Basicly this a review of the year that is just about to finish up. It's been an interesting one that's for sure. I'll just break it down month by month ok ? Enjoy :)
January: So the year didn't get of to the best of starts. As months go january is usually pretty poor, mainly because christmas and New Years and all those party events have pretty much concluded so everythings a bit gloomy and shit. For me it was especially bad as my somewhat pathetic depression over my ex was peaking at it's worst, i was entirely unhappy and pissed of the world. I needed something to take my mind of it, but that would take another few months. A few highlights would be seeing Chris Brown in concert with Natalie, just before he became a lassie bashing twat. Good gig though ! Also, had my prelims at school, which despite not going great were nice to get out the way.
February: I got my prelims back which were not great but i wasn't too bothered as i'm famously poor at those, normally just waitin on the actual exams before doing well. Ehhh, what else, i was still pretty upset regarding the whole love life scenario, which wasn't helped by my holiday to Florida, which whilst only lasting a week seemed to drag on for ages. I just had her on my mind the entire time, and being in the country were she's from i was constatnly reminded even by daft things that really shouldn't have but ooh well. When i got back nothing else happened, all in all a fairly pointless month.
March: This is when things got interesting. I done a weeks work on a play at school, just filling in for some plank who had to pull out. It was stressful as i had little time to work it all out but i done it and must say i was fucking A-plus ! Always have been a good actor mind. Doing this i met a girl who was doing make-up. She was a total nutter and just complete trouble but it was exactley what i needed, a wee diversion from the doom and gloom. We got together and whilst it was purely sexual (even introducing me to the fantastic world of threesomes !). Of course it didn't last any great lenth of time, two weeks or something and i havn't spoken to he rmuch since, but it all worked out well, i had fun, and i am thankful for that :) This month also saw me briefly re-engage with the social side of things at school, hanging out with the guys i was really friendly with th eyear previous again. I went to a few parties and stuff, and it was alright, but sadly that would be it for me and them, i never really got overly close again, and now am not even in regular contact with any of them, my decision however. Finally this was when i first started this very blog. One of the best decisions i ever made. So that's March, one of the most productive months most certaintly.
April: April's a weird one so it is.... I got alot more friendly with a wee lad from school called Danny, and with him basicly spent the month having a fair bit fun. Had a two week holiday from school, which was fairly pointless as school wasn't really much work anyway and more of a hassle, in regards to getting up early etc... I started a new means of chilling out which was involving me going long walks about the woods and fileds and shit at night, sounds weird but i muchly enjoyed it. Hmm, i started to get closer with my ex again, in a completely friendly way, this continued for the rest of the year up till the point we're at now of being very close freinds, best mates even, which is good haha. A neghative here would be becoming friendly with a girl called suzie, who after a few more month would turn out to be a obssesive, nutcase with a bad case of daddy issues !
May: This month marked the one year anniversary of my relationship with Courts getting really serious, so as you can imagine, this was what dominated my thoughts for the majority of the time. It was actually a very good month apart from that. Me and her met up a few times and it was all very nice and we finally clicked as friends and got past the whole awkwardness and became close again, which to be true was all that i was wanting so that made me smile. There was a heatwave in Edinburgh (it happens rarely) so i managed to aquire a slight Tan which is basicly unheard of. I didn't revise but started my exams, they were easy. Emm, can't think of much else, Rangers won the league which sucked ! But Celtic had only themselves to blame as they were pathetic in the second half of the season. I slept with roughly 7 differant girls, which even by my standerds was a tad excessive, but i had a decent time doing it !
June: One of those buzy months that seemed to last forever but it was great. It started with me ending my exams, i liked that, as i was therefore done with school, so from now till September i was effectivly free to do whatever the fuck i wanted. I went to florida just with Dad which was brillaint fun. It's strange but even though i live with him, me and dad never get enough time to spend together so that was possibly one of the best weeks of the entire year. My birthday soon followed (22nd) and that was okay, got some nice presents and stuff, started to learn to drive though, that was NOT a good thing haha. Seen Courts play in Perth which was srpsingly good and said by to her aefore she left for home over summer. This month involved plenty of wee events none of which are particularly note worthy but they were fun.
July: Seriously ? One of the single most boring July's of my life and the definate most dissapointing month of the year. It held soo much promise but ultimatly dissapoined, as soo many things do i suppose. There are absouloutly no note worthy moments, it's weird ! Seen a shit load of movies, most of which weren't all that great, public enemies probably the only notable exception. The definiate highlight though would be the numerous nights spent with Dave and Natalie, seeing movies and just enjoying nice long walks home, something which i honestly can't get enough of. I love those two fuckers to bits :) I also got a pretty jacket :) Ooooh snap, seen Springsteen in concert (Y)
August: This month involved (again) plenty of movies and stuff, but the way it will be defined was a trip to Italy with Shaun. I like to boy he's a nice lad, but that holiday wasn't nice at all, i couldn't get home soon enough, i just felt like an total outsider, the people wern't friendly whatsoever, and all really racist and nasy. I'm not easily offended or nothing, but they did piss me off. Football season started aswel, Tony Mowbray got of to a great start with Celtic, domestically at least, but it was never going to last. Dave also passed his driving test, world of possiblilties.
September: Ahhh this is one of the best. I started uni which was just the most unbelivably great experience of my life, the course it turned out was brilliant, and all the staff seemed cool. However the people i met, and contined to meet throughout this month and early October... Amazing, serious, i made so many friends this month that i was loosing count, i all my uni buds to bits, great bunch ! Obviously it was quite scary at the begining, getting started and all that, but i settled dead quickly and basicly hav'nt looked back since, the work could hardly best described as hard at that stage either so all in all i was pleased. Seen plenty of movies this month, some of my favourites of the yer infact. (500) Days of summer and Adventureland standing out as two of the best, and probably my two favourite flicks of the year, maybe... Had a nice few days with Courts which is always welcome and sorta stumbled into meeting a bunch of people one night from school at a party which was soo funny due to the complete twatness of them haha. There was some domestic problems in my parents cirlce of frineds which put a downer on things, but it seemd to resolve itself fairly quickly, although it looks like now that wasn't a great idea. Me and Dan, had a few good chats and he seemd ok :) I got another nice leather jacket, which has been on my back manys a day since then.
October: The main bulk of this month was spent dicking around Florida with a shit load of people, a fairly decent holiday, and i enjoyed it. I read Kurt Cobains autobio which rocked my socks and toatlly changed the way i viewed him and of course Courtney Love, who is by the way extremelly interesting and talented in her own right. Uni life stayed great, all be it with a little bit of drama, regarding me shagging my way the place, but that was always going to happen, i'm a magnet for trouble, ultimatly no harm came of it, unlike school people are mature and can deal with this sorta stuff. Me and Dave seen Kevin Smith through in glasgow doing a Q'n'A and that was amazing, he's hilarious and very smart. This actually was quite a quiet month but good all the same. Lastly, dave got himsel a nice wee car.
November: Fairly near the end now, this month can be best defined by the fact that my parents spent almost the whole time flying between here and america, just taking shit lokad sof holidays to spite me. I had my cousins stayin in the house which is fine, i like Nat's, Connor is a wee shite but he's got a heart of gold so i find him quite funny most of the time, he's only little i guess :/ Had many's a night out here, started using Dave's I.D to get into places which works great and now i can succesfully attend all sorts of wee events and stuf without worrying about getting turned away and ruining other folks evenings. I was pretty much raped by a lesbian but that's a funnyn story to tell so i'm not angered by it. Also, i began to notice that my m8's from uni were now just becoming straight forward friends, my genral social circle. Basicly saying that we were all becoming very comfortable around each other and it looks like the next four years are gonna be plenty fun !
December: This month has been very buzy, plenty nights oot and all that, some things became very clear to me aswel which was nice. Chrsitmas was great this year, one of the best and tonight (hogmany) is bound to me electric.
So then, overall i give the year strong pass marks, i have encountered plenty over the course of the 12 months, but everything has been dealt with no problem in the end. 2010 is shaping to be great and hopefully it won't let me down.
Special thanks to te people who have made this year everything it has...
Mom,
Dad,
All the Family and friends,
Uni People,
Courtney,
The few decent folk at school,
My Dog,
And most importan;y the two folk who have really kept me going and will continue to do soo, Natalie and Dave. You have no idea, how much i depend on you guys sometimes :L
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Thursday, 31 December 2009
2009 In Memorium.
Basicly this a review of the year that is just about to finish up. It's been an interesting one that's for sure. I'll just break it down month by month ok ? Enjoy :)
January: So the year didn't get of to the best of starts. As months go january is usually pretty poor, mainly because christmas and New Years and all those party events have pretty much concluded so everythings a bit gloomy and shit. For me it was especially bad as my somewhat pathetic depression over my ex was peaking at it's worst, i was entirely unhappy and pissed of the world. I needed something to take my mind of it, but that would take another few months. A few highlights would be seeing Chris Brown in concert with Natalie, just before he became a lassie bashing twat. Good gig though ! Also, had my prelims at school, which despite not going great were nice to get out the way.
February: I got my prelims back which were not great but i wasn't too bothered as i'm famously poor at those, normally just waitin on the actual exams before doing well. Ehhh, what else, i was still pretty upset regarding the whole love life scenario, which wasn't helped by my holiday to Florida, which whilst only lasting a week seemed to drag on for ages. I just had her on my mind the entire time, and being in the country were she's from i was constatnly reminded even by daft things that really shouldn't have but ooh well. When i got back nothing else happened, all in all a fairly pointless month.
March: This is when things got interesting. I done a weeks work on a play at school, just filling in for some plank who had to pull out. It was stressful as i had little time to work it all out but i done it and must say i was fucking A-plus ! Always have been a good actor mind. Doing this i met a girl who was doing make-up. She was a total nutter and just complete trouble but it was exactley what i needed, a wee diversion from the doom and gloom. We got together and whilst it was purely sexual (even introducing me to the fantastic world of threesomes !). Of course it didn't last any great lenth of time, two weeks or something and i havn't spoken to he rmuch since, but it all worked out well, i had fun, and i am thankful for that :) This month also saw me briefly re-engage with the social side of things at school, hanging out with the guys i was really friendly with th eyear previous again. I went to a few parties and stuff, and it was alright, but sadly that would be it for me and them, i never really got overly close again, and now am not even in regular contact with any of them, my decision however. Finally this was when i first started this very blog. One of the best decisions i ever made. So that's March, one of the most productive months most certaintly.
April: April's a weird one so it is.... I got alot more friendly with a wee lad from school called Danny, and with him basicly spent the month having a fair bit fun. Had a two week holiday from school, which was fairly pointless as school wasn't really much work anyway and more of a hassle, in regards to getting up early etc... I started a new means of chilling out which was involving me going long walks about the woods and fileds and shit at night, sounds weird but i muchly enjoyed it. Hmm, i started to get closer with my ex again, in a completely friendly way, this continued for the rest of the year up till the point we're at now of being very close freinds, best mates even, which is good haha. A neghative here would be becoming friendly with a girl called suzie, who after a few more month would turn out to be a obssesive, nutcase with a bad case of daddy issues !
May: This month marked the one year anniversary of my relationship with Courts getting really serious, so as you can imagine, this was what dominated my thoughts for the majority of the time. It was actually a very good month apart from that. Me and her met up a few times and it was all very nice and we finally clicked as friends and got past the whole awkwardness and became close again, which to be true was all that i was wanting so that made me smile. There was a heatwave in Edinburgh (it happens rarely) so i managed to aquire a slight Tan which is basicly unheard of. I didn't revise but started my exams, they were easy. Emm, can't think of much else, Rangers won the league which sucked ! But Celtic had only themselves to blame as they were pathetic in the second half of the season. I slept with roughly 7 differant girls, which even by my standerds was a tad excessive, but i had a decent time doing it !
June: One of those buzy months that seemed to last forever but it was great. It started with me ending my exams, i liked that, as i was therefore done with school, so from now till September i was effectivly free to do whatever the fuck i wanted. I went to florida just with Dad which was brillaint fun. It's strange but even though i live with him, me and dad never get enough time to spend together so that was possibly one of the best weeks of the entire year. My birthday soon followed (22nd) and that was okay, got some nice presents and stuff, started to learn to drive though, that was NOT a good thing haha. Seen Courts play in Perth which was srpsingly good and said by to her aefore she left for home over summer. This month involved plenty of wee events none of which are particularly note worthy but they were fun.
July: Seriously ? One of the single most boring July's of my life and the definate most dissapointing month of the year. It held soo much promise but ultimatly dissapoined, as soo many things do i suppose. There are absouloutly no note worthy moments, it's weird ! Seen a shit load of movies, most of which weren't all that great, public enemies probably the only notable exception. The definiate highlight though would be the numerous nights spent with Dave and Natalie, seeing movies and just enjoying nice long walks home, something which i honestly can't get enough of. I love those two fuckers to bits :) I also got a pretty jacket :) Ooooh snap, seen Springsteen in concert (Y)
August: This month involved (again) plenty of movies and stuff, but the way it will be defined was a trip to Italy with Shaun. I like to boy he's a nice lad, but that holiday wasn't nice at all, i couldn't get home soon enough, i just felt like an total outsider, the people wern't friendly whatsoever, and all really racist and nasy. I'm not easily offended or nothing, but they did piss me off. Football season started aswel, Tony Mowbray got of to a great start with Celtic, domestically at least, but it was never going to last. Dave also passed his driving test, world of possiblilties.
