Status Update.

Hi.

So Florida is treating me well. I've done a shitload of reading this past week and actually feel somewhat intelligent. It's a novelty ....

I'm currently reading Kurt Cobains bio. Scary stuff ! Guys fascinating, but very intense. I like him, shame he died :/

Here for another week, gonna keep the good time going hopefully, then back to uni and stuff. I enjoy that though so it's not a drag :)

Okay doke, i'll be back on here soon probably.

I'll be talkin to ya XxX

Status Update.

Hi.

So Florida is treating me well. I've done a shitload of reading this past week and actually feel somewhat intelligent. It's a novelty ....

I'm currently reading Kurt Cobains bio. Scary stuff ! Guys fascinating, but very intense. I like him, shame he died :/

Here for another week, gonna keep the good time going hopefully, then back to uni and stuff. I enjoy that though so it's not a drag :)

Okay doke, i'll be back on here soon probably.

I'll be talkin to ya XxX

An Essay On Death And Other Such Matters.

Have you ever thought about dying ?







Of course you have. it's natural. At some point everybody questions their own mortality. What fluctuates however is how people view the topic at various points in their lives. Now, i'm not for one minute suggesting that everybody who reads this (so about ten of you ! Ha) is going to fall entirely into the parimeters that i'm going to outline, but in my experience what people regard of dying is fairly similar at points in their existance.



Basically when you are all new and born it's not an issue, there isn't a lotta understanding of the topic. Before a person can think about death they must realise what it is to live and that they themselves are living, which doesn't occur until a person reaches the stage of rational thought. When somebody is young, just a child, and aware of the finite amount of time they'll exist there is a fear, of course their is. Every kid is scared of dying.



However when someone hits their teenage years, that fear is forgotten. The majority of teens don't think of their own frailty and uselessness, seeing themselves as indestructable, immortal. Of course they do, they are ! .... Or so they would like you to think. The fear of course returns with maturity. The moment a person understands that they have a reason to live, to love (be it girlfriend, wife, kids) the thought of losing it all and leaving them all behind is paralysing. The desire to live on, through anything, is overpowering. For the sake of them. This is of course a stage of life that i'm not gonna pretend to be at of course, But i can understand and emphasise with the emotions that would be at play here.

The next major shif comes at that sorta mid-way point in life. The kids have probably grown up and are now acting independently. Essentially the single biggest reason to live, no longer depends on you're presense. They have their own lifes to live and enjoy. It's at this stage were i think people find comfort and gain a sense of satisfaction with what they have. In turn there is no fear. They feel that they would die happy. This defiance in the face of the reaper can only last so long however. The minute the body gets old and starts to fail the mind inside it, is when a terrifying truth confronts you. You're going to die, it could be soon, just depends. No matter what you do, your time is limited.

The final piece of the puzzle slots in right at the very end. When the fact you are close to the finish line is accepted. I suppose that you can call it that anyway, an 'acceptance'. The moment a person passes away there peaceful (natural causes being discussed here of course). What happens after that moment i can't say. I like to think it's not just a lights out scenario. An afterlife of sorts would be nice, fun even. This belief is kinda backed up by a physic uncle, who at the moment i think may be onto something. Not certain yet, but interesting all the same.

