All Your Perfect Little Faults

It's weird how after a certain amount of time away from somebody, somebody who you spend alot of time with, that you begin to miss the strangest things. Of course you miss th eobvious, there looks, there smell, there smile all that stuff. But on top of that you begin to miss all the things that you found less than perfect. In simple terms, you begin to miss all their faults, and probelms. All the issues they have, and every little thing that you ever found annoying or upsetting. Whether it's....

The fact that when you walk, you hold yourself funny, kinda looking like a stupid cartoon...

Or that you can't converse for any more than five minutes without drifting of and then having to be reminded about what we're talking about...

The fact that you're soo stubbernly resitant to changing opinions on anything that you just down right refuse to change your mind...

Even the fact that you constantly spout strange viewpoints and ideas about life, that could only make sense to you...

You always got your phrases and sayings mixed up, resulting in some hilarious and dumb statement...

Or that you always say 'like i always say' when to be honest, never once have you said that regarding something that you actually do always say...

Or how about that fact that you snore. Really, really loudly...

And that you take hours to wake up in the morning and then proceed to be tired until about 3 o'clock in the afternoon...

The fact that despite really, really believing in something, and wanting to do the best you can, when faced with a choice, you can never look outwith that moment, you can't see a big picture...

You've got shite will power and self control...

Or that you continually listen to the same set of songs, until you've succesfully driven everybody else within ear shot mental...

And worst of all, despite all of these faults, and all the problems you caused, and the headaches you gave, i still find you totally, and completely, perfect.

I'll Be Talkin To Yaa XxX

All Your Perfect Little Faults

It's weird how after a certain amount of time away from somebody, somebody who you spend alot of time with, that you begin to miss the strangest things. Of course you miss th eobvious, there looks, there smell, there smile all that stuff. But on top of that you begin to miss all the things that you found less than perfect. In simple terms, you begin to miss all their faults, and probelms. All the issues they have, and every little thing that you ever found annoying or upsetting. Whether it's....

The fact that when you walk, you hold yourself funny, kinda looking like a stupid cartoon...

Or that you can't converse for any more than five minutes without drifting of and then having to be reminded about what we're talking about...

The fact that you're soo stubbernly resitant to changing opinions on anything that you just down right refuse to change your mind...

Even the fact that you constantly spout strange viewpoints and ideas about life, that could only make sense to you...

You always got your phrases and sayings mixed up, resulting in some hilarious and dumb statement...

Or that you always say 'like i always say' when to be honest, never once have you said that regarding something that you actually do always say...

Or how about that fact that you snore. Really, really loudly...

And that you take hours to wake up in the morning and then proceed to be tired until about 3 o'clock in the afternoon...

The fact that despite really, really believing in something, and wanting to do the best you can, when faced with a choice, you can never look outwith that moment, you can't see a big picture...

You've got shite will power and self control...

Or that you continually listen to the same set of songs, until you've succesfully driven everybody else within ear shot mental...

And worst of all, despite all of these faults, and all the problems you caused, and the headaches you gave, i still find you totally, and completely, perfect.

I'll Be Talkin To Yaa XxX

Reasons Not To Be An Idiot

Fantastic Song ! By Frank Turner

'You're not as messed up as you think you are
Your self-absorption makes you messier
Just settle down and you will feel a whole lot better
Deep down you're just like everybody else

She's not as pretty as she thinks she is
Just picture her after she's had kids
I bet she sits at home and listens to The Smiths
Deep down she's just like everybody else

So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside
Cos it's a lovely sunny day
But you hide yourself away
You've only got yourself to blame
Get up and get down and get outside

He's not as clever as he likes to think
He's just ambitious with his arguing
He's crap at dancing, yeah and he can't hold his drink
Deep down he's just like everybody else

I'm not as awesome as this song makes out
I'm angry, underweight and sketching out
I'm building bonfires on my vanities and doubts
To get warm just like everybody else

So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside
Cos it's a lovely sunny day
But you hide yourself away
You've only got yourself to blame
Get up and get down and get outside

