So once again i'n gonna do a little summary of this year. All i can say, first and foremost is this... Fuck me, it's been a little bit mental. All aboard :)
January:
So the year kicked off with a bang. Literally, from the moment the clock hit midnight the shit hit the fan. As would become a theme, i wasnt really aware, just doing what i felt like doing. Some people took it all too seriously, ahh well. But New Year was fantastic. And the month itself was good. I was led down a path in the first part that i thought was something possibly special, but then that just kinda petered out... Or so i thought. Uni kicked off again. This term would fly by though, and i have to admit it was nowhere near as brilliant as the first. Ahh well.
February:
This was a strange month. But good. The first half flew in without too much incident. A highlight being my good friend and relative Dave begining to stamp his mark upon my uni friends and starting the integration of my social circles. The first part of the month was spent basically with the uni group hanging around with each other in various wee events, nothing groundbreaking, but nice. The second half but brought about the events that led to the previously given up, becoming a reality, which was a very welcome turn of events.
March:
This was one of the top months. Fantastic sums it up. It built up slowly, with a lot of uni work to be done and dusted early on. This was completed without incident. So then the fun began. Paddy's day. One of the best nights of my life ! I can barely remember much of it, except it was class ! this was followed by a few nights, topped of by a mate (Sean's) 20th birthday. Well done him for lasting that long, but for me the night was pretty magical. I left with a girlfriend. The same girl who i had first felt something special with in January, having met her the previous October. We sorta fell back towards each other in February and by March we were together. Good stuff !
April:
Nothing exciting really happend in April to be honest. Just uni work and chilling with the girlfriend. Good fun though :) I'm really struggling to think of any major. So, we shall move swiftly on.....
May:
This was a bloody busy month so it was. aw a good few gigs, namely Hole and Rihanna. Hole was class, fully in love with courney Love, what a legend ! There was a few good parties too this month. My brother and my friend (and surrogate sister) Cherry/Sonia/Charlotta Reini, both turned 21 on the same weekend. That was good fun, i love a party. So for that reason, i got very drunk. The month finished up with me flying off to Florida, then onto New York on holiday.
June:
June stared in the USA with two weeks in Good 'ol Orlando. Me, mom, dad, Stuart and Natalie. A really nice two weeks, then on to New York for a few days. I really do love that city ! The world cup kicked of as well, but as per usual it was a bit shit, a total let down, and thus won't be mentioned any further. After coming home, i stayed for a week in gorgie with the then girlfriend, and just hung out, socialising with the usual suspects and generally just having a right good time. I then turned 18 which was a case of thank the fucking lord ! i couldn be arsed with havin to loan others ID's for much longer. I did realise however that after turning 18 people stop checking yoour age places. Therefore rendering it sorta pointless. That is an exagaration by the way, not a fair representation of Scottish licensing law.
July:
This was fine, right up until the final whistle. Again, it wasn't too busy, well not with exciting stuff anyway, just the usual kinda stuff. I was out & about a lot, drinking loads and in general just having a right good old giggle. Yay ! Also this month saw the dawning of the most powerful and feared pub quiz team in the land, it didnt appear fully formed, me, Dave and Greig started of with just a mindful of answers and no steady name, but it was the begining of something sorta brillinat. Right at the end however, the last day ! My life kinda hit a road block. Me and the girlfriend broke up ! i almost, sorta saw it coming but not enough to not still be upset by it. It really floored me and of course (with me being the enotional sort) i was left pretty devestated.
August:
This entire month was a write off. There was no chance i was gonna be up to much good, i was basically feeling kinda numb. The only proper highlight was seeing my favourite band Blink-182 in concert for the first time in six years. This gig serves as my release after all the bullshit that had preceeded it that month, i went fucking crazy, not my usual reserved, controlled self. And had a great fucking time. Also a friend reered her head again and became very helpful in getting over my winy, emo bullshit. so thanks for that.
September.
This month saw me go back to uni, the uni social group start up again, and Dave becoming a main player in it all, with greig also joining a few gatherings, so now my separate social locations had grouped together, quite useful :) All was good this month to be honest, i started to feel a lot better about everything and it all got pretty fun again, so cant really complain.
October:
Wow, this was a bit busy and kinda, sorta, just a little bit mental ! Went to London with el Dave to see lifehouse, amazing gig ! Few parties: Daves 19th and a kick ass halloween costume party which we all got done up brillinatly for (check a few posts ago.) Dave neded up with a girlfriend, who is absolutely lovely, so well done him, i'm delighted for him :) Me on the other didnt get a new girlfriend. I did kinda get involved with the rooomate of two pals, although purely in a friendly manner at this point, although it wouldnt remain like that, due to a lapse in my resistance haha. MY closenss to her caused issues, i wasnt supposed to spend time with her, there was anger and a lot of jealousy, i just remained aloof, inoring the trouble that was brewing around me, and the ignoring the manner in which my actionss were starting to cause problems beyond even my limits.
November:
Ok, ok, i fucked the fucking roommate ! That basically sums this month up, it's all i heard at te time, and all i've heard since ! I'm through apologising for it though, i only did what came natural, yeah it was daft but i defy any single guy to have said no. End of story ! Apart from that this month was decent. a lot of drama was going on, mostly caused by me, but i managed to stay clear of too much trouble as others had to pick up the peices, yeah it's a 'lil mean, but hey, gotta do it !
December:
This month has been rather good. Ruined by having a job like, but atleast i've earned a fair whack of cash ! i've been working at Next for those interested, actually a decent place to work, staff get treated really well, but the clothes themselves are proper shite ! so i'd not recommend buying anything from the store ! haha. What else... Ehh, christmass was chilled, but nice. A family affair. I've got a large and really good fun family though so it's always a laugh. It's still December until midnight though, so hopefully still some good times to come :)
So there you have it. It's been an up and down year. All in all i'd say good though. The good was as good as it get's the bad, was bottom of the barrel stuff, but as always, i survive, and i bounce back.
A few thankyou's are in order.
Dad,
Mom,
Stuart,
Dave,
Natalie,
Molly (my Dog),
My entire uni group of friends,
And a special mention to a certain Lisa Reini. Over one year we have experienced every side of each other. Every mood, every feeling, every fight, every fall. For awhile we were as close as it get's. Now we are quite distant. But we are both still there, as it should be. So thank you for being this year for me. For making it everythin it is, and leaving me with the memories of everything it was. Thanks for the memories my dear :)
Good night, and good luck !
I'll Be Talkin to Yaa xxx
Showing posts with label Lookin back. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lookin back. Show all posts
Friday, 31 December 2010
2010- A Year in Review
So once again i'n gonna do a little summary of this year. All i can say, first and foremost is this... Fuck me, it's been a little bit mental. All aboard :)
January:
So the year kicked off with a bang. Literally, from the moment the clock hit midnight the shit hit the fan. As would become a theme, i wasnt really aware, just doing what i felt like doing. Some people took it all too seriously, ahh well. But New Year was fantastic. And the month itself was good. I was led down a path in the first part that i thought was something possibly special, but then that just kinda petered out... Or so i thought. Uni kicked off again. This term would fly by though, and i have to admit it was nowhere near as brilliant as the first. Ahh well.
February:
This was a strange month. But good. The first half flew in without too much incident. A highlight being my good friend and relative Dave begining to stamp his mark upon my uni friends and starting the integration of my social circles. The first part of the month was spent basically with the uni group hanging around with each other in various wee events, nothing groundbreaking, but nice. The second half but brought about the events that led to the previously given up, becoming a reality, which was a very welcome turn of events.
March:
This was one of the top months. Fantastic sums it up. It built up slowly, with a lot of uni work to be done and dusted early on. This was completed without incident. So then the fun began. Paddy's day. One of the best nights of my life ! I can barely remember much of it, except it was class ! this was followed by a few nights, topped of by a mate (Sean's) 20th birthday. Well done him for lasting that long, but for me the night was pretty magical. I left with a girlfriend. The same girl who i had first felt something special with in January, having met her the previous October. We sorta fell back towards each other in February and by March we were together. Good stuff !
April:
Nothing exciting really happend in April to be honest. Just uni work and chilling with the girlfriend. Good fun though :) I'm really struggling to think of any major. So, we shall move swiftly on.....
May:
This was a bloody busy month so it was. aw a good few gigs, namely Hole and Rihanna. Hole was class, fully in love with courney Love, what a legend ! There was a few good parties too this month. My brother and my friend (and surrogate sister) Cherry/Sonia/Charlotta Reini, both turned 21 on the same weekend. That was good fun, i love a party. So for that reason, i got very drunk. The month finished up with me flying off to Florida, then onto New York on holiday.
June:
June stared in the USA with two weeks in Good 'ol Orlando. Me, mom, dad, Stuart and Natalie. A really nice two weeks, then on to New York for a few days. I really do love that city ! The world cup kicked of as well, but as per usual it was a bit shit, a total let down, and thus won't be mentioned any further. After coming home, i stayed for a week in gorgie with the then girlfriend, and just hung out, socialising with the usual suspects and generally just having a right good time. I then turned 18 which was a case of thank the fucking lord ! i couldn be arsed with havin to loan others ID's for much longer. I did realise however that after turning 18 people stop checking yoour age places. Therefore rendering it sorta pointless. That is an exagaration by the way, not a fair representation of Scottish licensing law.
July:
This was fine, right up until the final whistle. Again, it wasn't too busy, well not with exciting stuff anyway, just the usual kinda stuff. I was out & about a lot, drinking loads and in general just having a right good old giggle. Yay ! Also this month saw the dawning of the most powerful and feared pub quiz team in the land, it didnt appear fully formed, me, Dave and Greig started of with just a mindful of answers and no steady name, but it was the begining of something sorta brillinat. Right at the end however, the last day ! My life kinda hit a road block. Me and the girlfriend broke up ! i almost, sorta saw it coming but not enough to not still be upset by it. It really floored me and of course (with me being the enotional sort) i was left pretty devestated.
August:
This entire month was a write off. There was no chance i was gonna be up to much good, i was basically feeling kinda numb. The only proper highlight was seeing my favourite band Blink-182 in concert for the first time in six years. This gig serves as my release after all the bullshit that had preceeded it that month, i went fucking crazy, not my usual reserved, controlled self. And had a great fucking time. Also a friend reered her head again and became very helpful in getting over my winy, emo bullshit. so thanks for that.
September.
This month saw me go back to uni, the uni social group start up again, and Dave becoming a main player in it all, with greig also joining a few gatherings, so now my separate social locations had grouped together, quite useful :) All was good this month to be honest, i started to feel a lot better about everything and it all got pretty fun again, so cant really complain.
October:
Wow, this was a bit busy and kinda, sorta, just a little bit mental ! Went to London with el Dave to see lifehouse, amazing gig ! Few parties: Daves 19th and a kick ass halloween costume party which we all got done up brillinatly for (check a few posts ago.) Dave neded up with a girlfriend, who is absolutely lovely, so well done him, i'm delighted for him :) Me on the other didnt get a new girlfriend. I did kinda get involved with the rooomate of two pals, although purely in a friendly manner at this point, although it wouldnt remain like that, due to a lapse in my resistance haha. MY closenss to her caused issues, i wasnt supposed to spend time with her, there was anger and a lot of jealousy, i just remained aloof, inoring the trouble that was brewing around me, and the ignoring the manner in which my actionss were starting to cause problems beyond even my limits.
November:
Ok, ok, i fucked the fucking roommate ! That basically sums this month up, it's all i heard at te time, and all i've heard since ! I'm through apologising for it though, i only did what came natural, yeah it was daft but i defy any single guy to have said no. End of story ! Apart from that this month was decent. a lot of drama was going on, mostly caused by me, but i managed to stay clear of too much trouble as others had to pick up the peices, yeah it's a 'lil mean, but hey, gotta do it !
December:
This month has been rather good. Ruined by having a job like, but atleast i've earned a fair whack of cash ! i've been working at Next for those interested, actually a decent place to work, staff get treated really well, but the clothes themselves are proper shite ! so i'd not recommend buying anything from the store ! haha. What else... Ehh, christmass was chilled, but nice. A family affair. I've got a large and really good fun family though so it's always a laugh. It's still December until midnight though, so hopefully still some good times to come :)
So there you have it. It's been an up and down year. All in all i'd say good though. The good was as good as it get's the bad, was bottom of the barrel stuff, but as always, i survive, and i bounce back.
A few thankyou's are in order.
Dad,
Mom,
Stuart,
Dave,
Natalie,
Molly (my Dog),
My entire uni group of friends,
And a special mention to a certain Lisa Reini. Over one year we have experienced every side of each other. Every mood, every feeling, every fight, every fall. For awhile we were as close as it get's. Now we are quite distant. But we are both still there, as it should be. So thank you for being this year for me. For making it everythin it is, and leaving me with the memories of everything it was. Thanks for the memories my dear :)
Good night, and good luck !
I'll Be Talkin to Yaa xxx
January:
So the year kicked off with a bang. Literally, from the moment the clock hit midnight the shit hit the fan. As would become a theme, i wasnt really aware, just doing what i felt like doing. Some people took it all too seriously, ahh well. But New Year was fantastic. And the month itself was good. I was led down a path in the first part that i thought was something possibly special, but then that just kinda petered out... Or so i thought. Uni kicked off again. This term would fly by though, and i have to admit it was nowhere near as brilliant as the first. Ahh well.
February:
This was a strange month. But good. The first half flew in without too much incident. A highlight being my good friend and relative Dave begining to stamp his mark upon my uni friends and starting the integration of my social circles. The first part of the month was spent basically with the uni group hanging around with each other in various wee events, nothing groundbreaking, but nice. The second half but brought about the events that led to the previously given up, becoming a reality, which was a very welcome turn of events.
March:
This was one of the top months. Fantastic sums it up. It built up slowly, with a lot of uni work to be done and dusted early on. This was completed without incident. So then the fun began. Paddy's day. One of the best nights of my life ! I can barely remember much of it, except it was class ! this was followed by a few nights, topped of by a mate (Sean's) 20th birthday. Well done him for lasting that long, but for me the night was pretty magical. I left with a girlfriend. The same girl who i had first felt something special with in January, having met her the previous October. We sorta fell back towards each other in February and by March we were together. Good stuff !
April:
Nothing exciting really happend in April to be honest. Just uni work and chilling with the girlfriend. Good fun though :) I'm really struggling to think of any major. So, we shall move swiftly on.....
May:
This was a bloody busy month so it was. aw a good few gigs, namely Hole and Rihanna. Hole was class, fully in love with courney Love, what a legend ! There was a few good parties too this month. My brother and my friend (and surrogate sister) Cherry/Sonia/Charlotta Reini, both turned 21 on the same weekend. That was good fun, i love a party. So for that reason, i got very drunk. The month finished up with me flying off to Florida, then onto New York on holiday.
