This Hard !

It is so wrong of me to act this way ? Really ?

I missed the opportunites, sure, i suppose it was obvious and what was on offer was what i think i want. But why should i suffer because i didn't take the chance. The reason i didn't was a good one. I didn't want to risk losing a friendship , not yet, i was comfortable like that, i'd grown used to it.

So now, the chnace is gone, and the friendship has probably went with it. Yeah, sure, i made a mistake, an error of judgement, but i was just trying to do the right thing. It's happened before...

Friends-Together-Fallout-Not talking-Lost a friend......

And seriously, how many times can that be salvaged ?

How come when i think, and try and act all nice and shit, does everything get fucked up ! I don't like it. I don't know if even i can fix this, not now.

I know that within a few weeks, if things keep declining, i'll look back on last Friday/Saturday and see that as my chance....
The chance i never took.....
The chance i let slip away.....
The one i fucked up.

I'll identify it and question my actions, as i forget the way i felt, right at that moment. But for now i know i was right, i make the best decision i could, to try and safeguard something that's important. Maybe it didn't work, What can i do ? Fuck all

I'll be talkin to ya xx