Amy thinks that life is lacking in drama
So she fell for horoscopes, faith-healing and karma
She's so wrapped up in her invisible armour
She'll never grow into herself
And it's OK thinking me and all my friends are just wasters
But saying that I can still see through her heirs and graces
I bet she's scared her life won't leave any traces
Caught up like everyone else

That's not the point anyway
Oh darling, I felt compelled to call you up to say...
So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside
Cos it's a lovely sunny day
But you hide yourself away
You've only got yourself to blame
Get up and get down and get outside
Get up and get down and get outside
Get up and get down and get outside'

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX

Reasons Not To Be An Idiot

Fantastic Song ! By Frank Turner

'You're not as messed up as you think you are
Your self-absorption makes you messier
Just settle down and you will feel a whole lot better
Deep down you're just like everybody else

She's not as pretty as she thinks she is
Just picture her after she's had kids
I bet she sits at home and listens to The Smiths
Deep down she's just like everybody else

So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside
Cos it's a lovely sunny day
But you hide yourself away
You've only got yourself to blame
Get up and get down and get outside

He's not as clever as he likes to think
He's just ambitious with his arguing
He's crap at dancing, yeah and he can't hold his drink
Deep down he's just like everybody else

I'm not as awesome as this song makes out
I'm angry, underweight and sketching out
I'm building bonfires on my vanities and doubts
To get warm just like everybody else

So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside
Cos it's a lovely sunny day
But you hide yourself away
You've only got yourself to blame
Get up and get down and get outside

Amy thinks that life is lacking in drama
So she fell for horoscopes, faith-healing and karma
She's so wrapped up in her invisible armour
She'll never grow into herself
And it's OK thinking me and all my friends are just wasters
But saying that I can still see through her heirs and graces
I bet she's scared her life won't leave any traces
Caught up like everyone else

That's not the point anyway
Oh darling, I felt compelled to call you up to say...
So why are you sat at home?
You're not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying "no"
So get up and get down and get outside
Cos it's a lovely sunny day
But you hide yourself away
You've only got yourself to blame
Get up and get down and get outside
Get up and get down and get outside
Get up and get down and get outside'

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX

Blink 182

Last week i saw Blink 182 in concert through in Glasgow. This was the third time i'd seen them live and i was hugely excited. After a six year year wait they finally came back :D And i wasn't dissapointed. !

The band is as awesome as ever. If not better (Tom can actually play guitar these days) and the atmosphere at the gig was electric. One of the best (if not the best) concert's i've ever been too. Really cheered me up after what has been one of the shittiest months :/ But to quote the band...

'Well I Guess This Is Growing Up'

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Blink 182

Last week i saw Blink 182 in concert through in Glasgow. This was the third time i'd seen them live and i was hugely excited. After a six year year wait they finally came back :D And i wasn't dissapointed. !

The band is as awesome as ever. If not better (Tom can actually play guitar these days) and the atmosphere at the gig was electric. One of the best (if not the best) concert's i've ever been too. Really cheered me up after what has been one of the shittiest months :/ But to quote the band...

'Well I Guess This Is Growing Up'

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Falling Away

Can i give you the moon ? Throw a lasso around it, pull it in. It's your's if you want it. But do you want it ? You didn't like it's a wonderful life, not one bit, not a christmas movie. Too black and white, did you mean literally or was there something more to that ? But the reference still stands. But why aim for the moon, when we can have the stars. And we saw the stars. Over and over and over again... Special nights, on a bridge, on a hill, in a swing park, heads out a window. I miss it all, i miss you. Sometimes i forget, and things seem ok, then it hits me, like a freight train, and i just want to close my eyes, and not open them until everythings better. Will it get better ? Of course it will, but how long. Fuck knows. It will. You cried and cried, said we'd be best friends, said you'd always loveme. Not just another guy. Yeah, ok. We'll see, i hope that's true. It's like driving a car, andd then it breaks in the middle of no place. I'm trapped with no wer to go, or nothing to help me, and i just have to soldier on, push through until i find help. Who's the help. I have people to talk to tooo, friends, great friends. But i need a salvation, a saviour, a somebody to take me away from this. I need a fucking distraction, just for now, until i can set about rebuilding the burned up, flatlined car. A month is a long time, too long, it;s getting harder every day, but i'm begining to loose her, the image in my head is fading, i don't have a presence. othing to hold onto, nothing to hold, fuck all to look for. No hope. I don't think. I can't help but over think, and in turn over look. This was always happening. But it can't be over, not that it is. Infact i don't think it will ever be over. Theirs a story here, one that should drag on, something to special. Maybe not a couple again, but that doesn't ruin a future, theirs still a tale to tell, i dont't have to be defeated, not yet. I can get down from the ledge, and shut the window, feel the warmth of indoors, i don't need to jump. I've already fallen, i now need to climb, i need to win, and i will fucking do whatever the hell it takes. I don't evre come second, i don't fail. I am in charge of this, this so called life. And it's about to energise, just watch me go.