September: Ahhh this is one of the best. I started uni which was just the most unbelivably great experience of my life, the course it turned out was brilliant, and all the staff seemed cool. However the people i met, and contined to meet throughout this month and early October... Amazing, serious, i made so many friends this month that i was loosing count, i all my uni buds to bits, great bunch ! Obviously it was quite scary at the begining, getting started and all that, but i settled dead quickly and basicly hav'nt looked back since, the work could hardly best described as hard at that stage either so all in all i was pleased. Seen plenty of movies this month, some of my favourites of the yer infact. (500) Days of summer and Adventureland standing out as two of the best, and probably my two favourite flicks of the year, maybe... Had a nice few days with Courts which is always welcome and sorta stumbled into meeting a bunch of people one night from school at a party which was soo funny due to the complete twatness of them haha. There was some domestic problems in my parents cirlce of frineds which put a downer on things, but it seemd to resolve itself fairly quickly, although it looks like now that wasn't a great idea. Me and Dan, had a few good chats and he seemd ok :) I got another nice leather jacket, which has been on my back manys a day since then.
October: The main bulk of this month was spent dicking around Florida with a shit load of people, a fairly decent holiday, and i enjoyed it. I read Kurt Cobains autobio which rocked my socks and toatlly changed the way i viewed him and of course Courtney Love, who is by the way extremelly interesting and talented in her own right. Uni life stayed great, all be it with a little bit of drama, regarding me shagging my way the place, but that was always going to happen, i'm a magnet for trouble, ultimatly no harm came of it, unlike school people are mature and can deal with this sorta stuff. Me and Dave seen Kevin Smith through in glasgow doing a Q'n'A and that was amazing, he's hilarious and very smart. This actually was quite a quiet month but good all the same. Lastly, dave got himsel a nice wee car.
November: Fairly near the end now, this month can be best defined by the fact that my parents spent almost the whole time flying between here and america, just taking shit lokad sof holidays to spite me. I had my cousins stayin in the house which is fine, i like Nat's, Connor is a wee shite but he's got a heart of gold so i find him quite funny most of the time, he's only little i guess :/ Had many's a night out here, started using Dave's I.D to get into places which works great and now i can succesfully attend all sorts of wee events and stuf without worrying about getting turned away and ruining other folks evenings. I was pretty much raped by a lesbian but that's a funnyn story to tell so i'm not angered by it. Also, i began to notice that my m8's from uni were now just becoming straight forward friends, my genral social circle. Basicly saying that we were all becoming very comfortable around each other and it looks like the next four years are gonna be plenty fun !
December: This month has been very buzy, plenty nights oot and all that, some things became very clear to me aswel which was nice. Chrsitmas was great this year, one of the best and tonight (hogmany) is bound to me electric.
So then, overall i give the year strong pass marks, i have encountered plenty over the course of the 12 months, but everything has been dealt with no problem in the end. 2010 is shaping to be great and hopefully it won't let me down.
Special thanks to te people who have made this year everything it has...
Mom,
Dad,
All the Family and friends,
Uni People,
Courtney,
The few decent folk at school,
My Dog,
And most importan;y the two folk who have really kept me going and will continue to do soo, Natalie and Dave. You have no idea, how much i depend on you guys sometimes :L
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
January: So the year didn't get of to the best of starts. As months go january is usually pretty poor, mainly because christmas and New Years and all those party events have pretty much concluded so everythings a bit gloomy and shit. For me it was especially bad as my somewhat pathetic depression over my ex was peaking at it's worst, i was entirely unhappy and pissed of the world. I needed something to take my mind of it, but that would take another few months. A few highlights would be seeing Chris Brown in concert with Natalie, just before he became a lassie bashing twat. Good gig though ! Also, had my prelims at school, which despite not going great were nice to get out the way.
February: I got my prelims back which were not great but i wasn't too bothered as i'm famously poor at those, normally just waitin on the actual exams before doing well. Ehhh, what else, i was still pretty upset regarding the whole love life scenario, which wasn't helped by my holiday to Florida, which whilst only lasting a week seemed to drag on for ages. I just had her on my mind the entire time, and being in the country were she's from i was constatnly reminded even by daft things that really shouldn't have but ooh well. When i got back nothing else happened, all in all a fairly pointless month.
March: This is when things got interesting. I done a weeks work on a play at school, just filling in for some plank who had to pull out. It was stressful as i had little time to work it all out but i done it and must say i was fucking A-plus ! Always have been a good actor mind. Doing this i met a girl who was doing make-up. She was a total nutter and just complete trouble but it was exactley what i needed, a wee diversion from the doom and gloom. We got together and whilst it was purely sexual (even introducing me to the fantastic world of threesomes !). Of course it didn't last any great lenth of time, two weeks or something and i havn't spoken to he rmuch since, but it all worked out well, i had fun, and i am thankful for that :) This month also saw me briefly re-engage with the social side of things at school, hanging out with the guys i was really friendly with th eyear previous again. I went to a few parties and stuff, and it was alright, but sadly that would be it for me and them, i never really got overly close again, and now am not even in regular contact with any of them, my decision however. Finally this was when i first started this very blog. One of the best decisions i ever made. So that's March, one of the most productive months most certaintly.
April: April's a weird one so it is.... I got alot more friendly with a wee lad from school called Danny, and with him basicly spent the month having a fair bit fun. Had a two week holiday from school, which was fairly pointless as school wasn't really much work anyway and more of a hassle, in regards to getting up early etc... I started a new means of chilling out which was involving me going long walks about the woods and fileds and shit at night, sounds weird but i muchly enjoyed it. Hmm, i started to get closer with my ex again, in a completely friendly way, this continued for the rest of the year up till the point we're at now of being very close freinds, best mates even, which is good haha. A neghative here would be becoming friendly with a girl called suzie, who after a few more month would turn out to be a obssesive, nutcase with a bad case of daddy issues !
May: This month marked the one year anniversary of my relationship with Courts getting really serious, so as you can imagine, this was what dominated my thoughts for the majority of the time. It was actually a very good month apart from that. Me and her met up a few times and it was all very nice and we finally clicked as friends and got past the whole awkwardness and became close again, which to be true was all that i was wanting so that made me smile. There was a heatwave in Edinburgh (it happens rarely) so i managed to aquire a slight Tan which is basicly unheard of. I didn't revise but started my exams, they were easy. Emm, can't think of much else, Rangers won the league which sucked ! But Celtic had only themselves to blame as they were pathetic in the second half of the season. I slept with roughly 7 differant girls, which even by my standerds was a tad excessive, but i had a decent time doing it !
June: One of those buzy months that seemed to last forever but it was great. It started with me ending my exams, i liked that, as i was therefore done with school, so from now till September i was effectivly free to do whatever the fuck i wanted. I went to florida just with Dad which was brillaint fun. It's strange but even though i live with him, me and dad never get enough time to spend together so that was possibly one of the best weeks of the entire year. My birthday soon followed (22nd) and that was okay, got some nice presents and stuff, started to learn to drive though, that was NOT a good thing haha. Seen Courts play in Perth which was srpsingly good and said by to her aefore she left for home over summer. This month involved plenty of wee events none of which are particularly note worthy but they were fun.
July: Seriously ? One of the single most boring July's of my life and the definate most dissapointing month of the year. It held soo much promise but ultimatly dissapoined, as soo many things do i suppose. There are absouloutly no note worthy moments, it's weird ! Seen a shit load of movies, most of which weren't all that great, public enemies probably the only notable exception. The definiate highlight though would be the numerous nights spent with Dave and Natalie, seeing movies and just enjoying nice long walks home, something which i honestly can't get enough of. I love those two fuckers to bits :) I also got a pretty jacket :) Ooooh snap, seen Springsteen in concert (Y)
August: This month involved (again) plenty of movies and stuff, but the way it will be defined was a trip to Italy with Shaun. I like to boy he's a nice lad, but that holiday wasn't nice at all, i couldn't get home soon enough, i just felt like an total outsider, the people wern't friendly whatsoever, and all really racist and nasy. I'm not easily offended or nothing, but they did piss me off. Football season started aswel, Tony Mowbray got of to a great start with Celtic, domestically at least, but it was never going to last. Dave also passed his driving test, world of possiblilties.
September: Ahhh this is one of the best. I started uni which was just the most unbelivably great experience of my life, the course it turned out was brilliant, and all the staff seemed cool. However the people i met, and contined to meet throughout this month and early October... Amazing, serious, i made so many friends this month that i was loosing count, i all my uni buds to bits, great bunch ! Obviously it was quite scary at the begining, getting started and all that, but i settled dead quickly and basicly hav'nt looked back since, the work could hardly best described as hard at that stage either so all in all i was pleased. Seen plenty of movies this month, some of my favourites of the yer infact. (500) Days of summer and Adventureland standing out as two of the best, and probably my two favourite flicks of the year, maybe... Had a nice few days with Courts which is always welcome and sorta stumbled into meeting a bunch of people one night from school at a party which was soo funny due to the complete twatness of them haha. There was some domestic problems in my parents cirlce of frineds which put a downer on things, but it seemd to resolve itself fairly quickly, although it looks like now that wasn't a great idea. Me and Dan, had a few good chats and he seemd ok :) I got another nice leather jacket, which has been on my back manys a day since then.
October: The main bulk of this month was spent dicking around Florida with a shit load of people, a fairly decent holiday, and i enjoyed it. I read Kurt Cobains autobio which rocked my socks and toatlly changed the way i viewed him and of course Courtney Love, who is by the way extremelly interesting and talented in her own right. Uni life stayed great, all be it with a little bit of drama, regarding me shagging my way the place, but that was always going to happen, i'm a magnet for trouble, ultimatly no harm came of it, unlike school people are mature and can deal with this sorta stuff. Me and Dave seen Kevin Smith through in glasgow doing a Q'n'A and that was amazing, he's hilarious and very smart. This actually was quite a quiet month but good all the same. Lastly, dave got himsel a nice wee car.
November: Fairly near the end now, this month can be best defined by the fact that my parents spent almost the whole time flying between here and america, just taking shit lokad sof holidays to spite me. I had my cousins stayin in the house which is fine, i like Nat's, Connor is a wee shite but he's got a heart of gold so i find him quite funny most of the time, he's only little i guess :/ Had many's a night out here, started using Dave's I.D to get into places which works great and now i can succesfully attend all sorts of wee events and stuf without worrying about getting turned away and ruining other folks evenings. I was pretty much raped by a lesbian but that's a funnyn story to tell so i'm not angered by it. Also, i began to notice that my m8's from uni were now just becoming straight forward friends, my genral social circle. Basicly saying that we were all becoming very comfortable around each other and it looks like the next four years are gonna be plenty fun !
December: This month has been very buzy, plenty nights oot and all that, some things became very clear to me aswel which was nice. Chrsitmas was great this year, one of the best and tonight (hogmany) is bound to me electric.
So then, overall i give the year strong pass marks, i have encountered plenty over the course of the 12 months, but everything has been dealt with no problem in the end. 2010 is shaping to be great and hopefully it won't let me down.
Special thanks to te people who have made this year everything it has...
Mom,
Dad,
All the Family and friends,
Uni People,
Courtney,
The few decent folk at school,
My Dog,
And most importan;y the two folk who have really kept me going and will continue to do soo, Natalie and Dave. You have no idea, how much i depend on you guys sometimes :L
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
Unwrapped
The last week has seen some events occur which i would most certaintly not have expected this time lat week. Sorta starting last wednesday, but really kicking of come Friday (Christmas yes, yes, yes) and then continuing onto Sunday. Great fun i must say, but also quite random, now two month ago or something i would have seen this happening and most certaintly welcomed it, but now it's came a a total surprise and in a way without any great desire for it to do so. That's good though. I can enjoy it for what it is/was/will be and not get too caught up in everything. Which undoubtably i would have done if i'd been looking for it.
I find it really funny though, how after making an effort and trying with this one a few month back, i then changed my mind, thinking it was a wate of time and in doing that some how managed to get the very best out of me. I didn't worry about nothing, i was totally relaxed and now i'm able to be very pleased with what's happened. To the dumb amongst you by the way, this is regarding a girl (who'd have thought) Although not one whi's ever really came up on this i don't think. This girl has just been flying under the radar for a long time and it's ended up working out well.
Ther eis no relationship, no grand labelling or nothing, it's not even been discussed and shouldn't be. We both are well aware of the fact that it's probably not ever gonna be anything exclusive or commitment based, and i'm surprisingly ok with that. We're both pretty much loose people and therefore it is easiest to just remain friends, but with some added bonuses. That brings my list of those upto three now actually i think ! Haha.
What i will say is, we are very cool together, fairly similar, both chilled and willing to experiment and most importantly we can talk, plenty, and about almost anything. Soo good times. It's a nice scenario as with this, i'm actually more pleased with the friendship that's been built up over the last four month then any of the recent sex things. Although if i was asked to consider moving things along slightly i would certaintly gove it some thought, i mean, it could prbably work, but i'm not going to push it. I like the way the ships sailing just now. Absouloutly no point in complicating it and more then likely fucking it all up.
This is the sort of things i love, a little bit excitement, some mystery and most important another reason to smile and look forward to the new year.
Oooh on that topic, next post will be a review of the year i'm working on it already, so it should be a belter !
P.S. I just noticed something strange on my Uni things for next trimester, i'm swear to god if they have fucked up my timetable i will not be amused !!
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
I find it really funny though, how after making an effort and trying with this one a few month back, i then changed my mind, thinking it was a wate of time and in doing that some how managed to get the very best out of me. I didn't worry about nothing, i was totally relaxed and now i'm able to be very pleased with what's happened. To the dumb amongst you by the way, this is regarding a girl (who'd have thought) Although not one whi's ever really came up on this i don't think. This girl has just been flying under the radar for a long time and it's ended up working out well.
Ther eis no relationship, no grand labelling or nothing, it's not even been discussed and shouldn't be. We both are well aware of the fact that it's probably not ever gonna be anything exclusive or commitment based, and i'm surprisingly ok with that. We're both pretty much loose people and therefore it is easiest to just remain friends, but with some added bonuses. That brings my list of those upto three now actually i think ! Haha.
