One Year Gone

In about an hour, it will be the 18th of May 2009. Exactley a year to the day that my life changed forever.

I'm gonna put down here, something i wrote a few month back, which i think is pretty fitting for this date. Enjoy....

The last year has been the hardest of my life. I went from being the happiest guy in the world to being completely stranded. And part of me wants to blame you, and be angry and bitter, but the other part of me won't allow it. I mean, i still don't fully understand what happened, and i don't think i ever really will.

Look, the fact is, what you did, i think you have you're reasons, but i don't think i deserved it ! And you might not know it, but i took a huge risk with you, the biggest i've ever taken. I didn't plan on it, but i allowed it, i let you get inside me, i let you get to know me, meet my real friends and my family, and let you see the part of my world and myself that i hide from everyone else. I didn't need to do that, but i did. And y'know what.... I'm fucking glad for it ! Because no matter what problems you found, for me you were amazing, perfect almost, everything i wanted or needed. And the good outweighs the bad, even after everything that's happened when i think of you i still smile and remember my favourite moments with you....

Standing behind you, watchin fireworks at disney, sneaking up the stairs at 4 in the morning on my birthday, just to lie beside you, before my parents let us sleep together haha. When your mom went home last August, and you left her at the airport and walked up and hugged me, i felt like i really mattered, y'know, that i was important. And you just made me feel indestructable, nothing ever worried or bothered me when i had you.

It's just, it's just...... The way you're head always hit the right spot on my shoulder, how perfectly you fit into my arms, and how our hands would always find each others.......

The way you're always warm, even when it;s freezing, and how cute you looked when you slept beside me. The way that you always put yourself down, even though we both know that i think you're the most beautiful girl in the entire world....

How whenever your name pops up on my phone i smile and just can't help it. Our wee random kisses and hugs, just cause we could, You're touch, you're smile, smell, everything !

Just the way you fell into my arms when you cried, and then apologised for crying, even though you knew t wasn't a problem, how you told me you loved me, and how i felt when you said it. How you would say ' I miss you' and i would miss you even more....

And how when you cried, i just wanted to fix everything, to stop anything from hurting you. And whether you love me, hate me, or just want me to piss of, it doesn't matter ! Not, one, bit....

Because for the first time in my life, no matter what you mean to anyone else, or what i mean to youyou are everthing to me.

And everytime i look in you're eyes, we could say a million things without ever having to speak, and i just knew i was completely consumed by you.

Fact is, i love you for a million reasons, and no words, or paper can ever get close to explaining it, because i'ts not from the mind, but from the heart, a feeling, only felt.

And if this is to be the last time i see you, i want you to know that for the time we were together, not once did i ever try to bullshit you, or hurt you, and i tried... I tried really fucking hard, maybe too hard in the end, but you deserved it ! Because the thing is, i love you, and you taught me how to love. And for that i'll always be grateful, you changed me forever, thankyou.

This doesn't have to be the end of our story, you do not have to close the book. The future is a long time, and fuck knows what could happen. So i'm going to turn around and walk away, but i promise you, if you ever want to catch me, i'll not be far away....

You could catch me if you tried... and if you do that just once, i promise to be there, to catch you... Forever.

I Love You.

So there you have it, a wee bit of something that i wrote (and actualyly used) just before the new year. It's pretty difficult to read through actually, it's still raw. Things are better now however.

Feel free to give your opinions !

Love y'all and Leave Ya's....

I'll be talkin to ya xxx