Falling Away

Can i give you the moon ? Throw a lasso around it, pull it in. It's your's if you want it. But do you want it ? You didn't like it's a wonderful life, not one bit, not a christmas movie. Too black and white, did you mean literally or was there something more to that ? But the reference still stands. But why aim for the moon, when we can have the stars. And we saw the stars. Over and over and over again... Special nights, on a bridge, on a hill, in a swing park, heads out a window. I miss it all, i miss you. Sometimes i forget, and things seem ok, then it hits me, like a freight train, and i just want to close my eyes, and not open them until everythings better. Will it get better ? Of course it will, but how long. Fuck knows. It will. You cried and cried, said we'd be best friends, said you'd always loveme. Not just another guy. Yeah, ok. We'll see, i hope that's true. It's like driving a car, andd then it breaks in the middle of no place. I'm trapped with no wer to go, or nothing to help me, and i just have to soldier on, push through until i find help. Who's the help. I have people to talk to tooo, friends, great friends. But i need a salvation, a saviour, a somebody to take me away from this. I need a fucking distraction, just for now, until i can set about rebuilding the burned up, flatlined car. A month is a long time, too long, it;s getting harder every day, but i'm begining to loose her, the image in my head is fading, i don't have a presence. othing to hold onto, nothing to hold, fuck all to look for. No hope. I don't think. I can't help but over think, and in turn over look. This was always happening. But it can't be over, not that it is. Infact i don't think it will ever be over. Theirs a story here, one that should drag on, something to special. Maybe not a couple again, but that doesn't ruin a future, theirs still a tale to tell, i dont't have to be defeated, not yet. I can get down from the ledge, and shut the window, feel the warmth of indoors, i don't need to jump. I've already fallen, i now need to climb, i need to win, and i will fucking do whatever the hell it takes. I don't evre come second, i don't fail. I am in charge of this, this so called life. And it's about to energise, just watch me go.

Love Drunk- By Boys Like Girls

'Top down in the summer sun
The day we met was like a hit and run
And I still taste it on my tongue
(Taste it on my tongue)

The sky was burning up like fireworks
You made me want you, oh, so bad it hurt
But girl, in case you haven't heard

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey)

Hot sweat and blurry eyes
We're spinning on a roller coaster ride
The world stuck in black and white
(Stuck in black and white)

You drove me crazy every time we touched
Now I'm so broken that I can't get up
Oh girl, you make me such a lush

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over

All the time I wasted on you
All the bullshit you put me through
I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had
Didn't mean a thing to you

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now I'm sober

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over'

An amazing song. Tells a great tale. By the band Boys like Girls.

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Love Drunk- By Boys Like Girls

'Top down in the summer sun
The day we met was like a hit and run
And I still taste it on my tongue
(Taste it on my tongue)

The sky was burning up like fireworks
You made me want you, oh, so bad it hurt
But girl, in case you haven't heard

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey)

Hot sweat and blurry eyes
We're spinning on a roller coaster ride
The world stuck in black and white
(Stuck in black and white)

You drove me crazy every time we touched
Now I'm so broken that I can't get up
Oh girl, you make me such a lush

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over

All the time I wasted on you
All the bullshit you put me through
I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had
Didn't mean a thing to you

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now I'm sober

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over'

An amazing song. Tells a great tale. By the band Boys like Girls.