What i will say is, we are very cool together, fairly similar, both chilled and willing to experiment and most importantly we can talk, plenty, and about almost anything. Soo good times. It's a nice scenario as with this, i'm actually more pleased with the friendship that's been built up over the last four month then any of the recent sex things. Although if i was asked to consider moving things along slightly i would certaintly gove it some thought, i mean, it could prbably work, but i'm not going to push it. I like the way the ships sailing just now. Absouloutly no point in complicating it and more then likely fucking it all up.
This is the sort of things i love, a little bit excitement, some mystery and most important another reason to smile and look forward to the new year.
Oooh on that topic, next post will be a review of the year i'm working on it already, so it should be a belter !
P.S. I just noticed something strange on my Uni things for next trimester, i'm swear to god if they have fucked up my timetable i will not be amused !!
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Unwrapped
The last week has seen some events occur which i would most certaintly not have expected this time lat week. Sorta starting last wednesday, but really kicking of come Friday (Christmas yes, yes, yes) and then continuing onto Sunday. Great fun i must say, but also quite random, now two month ago or something i would have seen this happening and most certaintly welcomed it, but now it's came a a total surprise and in a way without any great desire for it to do so. That's good though. I can enjoy it for what it is/was/will be and not get too caught up in everything. Which undoubtably i would have done if i'd been looking for it.
I find it really funny though, how after making an effort and trying with this one a few month back, i then changed my mind, thinking it was a wate of time and in doing that some how managed to get the very best out of me. I didn't worry about nothing, i was totally relaxed and now i'm able to be very pleased with what's happened. To the dumb amongst you by the way, this is regarding a girl (who'd have thought) Although not one whi's ever really came up on this i don't think. This girl has just been flying under the radar for a long time and it's ended up working out well.
Ther eis no relationship, no grand labelling or nothing, it's not even been discussed and shouldn't be. We both are well aware of the fact that it's probably not ever gonna be anything exclusive or commitment based, and i'm surprisingly ok with that. We're both pretty much loose people and therefore it is easiest to just remain friends, but with some added bonuses. That brings my list of those upto three now actually i think ! Haha.
What i will say is, we are very cool together, fairly similar, both chilled and willing to experiment and most importantly we can talk, plenty, and about almost anything. Soo good times. It's a nice scenario as with this, i'm actually more pleased with the friendship that's been built up over the last four month then any of the recent sex things. Although if i was asked to consider moving things along slightly i would certaintly gove it some thought, i mean, it could prbably work, but i'm not going to push it. I like the way the ships sailing just now. Absouloutly no point in complicating it and more then likely fucking it all up.
This is the sort of things i love, a little bit excitement, some mystery and most important another reason to smile and look forward to the new year.
Oooh on that topic, next post will be a review of the year i'm working on it already, so it should be a belter !
P.S. I just noticed something strange on my Uni things for next trimester, i'm swear to god if they have fucked up my timetable i will not be amused !!
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
I find it really funny though, how after making an effort and trying with this one a few month back, i then changed my mind, thinking it was a wate of time and in doing that some how managed to get the very best out of me. I didn't worry about nothing, i was totally relaxed and now i'm able to be very pleased with what's happened. To the dumb amongst you by the way, this is regarding a girl (who'd have thought) Although not one whi's ever really came up on this i don't think. This girl has just been flying under the radar for a long time and it's ended up working out well.
Ther eis no relationship, no grand labelling or nothing, it's not even been discussed and shouldn't be. We both are well aware of the fact that it's probably not ever gonna be anything exclusive or commitment based, and i'm surprisingly ok with that. We're both pretty much loose people and therefore it is easiest to just remain friends, but with some added bonuses. That brings my list of those upto three now actually i think ! Haha.
What i will say is, we are very cool together, fairly similar, both chilled and willing to experiment and most importantly we can talk, plenty, and about almost anything. Soo good times. It's a nice scenario as with this, i'm actually more pleased with the friendship that's been built up over the last four month then any of the recent sex things. Although if i was asked to consider moving things along slightly i would certaintly gove it some thought, i mean, it could prbably work, but i'm not going to push it. I like the way the ships sailing just now. Absouloutly no point in complicating it and more then likely fucking it all up.
This is the sort of things i love, a little bit excitement, some mystery and most important another reason to smile and look forward to the new year.
Oooh on that topic, next post will be a review of the year i'm working on it already, so it should be a belter !
P.S. I just noticed something strange on my Uni things for next trimester, i'm swear to god if they have fucked up my timetable i will not be amused !!
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Smell Of The Past
Sometimes when i see certain images, or think back to events that are in the past, i can associate them with smells. Of course it's not unusual to have certain scents attached to certain people, but what i'm detailing is much more encompasing then that. It's all manner of things, time periods, months, trips, groups of people, all very strange i think.
I just noticed a ;icture y'see online a minute ago, of the Celtic stadium (Parkhead) one night in early May 2008. It's a fantastic pciture and was takin the night that Tommy Burns died. Now upoin looking at theat picture and realising the date that it comes from i thought back to that period in my life, and was greeted with this smell, not a smell that i could dfine as any particualr thing like, just s scent that for some reason fits in my mind with that part of my life.
Now, of course it could be a seasonal smell, but it doesn't comply with any other year or anything, so god knows were it comes from. But i do like it, that was a good time that May/June and the smell is positive. But their are negative points in my life that i can't attach a smell with too. Although usually these are much easier to place and work out what and why the scent is there for. Be it, the smell of certain perfumes or types of cigarettes.
On the topic, i relly don't like when their is a trace of something that has happened recently, a slight smell that is really recent but slowly fading away and you ju8st sometimes catch a random smell of it, it's kinda like a memory dissapearing, like a person leaving. It's sad :(
Okaydoke,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
I just noticed a ;icture y'see online a minute ago, of the Celtic stadium (Parkhead) one night in early May 2008. It's a fantastic pciture and was takin the night that Tommy Burns died. Now upoin looking at theat picture and realising the date that it comes from i thought back to that period in my life, and was greeted with this smell, not a smell that i could dfine as any particualr thing like, just s scent that for some reason fits in my mind with that part of my life.
Now, of course it could be a seasonal smell, but it doesn't comply with any other year or anything, so god knows were it comes from. But i do like it, that was a good time that May/June and the smell is positive. But their are negative points in my life that i can't attach a smell with too. Although usually these are much easier to place and work out what and why the scent is there for. Be it, the smell of certain perfumes or types of cigarettes.
On the topic, i relly don't like when their is a trace of something that has happened recently, a slight smell that is really recent but slowly fading away and you ju8st sometimes catch a random smell of it, it's kinda like a memory dissapearing, like a person leaving. It's sad :(
Okaydoke,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Smell Of The Past
Sometimes when i see certain images, or think back to events that are in the past, i can associate them with smells. Of course it's not unusual to have certain scents attached to certain people, but what i'm detailing is much more encompasing then that. It's all manner of things, time periods, months, trips, groups of people, all very strange i think.
I just noticed a ;icture y'see online a minute ago, of the Celtic stadium (Parkhead) one night in early May 2008. It's a fantastic pciture and was takin the night that Tommy Burns died. Now upoin looking at theat picture and realising the date that it comes from i thought back to that period in my life, and was greeted with this smell, not a smell that i could dfine as any particualr thing like, just s scent that for some reason fits in my mind with that part of my life.
Now, of course it could be a seasonal smell, but it doesn't comply with any other year or anything, so god knows were it comes from. But i do like it, that was a good time that May/June and the smell is positive. But their are negative points in my life that i can't attach a smell with too. Although usually these are much easier to place and work out what and why the scent is there for. Be it, the smell of certain perfumes or types of cigarettes.
On the topic, i relly don't like when their is a trace of something that has happened recently, a slight smell that is really recent but slowly fading away and you ju8st sometimes catch a random smell of it, it's kinda like a memory dissapearing, like a person leaving. It's sad :(
Okaydoke,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
I just noticed a ;icture y'see online a minute ago, of the Celtic stadium (Parkhead) one night in early May 2008. It's a fantastic pciture and was takin the night that Tommy Burns died. Now upoin looking at theat picture and realising the date that it comes from i thought back to that period in my life, and was greeted with this smell, not a smell that i could dfine as any particualr thing like, just s scent that for some reason fits in my mind with that part of my life.
Now, of course it could be a seasonal smell, but it doesn't comply with any other year or anything, so god knows were it comes from. But i do like it, that was a good time that May/June and the smell is positive. But their are negative points in my life that i can't attach a smell with too. Although usually these are much easier to place and work out what and why the scent is there for. Be it, the smell of certain perfumes or types of cigarettes.
On the topic, i relly don't like when their is a trace of something that has happened recently, a slight smell that is really recent but slowly fading away and you ju8st sometimes catch a random smell of it, it's kinda like a memory dissapearing, like a person leaving. It's sad :(
Okaydoke,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Believe
' For Each Of Us There Comes A Moment...
A Defining Instant In Our Lives...
When We Are Changed Forever.
There Comes A Moment In Everyones Life...
When You Stop Wondering...
And Begin, To Believe. '
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Believe
' For Each Of Us There Comes A Moment...
A Defining Instant In Our Lives...
When We Are Changed Forever.
There Comes A Moment In Everyones Life...
When You Stop Wondering...
And Begin, To Believe. '
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Friday, 25 December 2009
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Born To Run
In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway american dream,
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines,
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin out over the line,
Baby this town rips the bones from your backIts a death trap, it's a suicide rap,
We gotta get out while were young,
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run.
Wendy let me in I wanna be your friendI want to guard your dreams and visions,
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims,
And strap your hands across my engines,
Together we could break this trap,
Well run till we drop, baby well never go back,
Will you walk with me out on the wire`cause baby Im just a scared and lonely rider,
But I gotta find out how it feels,
I want to know if love is wild, girl I want to know if love is real.
Beyond the palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard,
The girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors,
And the boys try to look so hard,
The amusement park rises bold and stark,
Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist,
I wanna die with you wendy on the streets tonight,
In an everlasting kiss......
The highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive,
Everybodys out on the run tonight but there's no place left to hide,
Together wendy well live with the sadness,
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul,
Someday girl I don't know when were gonna get to that place,
Where we really want to go and well walk in the sun,
But till then tramps like us baby we were born to run.
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Born To Run
In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway american dream,
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines,
Sprung from cages out on highway 9,Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin out over the line,
Baby this town rips the bones from your backIts a death trap, it's a suicide rap,
We gotta get out while were young,
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run.
Wendy let me in I wanna be your friendI want to guard your dreams and visions,
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims,
And strap your hands across my engines,
Together we could break this trap,
Well run till we drop, baby well never go back,
Will you walk with me out on the wire`cause baby Im just a scared and lonely rider,
But I gotta find out how it feels,
I want to know if love is wild, girl I want to know if love is real.
Beyond the palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard,
The girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors,
And the boys try to look so hard,
The amusement park rises bold and stark,
Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist,
I wanna die with you wendy on the streets tonight,
In an everlasting kiss......
The highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive,
Everybodys out on the run tonight but there's no place left to hide,
Together wendy well live with the sadness,
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul,
Someday girl I don't know when were gonna get to that place,
Where we really want to go and well walk in the sun,
But till then tramps like us baby we were born to run.
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Monday, 14 December 2009
A Tale From Calton Hill
Not that long ago, i was up Calton hill. Think it would have been around the 22nd of September. It was to do with some Uni assigment that me and a friend were doing as a pair. Easier that way, split the work, split the time sorta. Anyway, irrelevent point, the tale goes like this.....
Me and this girl met in town and fannnied around for abit before treking up the hill, we didn't spend too long around there and basicly after some time we came down, got food and then i left town.
Boring story yeah ? Pretty much, but recently this day has actually became a little bit more prominent in my mind. I noticed that day that this girl liked me, at the time i laughed it of, i had loads of other shit on my mind, and frankly i wasn't interested at the time. However.... Since then a lot has changed, i've noticed how sorta awesome this girl actually is. We are still friends, but with benefits, meaning when we've been at a party or what not and both drunk, we sleep together. She's not willing to commit to anything and to be honest i'm not either.
But what is important is that for the three hours or whatever that we palled about for there was a definate closeness there y'know, something that is extremelly rare. A solid connection like. I do find it difficult to open up and warm to people, but for whatever reason i found it dead easy with her, at the time i didn't give it all that much thought really, just passed it of as a lucky coincidence. I mean, in truth we hit it of from the word go on our first day like, which was a relief. Infact i'm sure if you look back long enough here, i'll have made mention of it at the time. Funny how it all pans out eh ! I'm writing like this almost as if theirs been a big fall out or something like, which ain't true. We're still dead friendly and all that that, it's just sorta upped a level and therefore gotten slightly less easy and slightly more intense.
In the end, this just makes the day on Calton Hill a little bit more interesting. Because before all the shit surrounding us now, we were just very friendly and maybe the affection i could see coming from her was a sign of things to come, maybe if i'd acted at the time things could be differant. Who knows ?
All in all, i've known this person for all of four months, and already there has been two vastly differant situations between us. I sure do act fast to fuck things up. I enjoyed how it was at the start.... I enjoyed Calton Hill. As for the situation just now.. Well, let's just say, i'm still trying to work out the benefits....
I'll be talkin to ya xx
A Tale From Calton Hill
Not that long ago, i was up Calton hill. Think it would have been around the 22nd of September. It was to do with some Uni assigment that me and a friend were doing as a pair. Easier that way, split the work, split the time sorta. Anyway, irrelevent point, the tale goes like this.....
Me and this girl met in town and fannnied around for abit before treking up the hill, we didn't spend too long around there and basicly after some time we came down, got food and then i left town.
Boring story yeah ? Pretty much, but recently this day has actually became a little bit more prominent in my mind. I noticed that day that this girl liked me, at the time i laughed it of, i had loads of other shit on my mind, and frankly i wasn't interested at the time. However.... Since then a lot has changed, i've noticed how sorta awesome this girl actually is. We are still friends, but with benefits, meaning when we've been at a party or what not and both drunk, we sleep together. She's not willing to commit to anything and to be honest i'm not either.
But what is important is that for the three hours or whatever that we palled about for there was a definate closeness there y'know, something that is extremelly rare. A solid connection like. I do find it difficult to open up and warm to people, but for whatever reason i found it dead easy with her, at the time i didn't give it all that much thought really, just passed it of as a lucky coincidence. I mean, in truth we hit it of from the word go on our first day like, which was a relief. Infact i'm sure if you look back long enough here, i'll have made mention of it at the time. Funny how it all pans out eh ! I'm writing like this almost as if theirs been a big fall out or something like, which ain't true. We're still dead friendly and all that that, it's just sorta upped a level and therefore gotten slightly less easy and slightly more intense.
In the end, this just makes the day on Calton Hill a little bit more interesting. Because before all the shit surrounding us now, we were just very friendly and maybe the affection i could see coming from her was a sign of things to come, maybe if i'd acted at the time things could be differant. Who knows ?
All in all, i've known this person for all of four months, and already there has been two vastly differant situations between us. I sure do act fast to fuck things up. I enjoyed how it was at the start.... I enjoyed Calton Hill. As for the situation just now.. Well, let's just say, i'm still trying to work out the benefits....
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
Paper Heart.
Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........
Good, had to let that out.
I have a problem, i'm bothered, in a good way though, i'm feeling something again, so i'm not heartless, but it's taking me down. This little problem started of as nothing, but it's grown arms and legs and i invested in the emotional baggage and now it's all bullshit and fucked up.
I'll start at the begining, as it's a very good place to start. But i'll keep the background brief, cause it's late and i can't be arsed.
First day of uni i met a nice girl > All friendly and such > She ended up being totally into me > Slept together at a party > Nothing came of it and i wasn't too concerned > Life goes on, la, lala, la > 'Bout 2 month later i hear that she really does like me, still aren't particularly bothered > On the 28th of November i ended up sleeping with her again > Realised that i actually really like her aswel !!! Never a good thing > Turns out she can only communicate her feelings toward me when sh'es drunk > Now i'm feeling bad about it, cause i've decided that i really do like her and am kinda strugglin to cope with the somewhat scitsophrenic (Spell ?) relationship we have.
Give myself some space to get deep on this shit.... So the thing is when it's just a normal day and we're both straight and sober it's kinda just like we're friends. But not as close friends as before. The reason for this of course is that she's now aware of the fact that i know she likes me, but can't tell me out of fear or embaresment or something, added to the nakedness and such aswel of course. Now, i know she's had bad things happend in the past in regards to relationships, which is making this difficutlt for her like, but i'm actually very good at that kinda thing and know for a fact that i would be the best damm boy she ever had ! But i'm not so certain i'll ever get the chance.
See i was gonna ask her to the cinema or something right, one night this week. So i thought i'd send her a wee text askin how she was and that, not mentiong going out or nothing though, i would leave that till later in the text convo, so it seemed nice and natural. Not pre-planned... Like your reading about ! But as it goes, i never had a text back or nothing ! Of course this could be down to a variety of reasons, and i'm a certainty to be looking to much into it but fuck it ! It's bothered me. Annoying though, because i was desperate to remain 100% detached from this whole mess, but as per i got myself sucked in ! I'm soo predictable like that. I just can't stay away for long enough.
See now i'm worried cause i'm thinking that all of this is just gonna build up and then explode into something nasty which is precisely what i don't want. Our mutual friends are planning a christmas part on friday which i'm presuming i'll be heading along too and now i'm considering refusing to do anything with her. I think that i should stop it before it get's too a stage were i get overly invested. Welll, more so then i am now anyway. So i think the best option for me would be to just give up the ghost and stop the madness now, before i or she makes it fucking worse :/ Easy to say that of course, i'm not good at turning down propositions, if you know what i mean...
I just really don't know what i want to do here !! I didn't plan for this, i have no grand fecking schemes to solvee the mess. I'm drawing blanks all over the shop when i try to think of anything and it's tiring me out. I have such a hatred of this kinda crap, but i really can't resist gettting myself into it. I suppose i could see this coming from the word go like. Would it be fair to assume i'm pretty much just being used ??....
Those question marks were serious by the way. Anybody readign this feel free to give me some fresh perspectives or opinions. Infact, please do, i could really do with some comments on this one !!!
Man, life sucks. In a beautiful kinda way. My paper heart is bleeding....
Thanks for reading,
I'll be talkin to yaa xx
Good, had to let that out.
I have a problem, i'm bothered, in a good way though, i'm feeling something again, so i'm not heartless, but it's taking me down. This little problem started of as nothing, but it's grown arms and legs and i invested in the emotional baggage and now it's all bullshit and fucked up.
I'll start at the begining, as it's a very good place to start. But i'll keep the background brief, cause it's late and i can't be arsed.
First day of uni i met a nice girl > All friendly and such > She ended up being totally into me > Slept together at a party > Nothing came of it and i wasn't too concerned > Life goes on, la, lala, la > 'Bout 2 month later i hear that she really does like me, still aren't particularly bothered > On the 28th of November i ended up sleeping with her again > Realised that i actually really like her aswel !!! Never a good thing > Turns out she can only communicate her feelings toward me when sh'es drunk > Now i'm feeling bad about it, cause i've decided that i really do like her and am kinda strugglin to cope with the somewhat scitsophrenic (Spell ?) relationship we have.
Give myself some space to get deep on this shit.... So the thing is when it's just a normal day and we're both straight and sober it's kinda just like we're friends. But not as close friends as before. The reason for this of course is that she's now aware of the fact that i know she likes me, but can't tell me out of fear or embaresment or something, added to the nakedness and such aswel of course. Now, i know she's had bad things happend in the past in regards to relationships, which is making this difficutlt for her like, but i'm actually very good at that kinda thing and know for a fact that i would be the best damm boy she ever had ! But i'm not so certain i'll ever get the chance.
See i was gonna ask her to the cinema or something right, one night this week. So i thought i'd send her a wee text askin how she was and that, not mentiong going out or nothing though, i would leave that till later in the text convo, so it seemed nice and natural. Not pre-planned... Like your reading about ! But as it goes, i never had a text back or nothing ! Of course this could be down to a variety of reasons, and i'm a certainty to be looking to much into it but fuck it ! It's bothered me. Annoying though, because i was desperate to remain 100% detached from this whole mess, but as per i got myself sucked in ! I'm soo predictable like that. I just can't stay away for long enough.
See now i'm worried cause i'm thinking that all of this is just gonna build up and then explode into something nasty which is precisely what i don't want. Our mutual friends are planning a christmas part on friday which i'm presuming i'll be heading along too and now i'm considering refusing to do anything with her. I think that i should stop it before it get's too a stage were i get overly invested. Welll, more so then i am now anyway. So i think the best option for me would be to just give up the ghost and stop the madness now, before i or she makes it fucking worse :/ Easy to say that of course, i'm not good at turning down propositions, if you know what i mean...
I just really don't know what i want to do here !! I didn't plan for this, i have no grand fecking schemes to solvee the mess. I'm drawing blanks all over the shop when i try to think of anything and it's tiring me out. I have such a hatred of this kinda crap, but i really can't resist gettting myself into it. I suppose i could see this coming from the word go like. Would it be fair to assume i'm pretty much just being used ??....
Those question marks were serious by the way. Anybody readign this feel free to give me some fresh perspectives or opinions. Infact, please do, i could really do with some comments on this one !!!
Man, life sucks. In a beautiful kinda way. My paper heart is bleeding....
Thanks for reading,
I'll be talkin to yaa xx
Paper Heart.
Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........
Good, had to let that out.
I have a problem, i'm bothered, in a good way though, i'm feeling something again, so i'm not heartless, but it's taking me down. This little problem started of as nothing, but it's grown arms and legs and i invested in the emotional baggage and now it's all bullshit and fucked up.
I'll start at the begining, as it's a very good place to start. But i'll keep the background brief, cause it's late and i can't be arsed.
First day of uni i met a nice girl > All friendly and such > She ended up being totally into me > Slept together at a party > Nothing came of it and i wasn't too concerned > Life goes on, la, lala, la > 'Bout 2 month later i hear that she really does like me, still aren't particularly bothered > On the 28th of November i ended up sleeping with her again > Realised that i actually really like her aswel !!! Never a good thing > Turns out she can only communicate her feelings toward me when sh'es drunk > Now i'm feeling bad about it, cause i've decided that i really do like her and am kinda strugglin to cope with the somewhat scitsophrenic (Spell ?) relationship we have.
Give myself some space to get deep on this shit.... So the thing is when it's just a normal day and we're both straight and sober it's kinda just like we're friends. But not as close friends as before. The reason for this of course is that she's now aware of the fact that i know she likes me, but can't tell me out of fear or embaresment or something, added to the nakedness and such aswel of course. Now, i know she's had bad things happend in the past in regards to relationships, which is making this difficutlt for her like, but i'm actually very good at that kinda thing and know for a fact that i would be the best damm boy she ever had ! But i'm not so certain i'll ever get the chance.
See i was gonna ask her to the cinema or something right, one night this week. So i thought i'd send her a wee text askin how she was and that, not mentiong going out or nothing though, i would leave that till later in the text convo, so it seemed nice and natural. Not pre-planned... Like your reading about ! But as it goes, i never had a text back or nothing ! Of course this could be down to a variety of reasons, and i'm a certainty to be looking to much into it but fuck it ! It's bothered me. Annoying though, because i was desperate to remain 100% detached from this whole mess, but as per i got myself sucked in ! I'm soo predictable like that. I just can't stay away for long enough.
See now i'm worried cause i'm thinking that all of this is just gonna build up and then explode into something nasty which is precisely what i don't want. Our mutual friends are planning a christmas part on friday which i'm presuming i'll be heading along too and now i'm considering refusing to do anything with her. I think that i should stop it before it get's too a stage were i get overly invested. Welll, more so then i am now anyway. So i think the best option for me would be to just give up the ghost and stop the madness now, before i or she makes it fucking worse :/ Easy to say that of course, i'm not good at turning down propositions, if you know what i mean...
I just really don't know what i want to do here !! I didn't plan for this, i have no grand fecking schemes to solvee the mess. I'm drawing blanks all over the shop when i try to think of anything and it's tiring me out. I have such a hatred of this kinda crap, but i really can't resist gettting myself into it. I suppose i could see this coming from the word go like. Would it be fair to assume i'm pretty much just being used ??....
Those question marks were serious by the way. Anybody readign this feel free to give me some fresh perspectives or opinions. Infact, please do, i could really do with some comments on this one !!!
Man, life sucks. In a beautiful kinda way. My paper heart is bleeding....
Thanks for reading,
I'll be talkin to yaa xx
Good, had to let that out.
I have a problem, i'm bothered, in a good way though, i'm feeling something again, so i'm not heartless, but it's taking me down. This little problem started of as nothing, but it's grown arms and legs and i invested in the emotional baggage and now it's all bullshit and fucked up.
I'll start at the begining, as it's a very good place to start. But i'll keep the background brief, cause it's late and i can't be arsed.
First day of uni i met a nice girl > All friendly and such > She ended up being totally into me > Slept together at a party > Nothing came of it and i wasn't too concerned > Life goes on, la, lala, la > 'Bout 2 month later i hear that she really does like me, still aren't particularly bothered > On the 28th of November i ended up sleeping with her again > Realised that i actually really like her aswel !!! Never a good thing > Turns out she can only communicate her feelings toward me when sh'es drunk > Now i'm feeling bad about it, cause i've decided that i really do like her and am kinda strugglin to cope with the somewhat scitsophrenic (Spell ?) relationship we have.
Give myself some space to get deep on this shit.... So the thing is when it's just a normal day and we're both straight and sober it's kinda just like we're friends. But not as close friends as before. The reason for this of course is that she's now aware of the fact that i know she likes me, but can't tell me out of fear or embaresment or something, added to the nakedness and such aswel of course. Now, i know she's had bad things happend in the past in regards to relationships, which is making this difficutlt for her like, but i'm actually very good at that kinda thing and know for a fact that i would be the best damm boy she ever had ! But i'm not so certain i'll ever get the chance.
See i was gonna ask her to the cinema or something right, one night this week. So i thought i'd send her a wee text askin how she was and that, not mentiong going out or nothing though, i would leave that till later in the text convo, so it seemed nice and natural. Not pre-planned... Like your reading about ! But as it goes, i never had a text back or nothing ! Of course this could be down to a variety of reasons, and i'm a certainty to be looking to much into it but fuck it ! It's bothered me. Annoying though, because i was desperate to remain 100% detached from this whole mess, but as per i got myself sucked in ! I'm soo predictable like that. I just can't stay away for long enough.
See now i'm worried cause i'm thinking that all of this is just gonna build up and then explode into something nasty which is precisely what i don't want. Our mutual friends are planning a christmas part on friday which i'm presuming i'll be heading along too and now i'm considering refusing to do anything with her. I think that i should stop it before it get's too a stage were i get overly invested. Welll, more so then i am now anyway. So i think the best option for me would be to just give up the ghost and stop the madness now, before i or she makes it fucking worse :/ Easy to say that of course, i'm not good at turning down propositions, if you know what i mean...
I just really don't know what i want to do here !! I didn't plan for this, i have no grand fecking schemes to solvee the mess. I'm drawing blanks all over the shop when i try to think of anything and it's tiring me out. I have such a hatred of this kinda crap, but i really can't resist gettting myself into it. I suppose i could see this coming from the word go like. Would it be fair to assume i'm pretty much just being used ??....
Those question marks were serious by the way. Anybody readign this feel free to give me some fresh perspectives or opinions. Infact, please do, i could really do with some comments on this one !!!
Man, life sucks. In a beautiful kinda way. My paper heart is bleeding....
Thanks for reading,
I'll be talkin to yaa xx
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
A Light Parade
Brief encounters, Stars crossing in a light parade.
The briefest feeling of life, In a sombre existance.
Two fierce burning creatures, Brought together in a moment too soon passed.
The world continues,
His life ends.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
A Light Parade
Brief encounters, Stars crossing in a light parade.
The briefest feeling of life, In a sombre existance.
Two fierce burning creatures, Brought together in a moment too soon passed.
The world continues,
His life ends.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Sunday, 6 December 2009
Promise
This weekend held so much promise and possibilities that I couldn't help but be excited. The events of last week set of a trail of cause and effect which were meant to climax on this very night, or morning I suppose. However, it didn't quite pan out that way did it.
I can't complain really about the last few days themselves like, Friday was nice, good fin and stuff, but in my head it was purely the build-up to the grand show, which was (of course) supposed to be tonight. Again though, the way I had seen it and planned it didn't come through. This is rare, usually If I choose to undertake some sort of task, or become emotionally attracted to what might happen of an evening then I will bs sure it runs as plans ! This evening just wasn't for plating ball though. So basicly it kinda sucked. On normal circumstances I would have just had a great few days like, but it hasn't lived up to the standards I'd presumed. My bad.
What's this proves to me is that the best nights outs and events should be spontanious, naive but true. Just plan the basics and then let the events take care of themselves.
'Relax, Take It Slow and Let The Good Times Roll.'
I'll be talkin to yaaaa xXxxXx
I can't complain really about the last few days themselves like, Friday was nice, good fin and stuff, but in my head it was purely the build-up to the grand show, which was (of course) supposed to be tonight. Again though, the way I had seen it and planned it didn't come through. This is rare, usually If I choose to undertake some sort of task, or become emotionally attracted to what might happen of an evening then I will bs sure it runs as plans ! This evening just wasn't for plating ball though. So basicly it kinda sucked. On normal circumstances I would have just had a great few days like, but it hasn't lived up to the standards I'd presumed. My bad.
What's this proves to me is that the best nights outs and events should be spontanious, naive but true. Just plan the basics and then let the events take care of themselves.
'Relax, Take It Slow and Let The Good Times Roll.'
I'll be talkin to yaaaa xXxxXx
Promise
This weekend held so much promise and possibilities that I couldn't help but be excited. The events of last week set of a trail of cause and effect which were meant to climax on this very night, or morning I suppose. However, it didn't quite pan out that way did it.
I can't complain really about the last few days themselves like, Friday was nice, good fin and stuff, but in my head it was purely the build-up to the grand show, which was (of course) supposed to be tonight. Again though, the way I had seen it and planned it didn't come through. This is rare, usually If I choose to undertake some sort of task, or become emotionally attracted to what might happen of an evening then I will bs sure it runs as plans ! This evening just wasn't for plating ball though. So basicly it kinda sucked. On normal circumstances I would have just had a great few days like, but it hasn't lived up to the standards I'd presumed. My bad.
What's this proves to me is that the best nights outs and events should be spontanious, naive but true. Just plan the basics and then let the events take care of themselves.
'Relax, Take It Slow and Let The Good Times Roll.'
I'll be talkin to yaaaa xXxxXx
I can't complain really about the last few days themselves like, Friday was nice, good fin and stuff, but in my head it was purely the build-up to the grand show, which was (of course) supposed to be tonight. Again though, the way I had seen it and planned it didn't come through. This is rare, usually If I choose to undertake some sort of task, or become emotionally attracted to what might happen of an evening then I will bs sure it runs as plans ! This evening just wasn't for plating ball though. So basicly it kinda sucked. On normal circumstances I would have just had a great few days like, but it hasn't lived up to the standards I'd presumed. My bad.
What's this proves to me is that the best nights outs and events should be spontanious, naive but true. Just plan the basics and then let the events take care of themselves.
'Relax, Take It Slow and Let The Good Times Roll.'
I'll be talkin to yaaaa xXxxXx
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Apologies
Gotta say sorry to the zero upset readers who havn't had nothing to read on here for a few weeks.
Ive been damn buzy with uni essays and what not so I sadly had to force this onto the backseat for a wee bit.
However, finished my last one this evening so will be hitting the blogs again. Happily :)
Keep checking in on me, ice got a lot to say right now, gracious
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Ive been damn buzy with uni essays and what not so I sadly had to force this onto the backseat for a wee bit.
However, finished my last one this evening so will be hitting the blogs again. Happily :)
Keep checking in on me, ice got a lot to say right now, gracious
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Apologies
Gotta say sorry to the zero upset readers who havn't had nothing to read on here for a few weeks.
Ive been damn buzy with uni essays and what not so I sadly had to force this onto the backseat for a wee bit.
However, finished my last one this evening so will be hitting the blogs again. Happily :)
Keep checking in on me, ice got a lot to say right now, gracious
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Ive been damn buzy with uni essays and what not so I sadly had to force this onto the backseat for a wee bit.
However, finished my last one this evening so will be hitting the blogs again. Happily :)
Keep checking in on me, ice got a lot to say right now, gracious
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
A Lot Like Love.
Question for the day y'all ?
If somebody asked you to define love, how wouldyou do it ? Is it even possible ? I have a theory that loe means something compeltely differant to every single individual. It's all about our own little interests, and quirks. If no two people are the same, then no two people will share the same exact attraction.... You follow ?
Probably not.
Basicly, i don't think it can be defined, it's a big mash-up of so many differant factors that a definition would be an injustice. It's far too big and important a topic to just be blanketed by one customary, convienent statement.
It is what it is, and maybe that's something that can only be worked out within ourselves.
Love you alll,
I'll be talkin to ya xx
If somebody asked you to define love, how wouldyou do it ? Is it even possible ? I have a theory that loe means something compeltely differant to every single individual. It's all about our own little interests, and quirks. If no two people are the same, then no two people will share the same exact attraction.... You follow ?
Probably not.
Basicly, i don't think it can be defined, it's a big mash-up of so many differant factors that a definition would be an injustice. It's far too big and important a topic to just be blanketed by one customary, convienent statement.
It is what it is, and maybe that's something that can only be worked out within ourselves.
Love you alll,
I'll be talkin to ya xx
A Lot Like Love.
Question for the day y'all ?
If somebody asked you to define love, how wouldyou do it ? Is it even possible ? I have a theory that loe means something compeltely differant to every single individual. It's all about our own little interests, and quirks. If no two people are the same, then no two people will share the same exact attraction.... You follow ?
Probably not.
Basicly, i don't think it can be defined, it's a big mash-up of so many differant factors that a definition would be an injustice. It's far too big and important a topic to just be blanketed by one customary, convienent statement.
It is what it is, and maybe that's something that can only be worked out within ourselves.
Love you alll,
I'll be talkin to ya xx
If somebody asked you to define love, how wouldyou do it ? Is it even possible ? I have a theory that loe means something compeltely differant to every single individual. It's all about our own little interests, and quirks. If no two people are the same, then no two people will share the same exact attraction.... You follow ?
Probably not.
Basicly, i don't think it can be defined, it's a big mash-up of so many differant factors that a definition would be an injustice. It's far too big and important a topic to just be blanketed by one customary, convienent statement.
It is what it is, and maybe that's something that can only be worked out within ourselves.
Love you alll,
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Sunday, 15 November 2009
It Ain't Easy Being Steve
If you allow me, this is really just gonna be a really boring, long-winded account of why sometimes i'm a total arse. I'm basicly writing it as part of this self improvment plan i'm setting uf for myself. I'm kinda being harsh on myself here by the way, but nobody try and talk me own from this haha. It's neccessary. Hope i spelt that write.... ? Right, away we go.
1. Well i'm insecure, crazily so ! I mange to hide it like all the time, but it's not nice. I constantly think that things are going to turn against me. And that people are annoyed at me. I read too much into near enough every little peice of shit. Bad times like :/
2. I've got an addictive personality. Like, no matter what the hell it is, if i do it more then a few times, i always crave it more. Lucky for me i suppose i'm 100% aware of this. It's s just the fact that it's a constant fact in my head that there is a the strong possibilty that i could one day fuck myself over with some addiction or some bollocks.
3. I am far too comfertable in my own company. I like to go long wanders with just my little self, occasionaly the dog accompanies actually. I like to get away from people (and indoors) and walk. Just walk anyplace, get a good wee think in about stuff. It's a help, but also bad, cause it allows me to again overthink everything.
4. My self confidence is horribly low at times. Again, i pretend to be all happy and vibrant and bullshit, but to be honest i've got no real believe in myself to achive jack shit. It's just a case of me being almost too nervous to attmept things and therefore i don't get the chance to achieve anything. Not good !
5. I'm soo fucking wasy it's not real. I know that it's pretty rare for a guy to say that, cause it's a thing that people usually aim at girls, but i totally fall into that catogory. I usually end up sleeping with somebody if i'm out and about. It's actually now just become an accepted part of my weekend, or recently weekdays aswel :/ I've accepted that it'll happen and (not gonna lie) it was fun at first. It's lost it's appeal however now. But i keep going with it. Buuuuut, i like the emotional aspect of it y'know. I need to feel that people want me, or atleast find me attractive. It's pathetic, but it just makes me feel better about myself when it comes down to it.
6. I miss people to much, i can't stand losing people. I dwell on that shit for ages too. Even things that don't really matter, i make them matter in my head. I create some illusion of me losing something important. I know that a lot of the time it is just me over-reacting but still... I hate it.
7. I fall in love. Okay, so people are thinking that it's not all that bad a thing. But sometimes it is. See i do it far too much. Therefore this ties into the previous thingy. It varies of course. There has of course been the one extremelly important love situation, but theres also a fair few stupid little things that have floated about throughout the last few years. These feelings do lift me up, but invariably knock me back down later. Worse then any fucking drug. Like ya read about.
8. I'm quite a conflicted person. My mood can change oten, depending on every little thing. One minute i'll be delighted, the next as low as the floor. I think that's sorta normal though, but still, need it sorted haha.
Okay, i think that's everything really. Well, i bet i'll turn this off, and then a shit load more stuff will hit me in the head to write about, but i'll leave it at this. It's a winy, self indulgent piece of shit anyway. But it's doing a job.
Badabing- badaboom.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
1. Well i'm insecure, crazily so ! I mange to hide it like all the time, but it's not nice. I constantly think that things are going to turn against me. And that people are annoyed at me. I read too much into near enough every little peice of shit. Bad times like :/
2. I've got an addictive personality. Like, no matter what the hell it is, if i do it more then a few times, i always crave it more. Lucky for me i suppose i'm 100% aware of this. It's s just the fact that it's a constant fact in my head that there is a the strong possibilty that i could one day fuck myself over with some addiction or some bollocks.
3. I am far too comfertable in my own company. I like to go long wanders with just my little self, occasionaly the dog accompanies actually. I like to get away from people (and indoors) and walk. Just walk anyplace, get a good wee think in about stuff. It's a help, but also bad, cause it allows me to again overthink everything.
4. My self confidence is horribly low at times. Again, i pretend to be all happy and vibrant and bullshit, but to be honest i've got no real believe in myself to achive jack shit. It's just a case of me being almost too nervous to attmept things and therefore i don't get the chance to achieve anything. Not good !
5. I'm soo fucking wasy it's not real. I know that it's pretty rare for a guy to say that, cause it's a thing that people usually aim at girls, but i totally fall into that catogory. I usually end up sleeping with somebody if i'm out and about. It's actually now just become an accepted part of my weekend, or recently weekdays aswel :/ I've accepted that it'll happen and (not gonna lie) it was fun at first. It's lost it's appeal however now. But i keep going with it. Buuuuut, i like the emotional aspect of it y'know. I need to feel that people want me, or atleast find me attractive. It's pathetic, but it just makes me feel better about myself when it comes down to it.
6. I miss people to much, i can't stand losing people. I dwell on that shit for ages too. Even things that don't really matter, i make them matter in my head. I create some illusion of me losing something important. I know that a lot of the time it is just me over-reacting but still... I hate it.
7. I fall in love. Okay, so people are thinking that it's not all that bad a thing. But sometimes it is. See i do it far too much. Therefore this ties into the previous thingy. It varies of course. There has of course been the one extremelly important love situation, but theres also a fair few stupid little things that have floated about throughout the last few years. These feelings do lift me up, but invariably knock me back down later. Worse then any fucking drug. Like ya read about.
8. I'm quite a conflicted person. My mood can change oten, depending on every little thing. One minute i'll be delighted, the next as low as the floor. I think that's sorta normal though, but still, need it sorted haha.
Okay, i think that's everything really. Well, i bet i'll turn this off, and then a shit load more stuff will hit me in the head to write about, but i'll leave it at this. It's a winy, self indulgent piece of shit anyway. But it's doing a job.
Badabing- badaboom.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
It Ain't Easy Being Steve
If you allow me, this is really just gonna be a really boring, long-winded account of why sometimes i'm a total arse. I'm basicly writing it as part of this self improvment plan i'm setting uf for myself. I'm kinda being harsh on myself here by the way, but nobody try and talk me own from this haha. It's neccessary. Hope i spelt that write.... ? Right, away we go.
1. Well i'm insecure, crazily so ! I mange to hide it like all the time, but it's not nice. I constantly think that things are going to turn against me. And that people are annoyed at me. I read too much into near enough every little peice of shit. Bad times like :/
2. I've got an addictive personality. Like, no matter what the hell it is, if i do it more then a few times, i always crave it more. Lucky for me i suppose i'm 100% aware of this. It's s just the fact that it's a constant fact in my head that there is a the strong possibilty that i could one day fuck myself over with some addiction or some bollocks.
3. I am far too comfertable in my own company. I like to go long wanders with just my little self, occasionaly the dog accompanies actually. I like to get away from people (and indoors) and walk. Just walk anyplace, get a good wee think in about stuff. It's a help, but also bad, cause it allows me to again overthink everything.
4. My self confidence is horribly low at times. Again, i pretend to be all happy and vibrant and bullshit, but to be honest i've got no real believe in myself to achive jack shit. It's just a case of me being almost too nervous to attmept things and therefore i don't get the chance to achieve anything. Not good !
5. I'm soo fucking wasy it's not real. I know that it's pretty rare for a guy to say that, cause it's a thing that people usually aim at girls, but i totally fall into that catogory. I usually end up sleeping with somebody if i'm out and about. It's actually now just become an accepted part of my weekend, or recently weekdays aswel :/ I've accepted that it'll happen and (not gonna lie) it was fun at first. It's lost it's appeal however now. But i keep going with it. Buuuuut, i like the emotional aspect of it y'know. I need to feel that people want me, or atleast find me attractive. It's pathetic, but it just makes me feel better about myself when it comes down to it.
6. I miss people to much, i can't stand losing people. I dwell on that shit for ages too. Even things that don't really matter, i make them matter in my head. I create some illusion of me losing something important. I know that a lot of the time it is just me over-reacting but still... I hate it.
7. I fall in love. Okay, so people are thinking that it's not all that bad a thing. But sometimes it is. See i do it far too much. Therefore this ties into the previous thingy. It varies of course. There has of course been the one extremelly important love situation, but theres also a fair few stupid little things that have floated about throughout the last few years. These feelings do lift me up, but invariably knock me back down later. Worse then any fucking drug. Like ya read about.
8. I'm quite a conflicted person. My mood can change oten, depending on every little thing. One minute i'll be delighted, the next as low as the floor. I think that's sorta normal though, but still, need it sorted haha.
Okay, i think that's everything really. Well, i bet i'll turn this off, and then a shit load more stuff will hit me in the head to write about, but i'll leave it at this. It's a winy, self indulgent piece of shit anyway. But it's doing a job.
Badabing- badaboom.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
1. Well i'm insecure, crazily so ! I mange to hide it like all the time, but it's not nice. I constantly think that things are going to turn against me. And that people are annoyed at me. I read too much into near enough every little peice of shit. Bad times like :/
2. I've got an addictive personality. Like, no matter what the hell it is, if i do it more then a few times, i always crave it more. Lucky for me i suppose i'm 100% aware of this. It's s just the fact that it's a constant fact in my head that there is a the strong possibilty that i could one day fuck myself over with some addiction or some bollocks.
3. I am far too comfertable in my own company. I like to go long wanders with just my little self, occasionaly the dog accompanies actually. I like to get away from people (and indoors) and walk. Just walk anyplace, get a good wee think in about stuff. It's a help, but also bad, cause it allows me to again overthink everything.
4. My self confidence is horribly low at times. Again, i pretend to be all happy and vibrant and bullshit, but to be honest i've got no real believe in myself to achive jack shit. It's just a case of me being almost too nervous to attmept things and therefore i don't get the chance to achieve anything. Not good !
5. I'm soo fucking wasy it's not real. I know that it's pretty rare for a guy to say that, cause it's a thing that people usually aim at girls, but i totally fall into that catogory. I usually end up sleeping with somebody if i'm out and about. It's actually now just become an accepted part of my weekend, or recently weekdays aswel :/ I've accepted that it'll happen and (not gonna lie) it was fun at first. It's lost it's appeal however now. But i keep going with it. Buuuuut, i like the emotional aspect of it y'know. I need to feel that people want me, or atleast find me attractive. It's pathetic, but it just makes me feel better about myself when it comes down to it.
6. I miss people to much, i can't stand losing people. I dwell on that shit for ages too. Even things that don't really matter, i make them matter in my head. I create some illusion of me losing something important. I know that a lot of the time it is just me over-reacting but still... I hate it.
7. I fall in love. Okay, so people are thinking that it's not all that bad a thing. But sometimes it is. See i do it far too much. Therefore this ties into the previous thingy. It varies of course. There has of course been the one extremelly important love situation, but theres also a fair few stupid little things that have floated about throughout the last few years. These feelings do lift me up, but invariably knock me back down later. Worse then any fucking drug. Like ya read about.
8. I'm quite a conflicted person. My mood can change oten, depending on every little thing. One minute i'll be delighted, the next as low as the floor. I think that's sorta normal though, but still, need it sorted haha.
Okay, i think that's everything really. Well, i bet i'll turn this off, and then a shit load more stuff will hit me in the head to write about, but i'll leave it at this. It's a winy, self indulgent piece of shit anyway. But it's doing a job.
Badabing- badaboom.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
A 'Chasing Amy' moment !
I had a real 'Chasing amy' moment on friday night/Saturday morning :D
Haha, it wasn't a proud moment in itself, but the fact that i could convert somebody is kinda cool. What a funny evening lol.
Oooh, i'll just leave it at that :L
i'll be talkin to ya xx
Haha, it wasn't a proud moment in itself, but the fact that i could convert somebody is kinda cool. What a funny evening lol.
Oooh, i'll just leave it at that :L
i'll be talkin to ya xx
A 'Chasing Amy' moment !
I had a real 'Chasing amy' moment on friday night/Saturday morning :D
Haha, it wasn't a proud moment in itself, but the fact that i could convert somebody is kinda cool. What a funny evening lol.
Oooh, i'll just leave it at that :L
i'll be talkin to ya xx
Haha, it wasn't a proud moment in itself, but the fact that i could convert somebody is kinda cool. What a funny evening lol.
Oooh, i'll just leave it at that :L
i'll be talkin to ya xx
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Fuck The Daily Mail.
I fucking hate this paper. It's truelly pathetic. It's really pissed me off now though. I just stumbled across this article.....
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1225388/True-Blood-vampires-explicit-TV-sucking-innocence-children.html
It sums up the dumbass nature of this rag. Seriously, what the fuck is point of it !!! I mean if it's not tellin news three days late, or slaggin of Jonathen Ross or Russel Brand, it's printing shite like this.
Please read. You'll be peeing with laughter afterwards. Sums up the attitude of it. Ahhhh i'm soo annoyed !!
Fuck You 'The Daily Mail'.... You out of touch, pretentious, cunts.
That'll be all.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1225388/True-Blood-vampires-explicit-TV-sucking-innocence-children.html
It sums up the dumbass nature of this rag. Seriously, what the fuck is point of it !!! I mean if it's not tellin news three days late, or slaggin of Jonathen Ross or Russel Brand, it's printing shite like this.
Please read. You'll be peeing with laughter afterwards. Sums up the attitude of it. Ahhhh i'm soo annoyed !!
Fuck You 'The Daily Mail'.... You out of touch, pretentious, cunts.
That'll be all.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Fuck The Daily Mail.
I fucking hate this paper. It's truelly pathetic. It's really pissed me off now though. I just stumbled across this article.....
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1225388/True-Blood-vampires-explicit-TV-sucking-innocence-children.html
It sums up the dumbass nature of this rag. Seriously, what the fuck is point of it !!! I mean if it's not tellin news three days late, or slaggin of Jonathen Ross or Russel Brand, it's printing shite like this.
Please read. You'll be peeing with laughter afterwards. Sums up the attitude of it. Ahhhh i'm soo annoyed !!
Fuck You 'The Daily Mail'.... You out of touch, pretentious, cunts.
That'll be all.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1225388/True-Blood-vampires-explicit-TV-sucking-innocence-children.html
It sums up the dumbass nature of this rag. Seriously, what the fuck is point of it !!! I mean if it's not tellin news three days late, or slaggin of Jonathen Ross or Russel Brand, it's printing shite like this.
Please read. You'll be peeing with laughter afterwards. Sums up the attitude of it. Ahhhh i'm soo annoyed !!
Fuck You 'The Daily Mail'.... You out of touch, pretentious, cunts.
That'll be all.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Sunday, 8 November 2009
To Write Love On Her Arms
This is a website i really want everyon to check out.
It's a charity site really, but to make money for ther charity they do really good things, make amazing Tshirts, organise gigs, all that stuff. I've got a few Tshirts of theirs for myself, Love 'um.
The charity is all about helping people with depression, eating disorders, suicide, drug addicition. All that stuff. Truth is, if it can as much as help a few of these people, then it's wirth it. And again the Shirts are top class !
Please, please, please.... Give it a look.
http://www.twloha.com
I'll Be Talkin To ya xxx
It's a charity site really, but to make money for ther charity they do really good things, make amazing Tshirts, organise gigs, all that stuff. I've got a few Tshirts of theirs for myself, Love 'um.
The charity is all about helping people with depression, eating disorders, suicide, drug addicition. All that stuff. Truth is, if it can as much as help a few of these people, then it's wirth it. And again the Shirts are top class !
Please, please, please.... Give it a look.
http://www.twloha.com
I'll Be Talkin To ya xxx
To Write Love On Her Arms
This is a website i really want everyon to check out.
It's a charity site really, but to make money for ther charity they do really good things, make amazing Tshirts, organise gigs, all that stuff. I've got a few Tshirts of theirs for myself, Love 'um.
The charity is all about helping people with depression, eating disorders, suicide, drug addicition. All that stuff. Truth is, if it can as much as help a few of these people, then it's wirth it. And again the Shirts are top class !
Please, please, please.... Give it a look.
http://www.twloha.com
I'll Be Talkin To ya xxx
It's a charity site really, but to make money for ther charity they do really good things, make amazing Tshirts, organise gigs, all that stuff. I've got a few Tshirts of theirs for myself, Love 'um.
The charity is all about helping people with depression, eating disorders, suicide, drug addicition. All that stuff. Truth is, if it can as much as help a few of these people, then it's wirth it. And again the Shirts are top class !
Please, please, please.... Give it a look.
http://www.twloha.com
I'll Be Talkin To ya xxx
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Not Guilty.
If you think that there's any chance, i'd do something like that, then something is seriously wrong.
You mean far too much.
That is all.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
You mean far too much.
That is all.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Not Guilty.
If you think that there's any chance, i'd do something like that, then something is seriously wrong.
You mean far too much.
That is all.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
You mean far too much.
That is all.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Henry James. That author guy....
FYI. I Just finished reading Henry James's 'The Turn Of The Screw' for Uni. This was a little excert from my notes yesterday. Donno why i'm typin it all up, i suppose i just found it sorta funny.....
Well, seriously.... I quite enjoyed it. I kid you not. I mean yeah, in all truth it is pretentious, wanky nonsence :/ But it does engage. You gotta stick with it, but when you have, it's really worth it. It's one of these books that (to my shame) i didn't read proper, not everyword like. To do that i thought (and still do) would weigh me down in an epic quantity of bullshit, so i skim read: Yeah, yah, it's bad, slap on the wrists, blah, blah, blaaaaa. But Fuck ya. It worked for me. I maybe don't know every little idiosyncrasy of the novel(la) but i have a fully functional working knowledge of the books broad strokes. Especially the batshit crazy governess ! There i Said it ! There ain't no ghost or possessions bitches. Just one crazy, jilted woman and her emotions... Makes sense if you think about it !
What's My proper Thought's On This Story... ?
Well, seriously.... I quite enjoyed it. I kid you not. I mean yeah, in all truth it is pretentious, wanky nonsence :/ But it does engage. You gotta stick with it, but when you have, it's really worth it. It's one of these books that (to my shame) i didn't read proper, not everyword like. To do that i thought (and still do) would weigh me down in an epic quantity of bullshit, so i skim read: Yeah, yah, it's bad, slap on the wrists, blah, blah, blaaaaa. But Fuck ya. It worked for me. I maybe don't know every little idiosyncrasy of the novel(la) but i have a fully functional working knowledge of the books broad strokes. Especially the batshit crazy governess ! There i Said it ! There ain't no ghost or possessions bitches. Just one crazy, jilted woman and her emotions... Makes sense if you think about it !
Go team.
I'll be talkin to ya XxX
Henry James. That author guy....
FYI. I Just finished reading Henry James's 'The Turn Of The Screw' for Uni. This was a little excert from my notes yesterday. Donno why i'm typin it all up, i suppose i just found it sorta funny.....
Well, seriously.... I quite enjoyed it. I kid you not. I mean yeah, in all truth it is pretentious, wanky nonsence :/ But it does engage. You gotta stick with it, but when you have, it's really worth it. It's one of these books that (to my shame) i didn't read proper, not everyword like. To do that i thought (and still do) would weigh me down in an epic quantity of bullshit, so i skim read: Yeah, yah, it's bad, slap on the wrists, blah, blah, blaaaaa. But Fuck ya. It worked for me. I maybe don't know every little idiosyncrasy of the novel(la) but i have a fully functional working knowledge of the books broad strokes. Especially the batshit crazy governess ! There i Said it ! There ain't no ghost or possessions bitches. Just one crazy, jilted woman and her emotions... Makes sense if you think about it !
What's My proper Thought's On This Story... ?
Well, seriously.... I quite enjoyed it. I kid you not. I mean yeah, in all truth it is pretentious, wanky nonsence :/ But it does engage. You gotta stick with it, but when you have, it's really worth it. It's one of these books that (to my shame) i didn't read proper, not everyword like. To do that i thought (and still do) would weigh me down in an epic quantity of bullshit, so i skim read: Yeah, yah, it's bad, slap on the wrists, blah, blah, blaaaaa. But Fuck ya. It worked for me. I maybe don't know every little idiosyncrasy of the novel(la) but i have a fully functional working knowledge of the books broad strokes. Especially the batshit crazy governess ! There i Said it ! There ain't no ghost or possessions bitches. Just one crazy, jilted woman and her emotions... Makes sense if you think about it !