So then, what about me. What are my opinions on my own mortality. Well mines have changed alot of late, just due to thinking about it which i'd never really done before. I was born and i'll die. That's the only two certainties in life and for that reason i have no fear of it. I'm dying dying slowly as i write this. Slowly but surely. It's all about how we spend the years in-between that
shape our enjoyment of the brief, blink of an eye we get to spend here. Thats why it's important to enjoy it and have fun. Now to be honest i live what is a pretty reckless life, not in a typical teenage manner though. I don't want what others do, i seem just to get that. I don't try and act like a characters from skins, i do things my way, i don't accept limits, i just do what i enjoy. I love too easily, cry to hard, die to live and live to die. I don't seek or accept half measures. I fuck, i love and i lose my fucking mind, almost every week. I take the highs and the lows, the fresh hope with every dissapointment. I don't see living as some great, secret challenge. Just something that needs to be done a long time to get good at. And i'm not there yet. I can't withdraw myself far enough to away to remain unaffected, or open up enough to let everybody in. But i have fun, i don't pollute my body or brain with toxic shit, apart from a few small incidental examples. I'm surprisingly fairly healthy. But i'm fucked up, i'm turbulant, difficult, unpredictable and nervous. However i'm also commited, dependable, loving, powerful and sincere. And i'm not bored. I live, i love and i laugh. And if i was to die today then i wouldn't be scared. Because it'll happen at some stage and it doesn't frighten me. Because i promise you i had fun getting here. Without a doubt.

I'll be talkin to ya (for awhile yet) XxX

An Essay On Death And Other Such Matters.

Have you ever thought about dying ?







Of course you have. it's natural. At some point everybody questions their own mortality. What fluctuates however is how people view the topic at various points in their lives. Now, i'm not for one minute suggesting that everybody who reads this (so about ten of you ! Ha) is going to fall entirely into the parimeters that i'm going to outline, but in my experience what people regard of dying is fairly similar at points in their existance.



Basically when you are all new and born it's not an issue, there isn't a lotta understanding of the topic. Before a person can think about death they must realise what it is to live and that they themselves are living, which doesn't occur until a person reaches the stage of rational thought. When somebody is young, just a child, and aware of the finite amount of time they'll exist there is a fear, of course their is. Every kid is scared of dying.



However when someone hits their teenage years, that fear is forgotten. The majority of teens don't think of their own frailty and uselessness, seeing themselves as indestructable, immortal. Of course they do, they are ! .... Or so they would like you to think. The fear of course returns with maturity. The moment a person understands that they have a reason to live, to love (be it girlfriend, wife, kids) the thought of losing it all and leaving them all behind is paralysing. The desire to live on, through anything, is overpowering. For the sake of them. This is of course a stage of life that i'm not gonna pretend to be at of course, But i can understand and emphasise with the emotions that would be at play here.

The next major shif comes at that sorta mid-way point in life. The kids have probably grown up and are now acting independently. Essentially the single biggest reason to live, no longer depends on you're presense. They have their own lifes to live and enjoy. It's at this stage were i think people find comfort and gain a sense of satisfaction with what they have. In turn there is no fear. They feel that they would die happy. This defiance in the face of the reaper can only last so long however. The minute the body gets old and starts to fail the mind inside it, is when a terrifying truth confronts you. You're going to die, it could be soon, just depends. No matter what you do, your time is limited.

The final piece of the puzzle slots in right at the very end. When the fact you are close to the finish line is accepted. I suppose that you can call it that anyway, an 'acceptance'. The moment a person passes away there peaceful (natural causes being discussed here of course). What happens after that moment i can't say. I like to think it's not just a lights out scenario. An afterlife of sorts would be nice, fun even. This belief is kinda backed up by a physic uncle, who at the moment i think may be onto something. Not certain yet, but interesting all the same.

So then, what about me. What are my opinions on my own mortality. Well mines have changed alot of late, just due to thinking about it which i'd never really done before. I was born and i'll die. That's the only two certainties in life and for that reason i have no fear of it. I'm dying dying slowly as i write this. Slowly but surely. It's all about how we spend the years in-between that
shape our enjoyment of the brief, blink of an eye we get to spend here. Thats why it's important to enjoy it and have fun. Now to be honest i live what is a pretty reckless life, not in a typical teenage manner though. I don't want what others do, i seem just to get that. I don't try and act like a characters from skins, i do things my way, i don't accept limits, i just do what i enjoy. I love too easily, cry to hard, die to live and live to die. I don't seek or accept half measures. I fuck, i love and i lose my fucking mind, almost every week. I take the highs and the lows, the fresh hope with every dissapointment. I don't see living as some great, secret challenge. Just something that needs to be done a long time to get good at. And i'm not there yet. I can't withdraw myself far enough to away to remain unaffected, or open up enough to let everybody in. But i have fun, i don't pollute my body or brain with toxic shit, apart from a few small incidental examples. I'm surprisingly fairly healthy. But i'm fucked up, i'm turbulant, difficult, unpredictable and nervous. However i'm also commited, dependable, loving, powerful and sincere. And i'm not bored. I live, i love and i laugh. And if i was to die today then i wouldn't be scared. Because it'll happen at some stage and it doesn't frighten me. Because i promise you i had fun getting here. Without a doubt.