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Space-Bound

'We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us
It's lust, it's torturous, you must be a sorceress
Cause you just, did the impossible, gained my trust
Don't play games it'll be dangerous if you fuck me over
Cause if I get burnt, I'ma show ya what it's like to hurt
Cause I've been treated like dirt befo' ya
And love is "evol", spell it backwards, I'll show ya

Nobody knows me, I'm cold, walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own, it's the path I've chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion what'so ever, so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these mufuckin' hoes

Blood-suckin' succubuses, what the fuck is up with this
I've tried in this department, but, I ain't had no luck with this
It sucks but it's exactly what I thought it would be like tryin' to start over
I've got a hole in my heart from some kind of emotional roller-coaster;
Somethin' I won't go on till you toy with my emotions, so it's over
It's like an explosion every time I hold ya, wasn't jokin' when I told ya
You take my breath away, you're a supernova
And I'm a...


I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
Right at you



I'll do whatever it takes, when I'm with you, I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't with you, I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go, no boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we think's
Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em, it's never the same
You want 'em when they don't want you, soon as they do, feelin's change
It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate
I wasn't lookin' when I stumbled onto you, musta been fate
But so much is at stake, what the fuck does it take, let's cut to the chase
'Fore the door shuts in your face, promise me if I cave in and break
And leave myself open that I won't be makin' a mistake
Cause I'm a


I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
Right at you



So after a year and 6 months, it's no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once
I'll pour my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to God
I'll blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I'm bleedin', I'm tryin' to stop you from leavin'
You won't even listen, so fuck it, I'm tryin' to stop you from breathin'
I put both hands on your throat, I sit on top of you, squeezin'
Til' I snap your neck like a Popsicle stick, ain't a possible reason
I can think of to let you walk up out this house and let you live
Tears stream down both of my cheeks, now that you're goin jus git.
And before I put that gun to my temple, I told you this



And I woulda did anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it's over now, it's too late to save our
Love
Just promise me you'll think of me
Every time you look up in the sky and see a star
Cuz I'm a



I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles and a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you
Without you
Without you'

By Eminem


I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Space-Bound

'We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us
It's lust, it's torturous, you must be a sorceress
Cause you just, did the impossible, gained my trust
Don't play games it'll be dangerous if you fuck me over
Cause if I get burnt, I'ma show ya what it's like to hurt
Cause I've been treated like dirt befo' ya
And love is "evol", spell it backwards, I'll show ya

Nobody knows me, I'm cold, walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own, it's the path I've chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion what'so ever, so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these mufuckin' hoes

Blood-suckin' succubuses, what the fuck is up with this
I've tried in this department, but, I ain't had no luck with this
It sucks but it's exactly what I thought it would be like tryin' to start over
I've got a hole in my heart from some kind of emotional roller-coaster;
Somethin' I won't go on till you toy with my emotions, so it's over
It's like an explosion every time I hold ya, wasn't jokin' when I told ya
You take my breath away, you're a supernova
And I'm a...


I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
Right at you



I'll do whatever it takes, when I'm with you, I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't with you, I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go, no boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we think's
Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em, it's never the same
You want 'em when they don't want you, soon as they do, feelin's change
It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate
I wasn't lookin' when I stumbled onto you, musta been fate
But so much is at stake, what the fuck does it take, let's cut to the chase
'Fore the door shuts in your face, promise me if I cave in and break
And leave myself open that I won't be makin' a mistake
Cause I'm a


I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
Right at you



So after a year and 6 months, it's no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once
I'll pour my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to God
I'll blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I'm bleedin', I'm tryin' to stop you from leavin'
You won't even listen, so fuck it, I'm tryin' to stop you from breathin'
I put both hands on your throat, I sit on top of you, squeezin'
Til' I snap your neck like a Popsicle stick, ain't a possible reason
I can think of to let you walk up out this house and let you live
Tears stream down both of my cheeks, now that you're goin jus git.
And before I put that gun to my temple, I told you this



And I woulda did anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it's over now, it's too late to save our
Love
Just promise me you'll think of me
Every time you look up in the sky and see a star
Cuz I'm a



I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles and a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you
Without you
Without you'

By Eminem


I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

What Should Have Been

Tomorrow is the day.