June:
June stared in the USA with two weeks in Good 'ol Orlando. Me, mom, dad, Stuart and Natalie. A really nice two weeks, then on to New York for a few days. I really do love that city ! The world cup kicked of as well, but as per usual it was a bit shit, a total let down, and thus won't be mentioned any further. After coming home, i stayed for a week in gorgie with the then girlfriend, and just hung out, socialising with the usual suspects and generally just having a right good time. I then turned 18 which was a case of thank the fucking lord ! i couldn be arsed with havin to loan others ID's for much longer. I did realise however that after turning 18 people stop checking yoour age places. Therefore rendering it sorta pointless. That is an exagaration by the way, not a fair representation of Scottish licensing law.
July:
This was fine, right up until the final whistle. Again, it wasn't too busy, well not with exciting stuff anyway, just the usual kinda stuff. I was out & about a lot, drinking loads and in general just having a right good old giggle. Yay ! Also this month saw the dawning of the most powerful and feared pub quiz team in the land, it didnt appear fully formed, me, Dave and Greig started of with just a mindful of answers and no steady name, but it was the begining of something sorta brillinat. Right at the end however, the last day ! My life kinda hit a road block. Me and the girlfriend broke up ! i almost, sorta saw it coming but not enough to not still be upset by it. It really floored me and of course (with me being the enotional sort) i was left pretty devestated.
August:
This entire month was a write off. There was no chance i was gonna be up to much good, i was basically feeling kinda numb. The only proper highlight was seeing my favourite band Blink-182 in concert for the first time in six years. This gig serves as my release after all the bullshit that had preceeded it that month, i went fucking crazy, not my usual reserved, controlled self. And had a great fucking time. Also a friend reered her head again and became very helpful in getting over my winy, emo bullshit. so thanks for that.
September.
This month saw me go back to uni, the uni social group start up again, and Dave becoming a main player in it all, with greig also joining a few gatherings, so now my separate social locations had grouped together, quite useful :) All was good this month to be honest, i started to feel a lot better about everything and it all got pretty fun again, so cant really complain.
October:
Wow, this was a bit busy and kinda, sorta, just a little bit mental ! Went to London with el Dave to see lifehouse, amazing gig ! Few parties: Daves 19th and a kick ass halloween costume party which we all got done up brillinatly for (check a few posts ago.) Dave neded up with a girlfriend, who is absolutely lovely, so well done him, i'm delighted for him :) Me on the other didnt get a new girlfriend. I did kinda get involved with the rooomate of two pals, although purely in a friendly manner at this point, although it wouldnt remain like that, due to a lapse in my resistance haha. MY closenss to her caused issues, i wasnt supposed to spend time with her, there was anger and a lot of jealousy, i just remained aloof, inoring the trouble that was brewing around me, and the ignoring the manner in which my actionss were starting to cause problems beyond even my limits.
November:
Ok, ok, i fucked the fucking roommate ! That basically sums this month up, it's all i heard at te time, and all i've heard since ! I'm through apologising for it though, i only did what came natural, yeah it was daft but i defy any single guy to have said no. End of story ! Apart from that this month was decent. a lot of drama was going on, mostly caused by me, but i managed to stay clear of too much trouble as others had to pick up the peices, yeah it's a 'lil mean, but hey, gotta do it !
December:
This month has been rather good. Ruined by having a job like, but atleast i've earned a fair whack of cash ! i've been working at Next for those interested, actually a decent place to work, staff get treated really well, but the clothes themselves are proper shite ! so i'd not recommend buying anything from the store ! haha. What else... Ehh, christmass was chilled, but nice. A family affair. I've got a large and really good fun family though so it's always a laugh. It's still December until midnight though, so hopefully still some good times to come :)
So there you have it. It's been an up and down year. All in all i'd say good though. The good was as good as it get's the bad, was bottom of the barrel stuff, but as always, i survive, and i bounce back.
A few thankyou's are in order.
Dad,
Mom,
Stuart,
Dave,
Natalie,
Molly (my Dog),
My entire uni group of friends,
And a special mention to a certain Lisa Reini. Over one year we have experienced every side of each other. Every mood, every feeling, every fight, every fall. For awhile we were as close as it get's. Now we are quite distant. But we are both still there, as it should be. So thank you for being this year for me. For making it everythin it is, and leaving me with the memories of everything it was. Thanks for the memories my dear :)
Good night, and good luck !
I'll Be Talkin to Yaa xxx
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Last Christmas...
I keep saying i've gotta stop living in the past. But sometimes it's inevitable. Things trigger memories y'know. How can i just ignore that, it goes against everything i am. I'm a sucker for nostalgia. Looking back is less scary then looking forward. And far more comforting. Especially in those moments where just for a second you actually manage to trick yourself into feeling exactly how you felt back then. That's the moments to savour, the good stuff right there. A moment in your life were you know that in month or years you will be looking back and enjoying it again and again.
This day last year (das 23rd ya) was when it all sorta came to a head, the wheels that had been in motion moved of the start line and picked up pace. We had a Mcdonalds, then watched it's a wonderful life. She didnt like it, but i did. So there ya go. And it is a fucking christmas movie ! haha.
It's strange though. Christmas is always a nice time, but last year just felt differant, special. Maybe that's just the way i see it looking back, but even at the time there was a sort of magic in the night. I suppose it was due to the fact that it was the first year with my friends from uni, and the period leading upto it had been kinda brilliant. Christmas day was just so unexpectdly awesome that it could barely be topped ever, well not for awhile atleast. Then New years was brillinat, a whole gang of us and whatta night. So much fun, and a nice way to end up. So yeah, there was a lull from mid January onwards, but by mid february/March it all kicked of again and then Boom ! An end game, good night Vienna. Picture perfect. I liked how it culminated. 'Twas good. :)
So yeah, basically what i'm getting at was last year was perfect, this year is looking far from it, but you know i'm not bothered anymore. It's exactly what iv've been slavering about all along but it's true. Only when things drop so low can they lift so high. I'm not too low at the moment, but i'm due a lift. Most certaintly, and it's gotta be coming along soon. Diaries marked people. There's a storm a'brewing. I can feel it in my toes. Fucking A right i can.
Smile boys, it's that time of year again, Suit up and let's rock n roll.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
This day last year (das 23rd ya) was when it all sorta came to a head, the wheels that had been in motion moved of the start line and picked up pace. We had a Mcdonalds, then watched it's a wonderful life. She didnt like it, but i did. So there ya go. And it is a fucking christmas movie ! haha.
It's strange though. Christmas is always a nice time, but last year just felt differant, special. Maybe that's just the way i see it looking back, but even at the time there was a sort of magic in the night. I suppose it was due to the fact that it was the first year with my friends from uni, and the period leading upto it had been kinda brilliant. Christmas day was just so unexpectdly awesome that it could barely be topped ever, well not for awhile atleast. Then New years was brillinat, a whole gang of us and whatta night. So much fun, and a nice way to end up. So yeah, there was a lull from mid January onwards, but by mid february/March it all kicked of again and then Boom ! An end game, good night Vienna. Picture perfect. I liked how it culminated. 'Twas good. :)
So yeah, basically what i'm getting at was last year was perfect, this year is looking far from it, but you know i'm not bothered anymore. It's exactly what iv've been slavering about all along but it's true. Only when things drop so low can they lift so high. I'm not too low at the moment, but i'm due a lift. Most certaintly, and it's gotta be coming along soon. Diaries marked people. There's a storm a'brewing. I can feel it in my toes. Fucking A right i can.
Smile boys, it's that time of year again, Suit up and let's rock n roll.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Last Christmas...
I keep saying i've gotta stop living in the past. But sometimes it's inevitable. Things trigger memories y'know. How can i just ignore that, it goes against everything i am. I'm a sucker for nostalgia. Looking back is less scary then looking forward. And far more comforting. Especially in those moments where just for a second you actually manage to trick yourself into feeling exactly how you felt back then. That's the moments to savour, the good stuff right there. A moment in your life were you know that in month or years you will be looking back and enjoying it again and again.
This day last year (das 23rd ya) was when it all sorta came to a head, the wheels that had been in motion moved of the start line and picked up pace. We had a Mcdonalds, then watched it's a wonderful life. She didnt like it, but i did. So there ya go. And it is a fucking christmas movie ! haha.
It's strange though. Christmas is always a nice time, but last year just felt differant, special. Maybe that's just the way i see it looking back, but even at the time there was a sort of magic in the night. I suppose it was due to the fact that it was the first year with my friends from uni, and the period leading upto it had been kinda brilliant. Christmas day was just so unexpectdly awesome that it could barely be topped ever, well not for awhile atleast. Then New years was brillinat, a whole gang of us and whatta night. So much fun, and a nice way to end up. So yeah, there was a lull from mid January onwards, but by mid february/March it all kicked of again and then Boom ! An end game, good night Vienna. Picture perfect. I liked how it culminated. 'Twas good. :)
So yeah, basically what i'm getting at was last year was perfect, this year is looking far from it, but you know i'm not bothered anymore. It's exactly what iv've been slavering about all along but it's true. Only when things drop so low can they lift so high. I'm not too low at the moment, but i'm due a lift. Most certaintly, and it's gotta be coming along soon. Diaries marked people. There's a storm a'brewing. I can feel it in my toes. Fucking A right i can.
Smile boys, it's that time of year again, Suit up and let's rock n roll.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
This day last year (das 23rd ya) was when it all sorta came to a head, the wheels that had been in motion moved of the start line and picked up pace. We had a Mcdonalds, then watched it's a wonderful life. She didnt like it, but i did. So there ya go. And it is a fucking christmas movie ! haha.
It's strange though. Christmas is always a nice time, but last year just felt differant, special. Maybe that's just the way i see it looking back, but even at the time there was a sort of magic in the night. I suppose it was due to the fact that it was the first year with my friends from uni, and the period leading upto it had been kinda brilliant. Christmas day was just so unexpectdly awesome that it could barely be topped ever, well not for awhile atleast. Then New years was brillinat, a whole gang of us and whatta night. So much fun, and a nice way to end up. So yeah, there was a lull from mid January onwards, but by mid february/March it all kicked of again and then Boom ! An end game, good night Vienna. Picture perfect. I liked how it culminated. 'Twas good. :)
So yeah, basically what i'm getting at was last year was perfect, this year is looking far from it, but you know i'm not bothered anymore. It's exactly what iv've been slavering about all along but it's true. Only when things drop so low can they lift so high. I'm not too low at the moment, but i'm due a lift. Most certaintly, and it's gotta be coming along soon. Diaries marked people. There's a storm a'brewing. I can feel it in my toes. Fucking A right i can.
Smile boys, it's that time of year again, Suit up and let's rock n roll.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Breakdown In Something Less Than Ordinary
Now that we don't speak I'm realising how important you were. Sure, I had an idea, course I fucking did, but it takes time to heal the problem and too fully understand the root of it.
What's the root of what then ? Well I'm not really that sure am I, but. I do know that (like the one who came before you) there's been an unknown impact, deep set y'kno, that isn't going away. It's scaring me, but weirdly comforting ain't it. Well for me it is.
It's just your names been brought up a few times recently, people be stopping to pretend you don't exist, obviously we're at that stage now, that people think I'm ok to bring her up. Which I am, of course, never haven't been either, but just funny how time forces folk to regulate there choice of topic in chat. Really is....
But yeah, back to what I be saying earlier ! We don't speak ! We were supposed too, it was gonna be special, 'best friends' me and her, you and me, whatever. But it hasn't came out that way has it ? Sure I might of freaked out couple 'o month back and caused some Bother, but that was resolved, I think. No, I know ! But now it's kinda like we don't exist to each other. I cannot and will not ever blame the good lady herself for this, as she be practically blameless, it's just life is all, but that doesn't make it any less weird !
I suppose it's normal this, to sorta drift away from each other, draw apart. Not that I want it like, but what can I do ? It's happning, plain & simple. Nootch ! I just get scared that you're forgetting ? Forgetting just how good we were, and yeah maybe you're right, that I would have been easier to have just always remained friends and never been together, but isn't that always the case ? Because every good thing has an expiration date, and the more special it is, the quicker it has to burn out, and we just couldn't keep re-igniting it baby, there was too much of real fucking life between us !
But I do wonder what she thinks ? What's in your head ? Who knows, you know and only you, not even the ohers who think they know actually do, I get you enough to be sure of that, your a living, breathing, walking contradiction. But so am I, so it sure as shot isn't the worse thing to be. I just want to know if you ever think back ? Do I still make the autobiography ? Do you remember walking the streets on that cold night in July, on the royal mile, on a pretend first date ? Do you rember talking about 30 years from now, our Eifal tower plan ? Probably not, but I'd smile if you did. I still care M'dear and always will, atleast we'll always have Paris ! Well probably not, but you never know I suppose.
'The past is only the future with the lights on.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
What's the root of what then ? Well I'm not really that sure am I, but. I do know that (like the one who came before you) there's been an unknown impact, deep set y'kno, that isn't going away. It's scaring me, but weirdly comforting ain't it. Well for me it is.
It's just your names been brought up a few times recently, people be stopping to pretend you don't exist, obviously we're at that stage now, that people think I'm ok to bring her up. Which I am, of course, never haven't been either, but just funny how time forces folk to regulate there choice of topic in chat. Really is....
But yeah, back to what I be saying earlier ! We don't speak ! We were supposed too, it was gonna be special, 'best friends' me and her, you and me, whatever. But it hasn't came out that way has it ? Sure I might of freaked out couple 'o month back and caused some Bother, but that was resolved, I think. No, I know ! But now it's kinda like we don't exist to each other. I cannot and will not ever blame the good lady herself for this, as she be practically blameless, it's just life is all, but that doesn't make it any less weird !
I suppose it's normal this, to sorta drift away from each other, draw apart. Not that I want it like, but what can I do ? It's happning, plain & simple. Nootch ! I just get scared that you're forgetting ? Forgetting just how good we were, and yeah maybe you're right, that I would have been easier to have just always remained friends and never been together, but isn't that always the case ? Because every good thing has an expiration date, and the more special it is, the quicker it has to burn out, and we just couldn't keep re-igniting it baby, there was too much of real fucking life between us !
But I do wonder what she thinks ? What's in your head ? Who knows, you know and only you, not even the ohers who think they know actually do, I get you enough to be sure of that, your a living, breathing, walking contradiction. But so am I, so it sure as shot isn't the worse thing to be. I just want to know if you ever think back ? Do I still make the autobiography ? Do you remember walking the streets on that cold night in July, on the royal mile, on a pretend first date ? Do you rember talking about 30 years from now, our Eifal tower plan ? Probably not, but I'd smile if you did. I still care M'dear and always will, atleast we'll always have Paris ! Well probably not, but you never know I suppose.
'The past is only the future with the lights on.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
Breakdown In Something Less Than Ordinary
Now that we don't speak I'm realising how important you were. Sure, I had an idea, course I fucking did, but it takes time to heal the problem and too fully understand the root of it.
What's the root of what then ? Well I'm not really that sure am I, but. I do know that (like the one who came before you) there's been an unknown impact, deep set y'kno, that isn't going away. It's scaring me, but weirdly comforting ain't it. Well for me it is.