I'll be talkin to ya (for awhile yet) XxX

Florida

I'm away to Florida tomorrow :D

Two week holiday ! Cannot wait. This is probably the first time i've been genuinally excited about leaving for years ! Crazy eh.

Me, Mom, Dad, Stu, Rombo, Jimbo, Auntai Sandra, Disco Dave, Greigory, Jake And Robert. Some amount of folk like. Shall be a buzy household :P

Oooh aye, saw Kevin Smith in glasgow last night !!!

Mans a total leg-end. No words can describe him effectivly really. Except maybe.... Bob ? That'll mean nothing to almost everybody. Except the askiew-verse fans amongst you. Haha

Right then, byeeeee,

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

Florida

I'm away to Florida tomorrow :D

Two week holiday ! Cannot wait. This is probably the first time i've been genuinally excited about leaving for years ! Crazy eh.

Me, Mom, Dad, Stu, Rombo, Jimbo, Auntai Sandra, Disco Dave, Greigory, Jake And Robert. Some amount of folk like. Shall be a buzy household :P

Oooh aye, saw Kevin Smith in glasgow last night !!!

Mans a total leg-end. No words can describe him effectivly really. Except maybe.... Bob ? That'll mean nothing to almost everybody. Except the askiew-verse fans amongst you. Haha

Right then, byeeeee,

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

Swine Fluuuuuuu

My wee cousin has managed to get herself all swine flu ridden. Bad times !

I've seen her like 3 times since i think she got it, so i'm hopeful that i've missed it, just cause i've got the holiday coming up and all that. Fingers crossed.

Hope she get's well soon though, sounds like it's pretty nasty !

Wish her all the best everyone, she really is a lovely person. Why she puts up with my arseing about is beyond me.

Love ya :)

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX

Swine Fluuuuuuu

My wee cousin has managed to get herself all swine flu ridden. Bad times !

I've seen her like 3 times since i think she got it, so i'm hopeful that i've missed it, just cause i've got the holiday coming up and all that. Fingers crossed.

Hope she get's well soon though, sounds like it's pretty nasty !

Wish her all the best everyone, she really is a lovely person. Why she puts up with my arseing about is beyond me.

Love ya :)

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX

Thoughts of the day.

The last week has been a bad one. My perfect start has taken a complete thump in the head. Well, the social part anyway. I suppose the reasons behind it are linked to the events of last friday. The the ways things ended up, espicially the eventual sleeping arrangements have caused a bit of problems, mainly due to awkwardness. Not on my part though, mainly due to the other person in reference.

Everything else is just fine to be honest, just this little issue is making things a bit difficult. Certain scenarios you can just tell are laced with tension and stuff. The differnace between this week and last (or really every week since i started) is mental. All the wee things that had been set-up have just fallen down.... BANG !!

I'm not gonna moan about this shit though. Not at all, in all fairness i was kinda looking for a chance to fuck things up like this. Things were going to well. It was time to slam the self destruct button ! If anything i got exactley what i wanted. I'm feelin somethin outwith the norm again. This sorta bullshit spurs me on. Inspires y'know, gets me riled up. It's a good thing that. I work hard when i'm like this.

So overall i'm kinda pissed yet pleased with whats become of things. I don't regret my actions at all, maybe just the follow up. Florida next week though !! Woop.

