It Ain't Easy Being Steve

If you allow me, this is really just gonna be a really boring, long-winded account of why sometimes i'm a total arse. I'm basicly writing it as part of this self improvment plan i'm setting uf for myself. I'm kinda being harsh on myself here by the way, but nobody try and talk me own from this haha. It's neccessary. Hope i spelt that write.... ? Right, away we go.

1. Well i'm insecure, crazily so ! I mange to hide it like all the time, but it's not nice. I constantly think that things are going to turn against me. And that people are annoyed at me. I read too much into near enough every little peice of shit. Bad times like :/

2. I've got an addictive personality. Like, no matter what the hell it is, if i do it more then a few times, i always crave it more. Lucky for me i suppose i'm 100% aware of this. It's s just the fact that it's a constant fact in my head that there is a the strong possibilty that i could one day fuck myself over with some addiction or some bollocks.

3. I am far too comfertable in my own company. I like to go long wanders with just my little self, occasionaly the dog accompanies actually. I like to get away from people (and indoors) and walk. Just walk anyplace, get a good wee think in about stuff. It's a help, but also bad, cause it allows me to again overthink everything.

4. My self confidence is horribly low at times. Again, i pretend to be all happy and vibrant and bullshit, but to be honest i've got no real believe in myself to achive jack shit. It's just a case of me being almost too nervous to attmept things and therefore i don't get the chance to achieve anything. Not good !

5. I'm soo fucking wasy it's not real. I know that it's pretty rare for a guy to say that, cause it's a thing that people usually aim at girls, but i totally fall into that catogory. I usually end up sleeping with somebody if i'm out and about. It's actually now just become an accepted part of my weekend, or recently weekdays aswel :/ I've accepted that it'll happen and (not gonna lie) it was fun at first. It's lost it's appeal however now. But i keep going with it. Buuuuut, i like the emotional aspect of it y'know. I need to feel that people want me, or atleast find me attractive. It's pathetic, but it just makes me feel better about myself when it comes down to it.

6. I miss people to much, i can't stand losing people. I dwell on that shit for ages too. Even things that don't really matter, i make them matter in my head. I create some illusion of me losing something important. I know that a lot of the time it is just me over-reacting but still... I hate it.

7. I fall in love. Okay, so people are thinking that it's not all that bad a thing. But sometimes it is. See i do it far too much. Therefore this ties into the previous thingy. It varies of course. There has of course been the one extremelly important love situation, but theres also a fair few stupid little things that have floated about throughout the last few years. These feelings do lift me up, but invariably knock me back down later. Worse then any fucking drug. Like ya read about.

8. I'm quite a conflicted person. My mood can change oten, depending on every little thing. One minute i'll be delighted, the next as low as the floor. I think that's sorta normal though, but still, need it sorted haha.

Okay, i think that's everything really. Well, i bet i'll turn this off, and then a shit load more stuff will hit me in the head to write about, but i'll leave it at this. It's a winy, self indulgent piece of shit anyway. But it's doing a job.

Badabing- badaboom.

I'll Be Talkin To Ya XxX