It's just your names been brought up a few times recently, people be stopping to pretend you don't exist, obviously we're at that stage now, that people think I'm ok to bring her up. Which I am, of course, never haven't been either, but just funny how time forces folk to regulate there choice of topic in chat. Really is....
But yeah, back to what I be saying earlier ! We don't speak ! We were supposed too, it was gonna be special, 'best friends' me and her, you and me, whatever. But it hasn't came out that way has it ? Sure I might of freaked out couple 'o month back and caused some Bother, but that was resolved, I think. No, I know ! But now it's kinda like we don't exist to each other. I cannot and will not ever blame the good lady herself for this, as she be practically blameless, it's just life is all, but that doesn't make it any less weird !
I suppose it's normal this, to sorta drift away from each other, draw apart. Not that I want it like, but what can I do ? It's happning, plain & simple. Nootch ! I just get scared that you're forgetting ? Forgetting just how good we were, and yeah maybe you're right, that I would have been easier to have just always remained friends and never been together, but isn't that always the case ? Because every good thing has an expiration date, and the more special it is, the quicker it has to burn out, and we just couldn't keep re-igniting it baby, there was too much of real fucking life between us !
But I do wonder what she thinks ? What's in your head ? Who knows, you know and only you, not even the ohers who think they know actually do, I get you enough to be sure of that, your a living, breathing, walking contradiction. But so am I, so it sure as shot isn't the worse thing to be. I just want to know if you ever think back ? Do I still make the autobiography ? Do you remember walking the streets on that cold night in July, on the royal mile, on a pretend first date ? Do you rember talking about 30 years from now, our Eifal tower plan ? Probably not, but I'd smile if you did. I still care M'dear and always will, atleast we'll always have Paris ! Well probably not, but you never know I suppose.
'The past is only the future with the lights on.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
What's the root of what then ? Well I'm not really that sure am I, but. I do know that (like the one who came before you) there's been an unknown impact, deep set y'kno, that isn't going away. It's scaring me, but weirdly comforting ain't it. Well for me it is.
It's just your names been brought up a few times recently, people be stopping to pretend you don't exist, obviously we're at that stage now, that people think I'm ok to bring her up. Which I am, of course, never haven't been either, but just funny how time forces folk to regulate there choice of topic in chat. Really is....
But yeah, back to what I be saying earlier ! We don't speak ! We were supposed too, it was gonna be special, 'best friends' me and her, you and me, whatever. But it hasn't came out that way has it ? Sure I might of freaked out couple 'o month back and caused some Bother, but that was resolved, I think. No, I know ! But now it's kinda like we don't exist to each other. I cannot and will not ever blame the good lady herself for this, as she be practically blameless, it's just life is all, but that doesn't make it any less weird !
I suppose it's normal this, to sorta drift away from each other, draw apart. Not that I want it like, but what can I do ? It's happning, plain & simple. Nootch ! I just get scared that you're forgetting ? Forgetting just how good we were, and yeah maybe you're right, that I would have been easier to have just always remained friends and never been together, but isn't that always the case ? Because every good thing has an expiration date, and the more special it is, the quicker it has to burn out, and we just couldn't keep re-igniting it baby, there was too much of real fucking life between us !
But I do wonder what she thinks ? What's in your head ? Who knows, you know and only you, not even the ohers who think they know actually do, I get you enough to be sure of that, your a living, breathing, walking contradiction. But so am I, so it sure as shot isn't the worse thing to be. I just want to know if you ever think back ? Do I still make the autobiography ? Do you remember walking the streets on that cold night in July, on the royal mile, on a pretend first date ? Do you rember talking about 30 years from now, our Eifal tower plan ? Probably not, but I'd smile if you did. I still care M'dear and always will, atleast we'll always have Paris ! Well probably not, but you never know I suppose.
'The past is only the future with the lights on.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xXx
Monday, 8 March 2010
Here's Looking At You Kid
Alrighty, i'm going to take a little step back in time here, to the tune of about three years ago (2007). As usual i'm involved, and as it so often is, the story's all about a girl. So, i suppose i'll just kick off.
Around late Mid May i went away with the school on a two week (well, 10 days) camp to the North of Scotland. My entire year group went and whilst i didn't really enjoy it, there was some fairly decent moments. It being an 'active camp' type of thing, we were of course moving around a fair bit, but the main sorta 'base' for the group (about two hundred of us) was the famously haunted Carbisdale castle. It was on 'Most Haunted' once. Check it out. I saw nothing but :/ Anyway, this castle/house quickly turned into a two week house party location and there was a great atmosphere all about the joint. It was gooooood. So, back on topic, one night i'm sitting there, listening to my pal rambling on about some trivial pish, when her friend sit's down and joins us. I knew the girl vaguelly but we still had to be introduced as names weren't appearing in eithers head. To cut a long chat short, we got on very well. Surprisingly so. Eventually i had to head of but i wandered away with the (now all too familier) nagging feeling that their was something a little bit out of the ordinary about our exchange. However, i only seen her sporadically for the remaining time there, but from that i was able to understand that she most certaintly wanted to hang around with me (unusual to me back then.)
Right, zoom forward a good few weeks. Some point in June (early on actually.) Since returning from the school camp my group of friends had really merged with a group of girls whom prior to going were nothing more than faces in the halls. Now we were best of mates, weird how that happens eh ? It wouldn't last of course.
As a group we were buzy, doing whatever the hell you do when you're 14/15 and think you're the coolest fuckers in the whole wide world. Seriously, we did. We'd go drinking in parks, walk around Princess street, sit eating McDonalds and drinking Starbucks in the gardens (always the back gardens beside the train train tracks.) Because of this group activity i found myself getting closer to the girl i had met at Carbisdale. I'll call her 'Nina.'
Me and Nina had been slowly but surely building something. Through shootin' the shit on Msn & leaving constant Bebo comments, it was obvious to everyone that we were headed towards begin a couple. On my part i was going crazy for her. I thought she was the most interesting, fun, beautiful and sexy thing in my life. Keep in mind that despite being well versed in certain things, i was still quite emotionally immature and naive. So after a period of time we did indeed start going out. The thing is but, i was also seeing this other girl prior to all this who was lovely, but only 13 years old (i was just about to turn 15) and when i measured up the two scenarios, 'Nina' blew her out the water. Totally. To this day i still rate this as one of the worst descisionss i ever made. A totally rash and poorly thought-out mistake. I havn't learned from it, i can admit to that, but i would be interested to see were i'd have been now had i done the right thing. I'd go so far as to say a completely differant person.
So here i was, all happy and excited, my first proper girlfriend ! But i actually barely saw her until i sauntered of for a weeks holiday in New York (a great holiday btw.) This was a scenario i didn't know how to cope with ! I wouldn't get any phone signal there (cheap, shit, phone.) Needless to say i didn't talk to her until i got home. And then it was my birthday, i was seriously hoping my 15th birthday was gonna be really good but als, my evening was one of the worst ever !
I still can't explain the way i screwed up that night but on the same wave lenth her behaviour was horrible too. Maybe it just proved that we were never meant to be together, i donno....
We went to the cinema, loads of us, a big group. But it was one of the few times in my life that i just froze. I done nothing to give that 'boyfriendy' vibe, i could have been anybody. Never once during the film did i make moves towards her, no arm round tactic, no holding hands, barely even any small talk. Rookie errors. By the same token she didn't help matters by sitting all cold, moody and distant for most of the film. Eventually (clearly pissed off) she walked out saying she (and her friends) needed the bathroom, and woud see us after in the lobby area. That was a weird thing to do and it really annoyed me like, i'd not deserved that. It was petty and immature, i mean just open you're fucking mouth and tell me if you've got a problem y'kno :/ So anyway i walked out afters and she said nothing, like total silence, and that's basicly how she remained walking up Leith walk toward Princess street, so i just thought screw it and walked of with my pals to meet some other dudes, who wouldn't act all fucking weird.
We broke up two days later.
Now the weird thing is right, what was barely an event to even notch up on the story of my life. This entire episode had a very deep and intense effect on me. Both good a bad things. A first i was upset and it tooke me a long time to get over things. Infact i wasn't with another girl for seven months, but when that happened it was something really special and well worth the wait. This set of events led me to (that summer 07) to read Johnny Depp's Bio for the first time, leading me to discover the work of Jack Kerouac both of which had a big effect on me. All of this realyl led to my personality growing and becomining a thing that could be defined. This is what promted my facination with relationships and fear of comminting. This also promted me to cut myself for th efirst time and i suppose that's gotta be a negative. It also is what makes me always suspicious of females in these scenarios. I never trust people or believe them when they tell me they like me or have feelings for me. I can't explain it liie, buti always fear the worst and am paranoid regarding those situations, like it's all fake or if not then it's all just gonna crumble out from under me. For that i blame this.
But the postives outweigh everything else. I learned to be more choosey, i learned how to deal with being hurt, i learned that not everything in life would be nice. I created for myself a persona, a new 'me', i became who i am now. And sometimes, just sometimes, i like who i am. So for all of this i suppose i've gotta thank 'Nina', you made an effect on me which has meant more then anything you would have ever been. So for all of that and more, Here's looking at you kid.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Around late Mid May i went away with the school on a two week (well, 10 days) camp to the North of Scotland. My entire year group went and whilst i didn't really enjoy it, there was some fairly decent moments. It being an 'active camp' type of thing, we were of course moving around a fair bit, but the main sorta 'base' for the group (about two hundred of us) was the famously haunted Carbisdale castle. It was on 'Most Haunted' once. Check it out. I saw nothing but :/ Anyway, this castle/house quickly turned into a two week house party location and there was a great atmosphere all about the joint. It was gooooood. So, back on topic, one night i'm sitting there, listening to my pal rambling on about some trivial pish, when her friend sit's down and joins us. I knew the girl vaguelly but we still had to be introduced as names weren't appearing in eithers head. To cut a long chat short, we got on very well. Surprisingly so. Eventually i had to head of but i wandered away with the (now all too familier) nagging feeling that their was something a little bit out of the ordinary about our exchange. However, i only seen her sporadically for the remaining time there, but from that i was able to understand that she most certaintly wanted to hang around with me (unusual to me back then.)
Right, zoom forward a good few weeks. Some point in June (early on actually.) Since returning from the school camp my group of friends had really merged with a group of girls whom prior to going were nothing more than faces in the halls. Now we were best of mates, weird how that happens eh ? It wouldn't last of course.
As a group we were buzy, doing whatever the hell you do when you're 14/15 and think you're the coolest fuckers in the whole wide world. Seriously, we did. We'd go drinking in parks, walk around Princess street, sit eating McDonalds and drinking Starbucks in the gardens (always the back gardens beside the train train tracks.) Because of this group activity i found myself getting closer to the girl i had met at Carbisdale. I'll call her 'Nina.'
Me and Nina had been slowly but surely building something. Through shootin' the shit on Msn & leaving constant Bebo comments, it was obvious to everyone that we were headed towards begin a couple. On my part i was going crazy for her. I thought she was the most interesting, fun, beautiful and sexy thing in my life. Keep in mind that despite being well versed in certain things, i was still quite emotionally immature and naive. So after a period of time we did indeed start going out. The thing is but, i was also seeing this other girl prior to all this who was lovely, but only 13 years old (i was just about to turn 15) and when i measured up the two scenarios, 'Nina' blew her out the water. Totally. To this day i still rate this as one of the worst descisionss i ever made. A totally rash and poorly thought-out mistake. I havn't learned from it, i can admit to that, but i would be interested to see were i'd have been now had i done the right thing. I'd go so far as to say a completely differant person.
So here i was, all happy and excited, my first proper girlfriend ! But i actually barely saw her until i sauntered of for a weeks holiday in New York (a great holiday btw.) This was a scenario i didn't know how to cope with ! I wouldn't get any phone signal there (cheap, shit, phone.) Needless to say i didn't talk to her until i got home. And then it was my birthday, i was seriously hoping my 15th birthday was gonna be really good but als, my evening was one of the worst ever !
I still can't explain the way i screwed up that night but on the same wave lenth her behaviour was horrible too. Maybe it just proved that we were never meant to be together, i donno....
We went to the cinema, loads of us, a big group. But it was one of the few times in my life that i just froze. I done nothing to give that 'boyfriendy' vibe, i could have been anybody. Never once during the film did i make moves towards her, no arm round tactic, no holding hands, barely even any small talk. Rookie errors. By the same token she didn't help matters by sitting all cold, moody and distant for most of the film. Eventually (clearly pissed off) she walked out saying she (and her friends) needed the bathroom, and woud see us after in the lobby area. That was a weird thing to do and it really annoyed me like, i'd not deserved that. It was petty and immature, i mean just open you're fucking mouth and tell me if you've got a problem y'kno :/ So anyway i walked out afters and she said nothing, like total silence, and that's basicly how she remained walking up Leith walk toward Princess street, so i just thought screw it and walked of with my pals to meet some other dudes, who wouldn't act all fucking weird.
We broke up two days later.
Now the weird thing is right, what was barely an event to even notch up on the story of my life. This entire episode had a very deep and intense effect on me. Both good a bad things. A first i was upset and it tooke me a long time to get over things. Infact i wasn't with another girl for seven months, but when that happened it was something really special and well worth the wait. This set of events led me to (that summer 07) to read Johnny Depp's Bio for the first time, leading me to discover the work of Jack Kerouac both of which had a big effect on me. All of this realyl led to my personality growing and becomining a thing that could be defined. This is what promted my facination with relationships and fear of comminting. This also promted me to cut myself for th efirst time and i suppose that's gotta be a negative. It also is what makes me always suspicious of females in these scenarios. I never trust people or believe them when they tell me they like me or have feelings for me. I can't explain it liie, buti always fear the worst and am paranoid regarding those situations, like it's all fake or if not then it's all just gonna crumble out from under me. For that i blame this.
But the postives outweigh everything else. I learned to be more choosey, i learned how to deal with being hurt, i learned that not everything in life would be nice. I created for myself a persona, a new 'me', i became who i am now. And sometimes, just sometimes, i like who i am. So for all of this i suppose i've gotta thank 'Nina', you made an effect on me which has meant more then anything you would have ever been. So for all of that and more, Here's looking at you kid.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Here's Looking At You Kid
Alrighty, i'm going to take a little step back in time here, to the tune of about three years ago (2007). As usual i'm involved, and as it so often is, the story's all about a girl. So, i suppose i'll just kick off.
Around late Mid May i went away with the school on a two week (well, 10 days) camp to the North of Scotland. My entire year group went and whilst i didn't really enjoy it, there was some fairly decent moments. It being an 'active camp' type of thing, we were of course moving around a fair bit, but the main sorta 'base' for the group (about two hundred of us) was the famously haunted Carbisdale castle. It was on 'Most Haunted' once. Check it out. I saw nothing but :/ Anyway, this castle/house quickly turned into a two week house party location and there was a great atmosphere all about the joint. It was gooooood. So, back on topic, one night i'm sitting there, listening to my pal rambling on about some trivial pish, when her friend sit's down and joins us. I knew the girl vaguelly but we still had to be introduced as names weren't appearing in eithers head. To cut a long chat short, we got on very well. Surprisingly so. Eventually i had to head of but i wandered away with the (now all too familier) nagging feeling that their was something a little bit out of the ordinary about our exchange. However, i only seen her sporadically for the remaining time there, but from that i was able to understand that she most certaintly wanted to hang around with me (unusual to me back then.)
Right, zoom forward a good few weeks. Some point in June (early on actually.) Since returning from the school camp my group of friends had really merged with a group of girls whom prior to going were nothing more than faces in the halls. Now we were best of mates, weird how that happens eh ? It wouldn't last of course.
As a group we were buzy, doing whatever the hell you do when you're 14/15 and think you're the coolest fuckers in the whole wide world. Seriously, we did. We'd go drinking in parks, walk around Princess street, sit eating McDonalds and drinking Starbucks in the gardens (always the back gardens beside the train train tracks.) Because of this group activity i found myself getting closer to the girl i had met at Carbisdale. I'll call her 'Nina.'
Me and Nina had been slowly but surely building something. Through shootin' the shit on Msn & leaving constant Bebo comments, it was obvious to everyone that we were headed towards begin a couple. On my part i was going crazy for her. I thought she was the most interesting, fun, beautiful and sexy thing in my life. Keep in mind that despite being well versed in certain things, i was still quite emotionally immature and naive. So after a period of time we did indeed start going out. The thing is but, i was also seeing this other girl prior to all this who was lovely, but only 13 years old (i was just about to turn 15) and when i measured up the two scenarios, 'Nina' blew her out the water. Totally. To this day i still rate this as one of the worst descisionss i ever made. A totally rash and poorly thought-out mistake. I havn't learned from it, i can admit to that, but i would be interested to see were i'd have been now had i done the right thing. I'd go so far as to say a completely differant person.
So here i was, all happy and excited, my first proper girlfriend ! But i actually barely saw her until i sauntered of for a weeks holiday in New York (a great holiday btw.) This was a scenario i didn't know how to cope with ! I wouldn't get any phone signal there (cheap, shit, phone.) Needless to say i didn't talk to her until i got home. And then it was my birthday, i was seriously hoping my 15th birthday was gonna be really good but als, my evening was one of the worst ever !
I still can't explain the way i screwed up that night but on the same wave lenth her behaviour was horrible too. Maybe it just proved that we were never meant to be together, i donno....
We went to the cinema, loads of us, a big group. But it was one of the few times in my life that i just froze. I done nothing to give that 'boyfriendy' vibe, i could have been anybody. Never once during the film did i make moves towards her, no arm round tactic, no holding hands, barely even any small talk. Rookie errors. By the same token she didn't help matters by sitting all cold, moody and distant for most of the film. Eventually (clearly pissed off) she walked out saying she (and her friends) needed the bathroom, and woud see us after in the lobby area. That was a weird thing to do and it really annoyed me like, i'd not deserved that. It was petty and immature, i mean just open you're fucking mouth and tell me if you've got a problem y'kno :/ So anyway i walked out afters and she said nothing, like total silence, and that's basicly how she remained walking up Leith walk toward Princess street, so i just thought screw it and walked of with my pals to meet some other dudes, who wouldn't act all fucking weird.
We broke up two days later.
Now the weird thing is right, what was barely an event to even notch up on the story of my life. This entire episode had a very deep and intense effect on me. Both good a bad things. A first i was upset and it tooke me a long time to get over things. Infact i wasn't with another girl for seven months, but when that happened it was something really special and well worth the wait. This set of events led me to (that summer 07) to read Johnny Depp's Bio for the first time, leading me to discover the work of Jack Kerouac both of which had a big effect on me. All of this realyl led to my personality growing and becomining a thing that could be defined. This is what promted my facination with relationships and fear of comminting. This also promted me to cut myself for th efirst time and i suppose that's gotta be a negative. It also is what makes me always suspicious of females in these scenarios. I never trust people or believe them when they tell me they like me or have feelings for me. I can't explain it liie, buti always fear the worst and am paranoid regarding those situations, like it's all fake or if not then it's all just gonna crumble out from under me. For that i blame this.
But the postives outweigh everything else. I learned to be more choosey, i learned how to deal with being hurt, i learned that not everything in life would be nice. I created for myself a persona, a new 'me', i became who i am now. And sometimes, just sometimes, i like who i am. So for all of this i suppose i've gotta thank 'Nina', you made an effect on me which has meant more then anything you would have ever been. So for all of that and more, Here's looking at you kid.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Around late Mid May i went away with the school on a two week (well, 10 days) camp to the North of Scotland. My entire year group went and whilst i didn't really enjoy it, there was some fairly decent moments. It being an 'active camp' type of thing, we were of course moving around a fair bit, but the main sorta 'base' for the group (about two hundred of us) was the famously haunted Carbisdale castle. It was on 'Most Haunted' once. Check it out. I saw nothing but :/ Anyway, this castle/house quickly turned into a two week house party location and there was a great atmosphere all about the joint. It was gooooood. So, back on topic, one night i'm sitting there, listening to my pal rambling on about some trivial pish, when her friend sit's down and joins us. I knew the girl vaguelly but we still had to be introduced as names weren't appearing in eithers head. To cut a long chat short, we got on very well. Surprisingly so. Eventually i had to head of but i wandered away with the (now all too familier) nagging feeling that their was something a little bit out of the ordinary about our exchange. However, i only seen her sporadically for the remaining time there, but from that i was able to understand that she most certaintly wanted to hang around with me (unusual to me back then.)
Right, zoom forward a good few weeks. Some point in June (early on actually.) Since returning from the school camp my group of friends had really merged with a group of girls whom prior to going were nothing more than faces in the halls. Now we were best of mates, weird how that happens eh ? It wouldn't last of course.
As a group we were buzy, doing whatever the hell you do when you're 14/15 and think you're the coolest fuckers in the whole wide world. Seriously, we did. We'd go drinking in parks, walk around Princess street, sit eating McDonalds and drinking Starbucks in the gardens (always the back gardens beside the train train tracks.) Because of this group activity i found myself getting closer to the girl i had met at Carbisdale. I'll call her 'Nina.'
Me and Nina had been slowly but surely building something. Through shootin' the shit on Msn & leaving constant Bebo comments, it was obvious to everyone that we were headed towards begin a couple. On my part i was going crazy for her. I thought she was the most interesting, fun, beautiful and sexy thing in my life. Keep in mind that despite being well versed in certain things, i was still quite emotionally immature and naive. So after a period of time we did indeed start going out. The thing is but, i was also seeing this other girl prior to all this who was lovely, but only 13 years old (i was just about to turn 15) and when i measured up the two scenarios, 'Nina' blew her out the water. Totally. To this day i still rate this as one of the worst descisionss i ever made. A totally rash and poorly thought-out mistake. I havn't learned from it, i can admit to that, but i would be interested to see were i'd have been now had i done the right thing. I'd go so far as to say a completely differant person.
So here i was, all happy and excited, my first proper girlfriend ! But i actually barely saw her until i sauntered of for a weeks holiday in New York (a great holiday btw.) This was a scenario i didn't know how to cope with ! I wouldn't get any phone signal there (cheap, shit, phone.) Needless to say i didn't talk to her until i got home. And then it was my birthday, i was seriously hoping my 15th birthday was gonna be really good but als, my evening was one of the worst ever !
I still can't explain the way i screwed up that night but on the same wave lenth her behaviour was horrible too. Maybe it just proved that we were never meant to be together, i donno....
We went to the cinema, loads of us, a big group. But it was one of the few times in my life that i just froze. I done nothing to give that 'boyfriendy' vibe, i could have been anybody. Never once during the film did i make moves towards her, no arm round tactic, no holding hands, barely even any small talk. Rookie errors. By the same token she didn't help matters by sitting all cold, moody and distant for most of the film. Eventually (clearly pissed off) she walked out saying she (and her friends) needed the bathroom, and woud see us after in the lobby area. That was a weird thing to do and it really annoyed me like, i'd not deserved that. It was petty and immature, i mean just open you're fucking mouth and tell me if you've got a problem y'kno :/ So anyway i walked out afters and she said nothing, like total silence, and that's basicly how she remained walking up Leith walk toward Princess street, so i just thought screw it and walked of with my pals to meet some other dudes, who wouldn't act all fucking weird.
We broke up two days later.
Now the weird thing is right, what was barely an event to even notch up on the story of my life. This entire episode had a very deep and intense effect on me. Both good a bad things. A first i was upset and it tooke me a long time to get over things. Infact i wasn't with another girl for seven months, but when that happened it was something really special and well worth the wait. This set of events led me to (that summer 07) to read Johnny Depp's Bio for the first time, leading me to discover the work of Jack Kerouac both of which had a big effect on me. All of this realyl led to my personality growing and becomining a thing that could be defined. This is what promted my facination with relationships and fear of comminting. This also promted me to cut myself for th efirst time and i suppose that's gotta be a negative. It also is what makes me always suspicious of females in these scenarios. I never trust people or believe them when they tell me they like me or have feelings for me. I can't explain it liie, buti always fear the worst and am paranoid regarding those situations, like it's all fake or if not then it's all just gonna crumble out from under me. For that i blame this.
But the postives outweigh everything else. I learned to be more choosey, i learned how to deal with being hurt, i learned that not everything in life would be nice. I created for myself a persona, a new 'me', i became who i am now. And sometimes, just sometimes, i like who i am. So for all of this i suppose i've gotta thank 'Nina', you made an effect on me which has meant more then anything you would have ever been. So for all of that and more, Here's looking at you kid.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Sunday, 24 January 2010
The Most Beautiful City In The World
I'm not a patriotic person. in fact i don't really give much of a shit either way regarding my country or who ever the fuck runs it. I have the fullest intentions of leaving here at the first chance i get. However....
The city i live in has a vastly differant effect on me. In truth i'm utterly transfxed by everything about it. During the day it's pretty and nice i suppose, but it's at night that my love affiar with Edinburgh really starts.
The city is differant at night, the darkenss manages to find it's way into every little part of the landscape, you can't hide from it, which is just the way i like it. The atmosphere never leaves, it's always fantastic, but all you have to do at any given time is take a few steps of the beaten path and you can be completely isolated from the rest of the crowd. It's created that way, there is more then enough places to lose yourself. Both literaly and figurativly. I honestly enjoy nothing better then walking through the city at night, embracing everything about it, the darker the better. The place practically reeks of history.
And i have my own personal little history here too. So will everyone who has lived here for any lenth of time. On every street, and every corner, i have a memory, a reminder of were i was years ago, of the me who used to exist. Or more recently even, nights out, places i've visted, people i've been with, events that have occured. Some moments will never be forgotten. Case in point. hogmany this year, great group of people and a brilliant night/morning (technically). But when i look back upon it in years to come, i'll have the backdrop of the most beautiful city in the world to visualise my past in. I think that is something to be thankful for...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
The Most Beautiful City In The World
I'm not a patriotic person. in fact i don't really give much of a shit either way regarding my country or who ever the fuck runs it. I have the fullest intentions of leaving here at the first chance i get. However....
The city i live in has a vastly differant effect on me. In truth i'm utterly transfxed by everything about it. During the day it's pretty and nice i suppose, but it's at night that my love affiar with Edinburgh really starts.
The city is differant at night, the darkenss manages to find it's way into every little part of the landscape, you can't hide from it, which is just the way i like it. The atmosphere never leaves, it's always fantastic, but all you have to do at any given time is take a few steps of the beaten path and you can be completely isolated from the rest of the crowd. It's created that way, there is more then enough places to lose yourself. Both literaly and figurativly. I honestly enjoy nothing better then walking through the city at night, embracing everything about it, the darker the better. The place practically reeks of history.
And i have my own personal little history here too. So will everyone who has lived here for any lenth of time. On every street, and every corner, i have a memory, a reminder of were i was years ago, of the me who used to exist. Or more recently even, nights out, places i've visted, people i've been with, events that have occured. Some moments will never be forgotten. Case in point. hogmany this year, great group of people and a brilliant night/morning (technically). But when i look back upon it in years to come, i'll have the backdrop of the most beautiful city in the world to visualise my past in. I think that is something to be thankful for...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Thursday, 31 December 2009
2009 In Memorium.
Basicly this a review of the year that is just about to finish up. It's been an interesting one that's for sure. I'll just break it down month by month ok ? Enjoy :)
January: So the year didn't get of to the best of starts. As months go january is usually pretty poor, mainly because christmas and New Years and all those party events have pretty much concluded so everythings a bit gloomy and shit. For me it was especially bad as my somewhat pathetic depression over my ex was peaking at it's worst, i was entirely unhappy and pissed of the world. I needed something to take my mind of it, but that would take another few months. A few highlights would be seeing Chris Brown in concert with Natalie, just before he became a lassie bashing twat. Good gig though ! Also, had my prelims at school, which despite not going great were nice to get out the way.
February: I got my prelims back which were not great but i wasn't too bothered as i'm famously poor at those, normally just waitin on the actual exams before doing well. Ehhh, what else, i was still pretty upset regarding the whole love life scenario, which wasn't helped by my holiday to Florida, which whilst only lasting a week seemed to drag on for ages. I just had her on my mind the entire time, and being in the country were she's from i was constatnly reminded even by daft things that really shouldn't have but ooh well. When i got back nothing else happened, all in all a fairly pointless month.
March: This is when things got interesting. I done a weeks work on a play at school, just filling in for some plank who had to pull out. It was stressful as i had little time to work it all out but i done it and must say i was fucking A-plus ! Always have been a good actor mind. Doing this i met a girl who was doing make-up. She was a total nutter and just complete trouble but it was exactley what i needed, a wee diversion from the doom and gloom. We got together and whilst it was purely sexual (even introducing me to the fantastic world of threesomes !). Of course it didn't last any great lenth of time, two weeks or something and i havn't spoken to he rmuch since, but it all worked out well, i had fun, and i am thankful for that :) This month also saw me briefly re-engage with the social side of things at school, hanging out with the guys i was really friendly with th eyear previous again. I went to a few parties and stuff, and it was alright, but sadly that would be it for me and them, i never really got overly close again, and now am not even in regular contact with any of them, my decision however. Finally this was when i first started this very blog. One of the best decisions i ever made. So that's March, one of the most productive months most certaintly.
April: April's a weird one so it is.... I got alot more friendly with a wee lad from school called Danny, and with him basicly spent the month having a fair bit fun. Had a two week holiday from school, which was fairly pointless as school wasn't really much work anyway and more of a hassle, in regards to getting up early etc... I started a new means of chilling out which was involving me going long walks about the woods and fileds and shit at night, sounds weird but i muchly enjoyed it. Hmm, i started to get closer with my ex again, in a completely friendly way, this continued for the rest of the year up till the point we're at now of being very close freinds, best mates even, which is good haha. A neghative here would be becoming friendly with a girl called suzie, who after a few more month would turn out to be a obssesive, nutcase with a bad case of daddy issues !