It's just a damm shame , that in order to get to were i wanted to be, i've had to sacrifice what could have been a good friendship, and yeah okay, maybe more. Atleast it was a nice few weeks. And one one nice night.

Fuck me i'm an idiot. Shit...

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Thoughts of the day.

The last week has been a bad one. My perfect start has taken a complete thump in the head. Well, the social part anyway. I suppose the reasons behind it are linked to the events of last friday. The the ways things ended up, espicially the eventual sleeping arrangements have caused a bit of problems, mainly due to awkwardness. Not on my part though, mainly due to the other person in reference.

Everything else is just fine to be honest, just this little issue is making things a bit difficult. Certain scenarios you can just tell are laced with tension and stuff. The differnace between this week and last (or really every week since i started) is mental. All the wee things that had been set-up have just fallen down.... BANG !!

I'm not gonna moan about this shit though. Not at all, in all fairness i was kinda looking for a chance to fuck things up like this. Things were going to well. It was time to slam the self destruct button ! If anything i got exactley what i wanted. I'm feelin somethin outwith the norm again. This sorta bullshit spurs me on. Inspires y'know, gets me riled up. It's a good thing that. I work hard when i'm like this.

So overall i'm kinda pissed yet pleased with whats become of things. I don't regret my actions at all, maybe just the follow up. Florida next week though !! Woop.

It's just a damm shame , that in order to get to were i wanted to be, i've had to sacrifice what could have been a good friendship, and yeah okay, maybe more. Atleast it was a nice few weeks. And one one nice night.

Fuck me i'm an idiot. Shit...

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Identity ?

'I think i will always be interested in identity, how fluid it is, how people can invent themselves, how it can never be fixed or frozen.'

-(Jackie Kay)

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX

Identity ?

'I think i will always be interested in identity, how fluid it is, how people can invent themselves, how it can never be fixed or frozen.'

-(Jackie Kay)

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX

Boredddddd

I'm sittin in the uni library just now :/ Bored silly frankly.

I have a four break and i'm now 3 and a half hours into it !! What have i done.... Well, i went to th library, left the library, found a submissions box in the old building, bought a galaxy chocolate bar. Ate a galaxy chocolate bar. Went a walk through the woods, found a nice wee spot were i listened to my Ipod. Walked back to campus. Went for a pee. WEnt back to the library, replied to an Email, then sat around shootin the shit on the internet.

Great fun eh..... Or not y'know.

Actually things aren't quite as they should be. It's weird, i donno, can't quite work it all out really. More on this later no doubt.

Until such times, i'm away.

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Boredddddd

I'm sittin in the uni library just now :/ Bored silly frankly.

I have a four break and i'm now 3 and a half hours into it !! What have i done.... Well, i went to th library, left the library, found a submissions box in the old building, bought a galaxy chocolate bar. Ate a galaxy chocolate bar. Went a walk through the woods, found a nice wee spot were i listened to my Ipod. Walked back to campus. Went for a pee. WEnt back to the library, replied to an Email, then sat around shootin the shit on the internet.

Great fun eh..... Or not y'know.

Actually things aren't quite as they should be. It's weird, i donno, can't quite work it all out really. More on this later no doubt.

Until such times, i'm away.

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Far Too Affected.

Today i read a really sad story in the paper. Now, as a disclaimer i have to say, i very rarely get at all bothered by any of the stuff written by news papers, but this story did get to me.

Basicly right, two teenage girls who were at some boarding school place ofr unstable kids, had been having loads of issues and were close friends. Anyway basicly, the left the school after dark, and approached a brige. The Erskine bridge if anybodys knows it. Once there, the two girls, aged 14 and 15 i believe, took each others hand and jumped of. A mutual suicide.