I Shoulda been on the plane.

I was meant to be leaving the country, for someplace new, somewere completely new. I was excited, it was going to be an adventure. An adventure with what was my family, tour of their world. With me and the othe tourist having an experience of something that we would have never thought to explore.

But now it's not happening, They are all still going, just minus me. To much has changed, since the idea was first floated, even more since it was accepted, but i still have a feeling of sadness that i'm not part of the group anymore. I loved that little false family. People saw us as together, could sense the closeness. Now i think i might just be another. A friend and nothing more, the intimite connection we shared as a group is probably lost forever.

I rember sitting with her, when it first became a possibilty. And how over the following months her excitement grew, as she told me all the places we'd go. The people we'd see. The things we'd do. It was going to be great, one of these trips that would have probably lived long in the memories. But alas it wasn't to be.

It crumbled around me, first the holiday, then everything else, i watched it happen, and i didn't lift a finger to stop it. I couldn't, i just had to nod and agree, but that doesn't mean i have to like were the resulting actions have taken us. I'd much rather be on that plane tomorrow. But i'm not so fuck it.

I can't dwell on this, i've been there in the past and it's not pretty. So i move on, i wake up and breathe, and what happens will happen. For once i'm not trying to influence anyway, i'm almost curious to see how the natural order works out. Who knows were i'll end up. I'd still rather be back there though, sitting tonight, with a suitcase, probably staying up all now, waiting for the next day flight. But instead i'm doing a driving test. Two pretty big events actually. But only one would bring me any sense of contentment.

So, with no sense of bitterness or anger, i genuinaly hope they have a fantastic time, i'm sure they will, they would have fun anywere as long as they are with each other. I'm just having to sit this round out...

I wonder if she ever did get that water trampoline ?

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

What Should Have Been

Tomorrow is the day.

I Shoulda been on the plane.

I was meant to be leaving the country, for someplace new, somewere completely new. I was excited, it was going to be an adventure. An adventure with what was my family, tour of their world. With me and the othe tourist having an experience of something that we would have never thought to explore.

But now it's not happening, They are all still going, just minus me. To much has changed, since the idea was first floated, even more since it was accepted, but i still have a feeling of sadness that i'm not part of the group anymore. I loved that little false family. People saw us as together, could sense the closeness. Now i think i might just be another. A friend and nothing more, the intimite connection we shared as a group is probably lost forever.

I rember sitting with her, when it first became a possibilty. And how over the following months her excitement grew, as she told me all the places we'd go. The people we'd see. The things we'd do. It was going to be great, one of these trips that would have probably lived long in the memories. But alas it wasn't to be.

It crumbled around me, first the holiday, then everything else, i watched it happen, and i didn't lift a finger to stop it. I couldn't, i just had to nod and agree, but that doesn't mean i have to like were the resulting actions have taken us. I'd much rather be on that plane tomorrow. But i'm not so fuck it.

I can't dwell on this, i've been there in the past and it's not pretty. So i move on, i wake up and breathe, and what happens will happen. For once i'm not trying to influence anyway, i'm almost curious to see how the natural order works out. Who knows were i'll end up. I'd still rather be back there though, sitting tonight, with a suitcase, probably staying up all now, waiting for the next day flight. But instead i'm doing a driving test. Two pretty big events actually. But only one would bring me any sense of contentment.

So, with no sense of bitterness or anger, i genuinaly hope they have a fantastic time, i'm sure they will, they would have fun anywere as long as they are with each other. I'm just having to sit this round out...

I wonder if she ever did get that water trampoline ?

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

A type of purgatory

Inspired by the words of Hank Moody

All I can say is that I seem to hold a burning candle for every pretty girl, even if I'm not that interested I find myself telling them how beautiful they are, and it's true. All women are, in there own special sorta way, one way or another. There's always something about every damn one of you. A smile, a curve, a secret. You really are the most amazing creatures.

But then there's the morning after. The hangover, the realisation that maybe I'm not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she's gone, and I'm haunted by the ghost of another road not taken....

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

A type of purgatory

Inspired by the words of Hank Moody

All I can say is that I seem to hold a burning candle for every pretty girl, even if I'm not that interested I find myself telling them how beautiful they are, and it's true. All women are, in there own special sorta way, one way or another. There's always something about every damn one of you. A smile, a curve, a secret. You really are the most amazing creatures.

But then there's the morning after. The hangover, the realisation that maybe I'm not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she's gone, and I'm haunted by the ghost of another road not taken....

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

Enter the Darkness

Schhhhh, the games up, it's been rumbled, found out, dead and buried. Eight from twelve it went on but it can't breathe anymore, like strangers meeting in the dark, we've left each others life... For now. But where/what/why ? In the future ? I don't know, fuck it, I can't control what I see infront of me. But it's something drastic I need, a bit controversial(ness), somethins gotta happen, it better, only I can make it though. I need to feel more alive all over again ! So a few weeks and I can't work at it, try and breathe normally again, perhaps even meet another stranger in the rain ? Maybe it'll be the same one ?

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Enter the Darkness

Schhhhh, the games up, it's been rumbled, found out, dead and buried. Eight from twelve it went on but it can't breathe anymore, like strangers meeting in the dark, we've left each others life... For now. But where/what/why ? In the future ? I don't know, fuck it, I can't control what I see infront of me. But it's something drastic I need, a bit controversial(ness), somethins gotta happen, it better, only I can make it though. I need to feel more alive all over again ! So a few weeks and I can't work at it, try and breathe normally again, perhaps even meet another stranger in the rain ? Maybe it'll be the same one ?

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Footprints in the Snow

Hi. So after 8 month of casual togetherness, and 5 months of a proper relationship. It's finished. Me and the younger Reini broke up on Sunday night. And frankly. I'm very upset.

Straight away i need to say that it wasn't a bitter event, their wasn't a falling out, or any sort of arguments or dissagreements. It just sorta happened. I'll try to summarise the very complicated set of events that brought it to an end as quickly as possible. On Thursday i arrived at her flat all ready to go to a party that night, only to be greeted with an upset girlfriend who was having a crisis of confidence. She was scared about the future and all the 'what if's' Of course i calmed her down and decided that i should probably stay with her that night as opposed to heading out. She fell asllep on me around 9ish and slept straight through till 11 the next day. Despite things seeemingly being ok, i knew that it had just been glossed over. Friday we had an awesome day, pretty much summing up what makes us work so well, not just as a couple but as friends. Sadly it would be our last day together as a couple. I didn't stay that night, i don't really know why, but around midnight when i was traveling back home, i knew deep down that it would most likely be a long time before i was doing that journey again. And i was right. On Sunday night after my pub quiz i went round to meet her. What ensued was a half hour conversation which the end result was a break up. Now i'm not gonna lie. It was difficult one of the hardest talks i've ever had actually. And it took every little bit of strenth i had to not cry. She didn't quite have this strenth, and she broke down in tears. One of the toughest, hardest, most emotionally in control people i know, yet she was in pieces. When it came time to leave, i struggled. It took two attempts to finally get out of the flat and into the cold streets. And without a backwards glance i walked off. Knowing that it would probably never quite be the same again.

From the start of middle of November i began to develop feeling for this girl, and she started to become a major part of my life, and throughout the entire winter period this connection grew, and grew, and grew. In what was the coldest and harshest winter i've probably ever experienced, her presence was a highlight. And it's funny despite the fact that the majority of our time as a couple (March till August) was played out against a sunny backdrop, the resounding sound in my mind when i think of her is the noise o snow under our feet, and i associate her with falling snow. Strange i know. In decembe rwe started sleeping with each other. It was very casual but like everything regarding us it was bound to grow into something alot more encompasing and powerful. From Christmas day onwards to be honest, it was written that we would have some sort of story to tell. That entire period was awesome. Memories of her walking out of the cinema and catching snow flakes in her mouth, or us getting out of a taxi at 1am at my house and almost falling over getting to the door over the ice. Or even Walking back to hers at 6am after a hogmany party that proved very dramatic, and holding on to each other for fear of falling in the snow. Good times indeed. But i suppose that was just a pre-curser to what would follow, and although these months shaped and in my opinion defined our time together, the real stuff was still waiting.