May: This month marked the one year anniversary of my relationship with Courts getting really serious, so as you can imagine, this was what dominated my thoughts for the majority of the time. It was actually a very good month apart from that. Me and her met up a few times and it was all very nice and we finally clicked as friends and got past the whole awkwardness and became close again, which to be true was all that i was wanting so that made me smile. There was a heatwave in Edinburgh (it happens rarely) so i managed to aquire a slight Tan which is basicly unheard of. I didn't revise but started my exams, they were easy. Emm, can't think of much else, Rangers won the league which sucked ! But Celtic had only themselves to blame as they were pathetic in the second half of the season. I slept with roughly 7 differant girls, which even by my standerds was a tad excessive, but i had a decent time doing it !
June: One of those buzy months that seemed to last forever but it was great. It started with me ending my exams, i liked that, as i was therefore done with school, so from now till September i was effectivly free to do whatever the fuck i wanted. I went to florida just with Dad which was brillaint fun. It's strange but even though i live with him, me and dad never get enough time to spend together so that was possibly one of the best weeks of the entire year. My birthday soon followed (22nd) and that was okay, got some nice presents and stuff, started to learn to drive though, that was NOT a good thing haha. Seen Courts play in Perth which was srpsingly good and said by to her aefore she left for home over summer. This month involved plenty of wee events none of which are particularly note worthy but they were fun.
July: Seriously ? One of the single most boring July's of my life and the definate most dissapointing month of the year. It held soo much promise but ultimatly dissapoined, as soo many things do i suppose. There are absouloutly no note worthy moments, it's weird ! Seen a shit load of movies, most of which weren't all that great, public enemies probably the only notable exception. The definiate highlight though would be the numerous nights spent with Dave and Natalie, seeing movies and just enjoying nice long walks home, something which i honestly can't get enough of. I love those two fuckers to bits :) I also got a pretty jacket :) Ooooh snap, seen Springsteen in concert (Y)
August: This month involved (again) plenty of movies and stuff, but the way it will be defined was a trip to Italy with Shaun. I like to boy he's a nice lad, but that holiday wasn't nice at all, i couldn't get home soon enough, i just felt like an total outsider, the people wern't friendly whatsoever, and all really racist and nasy. I'm not easily offended or nothing, but they did piss me off. Football season started aswel, Tony Mowbray got of to a great start with Celtic, domestically at least, but it was never going to last. Dave also passed his driving test, world of possiblilties.
September: Ahhh this is one of the best. I started uni which was just the most unbelivably great experience of my life, the course it turned out was brilliant, and all the staff seemed cool. However the people i met, and contined to meet throughout this month and early October... Amazing, serious, i made so many friends this month that i was loosing count, i all my uni buds to bits, great bunch ! Obviously it was quite scary at the begining, getting started and all that, but i settled dead quickly and basicly hav'nt looked back since, the work could hardly best described as hard at that stage either so all in all i was pleased. Seen plenty of movies this month, some of my favourites of the yer infact. (500) Days of summer and Adventureland standing out as two of the best, and probably my two favourite flicks of the year, maybe... Had a nice few days with Courts which is always welcome and sorta stumbled into meeting a bunch of people one night from school at a party which was soo funny due to the complete twatness of them haha. There was some domestic problems in my parents cirlce of frineds which put a downer on things, but it seemd to resolve itself fairly quickly, although it looks like now that wasn't a great idea. Me and Dan, had a few good chats and he seemd ok :) I got another nice leather jacket, which has been on my back manys a day since then.
October: The main bulk of this month was spent dicking around Florida with a shit load of people, a fairly decent holiday, and i enjoyed it. I read Kurt Cobains autobio which rocked my socks and toatlly changed the way i viewed him and of course Courtney Love, who is by the way extremelly interesting and talented in her own right. Uni life stayed great, all be it with a little bit of drama, regarding me shagging my way the place, but that was always going to happen, i'm a magnet for trouble, ultimatly no harm came of it, unlike school people are mature and can deal with this sorta stuff. Me and Dave seen Kevin Smith through in glasgow doing a Q'n'A and that was amazing, he's hilarious and very smart. This actually was quite a quiet month but good all the same. Lastly, dave got himsel a nice wee car.
November: Fairly near the end now, this month can be best defined by the fact that my parents spent almost the whole time flying between here and america, just taking shit lokad sof holidays to spite me. I had my cousins stayin in the house which is fine, i like Nat's, Connor is a wee shite but he's got a heart of gold so i find him quite funny most of the time, he's only little i guess :/ Had many's a night out here, started using Dave's I.D to get into places which works great and now i can succesfully attend all sorts of wee events and stuf without worrying about getting turned away and ruining other folks evenings. I was pretty much raped by a lesbian but that's a funnyn story to tell so i'm not angered by it. Also, i began to notice that my m8's from uni were now just becoming straight forward friends, my genral social circle. Basicly saying that we were all becoming very comfortable around each other and it looks like the next four years are gonna be plenty fun !
December: This month has been very buzy, plenty nights oot and all that, some things became very clear to me aswel which was nice. Chrsitmas was great this year, one of the best and tonight (hogmany) is bound to me electric.
So then, overall i give the year strong pass marks, i have encountered plenty over the course of the 12 months, but everything has been dealt with no problem in the end. 2010 is shaping to be great and hopefully it won't let me down.
Special thanks to te people who have made this year everything it has...
Mom,
Dad,
All the Family and friends,
Uni People,
Courtney,
The few decent folk at school,
My Dog,
And most importan;y the two folk who have really kept me going and will continue to do soo, Natalie and Dave. You have no idea, how much i depend on you guys sometimes :L
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
January: So the year didn't get of to the best of starts. As months go january is usually pretty poor, mainly because christmas and New Years and all those party events have pretty much concluded so everythings a bit gloomy and shit. For me it was especially bad as my somewhat pathetic depression over my ex was peaking at it's worst, i was entirely unhappy and pissed of the world. I needed something to take my mind of it, but that would take another few months. A few highlights would be seeing Chris Brown in concert with Natalie, just before he became a lassie bashing twat. Good gig though ! Also, had my prelims at school, which despite not going great were nice to get out the way.
February: I got my prelims back which were not great but i wasn't too bothered as i'm famously poor at those, normally just waitin on the actual exams before doing well. Ehhh, what else, i was still pretty upset regarding the whole love life scenario, which wasn't helped by my holiday to Florida, which whilst only lasting a week seemed to drag on for ages. I just had her on my mind the entire time, and being in the country were she's from i was constatnly reminded even by daft things that really shouldn't have but ooh well. When i got back nothing else happened, all in all a fairly pointless month.
March: This is when things got interesting. I done a weeks work on a play at school, just filling in for some plank who had to pull out. It was stressful as i had little time to work it all out but i done it and must say i was fucking A-plus ! Always have been a good actor mind. Doing this i met a girl who was doing make-up. She was a total nutter and just complete trouble but it was exactley what i needed, a wee diversion from the doom and gloom. We got together and whilst it was purely sexual (even introducing me to the fantastic world of threesomes !). Of course it didn't last any great lenth of time, two weeks or something and i havn't spoken to he rmuch since, but it all worked out well, i had fun, and i am thankful for that :) This month also saw me briefly re-engage with the social side of things at school, hanging out with the guys i was really friendly with th eyear previous again. I went to a few parties and stuff, and it was alright, but sadly that would be it for me and them, i never really got overly close again, and now am not even in regular contact with any of them, my decision however. Finally this was when i first started this very blog. One of the best decisions i ever made. So that's March, one of the most productive months most certaintly.
April: April's a weird one so it is.... I got alot more friendly with a wee lad from school called Danny, and with him basicly spent the month having a fair bit fun. Had a two week holiday from school, which was fairly pointless as school wasn't really much work anyway and more of a hassle, in regards to getting up early etc... I started a new means of chilling out which was involving me going long walks about the woods and fileds and shit at night, sounds weird but i muchly enjoyed it. Hmm, i started to get closer with my ex again, in a completely friendly way, this continued for the rest of the year up till the point we're at now of being very close freinds, best mates even, which is good haha. A neghative here would be becoming friendly with a girl called suzie, who after a few more month would turn out to be a obssesive, nutcase with a bad case of daddy issues !
May: This month marked the one year anniversary of my relationship with Courts getting really serious, so as you can imagine, this was what dominated my thoughts for the majority of the time. It was actually a very good month apart from that. Me and her met up a few times and it was all very nice and we finally clicked as friends and got past the whole awkwardness and became close again, which to be true was all that i was wanting so that made me smile. There was a heatwave in Edinburgh (it happens rarely) so i managed to aquire a slight Tan which is basicly unheard of. I didn't revise but started my exams, they were easy. Emm, can't think of much else, Rangers won the league which sucked ! But Celtic had only themselves to blame as they were pathetic in the second half of the season. I slept with roughly 7 differant girls, which even by my standerds was a tad excessive, but i had a decent time doing it !
June: One of those buzy months that seemed to last forever but it was great. It started with me ending my exams, i liked that, as i was therefore done with school, so from now till September i was effectivly free to do whatever the fuck i wanted. I went to florida just with Dad which was brillaint fun. It's strange but even though i live with him, me and dad never get enough time to spend together so that was possibly one of the best weeks of the entire year. My birthday soon followed (22nd) and that was okay, got some nice presents and stuff, started to learn to drive though, that was NOT a good thing haha. Seen Courts play in Perth which was srpsingly good and said by to her aefore she left for home over summer. This month involved plenty of wee events none of which are particularly note worthy but they were fun.
July: Seriously ? One of the single most boring July's of my life and the definate most dissapointing month of the year. It held soo much promise but ultimatly dissapoined, as soo many things do i suppose. There are absouloutly no note worthy moments, it's weird ! Seen a shit load of movies, most of which weren't all that great, public enemies probably the only notable exception. The definiate highlight though would be the numerous nights spent with Dave and Natalie, seeing movies and just enjoying nice long walks home, something which i honestly can't get enough of. I love those two fuckers to bits :) I also got a pretty jacket :) Ooooh snap, seen Springsteen in concert (Y)
August: This month involved (again) plenty of movies and stuff, but the way it will be defined was a trip to Italy with Shaun. I like to boy he's a nice lad, but that holiday wasn't nice at all, i couldn't get home soon enough, i just felt like an total outsider, the people wern't friendly whatsoever, and all really racist and nasy. I'm not easily offended or nothing, but they did piss me off. Football season started aswel, Tony Mowbray got of to a great start with Celtic, domestically at least, but it was never going to last. Dave also passed his driving test, world of possiblilties.
September: Ahhh this is one of the best. I started uni which was just the most unbelivably great experience of my life, the course it turned out was brilliant, and all the staff seemed cool. However the people i met, and contined to meet throughout this month and early October... Amazing, serious, i made so many friends this month that i was loosing count, i all my uni buds to bits, great bunch ! Obviously it was quite scary at the begining, getting started and all that, but i settled dead quickly and basicly hav'nt looked back since, the work could hardly best described as hard at that stage either so all in all i was pleased. Seen plenty of movies this month, some of my favourites of the yer infact. (500) Days of summer and Adventureland standing out as two of the best, and probably my two favourite flicks of the year, maybe... Had a nice few days with Courts which is always welcome and sorta stumbled into meeting a bunch of people one night from school at a party which was soo funny due to the complete twatness of them haha. There was some domestic problems in my parents cirlce of frineds which put a downer on things, but it seemd to resolve itself fairly quickly, although it looks like now that wasn't a great idea. Me and Dan, had a few good chats and he seemd ok :) I got another nice leather jacket, which has been on my back manys a day since then.
October: The main bulk of this month was spent dicking around Florida with a shit load of people, a fairly decent holiday, and i enjoyed it. I read Kurt Cobains autobio which rocked my socks and toatlly changed the way i viewed him and of course Courtney Love, who is by the way extremelly interesting and talented in her own right. Uni life stayed great, all be it with a little bit of drama, regarding me shagging my way the place, but that was always going to happen, i'm a magnet for trouble, ultimatly no harm came of it, unlike school people are mature and can deal with this sorta stuff. Me and Dave seen Kevin Smith through in glasgow doing a Q'n'A and that was amazing, he's hilarious and very smart. This actually was quite a quiet month but good all the same. Lastly, dave got himsel a nice wee car.
November: Fairly near the end now, this month can be best defined by the fact that my parents spent almost the whole time flying between here and america, just taking shit lokad sof holidays to spite me. I had my cousins stayin in the house which is fine, i like Nat's, Connor is a wee shite but he's got a heart of gold so i find him quite funny most of the time, he's only little i guess :/ Had many's a night out here, started using Dave's I.D to get into places which works great and now i can succesfully attend all sorts of wee events and stuf without worrying about getting turned away and ruining other folks evenings. I was pretty much raped by a lesbian but that's a funnyn story to tell so i'm not angered by it. Also, i began to notice that my m8's from uni were now just becoming straight forward friends, my genral social circle. Basicly saying that we were all becoming very comfortable around each other and it looks like the next four years are gonna be plenty fun !
December: This month has been very buzy, plenty nights oot and all that, some things became very clear to me aswel which was nice. Chrsitmas was great this year, one of the best and tonight (hogmany) is bound to me electric.
So then, overall i give the year strong pass marks, i have encountered plenty over the course of the 12 months, but everything has been dealt with no problem in the end. 2010 is shaping to be great and hopefully it won't let me down.
Special thanks to te people who have made this year everything it has...
Mom,
Dad,
All the Family and friends,
Uni People,
Courtney,
The few decent folk at school,
My Dog,
And most importan;y the two folk who have really kept me going and will continue to do soo, Natalie and Dave. You have no idea, how much i depend on you guys sometimes :L
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
2009 In Memorium.
Basicly this a review of the year that is just about to finish up. It's been an interesting one that's for sure. I'll just break it down month by month ok ? Enjoy :)
January: So the year didn't get of to the best of starts. As months go january is usually pretty poor, mainly because christmas and New Years and all those party events have pretty much concluded so everythings a bit gloomy and shit. For me it was especially bad as my somewhat pathetic depression over my ex was peaking at it's worst, i was entirely unhappy and pissed of the world. I needed something to take my mind of it, but that would take another few months. A few highlights would be seeing Chris Brown in concert with Natalie, just before he became a lassie bashing twat. Good gig though ! Also, had my prelims at school, which despite not going great were nice to get out the way.
February: I got my prelims back which were not great but i wasn't too bothered as i'm famously poor at those, normally just waitin on the actual exams before doing well. Ehhh, what else, i was still pretty upset regarding the whole love life scenario, which wasn't helped by my holiday to Florida, which whilst only lasting a week seemed to drag on for ages. I just had her on my mind the entire time, and being in the country were she's from i was constatnly reminded even by daft things that really shouldn't have but ooh well. When i got back nothing else happened, all in all a fairly pointless month.
March: This is when things got interesting. I done a weeks work on a play at school, just filling in for some plank who had to pull out. It was stressful as i had little time to work it all out but i done it and must say i was fucking A-plus ! Always have been a good actor mind. Doing this i met a girl who was doing make-up. She was a total nutter and just complete trouble but it was exactley what i needed, a wee diversion from the doom and gloom. We got together and whilst it was purely sexual (even introducing me to the fantastic world of threesomes !). Of course it didn't last any great lenth of time, two weeks or something and i havn't spoken to he rmuch since, but it all worked out well, i had fun, and i am thankful for that :) This month also saw me briefly re-engage with the social side of things at school, hanging out with the guys i was really friendly with th eyear previous again. I went to a few parties and stuff, and it was alright, but sadly that would be it for me and them, i never really got overly close again, and now am not even in regular contact with any of them, my decision however. Finally this was when i first started this very blog. One of the best decisions i ever made. So that's March, one of the most productive months most certaintly.
April: April's a weird one so it is.... I got alot more friendly with a wee lad from school called Danny, and with him basicly spent the month having a fair bit fun. Had a two week holiday from school, which was fairly pointless as school wasn't really much work anyway and more of a hassle, in regards to getting up early etc... I started a new means of chilling out which was involving me going long walks about the woods and fileds and shit at night, sounds weird but i muchly enjoyed it. Hmm, i started to get closer with my ex again, in a completely friendly way, this continued for the rest of the year up till the point we're at now of being very close freinds, best mates even, which is good haha. A neghative here would be becoming friendly with a girl called suzie, who after a few more month would turn out to be a obssesive, nutcase with a bad case of daddy issues !
May: This month marked the one year anniversary of my relationship with Courts getting really serious, so as you can imagine, this was what dominated my thoughts for the majority of the time. It was actually a very good month apart from that. Me and her met up a few times and it was all very nice and we finally clicked as friends and got past the whole awkwardness and became close again, which to be true was all that i was wanting so that made me smile. There was a heatwave in Edinburgh (it happens rarely) so i managed to aquire a slight Tan which is basicly unheard of. I didn't revise but started my exams, they were easy. Emm, can't think of much else, Rangers won the league which sucked ! But Celtic had only themselves to blame as they were pathetic in the second half of the season. I slept with roughly 7 differant girls, which even by my standerds was a tad excessive, but i had a decent time doing it !
June: One of those buzy months that seemed to last forever but it was great. It started with me ending my exams, i liked that, as i was therefore done with school, so from now till September i was effectivly free to do whatever the fuck i wanted. I went to florida just with Dad which was brillaint fun. It's strange but even though i live with him, me and dad never get enough time to spend together so that was possibly one of the best weeks of the entire year. My birthday soon followed (22nd) and that was okay, got some nice presents and stuff, started to learn to drive though, that was NOT a good thing haha. Seen Courts play in Perth which was srpsingly good and said by to her aefore she left for home over summer. This month involved plenty of wee events none of which are particularly note worthy but they were fun.
July: Seriously ? One of the single most boring July's of my life and the definate most dissapointing month of the year. It held soo much promise but ultimatly dissapoined, as soo many things do i suppose. There are absouloutly no note worthy moments, it's weird ! Seen a shit load of movies, most of which weren't all that great, public enemies probably the only notable exception. The definiate highlight though would be the numerous nights spent with Dave and Natalie, seeing movies and just enjoying nice long walks home, something which i honestly can't get enough of. I love those two fuckers to bits :) I also got a pretty jacket :) Ooooh snap, seen Springsteen in concert (Y)
August: This month involved (again) plenty of movies and stuff, but the way it will be defined was a trip to Italy with Shaun. I like to boy he's a nice lad, but that holiday wasn't nice at all, i couldn't get home soon enough, i just felt like an total outsider, the people wern't friendly whatsoever, and all really racist and nasy. I'm not easily offended or nothing, but they did piss me off. Football season started aswel, Tony Mowbray got of to a great start with Celtic, domestically at least, but it was never going to last. Dave also passed his driving test, world of possiblilties.
September: Ahhh this is one of the best. I started uni which was just the most unbelivably great experience of my life, the course it turned out was brilliant, and all the staff seemed cool. However the people i met, and contined to meet throughout this month and early October... Amazing, serious, i made so many friends this month that i was loosing count, i all my uni buds to bits, great bunch ! Obviously it was quite scary at the begining, getting started and all that, but i settled dead quickly and basicly hav'nt looked back since, the work could hardly best described as hard at that stage either so all in all i was pleased. Seen plenty of movies this month, some of my favourites of the yer infact. (500) Days of summer and Adventureland standing out as two of the best, and probably my two favourite flicks of the year, maybe... Had a nice few days with Courts which is always welcome and sorta stumbled into meeting a bunch of people one night from school at a party which was soo funny due to the complete twatness of them haha. There was some domestic problems in my parents cirlce of frineds which put a downer on things, but it seemd to resolve itself fairly quickly, although it looks like now that wasn't a great idea. Me and Dan, had a few good chats and he seemd ok :) I got another nice leather jacket, which has been on my back manys a day since then.
October: The main bulk of this month was spent dicking around Florida with a shit load of people, a fairly decent holiday, and i enjoyed it. I read Kurt Cobains autobio which rocked my socks and toatlly changed the way i viewed him and of course Courtney Love, who is by the way extremelly interesting and talented in her own right. Uni life stayed great, all be it with a little bit of drama, regarding me shagging my way the place, but that was always going to happen, i'm a magnet for trouble, ultimatly no harm came of it, unlike school people are mature and can deal with this sorta stuff. Me and Dave seen Kevin Smith through in glasgow doing a Q'n'A and that was amazing, he's hilarious and very smart. This actually was quite a quiet month but good all the same. Lastly, dave got himsel a nice wee car.
November: Fairly near the end now, this month can be best defined by the fact that my parents spent almost the whole time flying between here and america, just taking shit lokad sof holidays to spite me. I had my cousins stayin in the house which is fine, i like Nat's, Connor is a wee shite but he's got a heart of gold so i find him quite funny most of the time, he's only little i guess :/ Had many's a night out here, started using Dave's I.D to get into places which works great and now i can succesfully attend all sorts of wee events and stuf without worrying about getting turned away and ruining other folks evenings. I was pretty much raped by a lesbian but that's a funnyn story to tell so i'm not angered by it. Also, i began to notice that my m8's from uni were now just becoming straight forward friends, my genral social circle. Basicly saying that we were all becoming very comfortable around each other and it looks like the next four years are gonna be plenty fun !
December: This month has been very buzy, plenty nights oot and all that, some things became very clear to me aswel which was nice. Chrsitmas was great this year, one of the best and tonight (hogmany) is bound to me electric.
So then, overall i give the year strong pass marks, i have encountered plenty over the course of the 12 months, but everything has been dealt with no problem in the end. 2010 is shaping to be great and hopefully it won't let me down.
Special thanks to te people who have made this year everything it has...
Mom,
Dad,
All the Family and friends,
Uni People,
Courtney,
The few decent folk at school,
My Dog,
And most importan;y the two folk who have really kept me going and will continue to do soo, Natalie and Dave. You have no idea, how much i depend on you guys sometimes :L
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
January: So the year didn't get of to the best of starts. As months go january is usually pretty poor, mainly because christmas and New Years and all those party events have pretty much concluded so everythings a bit gloomy and shit. For me it was especially bad as my somewhat pathetic depression over my ex was peaking at it's worst, i was entirely unhappy and pissed of the world. I needed something to take my mind of it, but that would take another few months. A few highlights would be seeing Chris Brown in concert with Natalie, just before he became a lassie bashing twat. Good gig though ! Also, had my prelims at school, which despite not going great were nice to get out the way.
February: I got my prelims back which were not great but i wasn't too bothered as i'm famously poor at those, normally just waitin on the actual exams before doing well. Ehhh, what else, i was still pretty upset regarding the whole love life scenario, which wasn't helped by my holiday to Florida, which whilst only lasting a week seemed to drag on for ages. I just had her on my mind the entire time, and being in the country were she's from i was constatnly reminded even by daft things that really shouldn't have but ooh well. When i got back nothing else happened, all in all a fairly pointless month.
March: This is when things got interesting. I done a weeks work on a play at school, just filling in for some plank who had to pull out. It was stressful as i had little time to work it all out but i done it and must say i was fucking A-plus ! Always have been a good actor mind. Doing this i met a girl who was doing make-up. She was a total nutter and just complete trouble but it was exactley what i needed, a wee diversion from the doom and gloom. We got together and whilst it was purely sexual (even introducing me to the fantastic world of threesomes !). Of course it didn't last any great lenth of time, two weeks or something and i havn't spoken to he rmuch since, but it all worked out well, i had fun, and i am thankful for that :) This month also saw me briefly re-engage with the social side of things at school, hanging out with the guys i was really friendly with th eyear previous again. I went to a few parties and stuff, and it was alright, but sadly that would be it for me and them, i never really got overly close again, and now am not even in regular contact with any of them, my decision however. Finally this was when i first started this very blog. One of the best decisions i ever made. So that's March, one of the most productive months most certaintly.
April: April's a weird one so it is.... I got alot more friendly with a wee lad from school called Danny, and with him basicly spent the month having a fair bit fun. Had a two week holiday from school, which was fairly pointless as school wasn't really much work anyway and more of a hassle, in regards to getting up early etc... I started a new means of chilling out which was involving me going long walks about the woods and fileds and shit at night, sounds weird but i muchly enjoyed it. Hmm, i started to get closer with my ex again, in a completely friendly way, this continued for the rest of the year up till the point we're at now of being very close freinds, best mates even, which is good haha. A neghative here would be becoming friendly with a girl called suzie, who after a few more month would turn out to be a obssesive, nutcase with a bad case of daddy issues !
May: This month marked the one year anniversary of my relationship with Courts getting really serious, so as you can imagine, this was what dominated my thoughts for the majority of the time. It was actually a very good month apart from that. Me and her met up a few times and it was all very nice and we finally clicked as friends and got past the whole awkwardness and became close again, which to be true was all that i was wanting so that made me smile. There was a heatwave in Edinburgh (it happens rarely) so i managed to aquire a slight Tan which is basicly unheard of. I didn't revise but started my exams, they were easy. Emm, can't think of much else, Rangers won the league which sucked ! But Celtic had only themselves to blame as they were pathetic in the second half of the season. I slept with roughly 7 differant girls, which even by my standerds was a tad excessive, but i had a decent time doing it !
June: One of those buzy months that seemed to last forever but it was great. It started with me ending my exams, i liked that, as i was therefore done with school, so from now till September i was effectivly free to do whatever the fuck i wanted. I went to florida just with Dad which was brillaint fun. It's strange but even though i live with him, me and dad never get enough time to spend together so that was possibly one of the best weeks of the entire year. My birthday soon followed (22nd) and that was okay, got some nice presents and stuff, started to learn to drive though, that was NOT a good thing haha. Seen Courts play in Perth which was srpsingly good and said by to her aefore she left for home over summer. This month involved plenty of wee events none of which are particularly note worthy but they were fun.
July: Seriously ? One of the single most boring July's of my life and the definate most dissapointing month of the year. It held soo much promise but ultimatly dissapoined, as soo many things do i suppose. There are absouloutly no note worthy moments, it's weird ! Seen a shit load of movies, most of which weren't all that great, public enemies probably the only notable exception. The definiate highlight though would be the numerous nights spent with Dave and Natalie, seeing movies and just enjoying nice long walks home, something which i honestly can't get enough of. I love those two fuckers to bits :) I also got a pretty jacket :) Ooooh snap, seen Springsteen in concert (Y)
August: This month involved (again) plenty of movies and stuff, but the way it will be defined was a trip to Italy with Shaun. I like to boy he's a nice lad, but that holiday wasn't nice at all, i couldn't get home soon enough, i just felt like an total outsider, the people wern't friendly whatsoever, and all really racist and nasy. I'm not easily offended or nothing, but they did piss me off. Football season started aswel, Tony Mowbray got of to a great start with Celtic, domestically at least, but it was never going to last. Dave also passed his driving test, world of possiblilties.
September: Ahhh this is one of the best. I started uni which was just the most unbelivably great experience of my life, the course it turned out was brilliant, and all the staff seemed cool. However the people i met, and contined to meet throughout this month and early October... Amazing, serious, i made so many friends this month that i was loosing count, i all my uni buds to bits, great bunch ! Obviously it was quite scary at the begining, getting started and all that, but i settled dead quickly and basicly hav'nt looked back since, the work could hardly best described as hard at that stage either so all in all i was pleased. Seen plenty of movies this month, some of my favourites of the yer infact. (500) Days of summer and Adventureland standing out as two of the best, and probably my two favourite flicks of the year, maybe... Had a nice few days with Courts which is always welcome and sorta stumbled into meeting a bunch of people one night from school at a party which was soo funny due to the complete twatness of them haha. There was some domestic problems in my parents cirlce of frineds which put a downer on things, but it seemd to resolve itself fairly quickly, although it looks like now that wasn't a great idea. Me and Dan, had a few good chats and he seemd ok :) I got another nice leather jacket, which has been on my back manys a day since then.
October: The main bulk of this month was spent dicking around Florida with a shit load of people, a fairly decent holiday, and i enjoyed it. I read Kurt Cobains autobio which rocked my socks and toatlly changed the way i viewed him and of course Courtney Love, who is by the way extremelly interesting and talented in her own right. Uni life stayed great, all be it with a little bit of drama, regarding me shagging my way the place, but that was always going to happen, i'm a magnet for trouble, ultimatly no harm came of it, unlike school people are mature and can deal with this sorta stuff. Me and Dave seen Kevin Smith through in glasgow doing a Q'n'A and that was amazing, he's hilarious and very smart. This actually was quite a quiet month but good all the same. Lastly, dave got himsel a nice wee car.
November: Fairly near the end now, this month can be best defined by the fact that my parents spent almost the whole time flying between here and america, just taking shit lokad sof holidays to spite me. I had my cousins stayin in the house which is fine, i like Nat's, Connor is a wee shite but he's got a heart of gold so i find him quite funny most of the time, he's only little i guess :/ Had many's a night out here, started using Dave's I.D to get into places which works great and now i can succesfully attend all sorts of wee events and stuf without worrying about getting turned away and ruining other folks evenings. I was pretty much raped by a lesbian but that's a funnyn story to tell so i'm not angered by it. Also, i began to notice that my m8's from uni were now just becoming straight forward friends, my genral social circle. Basicly saying that we were all becoming very comfortable around each other and it looks like the next four years are gonna be plenty fun !
December: This month has been very buzy, plenty nights oot and all that, some things became very clear to me aswel which was nice. Chrsitmas was great this year, one of the best and tonight (hogmany) is bound to me electric.
So then, overall i give the year strong pass marks, i have encountered plenty over the course of the 12 months, but everything has been dealt with no problem in the end. 2010 is shaping to be great and hopefully it won't let me down.
Special thanks to te people who have made this year everything it has...