Now, clearly this is horrible and devestating to those who knew the unfortunate people, but there was alot in the story that just made the event seem so poetic. The girls had encountered alot of tradgety in their life. Mainly the death of one of their boyfriends, aged only 16 from a drug overdose. The girl wrote online the words:

' When i Die, i'll Go So Far, I'll Right Your Name On Every Star. So The World Can See How Much You Mean To Me.'

Obviously it must be horrible to have to deal with a loved one dying like that, especially at such a young age. I seriously can't even begin to imagine how i would react. Other messages were put online too which i found to be very emotional writing.

'True Love Never Dies. No One See's The Heartache I Try So Hard To Hide.No One Knows, How Many Times, I've Broken Down And Cried.'

It's just such a tragic set of events. The other girl didn't have it much easier. As far as i can tell she saw her own dad involved in a fight in which he was nearly killed, and then later charged with murder himself ! Again, It's horrible. The father got off with it and was innocent, but went to live abroad (Denmark i think it said). I have nothing but sympathy for the two.

So the story ended with them holding hands, clearly close friends and jump, together, right of that bridge. Maybe it was a bad choice, maybe it wasn't. I'm not going to judge their actions, all i can say is that what they did was explainable, and anybody who has te cheek to say bad things regarding these two young girls should take a good, long look at themselves. One last thing they wrote that i can remember went somewhat like this.....

' Me And You Are Friends. You Fight, I Fight.... You Cry, I Cry.... You Hurt, I Hurt.... You Jump Of A Bridge, I'll Miss You X '

There you have it. Spare a thought please.

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx

Far Too Affected.

Today i read a really sad story in the paper. Now, as a disclaimer i have to say, i very rarely get at all bothered by any of the stuff written by news papers, but this story did get to me.

Basicly right, two teenage girls who were at some boarding school place ofr unstable kids, had been having loads of issues and were close friends. Anyway basicly, the left the school after dark, and approached a brige. The Erskine bridge if anybodys knows it. Once there, the two girls, aged 14 and 15 i believe, took each others hand and jumped of. A mutual suicide.

Now, clearly this is horrible and devestating to those who knew the unfortunate people, but there was alot in the story that just made the event seem so poetic. The girls had encountered alot of tradgety in their life. Mainly the death of one of their boyfriends, aged only 16 from a drug overdose. The girl wrote online the words:

' When i Die, i'll Go So Far, I'll Right Your Name On Every Star. So The World Can See How Much You Mean To Me.'

Obviously it must be horrible to have to deal with a loved one dying like that, especially at such a young age. I seriously can't even begin to imagine how i would react. Other messages were put online too which i found to be very emotional writing.

'True Love Never Dies. No One See's The Heartache I Try So Hard To Hide.No One Knows, How Many Times, I've Broken Down And Cried.'

It's just such a tragic set of events. The other girl didn't have it much easier. As far as i can tell she saw her own dad involved in a fight in which he was nearly killed, and then later charged with murder himself ! Again, It's horrible. The father got off with it and was innocent, but went to live abroad (Denmark i think it said). I have nothing but sympathy for the two.

So the story ended with them holding hands, clearly close friends and jump, together, right of that bridge. Maybe it was a bad choice, maybe it wasn't. I'm not going to judge their actions, all i can say is that what they did was explainable, and anybody who has te cheek to say bad things regarding these two young girls should take a good, long look at themselves. One last thing they wrote that i can remember went somewhat like this.....

' Me And You Are Friends. You Fight, I Fight.... You Cry, I Cry.... You Hurt, I Hurt.... You Jump Of A Bridge, I'll Miss You X '

There you have it. Spare a thought please.

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx

Spanner In The Works

Well, after a very entertaining and fun weekend, the general landscape of things have turned on their head. In summary, it involved, irish people, alcohol, two Finnish sisters, a bi curious guy and his tongue, sleeping with a Kat, a hangover and Toy Story. See, what more could you ask for Haha.

Anyway, amongst all my shenanigins, i've managed to inject somke new life into my lived in crisis, which is part of what makes me tick so i'm all godd and chuffed with that, nothing like a wee bit of the strive is their ! But it's almost problematic cause certain People (person) are managing to make things awkward. Don't quite get the idea that i was merely tryin to enjoy myself. Bah, what's expected ! I mean christ, withhold information if you wish, but don't expect me to act according to what i wasn't told in the first place. This should be sorted quickly though, i've got a brain wave ! Cha Ching.....

Oooh, also managed to sneak into the players lounge at castle greyskull (Ibrox) for the old-firm Game, due to some lovely comp tickets (cheers Dan). I was in the Rangers end however, in a suit which was great fun :) Got beat 2-1 though, bad times :(

Hmm, thinks that's my rant over....

Yeah, okies.

I'll be talkin to ya xx

Spanner In The Works

Well, after a very entertaining and fun weekend, the general landscape of things have turned on their head. In summary, it involved, irish people, alcohol, two Finnish sisters, a bi curious guy and his tongue, sleeping with a Kat, a hangover and Toy Story. See, what more could you ask for Haha.

Anyway, amongst all my shenanigins, i've managed to inject somke new life into my lived in crisis, which is part of what makes me tick so i'm all godd and chuffed with that, nothing like a wee bit of the strive is their ! But it's almost problematic cause certain People (person) are managing to make things awkward. Don't quite get the idea that i was merely tryin to enjoy myself. Bah, what's expected ! I mean christ, withhold information if you wish, but don't expect me to act according to what i wasn't told in the first place. This should be sorted quickly though, i've got a brain wave ! Cha Ching.....

Oooh, also managed to sneak into the players lounge at castle greyskull (Ibrox) for the old-firm Game, due to some lovely comp tickets (cheers Dan). I was in the Rangers end however, in a suit which was great fun :) Got beat 2-1 though, bad times :(

Hmm, thinks that's my rant over....

Yeah, okies.

I'll be talkin to ya xx

Forever And Always X

' I'd Rather Die Tomorrow, Then Live A Hundred Years Without Knowing You.... No Matter What Happens To Me, I'll Be With You Forever.'

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx

Forever And Always X

' I'd Rather Die Tomorrow, Then Live A Hundred Years Without Knowing You.... No Matter What Happens To Me, I'll Be With You Forever.'

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx

Storm

Another Lifehouse Song. Everything Jason Wade Rights Ends Up Poetry !

'How long have i, been in this storm,

So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form.

Waters getting, harder to tread,

With these waves crashing over my head.

If i could just see you, Everything will be alright,

If i'd see you, this darkness would turn to light.

And i will walk on water,

And you will catch me if i fall.

And i will get lost into your eyes,

I know everything, will be alright.

I know everything is alright.

I know you didn't, Bring me out here to drown.

So why am i ten feet under, And unpside down.

Barely surviving, has become my purpose,

Cause i'm so used to living underneath the surfice.

If i could just see you, Everything will be alright,

If i'd see you, this darkness would to light.

And i will walk on water,

And you will catch me if i fall,

And i will get lost into your eyes.

I know everything will be alright,

Everything is alright.'

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx

Storm

Another Lifehouse Song. Everything Jason Wade Rights Ends Up Poetry !

'How long have i, been in this storm,

So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form.

Waters getting, harder to tread,

With these waves crashing over my head.

If i could just see you, Everything will be alright,

If i'd see you, this darkness would turn to light.

And i will walk on water,

And you will catch me if i fall.

And i will get lost into your eyes,

I know everything, will be alright.

I know everything is alright.

I know you didn't, Bring me out here to drown.

So why am i ten feet under, And unpside down.

Barely surviving, has become my purpose,

Cause i'm so used to living underneath the surfice.

If i could just see you, Everything will be alright,

If i'd see you, this darkness would to light.

And i will walk on water,

And you will catch me if i fall,

And i will get lost into your eyes.

I know everything will be alright,

Everything is alright.'

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx