead of waffling on for ever I'll just keep this quite short. Not only is this one of the most quotable, powerful, affecting films of the 21st century, it's also just magical. Every emotional curve it throws out is felt. Especially by anyone who can lay claim to the (not so great) feeling of having their heart built up, before being painfully torn apart !
I just fucking love this movie, could watch it over and over again :)
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
The notebook
I'm lying in bed, watchin this again just now. Omg ! It's absoloute agony. Just so fucking sad.
Instead of waffling on for ever I'll just keep this quite short. Not only is this one of the most quotable, powerful, affecting films of the 21st century, it's also just magical. Every emotional curve it throws out is felt. Especially by anyone who can lay claim to the (not so great) feeling of having their heart built up, before being painfully torn apart !
I just fucking love this movie, could watch it over and over again :)
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Instead of waffling on for ever I'll just keep this quite short. Not only is this one of the most quotable, powerful, affecting films of the 21st century, it's also just magical. Every emotional curve it throws out is felt. Especially by anyone who can lay claim to the (not so great) feeling of having their heart built up, before being painfully torn apart !
I just fucking love this movie, could watch it over and over again :)
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Vix
I'm totally hooked on the Vix Nasel Spray shit !!!
I've been pretty much on/off using these wee tubes for like a year now, just bought another three today ! This has to end. Although i doubt it does much arm, nd my nose is all minty and nice most of the time.
Hmmm.....
i'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Vix
I'm totally hooked on the Vix Nasel Spray shit !!!
I've been pretty much on/off using these wee tubes for like a year now, just bought another three today ! This has to end. Although i doubt it does much arm, nd my nose is all minty and nice most of the time.
Hmmm.....
i'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Monday, 7 September 2009
Turn The Page, Chapter 2.
Today i kicked of my university life ! :D
Have to say, first impressions are good. I felt very relaxed the whole time, everybody was dead nice and helpful, so yeah, i was pretty impressed.
Got there and was put in a room with all the other English students, eventually we were split into our individual courses and stuff :) The English and Film lot seemed right cool, got on with pretty much everyone i spoke to. Made friends with some nice girl from Livingston pretty quick, so that's good cause atleast i have like a steady friend already, so i'm not gonna be liek the random weird person !!
In all truthfullness i'm just fekin delighted to be away from school, it's such a relief, i actually feel like i'm doin somethin now thats somewhat useful ! And most importantly something i enjoy and am genuinally interested in y'know :)
The literary editor from the Scotsman gave us a wee talk aswel, which was kinda interesting, bit boring \t times, although he is friends with Mark Miller !! To the those who don't know, he's a Scottish comic book writer over in America, works for Marvel just now. And he's also amazing !! The Scotsman bloke mentioned that Marky Mark actually has the late Christopher Reeves Superman cape in his house, that was quite possibly the most amazing thing i have ever heard of somebody owning !!
Anyway, on the whole today was a good day. I'm glad i went to Uni instead of another pointless, depressing, boring and fucking annoying year of school. Good call Stevie Bhoy, well done sir !
loove you's and Leave Ya's !
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
Have to say, first impressions are good. I felt very relaxed the whole time, everybody was dead nice and helpful, so yeah, i was pretty impressed.
Got there and was put in a room with all the other English students, eventually we were split into our individual courses and stuff :) The English and Film lot seemed right cool, got on with pretty much everyone i spoke to. Made friends with some nice girl from Livingston pretty quick, so that's good cause atleast i have like a steady friend already, so i'm not gonna be liek the random weird person !!
In all truthfullness i'm just fekin delighted to be away from school, it's such a relief, i actually feel like i'm doin somethin now thats somewhat useful ! And most importantly something i enjoy and am genuinally interested in y'know :)
The literary editor from the Scotsman gave us a wee talk aswel, which was kinda interesting, bit boring \t times, although he is friends with Mark Miller !! To the those who don't know, he's a Scottish comic book writer over in America, works for Marvel just now. And he's also amazing !! The Scotsman bloke mentioned that Marky Mark actually has the late Christopher Reeves Superman cape in his house, that was quite possibly the most amazing thing i have ever heard of somebody owning !!
Anyway, on the whole today was a good day. I'm glad i went to Uni instead of another pointless, depressing, boring and fucking annoying year of school. Good call Stevie Bhoy, well done sir !
loove you's and Leave Ya's !
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
Turn The Page, Chapter 2.
Today i kicked of my university life ! :D
Have to say, first impressions are good. I felt very relaxed the whole time, everybody was dead nice and helpful, so yeah, i was pretty impressed.
Got there and was put in a room with all the other English students, eventually we were split into our individual courses and stuff :) The English and Film lot seemed right cool, got on with pretty much everyone i spoke to. Made friends with some nice girl from Livingston pretty quick, so that's good cause atleast i have like a steady friend already, so i'm not gonna be liek the random weird person !!
In all truthfullness i'm just fekin delighted to be away from school, it's such a relief, i actually feel like i'm doin somethin now thats somewhat useful ! And most importantly something i enjoy and am genuinally interested in y'know :)
The literary editor from the Scotsman gave us a wee talk aswel, which was kinda interesting, bit boring \t times, although he is friends with Mark Miller !! To the those who don't know, he's a Scottish comic book writer over in America, works for Marvel just now. And he's also amazing !! The Scotsman bloke mentioned that Marky Mark actually has the late Christopher Reeves Superman cape in his house, that was quite possibly the most amazing thing i have ever heard of somebody owning !!
Anyway, on the whole today was a good day. I'm glad i went to Uni instead of another pointless, depressing, boring and fucking annoying year of school. Good call Stevie Bhoy, well done sir !
loove you's and Leave Ya's !
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
Have to say, first impressions are good. I felt very relaxed the whole time, everybody was dead nice and helpful, so yeah, i was pretty impressed.
Got there and was put in a room with all the other English students, eventually we were split into our individual courses and stuff :) The English and Film lot seemed right cool, got on with pretty much everyone i spoke to. Made friends with some nice girl from Livingston pretty quick, so that's good cause atleast i have like a steady friend already, so i'm not gonna be liek the random weird person !!
In all truthfullness i'm just fekin delighted to be away from school, it's such a relief, i actually feel like i'm doin somethin now thats somewhat useful ! And most importantly something i enjoy and am genuinally interested in y'know :)
The literary editor from the Scotsman gave us a wee talk aswel, which was kinda interesting, bit boring \t times, although he is friends with Mark Miller !! To the those who don't know, he's a Scottish comic book writer over in America, works for Marvel just now. And he's also amazing !! The Scotsman bloke mentioned that Marky Mark actually has the late Christopher Reeves Superman cape in his house, that was quite possibly the most amazing thing i have ever heard of somebody owning !!
Anyway, on the whole today was a good day. I'm glad i went to Uni instead of another pointless, depressing, boring and fucking annoying year of school. Good call Stevie Bhoy, well done sir !
loove you's and Leave Ya's !
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
Sunday, 6 September 2009
(500) Days Of Summer
Wow ! I saw this film the other night right, completely and utterly brillaint ! Seriously, almost faultless. The best film i've seen in the cinema since the Dark Knight last July. That good, honestly, i love it !
It's sorta been advertised as a rom-com type film, but it's most certaintly not that. Think of it more as the anti rom-com. It doesn't follow any of the conventional narrative structures of those films, going with a non linear structure instead. This can be tricky to pull of, but it works well ! Especially in the context of the movie. It doesn't have the typical happy ending, or predictable path from begining to end, it really just does it's own thing to be honest and works well. It even smartly references Fench new wave cinema ! Quite a unusual thing for a so called 'rom-com' haha.
The movie tells it like it is, non of this hollywood fairytale bullshit. It understands that love fucking hurts and sucks at times, but also that it is the best feeling in the whole world. The audince really feels the emotional arks of all the characters as the so called (500) days progress. It actaully has one of the most heart wrenchin difficult to watch scenes in a movie, ever. The line 'i'm sure... What i wasn't sure of with you' Is soo powerfully delivered it pretty much jumps off screen and punches you right in the gut !
Okay, sooo i could talk about this film all day, but i'll not, i'll just leave it to ya'll to go see, please do it deserves a wide audience !
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
It's sorta been advertised as a rom-com type film, but it's most certaintly not that. Think of it more as the anti rom-com. It doesn't follow any of the conventional narrative structures of those films, going with a non linear structure instead. This can be tricky to pull of, but it works well ! Especially in the context of the movie. It doesn't have the typical happy ending, or predictable path from begining to end, it really just does it's own thing to be honest and works well. It even smartly references Fench new wave cinema ! Quite a unusual thing for a so called 'rom-com' haha.
The movie tells it like it is, non of this hollywood fairytale bullshit. It understands that love fucking hurts and sucks at times, but also that it is the best feeling in the whole world. The audince really feels the emotional arks of all the characters as the so called (500) days progress. It actaully has one of the most heart wrenchin difficult to watch scenes in a movie, ever. The line 'i'm sure... What i wasn't sure of with you' Is soo powerfully delivered it pretty much jumps off screen and punches you right in the gut !
Okay, sooo i could talk about this film all day, but i'll not, i'll just leave it to ya'll to go see, please do it deserves a wide audience !
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
(500) Days Of Summer
Wow ! I saw this film the other night right, completely and utterly brillaint ! Seriously, almost faultless. The best film i've seen in the cinema since the Dark Knight last July. That good, honestly, i love it !
It's sorta been advertised as a rom-com type film, but it's most certaintly not that. Think of it more as the anti rom-com. It doesn't follow any of the conventional narrative structures of those films, going with a non linear structure instead. This can be tricky to pull of, but it works well ! Especially in the context of the movie. It doesn't have the typical happy ending, or predictable path from begining to end, it really just does it's own thing to be honest and works well. It even smartly references Fench new wave cinema ! Quite a unusual thing for a so called 'rom-com' haha.
The movie tells it like it is, non of this hollywood fairytale bullshit. It understands that love fucking hurts and sucks at times, but also that it is the best feeling in the whole world. The audince really feels the emotional arks of all the characters as the so called (500) days progress. It actaully has one of the most heart wrenchin difficult to watch scenes in a movie, ever. The line 'i'm sure... What i wasn't sure of with you' Is soo powerfully delivered it pretty much jumps off screen and punches you right in the gut !
Okay, sooo i could talk about this film all day, but i'll not, i'll just leave it to ya'll to go see, please do it deserves a wide audience !
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
It's sorta been advertised as a rom-com type film, but it's most certaintly not that. Think of it more as the anti rom-com. It doesn't follow any of the conventional narrative structures of those films, going with a non linear structure instead. This can be tricky to pull of, but it works well ! Especially in the context of the movie. It doesn't have the typical happy ending, or predictable path from begining to end, it really just does it's own thing to be honest and works well. It even smartly references Fench new wave cinema ! Quite a unusual thing for a so called 'rom-com' haha.
The movie tells it like it is, non of this hollywood fairytale bullshit. It understands that love fucking hurts and sucks at times, but also that it is the best feeling in the whole world. The audince really feels the emotional arks of all the characters as the so called (500) days progress. It actaully has one of the most heart wrenchin difficult to watch scenes in a movie, ever. The line 'i'm sure... What i wasn't sure of with you' Is soo powerfully delivered it pretty much jumps off screen and punches you right in the gut !
Okay, sooo i could talk about this film all day, but i'll not, i'll just leave it to ya'll to go see, please do it deserves a wide audience !
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
More Then Life
The importance of it all just hit me !
Literaly, like 10 seconds ago... The whole gravity of this situation dawned on me !
This whole thing is a build up of a long time hoping and dreaming, and whilst it's all came around sooner then i expected and far more organicly, it's still the chance i have been waiting for.
Truth is this is the only thing i want, i'm not asking for anything else, this is the single most important thing in my life, more important then that even ! I really do need it. The thought of it all has been pushing me along for so long, and keeping me positive, it's been a reason for living, without a doubt.
Even if it doesn't go to plan, i'll have other chances.. Sure, but i just need to have this pay off executed ! The excitement of it all is just amazing, i havn't felt this way in so long, on the edge again, with nothing to keep me steady but a single voice ! This is just how i like it.
Fuck stability !
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Literaly, like 10 seconds ago... The whole gravity of this situation dawned on me !
This whole thing is a build up of a long time hoping and dreaming, and whilst it's all came around sooner then i expected and far more organicly, it's still the chance i have been waiting for.
Truth is this is the only thing i want, i'm not asking for anything else, this is the single most important thing in my life, more important then that even ! I really do need it. The thought of it all has been pushing me along for so long, and keeping me positive, it's been a reason for living, without a doubt.
Even if it doesn't go to plan, i'll have other chances.. Sure, but i just need to have this pay off executed ! The excitement of it all is just amazing, i havn't felt this way in so long, on the edge again, with nothing to keep me steady but a single voice ! This is just how i like it.
Fuck stability !
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
More Then Life
The importance of it all just hit me !
Literaly, like 10 seconds ago... The whole gravity of this situation dawned on me !
This whole thing is a build up of a long time hoping and dreaming, and whilst it's all came around sooner then i expected and far more organicly, it's still the chance i have been waiting for.
Truth is this is the only thing i want, i'm not asking for anything else, this is the single most important thing in my life, more important then that even ! I really do need it. The thought of it all has been pushing me along for so long, and keeping me positive, it's been a reason for living, without a doubt.
Even if it doesn't go to plan, i'll have other chances.. Sure, but i just need to have this pay off executed ! The excitement of it all is just amazing, i havn't felt this way in so long, on the edge again, with nothing to keep me steady but a single voice ! This is just how i like it.
Fuck stability !
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Literaly, like 10 seconds ago... The whole gravity of this situation dawned on me !
This whole thing is a build up of a long time hoping and dreaming, and whilst it's all came around sooner then i expected and far more organicly, it's still the chance i have been waiting for.
Truth is this is the only thing i want, i'm not asking for anything else, this is the single most important thing in my life, more important then that even ! I really do need it. The thought of it all has been pushing me along for so long, and keeping me positive, it's been a reason for living, without a doubt.
Even if it doesn't go to plan, i'll have other chances.. Sure, but i just need to have this pay off executed ! The excitement of it all is just amazing, i havn't felt this way in so long, on the edge again, with nothing to keep me steady but a single voice ! This is just how i like it.
Fuck stability !
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
That Knowing Feeling
Do you not just love when you're minding your own business and suddenly a piece of music, or a song starts that just instantly takes you straight back to a differant place, or scenario. Sometimes it's the time that is brought back, or maybe the people you shared the moment with. Anyway, this song does just that :)
Tell me did you sail across the sun,
Now that shes back from that soul vacation,
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken,
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Love it. Love You
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX
'Now that shes back in the atmosphere,
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey,
She acts like summer and walks like rain,
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey,
Since the return from her stay on the moon,
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey.
Tell me did you sail across the sun,
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded,
And that heaven is overrated.
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,
One without a permanent scar,
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there.
Now that shes back from that soul vacation,
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey,
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo,
Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey.
Now that shes back in the atmosphere,
Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane,
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land.
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind,
Was it everything you wanted to find,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken,
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong,
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation,
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me.
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And head back toward the milky way.'
Love it. Love You
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX
That Knowing Feeling
Do you not just love when you're minding your own business and suddenly a piece of music, or a song starts that just instantly takes you straight back to a differant place, or scenario. Sometimes it's the time that is brought back, or maybe the people you shared the moment with. Anyway, this song does just that :)
Tell me did you sail across the sun,
Now that shes back from that soul vacation,
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken,
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Love it. Love You
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX
'Now that shes back in the atmosphere,
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey,
She acts like summer and walks like rain,
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey,
Since the return from her stay on the moon,
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey.
Tell me did you sail across the sun,
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded,
And that heaven is overrated.
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,
One without a permanent scar,
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there.
Now that shes back from that soul vacation,
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey,
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo,
Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey.
Now that shes back in the atmosphere,
Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane,
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land.
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind,
Was it everything you wanted to find,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken,
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong,
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation,
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me.
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet,
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day,
And head back toward the milky way.'
Love it. Love You
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX
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