Woken Up

For the last few weeks I've been floating by on my own little cloud of optimism... Optimism, happiness, hope all that shit. It was nice. Those moments are far to rare, but I supppose that makes them better.

I've snapped out of it now. I have stared right into the eyes of the 'ugly' truth and couldn't fight it. It was there to be accepted, always was I suppose. Is it really bad that I just hoped that for once things were swinging in my favour ?

Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see, well I did actually, who doesn't though ? I done what I needed to do, but it was logical, all paths seemed to be leading there. And it felt differant, how it used to feel... Real. It wasn't.

I need to learn, learn to accept the facts. What I want, need, crave the most Is no longer in existance, it hasn't been for close to a year ! Yet whenever my imagination seizes on the slightest crumb of hope I'm away ! It's pathetic. I suck, seriously, I'm one of the most useless, spineless, whiney little bastards on the planet. I fucking hate myself. Seriously, I'm a waste of space. I am a complete and utter nobody. Full of grand plans, dreams and hope. Whilst in reality all I am is a sad, lonely little shit, who will never amount to nothing. I cannot be satisfied, and will not be, unless the impossible sneaks up on me. Not gonna happen though. I truelly am the archatect of my own misery. No one to blame but me. Scream, shout... Do what the fuck you want, I don't care, not now, not this time ! I'm done. I'm just gonna down tools, accept I'm in the past, theirs a path, a good, succesful one. I'm just not on it...

FUCK !!!!!!

I need saved again, it's not been this bad in a long time. Sleepin pills it is, I'm a dick.

Sleep tight lovers.

I'll be talkin yo ya xx