Mom,
Dad,
All the Family and friends,
Uni People,
Courtney,
The few decent folk at school,
My Dog,
And most importan;y the two folk who have really kept me going and will continue to do soo, Natalie and Dave. You have no idea, how much i depend on you guys sometimes :L
I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Smell Of The Past
Sometimes when i see certain images, or think back to events that are in the past, i can associate them with smells. Of course it's not unusual to have certain scents attached to certain people, but what i'm detailing is much more encompasing then that. It's all manner of things, time periods, months, trips, groups of people, all very strange i think.
I just noticed a ;icture y'see online a minute ago, of the Celtic stadium (Parkhead) one night in early May 2008. It's a fantastic pciture and was takin the night that Tommy Burns died. Now upoin looking at theat picture and realising the date that it comes from i thought back to that period in my life, and was greeted with this smell, not a smell that i could dfine as any particualr thing like, just s scent that for some reason fits in my mind with that part of my life.
Now, of course it could be a seasonal smell, but it doesn't comply with any other year or anything, so god knows were it comes from. But i do like it, that was a good time that May/June and the smell is positive. But their are negative points in my life that i can't attach a smell with too. Although usually these are much easier to place and work out what and why the scent is there for. Be it, the smell of certain perfumes or types of cigarettes.
On the topic, i relly don't like when their is a trace of something that has happened recently, a slight smell that is really recent but slowly fading away and you ju8st sometimes catch a random smell of it, it's kinda like a memory dissapearing, like a person leaving. It's sad :(
Okaydoke,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
I just noticed a ;icture y'see online a minute ago, of the Celtic stadium (Parkhead) one night in early May 2008. It's a fantastic pciture and was takin the night that Tommy Burns died. Now upoin looking at theat picture and realising the date that it comes from i thought back to that period in my life, and was greeted with this smell, not a smell that i could dfine as any particualr thing like, just s scent that for some reason fits in my mind with that part of my life.
Now, of course it could be a seasonal smell, but it doesn't comply with any other year or anything, so god knows were it comes from. But i do like it, that was a good time that May/June and the smell is positive. But their are negative points in my life that i can't attach a smell with too. Although usually these are much easier to place and work out what and why the scent is there for. Be it, the smell of certain perfumes or types of cigarettes.
On the topic, i relly don't like when their is a trace of something that has happened recently, a slight smell that is really recent but slowly fading away and you ju8st sometimes catch a random smell of it, it's kinda like a memory dissapearing, like a person leaving. It's sad :(
Okaydoke,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Smell Of The Past
Sometimes when i see certain images, or think back to events that are in the past, i can associate them with smells. Of course it's not unusual to have certain scents attached to certain people, but what i'm detailing is much more encompasing then that. It's all manner of things, time periods, months, trips, groups of people, all very strange i think.
I just noticed a ;icture y'see online a minute ago, of the Celtic stadium (Parkhead) one night in early May 2008. It's a fantastic pciture and was takin the night that Tommy Burns died. Now upoin looking at theat picture and realising the date that it comes from i thought back to that period in my life, and was greeted with this smell, not a smell that i could dfine as any particualr thing like, just s scent that for some reason fits in my mind with that part of my life.
Now, of course it could be a seasonal smell, but it doesn't comply with any other year or anything, so god knows were it comes from. But i do like it, that was a good time that May/June and the smell is positive. But their are negative points in my life that i can't attach a smell with too. Although usually these are much easier to place and work out what and why the scent is there for. Be it, the smell of certain perfumes or types of cigarettes.
On the topic, i relly don't like when their is a trace of something that has happened recently, a slight smell that is really recent but slowly fading away and you ju8st sometimes catch a random smell of it, it's kinda like a memory dissapearing, like a person leaving. It's sad :(
Okaydoke,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
I just noticed a ;icture y'see online a minute ago, of the Celtic stadium (Parkhead) one night in early May 2008. It's a fantastic pciture and was takin the night that Tommy Burns died. Now upoin looking at theat picture and realising the date that it comes from i thought back to that period in my life, and was greeted with this smell, not a smell that i could dfine as any particualr thing like, just s scent that for some reason fits in my mind with that part of my life.
Now, of course it could be a seasonal smell, but it doesn't comply with any other year or anything, so god knows were it comes from. But i do like it, that was a good time that May/June and the smell is positive. But their are negative points in my life that i can't attach a smell with too. Although usually these are much easier to place and work out what and why the scent is there for. Be it, the smell of certain perfumes or types of cigarettes.
On the topic, i relly don't like when their is a trace of something that has happened recently, a slight smell that is really recent but slowly fading away and you ju8st sometimes catch a random smell of it, it's kinda like a memory dissapearing, like a person leaving. It's sad :(
Okaydoke,
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Monday, 14 December 2009
A Tale From Calton Hill
Not that long ago, i was up Calton hill. Think it would have been around the 22nd of September. It was to do with some Uni assigment that me and a friend were doing as a pair. Easier that way, split the work, split the time sorta. Anyway, irrelevent point, the tale goes like this.....
Me and this girl met in town and fannnied around for abit before treking up the hill, we didn't spend too long around there and basicly after some time we came down, got food and then i left town.
Boring story yeah ? Pretty much, but recently this day has actually became a little bit more prominent in my mind. I noticed that day that this girl liked me, at the time i laughed it of, i had loads of other shit on my mind, and frankly i wasn't interested at the time. However.... Since then a lot has changed, i've noticed how sorta awesome this girl actually is. We are still friends, but with benefits, meaning when we've been at a party or what not and both drunk, we sleep together. She's not willing to commit to anything and to be honest i'm not either.
But what is important is that for the three hours or whatever that we palled about for there was a definate closeness there y'know, something that is extremelly rare. A solid connection like. I do find it difficult to open up and warm to people, but for whatever reason i found it dead easy with her, at the time i didn't give it all that much thought really, just passed it of as a lucky coincidence. I mean, in truth we hit it of from the word go on our first day like, which was a relief. Infact i'm sure if you look back long enough here, i'll have made mention of it at the time. Funny how it all pans out eh ! I'm writing like this almost as if theirs been a big fall out or something like, which ain't true. We're still dead friendly and all that that, it's just sorta upped a level and therefore gotten slightly less easy and slightly more intense.
In the end, this just makes the day on Calton Hill a little bit more interesting. Because before all the shit surrounding us now, we were just very friendly and maybe the affection i could see coming from her was a sign of things to come, maybe if i'd acted at the time things could be differant. Who knows ?
All in all, i've known this person for all of four months, and already there has been two vastly differant situations between us. I sure do act fast to fuck things up. I enjoyed how it was at the start.... I enjoyed Calton Hill. As for the situation just now.. Well, let's just say, i'm still trying to work out the benefits....
I'll be talkin to ya xx
A Tale From Calton Hill
Not that long ago, i was up Calton hill. Think it would have been around the 22nd of September. It was to do with some Uni assigment that me and a friend were doing as a pair. Easier that way, split the work, split the time sorta. Anyway, irrelevent point, the tale goes like this.....
Me and this girl met in town and fannnied around for abit before treking up the hill, we didn't spend too long around there and basicly after some time we came down, got food and then i left town.
Boring story yeah ? Pretty much, but recently this day has actually became a little bit more prominent in my mind. I noticed that day that this girl liked me, at the time i laughed it of, i had loads of other shit on my mind, and frankly i wasn't interested at the time. However.... Since then a lot has changed, i've noticed how sorta awesome this girl actually is. We are still friends, but with benefits, meaning when we've been at a party or what not and both drunk, we sleep together. She's not willing to commit to anything and to be honest i'm not either.
But what is important is that for the three hours or whatever that we palled about for there was a definate closeness there y'know, something that is extremelly rare. A solid connection like. I do find it difficult to open up and warm to people, but for whatever reason i found it dead easy with her, at the time i didn't give it all that much thought really, just passed it of as a lucky coincidence. I mean, in truth we hit it of from the word go on our first day like, which was a relief. Infact i'm sure if you look back long enough here, i'll have made mention of it at the time. Funny how it all pans out eh ! I'm writing like this almost as if theirs been a big fall out or something like, which ain't true. We're still dead friendly and all that that, it's just sorta upped a level and therefore gotten slightly less easy and slightly more intense.
In the end, this just makes the day on Calton Hill a little bit more interesting. Because before all the shit surrounding us now, we were just very friendly and maybe the affection i could see coming from her was a sign of things to come, maybe if i'd acted at the time things could be differant. Who knows ?
All in all, i've known this person for all of four months, and already there has been two vastly differant situations between us. I sure do act fast to fuck things up. I enjoyed how it was at the start.... I enjoyed Calton Hill. As for the situation just now.. Well, let's just say, i'm still trying to work out the benefits....
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Saturday, 26 September 2009
Path Taken, Opportunity Missed
I'm gonna take a little step back and look at a set of events that took place so long ago it feels like an entirelly differant life. Well, it was really only two and a half years ago, but it seems plenty more. This was back when i was clean, just a person.. No baggage, hang-up's, issues or sadness. Naive and excitable. It was in this state that i made the firt bad choice, first of many. Funniest thing is, is that it took me two years to notice how dumb i was.
Like all good stories, and most of mine, it's all to do with a girl. This oneis pretty much the forgotten girl in my life. Nothing agiainst her of course, we were both just kids. Her 13 me 14, and due to that a lack of knowledge on how to approach things. She was rather skinny, so i'll refer to her as 'Bones'. I liked her quite a lot.
We were put in touch through our frineds who had been going out for a good while. To keep things short then, we talked an talked, and i began to like her. Strange thing was, she really, really, liked me. She made it obvious and that excited me, i had never been in a scenario like that before. Liking a person who i knew for certain would be my Girlfriend if i asked. So, in typical me style... i Didn't. Not for cynical reasons though, i was just scared. Some things never change i suppose. Eventually the topic came up, quite casually infact. We just talked and agreed to become a 'couple'. However i was going to New York in a few weeks, and her living in Fife and going to school at Doller Acadamy meant i wouldn't get to see her for a long time. So i said that it would be smartest to wait until i was back from holidays. She would nearly be done with school, so we'd have the whole summer to hang out. Seemed perfect.... I promised. So therefore i had to go and fuck it all up. Yay !
This is the point in the narrative were the hero (Me) has his head turned by a villain/temptress, and loses sight of what's important and in turn loses the princess/love interest ('Bones'). So then, who is the villain in this sad little tale. Well, she was ginger and evil. So i think she'll be called 'Diablo'. Now 'Diablo' was a girl from my school who i'd gotten to know at a school camp. I had prety much forgotten her, but then she seemed to take a liking to my innocent little self.
'Diablo' was very differant to 'Bones' in everyway possible. She was obviously attractive, opposed to the subtle beauty of the (year younger) 'Bones'. loud, confident, opposed to shy. Cury and sexual, as oppsed to thin and untainted. Most iportantly she just wasn't a nice person. Just hollow, a shell. I still doubt whether she ever truelly had a feeling for me, or if she could just portay those emotions effectivly. Then we became a 'couple', completely forgetting my earlier promise to the real and infactuated 'Bones'. I didn't even realise..... So 'Diablo' hd completely changed my plans. And would again very quickly. We finished before we ever really, no more than a month. I was upset, devestated to be honest. Not because i particularly like her, just what she represented. I needed to open up, wanted somebody to talk to. Step forward (of course) .... 'Bones'. !
Seemingly not pissed of that i'd broken a promise to her in order to chase the non-existant ideals that el 'Diablo' has so clearly represented. She became a best friend to me, when i was desperate for one. Fair play to her like, if it was me i'd have been pretty angry .
So anyway, we became very close, but in a purely friendly manner. Such a relationship that probably ruined any lingering chance of a romantic scenario emerging. That, looking back, was a real fucking shame.
Now a couple of years later and a fair few doses of the 'olheartbreak later i can look back and really understand just how dumb i acted ! Their is no way i would let something like that happen now. Not a fucking chance !
I treated the poor girl like shit, and i don't think i could ever make that back up. I broke a promise. I never got a chance to anyway. I don't know her anymore, i should, but contact was lost. My loss i'd say. I hear about her occasionally throguh others and she's doing alright, changed alot presumably. I'm sure she's not caring. Christ i was stupid. So there ya'll have it. My first experience of life kicking me in the nuts and running of giggling about it. Two options, i took the wrong one. Bad times. I wonder how differant things would have been had i been smart at 14.
So that's 2007........ 2008 wass even more interesting. Keep reading people.
Like all good stories, and most of mine, it's all to do with a girl. This oneis pretty much the forgotten girl in my life. Nothing agiainst her of course, we were both just kids. Her 13 me 14, and due to that a lack of knowledge on how to approach things. She was rather skinny, so i'll refer to her as 'Bones'. I liked her quite a lot.
We were put in touch through our frineds who had been going out for a good while. To keep things short then, we talked an talked, and i began to like her. Strange thing was, she really, really, liked me. She made it obvious and that excited me, i had never been in a scenario like that before. Liking a person who i knew for certain would be my Girlfriend if i asked. So, in typical me style... i Didn't. Not for cynical reasons though, i was just scared. Some things never change i suppose. Eventually the topic came up, quite casually infact. We just talked and agreed to become a 'couple'. However i was going to New York in a few weeks, and her living in Fife and going to school at Doller Acadamy meant i wouldn't get to see her for a long time. So i said that it would be smartest to wait until i was back from holidays. She would nearly be done with school, so we'd have the whole summer to hang out. Seemed perfect.... I promised. So therefore i had to go and fuck it all up. Yay !
This is the point in the narrative were the hero (Me) has his head turned by a villain/temptress, and loses sight of what's important and in turn loses the princess/love interest ('Bones'). So then, who is the villain in this sad little tale. Well, she was ginger and evil. So i think she'll be called 'Diablo'. Now 'Diablo' was a girl from my school who i'd gotten to know at a school camp. I had prety much forgotten her, but then she seemed to take a liking to my innocent little self.
'Diablo' was very differant to 'Bones' in everyway possible. She was obviously attractive, opposed to the subtle beauty of the (year younger) 'Bones'. loud, confident, opposed to shy. Cury and sexual, as oppsed to thin and untainted. Most iportantly she just wasn't a nice person. Just hollow, a shell. I still doubt whether she ever truelly had a feeling for me, or if she could just portay those emotions effectivly. Then we became a 'couple', completely forgetting my earlier promise to the real and infactuated 'Bones'. I didn't even realise..... So 'Diablo' hd completely changed my plans. And would again very quickly. We finished before we ever really, no more than a month. I was upset, devestated to be honest. Not because i particularly like her, just what she represented. I needed to open up, wanted somebody to talk to. Step forward (of course) .... 'Bones'. !
Seemingly not pissed of that i'd broken a promise to her in order to chase the non-existant ideals that el 'Diablo' has so clearly represented. She became a best friend to me, when i was desperate for one. Fair play to her like, if it was me i'd have been pretty angry .
So anyway, we became very close, but in a purely friendly manner. Such a relationship that probably ruined any lingering chance of a romantic scenario emerging. That, looking back, was a real fucking shame.
Now a couple of years later and a fair few doses of the 'olheartbreak later i can look back and really understand just how dumb i acted ! Their is no way i would let something like that happen now. Not a fucking chance !
I treated the poor girl like shit, and i don't think i could ever make that back up. I broke a promise. I never got a chance to anyway. I don't know her anymore, i should, but contact was lost. My loss i'd say. I hear about her occasionally throguh others and she's doing alright, changed alot presumably. I'm sure she's not caring. Christ i was stupid. So there ya'll have it. My first experience of life kicking me in the nuts and running of giggling about it. Two options, i took the wrong one. Bad times. I wonder how differant things would have been had i been smart at 14.
So that's 2007........ 2008 wass even more interesting. Keep reading people.
'When you see a smile, respond. Don't look back in regret.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Path Taken, Opportunity Missed
I'm gonna take a little step back and look at a set of events that took place so long ago it feels like an entirelly differant life. Well, it was really only two and a half years ago, but it seems plenty more. This was back when i was clean, just a person.. No baggage, hang-up's, issues or sadness. Naive and excitable. It was in this state that i made the firt bad choice, first of many. Funniest thing is, is that it took me two years to notice how dumb i was.
Like all good stories, and most of mine, it's all to do with a girl. This oneis pretty much the forgotten girl in my life. Nothing agiainst her of course, we were both just kids. Her 13 me 14, and due to that a lack of knowledge on how to approach things. She was rather skinny, so i'll refer to her as 'Bones'. I liked her quite a lot.
We were put in touch through our frineds who had been going out for a good while. To keep things short then, we talked an talked, and i began to like her. Strange thing was, she really, really, liked me. She made it obvious and that excited me, i had never been in a scenario like that before. Liking a person who i knew for certain would be my Girlfriend if i asked. So, in typical me style... i Didn't. Not for cynical reasons though, i was just scared. Some things never change i suppose. Eventually the topic came up, quite casually infact. We just talked and agreed to become a 'couple'. However i was going to New York in a few weeks, and her living in Fife and going to school at Doller Acadamy meant i wouldn't get to see her for a long time. So i said that it would be smartest to wait until i was back from holidays. She would nearly be done with school, so we'd have the whole summer to hang out. Seemed perfect.... I promised. So therefore i had to go and fuck it all up. Yay !
This is the point in the narrative were the hero (Me) has his head turned by a villain/temptress, and loses sight of what's important and in turn loses the princess/love interest ('Bones'). So then, who is the villain in this sad little tale. Well, she was ginger and evil. So i think she'll be called 'Diablo'. Now 'Diablo' was a girl from my school who i'd gotten to know at a school camp. I had prety much forgotten her, but then she seemed to take a liking to my innocent little self.
'Diablo' was very differant to 'Bones' in everyway possible. She was obviously attractive, opposed to the subtle beauty of the (year younger) 'Bones'. loud, confident, opposed to shy. Cury and sexual, as oppsed to thin and untainted. Most iportantly she just wasn't a nice person. Just hollow, a shell. I still doubt whether she ever truelly had a feeling for me, or if she could just portay those emotions effectivly. Then we became a 'couple', completely forgetting my earlier promise to the real and infactuated 'Bones'. I didn't even realise..... So 'Diablo' hd completely changed my plans. And would again very quickly. We finished before we ever really, no more than a month. I was upset, devestated to be honest. Not because i particularly like her, just what she represented. I needed to open up, wanted somebody to talk to. Step forward (of course) .... 'Bones'. !
Seemingly not pissed of that i'd broken a promise to her in order to chase the non-existant ideals that el 'Diablo' has so clearly represented. She became a best friend to me, when i was desperate for one. Fair play to her like, if it was me i'd have been pretty angry .
So anyway, we became very close, but in a purely friendly manner. Such a relationship that probably ruined any lingering chance of a romantic scenario emerging. That, looking back, was a real fucking shame.
Now a couple of years later and a fair few doses of the 'olheartbreak later i can look back and really understand just how dumb i acted ! Their is no way i would let something like that happen now. Not a fucking chance !
I treated the poor girl like shit, and i don't think i could ever make that back up. I broke a promise. I never got a chance to anyway. I don't know her anymore, i should, but contact was lost. My loss i'd say. I hear about her occasionally throguh others and she's doing alright, changed alot presumably. I'm sure she's not caring. Christ i was stupid. So there ya'll have it. My first experience of life kicking me in the nuts and running of giggling about it. Two options, i took the wrong one. Bad times. I wonder how differant things would have been had i been smart at 14.
So that's 2007........ 2008 wass even more interesting. Keep reading people.
Like all good stories, and most of mine, it's all to do with a girl. This oneis pretty much the forgotten girl in my life. Nothing agiainst her of course, we were both just kids. Her 13 me 14, and due to that a lack of knowledge on how to approach things. She was rather skinny, so i'll refer to her as 'Bones'. I liked her quite a lot.
We were put in touch through our frineds who had been going out for a good while. To keep things short then, we talked an talked, and i began to like her. Strange thing was, she really, really, liked me. She made it obvious and that excited me, i had never been in a scenario like that before. Liking a person who i knew for certain would be my Girlfriend if i asked. So, in typical me style... i Didn't. Not for cynical reasons though, i was just scared. Some things never change i suppose. Eventually the topic came up, quite casually infact. We just talked and agreed to become a 'couple'. However i was going to New York in a few weeks, and her living in Fife and going to school at Doller Acadamy meant i wouldn't get to see her for a long time. So i said that it would be smartest to wait until i was back from holidays. She would nearly be done with school, so we'd have the whole summer to hang out. Seemed perfect.... I promised. So therefore i had to go and fuck it all up. Yay !
This is the point in the narrative were the hero (Me) has his head turned by a villain/temptress, and loses sight of what's important and in turn loses the princess/love interest ('Bones'). So then, who is the villain in this sad little tale. Well, she was ginger and evil. So i think she'll be called 'Diablo'. Now 'Diablo' was a girl from my school who i'd gotten to know at a school camp. I had prety much forgotten her, but then she seemed to take a liking to my innocent little self.
'Diablo' was very differant to 'Bones' in everyway possible. She was obviously attractive, opposed to the subtle beauty of the (year younger) 'Bones'. loud, confident, opposed to shy. Cury and sexual, as oppsed to thin and untainted. Most iportantly she just wasn't a nice person. Just hollow, a shell. I still doubt whether she ever truelly had a feeling for me, or if she could just portay those emotions effectivly. Then we became a 'couple', completely forgetting my earlier promise to the real and infactuated 'Bones'. I didn't even realise..... So 'Diablo' hd completely changed my plans. And would again very quickly. We finished before we ever really, no more than a month. I was upset, devestated to be honest. Not because i particularly like her, just what she represented. I needed to open up, wanted somebody to talk to. Step forward (of course) .... 'Bones'. !
Seemingly not pissed of that i'd broken a promise to her in order to chase the non-existant ideals that el 'Diablo' has so clearly represented. She became a best friend to me, when i was desperate for one. Fair play to her like, if it was me i'd have been pretty angry .
So anyway, we became very close, but in a purely friendly manner. Such a relationship that probably ruined any lingering chance of a romantic scenario emerging. That, looking back, was a real fucking shame.
Now a couple of years later and a fair few doses of the 'olheartbreak later i can look back and really understand just how dumb i acted ! Their is no way i would let something like that happen now. Not a fucking chance !
I treated the poor girl like shit, and i don't think i could ever make that back up. I broke a promise. I never got a chance to anyway. I don't know her anymore, i should, but contact was lost. My loss i'd say. I hear about her occasionally throguh others and she's doing alright, changed alot presumably. I'm sure she's not caring. Christ i was stupid. So there ya'll have it. My first experience of life kicking me in the nuts and running of giggling about it. Two options, i took the wrong one. Bad times. I wonder how differant things would have been had i been smart at 14.
So that's 2007........ 2008 wass even more interesting. Keep reading people.
'When you see a smile, respond. Don't look back in regret.'
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Dirty, Big, Secret
I never noticed the date. All day i knew that their was something important about it, but i couldn't work it out. Now it's hit me ! It's the 24th of September !!!!! Yah, that date won't mean anything to anybody except me. Cause i've never spoken about it..... Untill now.
What had happened was (as previously mentioned) this time last year i had just gone through a pretty fucked up, upsetting situation. I couldn't sleep, not well anyway, and was just starting to use medication to help. Stil occasionally do, but i really am feeling alot better ! Anyway, i'm not quite sure what happened, it's kinda a blur and it has been a year so i wouldn't expect to remeber it exactly, but i done something stupid, and it could have fucked things up seriously badly !
I don' think it was delibarate, i hope not.... But it wouldn't surprise me, if a part of me had told myself to do it, as i said, i wasn't in a good place ! Please bare in mind that i had just literary had everything i had worked on for 6 months torn away ! I'd been left completely stranded, with all my hopefull plans for the future broken. So i took too much, collapsed. Then i lost consciousness. It was not a nice night. I kept waking up, but couldn't move... I was in agony, but i couldn't make a sound, i wanted to scream so badly but everytime i opened my mouth nothing came out. For the one and only time in my life i was really scared, i din't know what was happening, i couldn't think straight ! I suppose i thought i would die. That part didn't scare me, it never has. But i was scared of how others would react, it would have been a pretty damm shit way to go anyway. I deserve a far better death then that !
However, after what must have been 4 maybe 5 hours, i relaxed, i fell asleep, and crawled into bed. When i got up the next day my house was empty ( I was given that week of school) and i walked the dog and pretty much hated myself. I still don't know whether it really was an accident or not, but i still don't trust myself. I know what i'm capable of, and why i have to avoid any chance i can get to self destruct. I'm the most dangerous thing in the world to me ! That's an oddly comforting thing actually !
Well anyway, i needed to get that of my chest, Be safe, Be lawful, love all.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
What had happened was (as previously mentioned) this time last year i had just gone through a pretty fucked up, upsetting situation. I couldn't sleep, not well anyway, and was just starting to use medication to help. Stil occasionally do, but i really am feeling alot better ! Anyway, i'm not quite sure what happened, it's kinda a blur and it has been a year so i wouldn't expect to remeber it exactly, but i done something stupid, and it could have fucked things up seriously badly !
I don' think it was delibarate, i hope not.... But it wouldn't surprise me, if a part of me had told myself to do it, as i said, i wasn't in a good place ! Please bare in mind that i had just literary had everything i had worked on for 6 months torn away ! I'd been left completely stranded, with all my hopefull plans for the future broken. So i took too much, collapsed. Then i lost consciousness. It was not a nice night. I kept waking up, but couldn't move... I was in agony, but i couldn't make a sound, i wanted to scream so badly but everytime i opened my mouth nothing came out. For the one and only time in my life i was really scared, i din't know what was happening, i couldn't think straight ! I suppose i thought i would die. That part didn't scare me, it never has. But i was scared of how others would react, it would have been a pretty damm shit way to go anyway. I deserve a far better death then that !
However, after what must have been 4 maybe 5 hours, i relaxed, i fell asleep, and crawled into bed. When i got up the next day my house was empty ( I was given that week of school) and i walked the dog and pretty much hated myself. I still don't know whether it really was an accident or not, but i still don't trust myself. I know what i'm capable of, and why i have to avoid any chance i can get to self destruct. I'm the most dangerous thing in the world to me ! That's an oddly comforting thing actually !
Well anyway, i needed to get that of my chest, Be safe, Be lawful, love all.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
Dirty, Big, Secret
I never noticed the date. All day i knew that their was something important about it, but i couldn't work it out. Now it's hit me ! It's the 24th of September !!!!! Yah, that date won't mean anything to anybody except me. Cause i've never spoken about it..... Untill now.
What had happened was (as previously mentioned) this time last year i had just gone through a pretty fucked up, upsetting situation. I couldn't sleep, not well anyway, and was just starting to use medication to help. Stil occasionally do, but i really am feeling alot better ! Anyway, i'm not quite sure what happened, it's kinda a blur and it has been a year so i wouldn't expect to remeber it exactly, but i done something stupid, and it could have fucked things up seriously badly !
I don' think it was delibarate, i hope not.... But it wouldn't surprise me, if a part of me had told myself to do it, as i said, i wasn't in a good place ! Please bare in mind that i had just literary had everything i had worked on for 6 months torn away ! I'd been left completely stranded, with all my hopefull plans for the future broken. So i took too much, collapsed. Then i lost consciousness. It was not a nice night. I kept waking up, but couldn't move... I was in agony, but i couldn't make a sound, i wanted to scream so badly but everytime i opened my mouth nothing came out. For the one and only time in my life i was really scared, i din't know what was happening, i couldn't think straight ! I suppose i thought i would die. That part didn't scare me, it never has. But i was scared of how others would react, it would have been a pretty damm shit way to go anyway. I deserve a far better death then that !
However, after what must have been 4 maybe 5 hours, i relaxed, i fell asleep, and crawled into bed. When i got up the next day my house was empty ( I was given that week of school) and i walked the dog and pretty much hated myself. I still don't know whether it really was an accident or not, but i still don't trust myself. I know what i'm capable of, and why i have to avoid any chance i can get to self destruct. I'm the most dangerous thing in the world to me ! That's an oddly comforting thing actually !
Well anyway, i needed to get that of my chest, Be safe, Be lawful, love all.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
What had happened was (as previously mentioned) this time last year i had just gone through a pretty fucked up, upsetting situation. I couldn't sleep, not well anyway, and was just starting to use medication to help. Stil occasionally do, but i really am feeling alot better ! Anyway, i'm not quite sure what happened, it's kinda a blur and it has been a year so i wouldn't expect to remeber it exactly, but i done something stupid, and it could have fucked things up seriously badly !
I don' think it was delibarate, i hope not.... But it wouldn't surprise me, if a part of me had told myself to do it, as i said, i wasn't in a good place ! Please bare in mind that i had just literary had everything i had worked on for 6 months torn away ! I'd been left completely stranded, with all my hopefull plans for the future broken. So i took too much, collapsed. Then i lost consciousness. It was not a nice night. I kept waking up, but couldn't move... I was in agony, but i couldn't make a sound, i wanted to scream so badly but everytime i opened my mouth nothing came out. For the one and only time in my life i was really scared, i din't know what was happening, i couldn't think straight ! I suppose i thought i would die. That part didn't scare me, it never has. But i was scared of how others would react, it would have been a pretty damm shit way to go anyway. I deserve a far better death then that !
However, after what must have been 4 maybe 5 hours, i relaxed, i fell asleep, and crawled into bed. When i got up the next day my house was empty ( I was given that week of school) and i walked the dog and pretty much hated myself. I still don't know whether it really was an accident or not, but i still don't trust myself. I know what i'm capable of, and why i have to avoid any chance i can get to self destruct. I'm the most dangerous thing in the world to me ! That's an oddly comforting thing actually !
Well anyway, i needed to get that of my chest, Be safe, Be lawful, love all.
I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx
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