In March, at a birthday party, after much thought and deliberation we finally started to be a couple, it made some sense. Yet was also a complete risk. What if things went wrong and we lost our relationship and our friendship ? Well that question is what eventually did bring us apart, the fear of never being able to hang out or just be friends again. But at the time we chose to go ahead with it, and what happened was 5 of the best months of my life. We spoke on an almost daily basis and hung out as often as possible, far too much happened during that period to ever detail here, but all i can say is that it was magical. Despite what we expected it went on almost without a hitch. And we drew closer and closer almost every day we spent together. She told me she loved me in April and i was shocked. But i said it back, and i meant it, and my feelings were proven right over the coming months, were it dawned on me that she was just about the most Fricken Awesome person i'd ever met. Not only did i love going out with her and actually 'doing stuff' but the down times were soo good too. The days when we would do literally nothing, just sit about and talk, hold hands and talk complete rubbish but find it all insanely funny. I'd listen to her stupid comments and we'd laugh, forming little 'in' jokes as we moved on. Just entirely comfertable with each other. Or whne the elder Reini and her boyfriend were present, the strange little family we had created. But sadly, this closeness and family feel is probably all in the past now, no matter what happens i can't see it being re-created.

This is all harder to write then i thought it would be.

All i suppose that is left to say is that i hope after this month of away time we're taking, we can return to each others lifes and once again be friends. Or as we stated numerous times BEST frineds. And i do want that, of course the geer shift is going to be hard, the change in stauts is just something i'll have to deal with. I always thought that this break-up would be easier, but i was totally wrong. If anything it's harder. For the first time you were a girlfriend who was all over my life. Who was a vital part in my day to day. And it is soo fucking hard to watch you slip away. To know that in the month we're trying to not speech, you are trying to lose the feeling you had towards me, and the feelings that we shared. It's killing me, but i do understand, but that doesn't mean i can't be sad about it. I'm not going to lie, i think it's a waste, of all the time we spent together to let those feelings leak out and die. But your right, it might be the only way to be able to remain friends, and who knows what the future has in store. But right now, i just have to get used to not having you text me everyday, to not hearing your voice on the phone in the morning when i wake you up for work. For not having the excitement of the walk up gorgie road to Robertson avenue. To just not having you. For not being able to love you. Even though that is all i can do. I just have to move on. And try not to let a part of me die, again. Even though i fear that it already has.

So no matter what the future has in store, or whatever might happen. You will always be special, and maybe my best friend. 'Cause you are totally Fricken Awesome. Regardless of how you choose to move on. And i'll never forget the feelings i felt, and the days we spent together, in the winter or the summer. And whenever next the snow falls, no matter were you are in my life, or who ever else has joined it. I'll always love you. And it'll always be your footprints i see in the snow. Always....

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx

Footprints in the Snow

Hi. So after 8 month of casual togetherness, and 5 months of a proper relationship. It's finished. Me and the younger Reini broke up on Sunday night. And frankly. I'm very upset.

Straight away i need to say that it wasn't a bitter event, their wasn't a falling out, or any sort of arguments or dissagreements. It just sorta happened. I'll try to summarise the very complicated set of events that brought it to an end as quickly as possible. On Thursday i arrived at her flat all ready to go to a party that night, only to be greeted with an upset girlfriend who was having a crisis of confidence. She was scared about the future and all the 'what if's' Of course i calmed her down and decided that i should probably stay with her that night as opposed to heading out. She fell asllep on me around 9ish and slept straight through till 11 the next day. Despite things seeemingly being ok, i knew that it had just been glossed over. Friday we had an awesome day, pretty much summing up what makes us work so well, not just as a couple but as friends. Sadly it would be our last day together as a couple. I didn't stay that night, i don't really know why, but around midnight when i was traveling back home, i knew deep down that it would most likely be a long time before i was doing that journey again. And i was right. On Sunday night after my pub quiz i went round to meet her. What ensued was a half hour conversation which the end result was a break up. Now i'm not gonna lie. It was difficult one of the hardest talks i've ever had actually. And it took every little bit of strenth i had to not cry. She didn't quite have this strenth, and she broke down in tears. One of the toughest, hardest, most emotionally in control people i know, yet she was in pieces. When it came time to leave, i struggled. It took two attempts to finally get out of the flat and into the cold streets. And without a backwards glance i walked off. Knowing that it would probably never quite be the same again.

From the start of middle of November i began to develop feeling for this girl, and she started to become a major part of my life, and throughout the entire winter period this connection grew, and grew, and grew. In what was the coldest and harshest winter i've probably ever experienced, her presence was a highlight. And it's funny despite the fact that the majority of our time as a couple (March till August) was played out against a sunny backdrop, the resounding sound in my mind when i think of her is the noise o snow under our feet, and i associate her with falling snow. Strange i know. In decembe rwe started sleeping with each other. It was very casual but like everything regarding us it was bound to grow into something alot more encompasing and powerful. From Christmas day onwards to be honest, it was written that we would have some sort of story to tell. That entire period was awesome. Memories of her walking out of the cinema and catching snow flakes in her mouth, or us getting out of a taxi at 1am at my house and almost falling over getting to the door over the ice. Or even Walking back to hers at 6am after a hogmany party that proved very dramatic, and holding on to each other for fear of falling in the snow. Good times indeed. But i suppose that was just a pre-curser to what would follow, and although these months shaped and in my opinion defined our time together, the real stuff was still waiting.

In March, at a birthday party, after much thought and deliberation we finally started to be a couple, it made some sense. Yet was also a complete risk. What if things went wrong and we lost our relationship and our friendship ? Well that question is what eventually did bring us apart, the fear of never being able to hang out or just be friends again. But at the time we chose to go ahead with it, and what happened was 5 of the best months of my life. We spoke on an almost daily basis and hung out as often as possible, far too much happened during that period to ever detail here, but all i can say is that it was magical. Despite what we expected it went on almost without a hitch. And we drew closer and closer almost every day we spent together. She told me she loved me in April and i was shocked. But i said it back, and i meant it, and my feelings were proven right over the coming months, were it dawned on me that she was just about the most Fricken Awesome person i'd ever met. Not only did i love going out with her and actually 'doing stuff' but the down times were soo good too. The days when we would do literally nothing, just sit about and talk, hold hands and talk complete rubbish but find it all insanely funny. I'd listen to her stupid comments and we'd laugh, forming little 'in' jokes as we moved on. Just entirely comfertable with each other. Or whne the elder Reini and her boyfriend were present, the strange little family we had created. But sadly, this closeness and family feel is probably all in the past now, no matter what happens i can't see it being re-created.

This is all harder to write then i thought it would be.

All i suppose that is left to say is that i hope after this month of away time we're taking, we can return to each others lifes and once again be friends. Or as we stated numerous times BEST frineds. And i do want that, of course the geer shift is going to be hard, the change in stauts is just something i'll have to deal with. I always thought that this break-up would be easier, but i was totally wrong. If anything it's harder. For the first time you were a girlfriend who was all over my life. Who was a vital part in my day to day. And it is soo fucking hard to watch you slip away. To know that in the month we're trying to not speech, you are trying to lose the feeling you had towards me, and the feelings that we shared. It's killing me, but i do understand, but that doesn't mean i can't be sad about it. I'm not going to lie, i think it's a waste, of all the time we spent together to let those feelings leak out and die. But your right, it might be the only way to be able to remain friends, and who knows what the future has in store. But right now, i just have to get used to not having you text me everyday, to not hearing your voice on the phone in the morning when i wake you up for work. For not having the excitement of the walk up gorgie road to Robertson avenue. To just not having you. For not being able to love you. Even though that is all i can do. I just have to move on. And try not to let a part of me die, again. Even though i fear that it already has.

So no matter what the future has in store, or whatever might happen. You will always be special, and maybe my best friend. 'Cause you are totally Fricken Awesome. Regardless of how you choose to move on. And i'll never forget the feelings i felt, and the days we spent together, in the winter or the summer. And whenever next the snow falls, no matter were you are in my life, or who ever else has joined it. I'll always love you. And it'll always be your footprints i see in the snow. Always....

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx