Forever Is Always

It's totally fucking impossible to navigate everything perfectly without ruining it all, or at least ruining something ! I just keep falling into traps, not even new traps, sometimes the same old ones, that I've navigated and fallen into before ! It's just one constant hurdle after another, and you don't even realise it untill it's too late, and people are burst, ruined and mighty pissed off !

All I want, seriously is the path of least resistance. I like when people say the right things, do what I like and make me feel good. The kinda person that does that serves to make me feel comfortable and in doing so I can't help but fall into them every so often, it's simple like that. but I cannot help but feel bad, for the good of their act is not justified by what I can offer in return. I honestly do feel like an empty vessel. I can't feel genuine emotions for the situation, merely the ones that I force because I think I have too. It's no secret, but maybe it's not fair...

So where do I see myself moving ? To be fair, it's very hard to say. I have this idea, an elusive notion so to speak. Theirs no defonative answer yet, no real salvation. But I'd the rumours are to be believed a hurricane might soon be hitting, a perfect storm. We shall see. Maybe I am finally going to find what I've been hunting for since I realised what is was exactly, that special something, that intrigue and awe. Of course it's just smoke & Mirrors just now and so it will most likely to remain for months yet. If it's worth it, it will be a long process, I don't want to rush and screw anything up. I gotta look clearly and be sure of what I'm doing. A problem I've failed at before. I just have to keep calm and not be like an over-excited fool ! This could even be something special ! Here's hoping, and here's looking at you kid. Play nice.

I'll Be Talkin' To Yaa xxx