Go team.
I'll be talkin to ya XxX
Homeeeeeee
Howdy.
This is a misleading title actually :/
I've been home for nearly a week actually, well, since Monday. I just havn'ty written anythin since then, lazyness more then anything. My minds not been at it's literary peak so to speech. That rhymes... Hehe.
Ok, well, i've a few blogsworth ideas for stuff i want to get down so that'll all be happnin in the new few days ( maybe even hours).
So hold on to your chairs, mysterious readers......
Or don't, whatever...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
This is a misleading title actually :/
I've been home for nearly a week actually, well, since Monday. I just havn'ty written anythin since then, lazyness more then anything. My minds not been at it's literary peak so to speech. That rhymes... Hehe.
Ok, well, i've a few blogsworth ideas for stuff i want to get down so that'll all be happnin in the new few days ( maybe even hours).
So hold on to your chairs, mysterious readers......
Or don't, whatever...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Homeeeeeee
Howdy.
This is a misleading title actually :/
I've been home for nearly a week actually, well, since Monday. I just havn'ty written anythin since then, lazyness more then anything. My minds not been at it's literary peak so to speech. That rhymes... Hehe.
Ok, well, i've a few blogsworth ideas for stuff i want to get down so that'll all be happnin in the new few days ( maybe even hours).
So hold on to your chairs, mysterious readers......
Or don't, whatever...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
This is a misleading title actually :/
I've been home for nearly a week actually, well, since Monday. I just havn'ty written anythin since then, lazyness more then anything. My minds not been at it's literary peak so to speech. That rhymes... Hehe.
Ok, well, i've a few blogsworth ideas for stuff i want to get down so that'll all be happnin in the new few days ( maybe even hours).
So hold on to your chairs, mysterious readers......
Or don't, whatever...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Madness
I'm writing this on the plane, will post soon as I hit a wifi zone. It's going mad up here ! Like some sorta bad movie, people are fighting and shouting, one weird wumin just launched into a hysterical cry of rage over a seat back or some such shit ! Mental. I'm sittin amongst it all playin the total wind up aswel like :L People aren't amused ! But fuck 'um. I can move my chair back if I want..... Try me.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Madness
I'm writing this on the plane, will post soon as I hit a wifi zone. It's going mad up here ! Like some sorta bad movie, people are fighting and shouting, one weird wumin just launched into a hysterical cry of rage over a seat back or some such shit ! Mental. I'm sittin amongst it all playin the total wind up aswel like :L People aren't amused ! But fuck 'um. I can move my chair back if I want..... Try me.
I'll be talkin to ya xx
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Saturday, 24 October 2009
Status Update.
Hi.
So Florida is treating me well. I've done a shitload of reading this past week and actually feel somewhat intelligent. It's a novelty ....
I'm currently reading Kurt Cobains bio. Scary stuff ! Guys fascinating, but very intense. I like him, shame he died :/
Here for another week, gonna keep the good time going hopefully, then back to uni and stuff. I enjoy that though so it's not a drag :)
Okay doke, i'll be back on here soon probably.
I'll be talkin to ya XxX
So Florida is treating me well. I've done a shitload of reading this past week and actually feel somewhat intelligent. It's a novelty ....
I'm currently reading Kurt Cobains bio. Scary stuff ! Guys fascinating, but very intense. I like him, shame he died :/
Here for another week, gonna keep the good time going hopefully, then back to uni and stuff. I enjoy that though so it's not a drag :)
Okay doke, i'll be back on here soon probably.
I'll be talkin to ya XxX
Status Update.
Hi.
So Florida is treating me well. I've done a shitload of reading this past week and actually feel somewhat intelligent. It's a novelty ....
I'm currently reading Kurt Cobains bio. Scary stuff ! Guys fascinating, but very intense. I like him, shame he died :/
Here for another week, gonna keep the good time going hopefully, then back to uni and stuff. I enjoy that though so it's not a drag :)
Okay doke, i'll be back on here soon probably.
I'll be talkin to ya XxX
So Florida is treating me well. I've done a shitload of reading this past week and actually feel somewhat intelligent. It's a novelty ....
I'm currently reading Kurt Cobains bio. Scary stuff ! Guys fascinating, but very intense. I like him, shame he died :/
Here for another week, gonna keep the good time going hopefully, then back to uni and stuff. I enjoy that though so it's not a drag :)
Okay doke, i'll be back on here soon probably.
I'll be talkin to ya XxX
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
An Essay On Death And Other Such Matters.
Have you ever thought about dying ?
Of course you have. it's natural. At some point everybody questions their own mortality. What fluctuates however is how people view the topic at various points in their lives. Now, i'm not for one minute suggesting that everybody who reads this (so about ten of you ! Ha) is going to fall entirely into the parimeters that i'm going to outline, but in my experience what people regard of dying is fairly similar at points in their existance.
Basically when you are all new and born it's not an issue, there isn't a lotta understanding of the topic. Before a person can think about death they must realise what it is to live and that they themselves are living, which doesn't occur until a person reaches the stage of rational thought. When somebody is young, just a child, and aware of the finite amount of time they'll exist there is a fear, of course their is. Every kid is scared of dying.
However when someone hits their teenage years, that fear is forgotten. The majority of teens don't think of their own frailty and uselessness, seeing themselves as indestructable, immortal. Of course they do, they are ! .... Or so they would like you to think. The fear of course returns with maturity. The moment a person understands that they have a reason to live, to love (be it girlfriend, wife, kids) the thought of losing it all and leaving them all behind is paralysing. The desire to live on, through anything, is overpowering. For the sake of them. This is of course a stage of life that i'm not gonna pretend to be at of course, But i can understand and emphasise with the emotions that would be at play here.
The next major shif comes at that sorta mid-way point in life. The kids have probably grown up and are now acting independently. Essentially the single biggest reason to live, no longer depends on you're presense. They have their own lifes to live and enjoy. It's at this stage were i think people find comfort and gain a sense of satisfaction with what they have. In turn there is no fear. They feel that they would die happy. This defiance in the face of the reaper can only last so long however. The minute the body gets old and starts to fail the mind inside it, is when a terrifying truth confronts you. You're going to die, it could be soon, just depends. No matter what you do, your time is limited.
The final piece of the puzzle slots in right at the very end. When the fact you are close to the finish line is accepted. I suppose that you can call it that anyway, an 'acceptance'. The moment a person passes away there peaceful (natural causes being discussed here of course). What happens after that moment i can't say. I like to think it's not just a lights out scenario. An afterlife of sorts would be nice, fun even. This belief is kinda backed up by a physic uncle, who at the moment i think may be onto something. Not certain yet, but interesting all the same.
So then, what about me. What are my opinions on my own mortality. Well mines have changed alot of late, just due to thinking about it which i'd never really done before. I was born and i'll die. That's the only two certainties in life and for that reason i have no fear of it. I'm dying dying slowly as i write this. Slowly but surely. It's all about how we spend the years in-between that
shape our enjoyment of the brief, blink of an eye we get to spend here. Thats why it's important to enjoy it and have fun. Now to be honest i live what is a pretty reckless life, not in a typical teenage manner though. I don't want what others do, i seem just to get that. I don't try and act like a characters from skins, i do things my way, i don't accept limits, i just do what i enjoy. I love too easily, cry to hard, die to live and live to die. I don't seek or accept half measures. I fuck, i love and i lose my fucking mind, almost every week. I take the highs and the lows, the fresh hope with every dissapointment. I don't see living as some great, secret challenge. Just something that needs to be done a long time to get good at. And i'm not there yet. I can't withdraw myself far enough to away to remain unaffected, or open up enough to let everybody in. But i have fun, i don't pollute my body or brain with toxic shit, apart from a few small incidental examples. I'm surprisingly fairly healthy. But i'm fucked up, i'm turbulant, difficult, unpredictable and nervous. However i'm also commited, dependable, loving, powerful and sincere. And i'm not bored. I live, i love and i laugh. And if i was to die today then i wouldn't be scared. Because it'll happen at some stage and it doesn't frighten me. Because i promise you i had fun getting here. Without a doubt.
I'll be talkin to ya (for awhile yet) XxX
Of course you have. it's natural. At some point everybody questions their own mortality. What fluctuates however is how people view the topic at various points in their lives. Now, i'm not for one minute suggesting that everybody who reads this (so about ten of you ! Ha) is going to fall entirely into the parimeters that i'm going to outline, but in my experience what people regard of dying is fairly similar at points in their existance.
Basically when you are all new and born it's not an issue, there isn't a lotta understanding of the topic. Before a person can think about death they must realise what it is to live and that they themselves are living, which doesn't occur until a person reaches the stage of rational thought. When somebody is young, just a child, and aware of the finite amount of time they'll exist there is a fear, of course their is. Every kid is scared of dying.
However when someone hits their teenage years, that fear is forgotten. The majority of teens don't think of their own frailty and uselessness, seeing themselves as indestructable, immortal. Of course they do, they are ! .... Or so they would like you to think. The fear of course returns with maturity. The moment a person understands that they have a reason to live, to love (be it girlfriend, wife, kids) the thought of losing it all and leaving them all behind is paralysing. The desire to live on, through anything, is overpowering. For the sake of them. This is of course a stage of life that i'm not gonna pretend to be at of course, But i can understand and emphasise with the emotions that would be at play here.
The next major shif comes at that sorta mid-way point in life. The kids have probably grown up and are now acting independently. Essentially the single biggest reason to live, no longer depends on you're presense. They have their own lifes to live and enjoy. It's at this stage were i think people find comfort and gain a sense of satisfaction with what they have. In turn there is no fear. They feel that they would die happy. This defiance in the face of the reaper can only last so long however. The minute the body gets old and starts to fail the mind inside it, is when a terrifying truth confronts you. You're going to die, it could be soon, just depends. No matter what you do, your time is limited.
The final piece of the puzzle slots in right at the very end. When the fact you are close to the finish line is accepted. I suppose that you can call it that anyway, an 'acceptance'. The moment a person passes away there peaceful (natural causes being discussed here of course). What happens after that moment i can't say. I like to think it's not just a lights out scenario. An afterlife of sorts would be nice, fun even. This belief is kinda backed up by a physic uncle, who at the moment i think may be onto something. Not certain yet, but interesting all the same.
So then, what about me. What are my opinions on my own mortality. Well mines have changed alot of late, just due to thinking about it which i'd never really done before. I was born and i'll die. That's the only two certainties in life and for that reason i have no fear of it. I'm dying dying slowly as i write this. Slowly but surely. It's all about how we spend the years in-between that
shape our enjoyment of the brief, blink of an eye we get to spend here. Thats why it's important to enjoy it and have fun. Now to be honest i live what is a pretty reckless life, not in a typical teenage manner though. I don't want what others do, i seem just to get that. I don't try and act like a characters from skins, i do things my way, i don't accept limits, i just do what i enjoy. I love too easily, cry to hard, die to live and live to die. I don't seek or accept half measures. I fuck, i love and i lose my fucking mind, almost every week. I take the highs and the lows, the fresh hope with every dissapointment. I don't see living as some great, secret challenge. Just something that needs to be done a long time to get good at. And i'm not there yet. I can't withdraw myself far enough to away to remain unaffected, or open up enough to let everybody in. But i have fun, i don't pollute my body or brain with toxic shit, apart from a few small incidental examples. I'm surprisingly fairly healthy. But i'm fucked up, i'm turbulant, difficult, unpredictable and nervous. However i'm also commited, dependable, loving, powerful and sincere. And i'm not bored. I live, i love and i laugh. And if i was to die today then i wouldn't be scared. Because it'll happen at some stage and it doesn't frighten me. Because i promise you i had fun getting here. Without a doubt.
I'll be talkin to ya (for awhile yet) XxX
An Essay On Death And Other Such Matters.
Have you ever thought about dying ?
Of course you have. it's natural. At some point everybody questions their own mortality. What fluctuates however is how people view the topic at various points in their lives. Now, i'm not for one minute suggesting that everybody who reads this (so about ten of you ! Ha) is going to fall entirely into the parimeters that i'm going to outline, but in my experience what people regard of dying is fairly similar at points in their existance.
Basically when you are all new and born it's not an issue, there isn't a lotta understanding of the topic. Before a person can think about death they must realise what it is to live and that they themselves are living, which doesn't occur until a person reaches the stage of rational thought. When somebody is young, just a child, and aware of the finite amount of time they'll exist there is a fear, of course their is. Every kid is scared of dying.
However when someone hits their teenage years, that fear is forgotten. The majority of teens don't think of their own frailty and uselessness, seeing themselves as indestructable, immortal. Of course they do, they are ! .... Or so they would like you to think. The fear of course returns with maturity. The moment a person understands that they have a reason to live, to love (be it girlfriend, wife, kids) the thought of losing it all and leaving them all behind is paralysing. The desire to live on, through anything, is overpowering. For the sake of them. This is of course a stage of life that i'm not gonna pretend to be at of course, But i can understand and emphasise with the emotions that would be at play here.
The next major shif comes at that sorta mid-way point in life. The kids have probably grown up and are now acting independently. Essentially the single biggest reason to live, no longer depends on you're presense. They have their own lifes to live and enjoy. It's at this stage were i think people find comfort and gain a sense of satisfaction with what they have. In turn there is no fear. They feel that they would die happy. This defiance in the face of the reaper can only last so long however. The minute the body gets old and starts to fail the mind inside it, is when a terrifying truth confronts you. You're going to die, it could be soon, just depends. No matter what you do, your time is limited.
The final piece of the puzzle slots in right at the very end. When the fact you are close to the finish line is accepted. I suppose that you can call it that anyway, an 'acceptance'. The moment a person passes away there peaceful (natural causes being discussed here of course). What happens after that moment i can't say. I like to think it's not just a lights out scenario. An afterlife of sorts would be nice, fun even. This belief is kinda backed up by a physic uncle, who at the moment i think may be onto something. Not certain yet, but interesting all the same.
