An Essay On Death And Other Such Matters.

Have you ever thought about dying ?







Of course you have. it's natural. At some point everybody questions their own mortality. What fluctuates however is how people view the topic at various points in their lives. Now, i'm not for one minute suggesting that everybody who reads this (so about ten of you ! Ha) is going to fall entirely into the parimeters that i'm going to outline, but in my experience what people regard of dying is fairly similar at points in their existance.



Basically when you are all new and born it's not an issue, there isn't a lotta understanding of the topic. Before a person can think about death they must realise what it is to live and that they themselves are living, which doesn't occur until a person reaches the stage of rational thought. When somebody is young, just a child, and aware of the finite amount of time they'll exist there is a fear, of course their is. Every kid is scared of dying.



However when someone hits their teenage years, that fear is forgotten. The majority of teens don't think of their own frailty and uselessness, seeing themselves as indestructable, immortal. Of course they do, they are ! .... Or so they would like you to think. The fear of course returns with maturity. The moment a person understands that they have a reason to live, to love (be it girlfriend, wife, kids) the thought of losing it all and leaving them all behind is paralysing. The desire to live on, through anything, is overpowering. For the sake of them. This is of course a stage of life that i'm not gonna pretend to be at of course, But i can understand and emphasise with the emotions that would be at play here.

The next major shif comes at that sorta mid-way point in life. The kids have probably grown up and are now acting independently. Essentially the single biggest reason to live, no longer depends on you're presense. They have their own lifes to live and enjoy. It's at this stage were i think people find comfort and gain a sense of satisfaction with what they have. In turn there is no fear. They feel that they would die happy. This defiance in the face of the reaper can only last so long however. The minute the body gets old and starts to fail the mind inside it, is when a terrifying truth confronts you. You're going to die, it could be soon, just depends. No matter what you do, your time is limited.

The final piece of the puzzle slots in right at the very end. When the fact you are close to the finish line is accepted. I suppose that you can call it that anyway, an 'acceptance'. The moment a person passes away there peaceful (natural causes being discussed here of course). What happens after that moment i can't say. I like to think it's not just a lights out scenario. An afterlife of sorts would be nice, fun even. This belief is kinda backed up by a physic uncle, who at the moment i think may be onto something. Not certain yet, but interesting all the same.

So then, what about me. What are my opinions on my own mortality. Well mines have changed alot of late, just due to thinking about it which i'd never really done before. I was born and i'll die. That's the only two certainties in life and for that reason i have no fear of it. I'm dying dying slowly as i write this. Slowly but surely. It's all about how we spend the years in-between that
shape our enjoyment of the brief, blink of an eye we get to spend here. Thats why it's important to enjoy it and have fun. Now to be honest i live what is a pretty reckless life, not in a typical teenage manner though. I don't want what others do, i seem just to get that. I don't try and act like a characters from skins, i do things my way, i don't accept limits, i just do what i enjoy. I love too easily, cry to hard, die to live and live to die. I don't seek or accept half measures. I fuck, i love and i lose my fucking mind, almost every week. I take the highs and the lows, the fresh hope with every dissapointment. I don't see living as some great, secret challenge. Just something that needs to be done a long time to get good at. And i'm not there yet. I can't withdraw myself far enough to away to remain unaffected, or open up enough to let everybody in. But i have fun, i don't pollute my body or brain with toxic shit, apart from a few small incidental examples. I'm surprisingly fairly healthy. But i'm fucked up, i'm turbulant, difficult, unpredictable and nervous. However i'm also commited, dependable, loving, powerful and sincere. And i'm not bored. I live, i love and i laugh. And if i was to die today then i wouldn't be scared. Because it'll happen at some stage and it doesn't frighten me. Because i promise you i had fun getting here. Without a doubt.

I'll be talkin to ya (for awhile yet) XxX