So then, what about me. What are my opinions on my own mortality. Well mines have changed alot of late, just due to thinking about it which i'd never really done before. I was born and i'll die. That's the only two certainties in life and for that reason i have no fear of it. I'm dying dying slowly as i write this. Slowly but surely. It's all about how we spend the years in-between that
shape our enjoyment of the brief, blink of an eye we get to spend here. Thats why it's important to enjoy it and have fun. Now to be honest i live what is a pretty reckless life, not in a typical teenage manner though. I don't want what others do, i seem just to get that. I don't try and act like a characters from skins, i do things my way, i don't accept limits, i just do what i enjoy. I love too easily, cry to hard, die to live and live to die. I don't seek or accept half measures. I fuck, i love and i lose my fucking mind, almost every week. I take the highs and the lows, the fresh hope with every dissapointment. I don't see living as some great, secret challenge. Just something that needs to be done a long time to get good at. And i'm not there yet. I can't withdraw myself far enough to away to remain unaffected, or open up enough to let everybody in. But i have fun, i don't pollute my body or brain with toxic shit, apart from a few small incidental examples. I'm surprisingly fairly healthy. But i'm fucked up, i'm turbulant, difficult, unpredictable and nervous. However i'm also commited, dependable, loving, powerful and sincere. And i'm not bored. I live, i love and i laugh. And if i was to die today then i wouldn't be scared. Because it'll happen at some stage and it doesn't frighten me. Because i promise you i had fun getting here. Without a doubt.
I'll be talkin to ya (for awhile yet) XxX
Of course you have. it's natural. At some point everybody questions their own mortality. What fluctuates however is how people view the topic at various points in their lives. Now, i'm not for one minute suggesting that everybody who reads this (so about ten of you ! Ha) is going to fall entirely into the parimeters that i'm going to outline, but in my experience what people regard of dying is fairly similar at points in their existance.
Basically when you are all new and born it's not an issue, there isn't a lotta understanding of the topic. Before a person can think about death they must realise what it is to live and that they themselves are living, which doesn't occur until a person reaches the stage of rational thought. When somebody is young, just a child, and aware of the finite amount of time they'll exist there is a fear, of course their is. Every kid is scared of dying.
However when someone hits their teenage years, that fear is forgotten. The majority of teens don't think of their own frailty and uselessness, seeing themselves as indestructable, immortal. Of course they do, they are ! .... Or so they would like you to think. The fear of course returns with maturity. The moment a person understands that they have a reason to live, to love (be it girlfriend, wife, kids) the thought of losing it all and leaving them all behind is paralysing. The desire to live on, through anything, is overpowering. For the sake of them. This is of course a stage of life that i'm not gonna pretend to be at of course, But i can understand and emphasise with the emotions that would be at play here.
The next major shif comes at that sorta mid-way point in life. The kids have probably grown up and are now acting independently. Essentially the single biggest reason to live, no longer depends on you're presense. They have their own lifes to live and enjoy. It's at this stage were i think people find comfort and gain a sense of satisfaction with what they have. In turn there is no fear. They feel that they would die happy. This defiance in the face of the reaper can only last so long however. The minute the body gets old and starts to fail the mind inside it, is when a terrifying truth confronts you. You're going to die, it could be soon, just depends. No matter what you do, your time is limited.
The final piece of the puzzle slots in right at the very end. When the fact you are close to the finish line is accepted. I suppose that you can call it that anyway, an 'acceptance'. The moment a person passes away there peaceful (natural causes being discussed here of course). What happens after that moment i can't say. I like to think it's not just a lights out scenario. An afterlife of sorts would be nice, fun even. This belief is kinda backed up by a physic uncle, who at the moment i think may be onto something. Not certain yet, but interesting all the same.
So then, what about me. What are my opinions on my own mortality. Well mines have changed alot of late, just due to thinking about it which i'd never really done before. I was born and i'll die. That's the only two certainties in life and for that reason i have no fear of it. I'm dying dying slowly as i write this. Slowly but surely. It's all about how we spend the years in-between that
shape our enjoyment of the brief, blink of an eye we get to spend here. Thats why it's important to enjoy it and have fun. Now to be honest i live what is a pretty reckless life, not in a typical teenage manner though. I don't want what others do, i seem just to get that. I don't try and act like a characters from skins, i do things my way, i don't accept limits, i just do what i enjoy. I love too easily, cry to hard, die to live and live to die. I don't seek or accept half measures. I fuck, i love and i lose my fucking mind, almost every week. I take the highs and the lows, the fresh hope with every dissapointment. I don't see living as some great, secret challenge. Just something that needs to be done a long time to get good at. And i'm not there yet. I can't withdraw myself far enough to away to remain unaffected, or open up enough to let everybody in. But i have fun, i don't pollute my body or brain with toxic shit, apart from a few small incidental examples. I'm surprisingly fairly healthy. But i'm fucked up, i'm turbulant, difficult, unpredictable and nervous. However i'm also commited, dependable, loving, powerful and sincere. And i'm not bored. I live, i love and i laugh. And if i was to die today then i wouldn't be scared. Because it'll happen at some stage and it doesn't frighten me. Because i promise you i had fun getting here. Without a doubt.
I'll be talkin to ya (for awhile yet) XxX
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Florida
I'm away to Florida tomorrow :D
Two week holiday ! Cannot wait. This is probably the first time i've been genuinally excited about leaving for years ! Crazy eh.
Me, Mom, Dad, Stu, Rombo, Jimbo, Auntai Sandra, Disco Dave, Greigory, Jake And Robert. Some amount of folk like. Shall be a buzy household :P
Oooh aye, saw Kevin Smith in glasgow last night !!!
Mans a total leg-end. No words can describe him effectivly really. Except maybe.... Bob ? That'll mean nothing to almost everybody. Except the askiew-verse fans amongst you. Haha
Right then, byeeeee,
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Two week holiday ! Cannot wait. This is probably the first time i've been genuinally excited about leaving for years ! Crazy eh.
Me, Mom, Dad, Stu, Rombo, Jimbo, Auntai Sandra, Disco Dave, Greigory, Jake And Robert. Some amount of folk like. Shall be a buzy household :P
Oooh aye, saw Kevin Smith in glasgow last night !!!
Mans a total leg-end. No words can describe him effectivly really. Except maybe.... Bob ? That'll mean nothing to almost everybody. Except the askiew-verse fans amongst you. Haha
Right then, byeeeee,
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Florida
I'm away to Florida tomorrow :D
Two week holiday ! Cannot wait. This is probably the first time i've been genuinally excited about leaving for years ! Crazy eh.
Me, Mom, Dad, Stu, Rombo, Jimbo, Auntai Sandra, Disco Dave, Greigory, Jake And Robert. Some amount of folk like. Shall be a buzy household :P
Oooh aye, saw Kevin Smith in glasgow last night !!!
Mans a total leg-end. No words can describe him effectivly really. Except maybe.... Bob ? That'll mean nothing to almost everybody. Except the askiew-verse fans amongst you. Haha
Right then, byeeeee,
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Two week holiday ! Cannot wait. This is probably the first time i've been genuinally excited about leaving for years ! Crazy eh.
Me, Mom, Dad, Stu, Rombo, Jimbo, Auntai Sandra, Disco Dave, Greigory, Jake And Robert. Some amount of folk like. Shall be a buzy household :P
Oooh aye, saw Kevin Smith in glasgow last night !!!
Mans a total leg-end. No words can describe him effectivly really. Except maybe.... Bob ? That'll mean nothing to almost everybody. Except the askiew-verse fans amongst you. Haha
Right then, byeeeee,
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
Friday, 9 October 2009
Swine Fluuuuuuu
My wee cousin has managed to get herself all swine flu ridden. Bad times !
I've seen her like 3 times since i think she got it, so i'm hopeful that i've missed it, just cause i've got the holiday coming up and all that. Fingers crossed.
Hope she get's well soon though, sounds like it's pretty nasty !
Wish her all the best everyone, she really is a lovely person. Why she puts up with my arseing about is beyond me.
Love ya :)
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX
I've seen her like 3 times since i think she got it, so i'm hopeful that i've missed it, just cause i've got the holiday coming up and all that. Fingers crossed.
Hope she get's well soon though, sounds like it's pretty nasty !
Wish her all the best everyone, she really is a lovely person. Why she puts up with my arseing about is beyond me.
Love ya :)
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX
Swine Fluuuuuuu
My wee cousin has managed to get herself all swine flu ridden. Bad times !
I've seen her like 3 times since i think she got it, so i'm hopeful that i've missed it, just cause i've got the holiday coming up and all that. Fingers crossed.
Hope she get's well soon though, sounds like it's pretty nasty !
Wish her all the best everyone, she really is a lovely person. Why she puts up with my arseing about is beyond me.
Love ya :)
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX
I've seen her like 3 times since i think she got it, so i'm hopeful that i've missed it, just cause i've got the holiday coming up and all that. Fingers crossed.
Hope she get's well soon though, sounds like it's pretty nasty !
Wish her all the best everyone, she really is a lovely person. Why she puts up with my arseing about is beyond me.
Love ya :)
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XX
Thoughts of the day.
The last week has been a bad one. My perfect start has taken a complete thump in the head. Well, the social part anyway. I suppose the reasons behind it are linked to the events of last friday. The the ways things ended up, espicially the eventual sleeping arrangements have caused a bit of problems, mainly due to awkwardness. Not on my part though, mainly due to the other person in reference.
Everything else is just fine to be honest, just this little issue is making things a bit difficult. Certain scenarios you can just tell are laced with tension and stuff. The differnace between this week and last (or really every week since i started) is mental. All the wee things that had been set-up have just fallen down.... BANG !!
I'm not gonna moan about this shit though. Not at all, in all fairness i was kinda looking for a chance to fuck things up like this. Things were going to well. It was time to slam the self destruct button ! If anything i got exactley what i wanted. I'm feelin somethin outwith the norm again. This sorta bullshit spurs me on. Inspires y'know, gets me riled up. It's a good thing that. I work hard when i'm like this.
So overall i'm kinda pissed yet pleased with whats become of things. I don't regret my actions at all, maybe just the follow up. Florida next week though !! Woop.
It's just a damm shame , that in order to get to were i wanted to be, i've had to sacrifice what could have been a good friendship, and yeah okay, maybe more. Atleast it was a nice few weeks. And one one nice night.
Fuck me i'm an idiot. Shit...
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Everything else is just fine to be honest, just this little issue is making things a bit difficult. Certain scenarios you can just tell are laced with tension and stuff. The differnace between this week and last (or really every week since i started) is mental. All the wee things that had been set-up have just fallen down.... BANG !!
I'm not gonna moan about this shit though. Not at all, in all fairness i was kinda looking for a chance to fuck things up like this. Things were going to well. It was time to slam the self destruct button ! If anything i got exactley what i wanted. I'm feelin somethin outwith the norm again. This sorta bullshit spurs me on. Inspires y'know, gets me riled up. It's a good thing that. I work hard when i'm like this.
So overall i'm kinda pissed yet pleased with whats become of things. I don't regret my actions at all, maybe just the follow up. Florida next week though !! Woop.
It's just a damm shame , that in order to get to were i wanted to be, i've had to sacrifice what could have been a good friendship, and yeah okay, maybe more. Atleast it was a nice few weeks. And one one nice night.
Fuck me i'm an idiot. Shit...
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Thoughts of the day.
The last week has been a bad one. My perfect start has taken a complete thump in the head. Well, the social part anyway. I suppose the reasons behind it are linked to the events of last friday. The the ways things ended up, espicially the eventual sleeping arrangements have caused a bit of problems, mainly due to awkwardness. Not on my part though, mainly due to the other person in reference.
Everything else is just fine to be honest, just this little issue is making things a bit difficult. Certain scenarios you can just tell are laced with tension and stuff. The differnace between this week and last (or really every week since i started) is mental. All the wee things that had been set-up have just fallen down.... BANG !!
I'm not gonna moan about this shit though. Not at all, in all fairness i was kinda looking for a chance to fuck things up like this. Things were going to well. It was time to slam the self destruct button ! If anything i got exactley what i wanted. I'm feelin somethin outwith the norm again. This sorta bullshit spurs me on. Inspires y'know, gets me riled up. It's a good thing that. I work hard when i'm like this.
So overall i'm kinda pissed yet pleased with whats become of things. I don't regret my actions at all, maybe just the follow up. Florida next week though !! Woop.
It's just a damm shame , that in order to get to were i wanted to be, i've had to sacrifice what could have been a good friendship, and yeah okay, maybe more. Atleast it was a nice few weeks. And one one nice night.
Fuck me i'm an idiot. Shit...
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Everything else is just fine to be honest, just this little issue is making things a bit difficult. Certain scenarios you can just tell are laced with tension and stuff. The differnace between this week and last (or really every week since i started) is mental. All the wee things that had been set-up have just fallen down.... BANG !!
I'm not gonna moan about this shit though. Not at all, in all fairness i was kinda looking for a chance to fuck things up like this. Things were going to well. It was time to slam the self destruct button ! If anything i got exactley what i wanted. I'm feelin somethin outwith the norm again. This sorta bullshit spurs me on. Inspires y'know, gets me riled up. It's a good thing that. I work hard when i'm like this.
So overall i'm kinda pissed yet pleased with whats become of things. I don't regret my actions at all, maybe just the follow up. Florida next week though !! Woop.
It's just a damm shame , that in order to get to were i wanted to be, i've had to sacrifice what could have been a good friendship, and yeah okay, maybe more. Atleast it was a nice few weeks. And one one nice night.
Fuck me i'm an idiot. Shit...
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
