Confused

It's really late saturday night, or really early Sunday morning, depending on how you want to look at it. I've had a brillinat few days, friday/Saturday, been out the house having fun for most of the time. Spend last night and this afternoon, through at some random spot in Fife, cause a girl invited me up to stay there, and meet her family etc, was pretty good fun, didn't get any sleep last night though ! Was too light outside and wasn't in bed till 5ish anyway. This afternoon, i was out and about with her in some wee towns and shit, then just lounged around the house, then train back to Edinburgh, home for a half hour shower and chinese, then back out again. This time to go camping. I don't like camping though, so i came home when it started to get really cold etc. The girl i was with went home too, she's back at her place now, looking after a drunken friend of mine.

So what is with the title of the post then ? Well for once it's up front and simple. I generally am fucking confused. So, this girl yeah, i have no idea what she's playin at. Sadly i do like her, which is no-use, cause i don't want to like anyone ! But i kinda do. But the weird thing is, it's not har to see, so i'm guessin she knows, but she also seems to like me, but nothing ever really seems to happen in terms of relationshipy shit. This wold all be fine, but it's strange, cause she's constantly asking me to do stuff, and had me meet like her entire family this weekend ! So i donno, what does she really want ? I just can't work it all out.. Especially now, as i've had about 2 hours of sleep in 48 hours, and i'm now actually just deliberatly trying to test how long i can go without sleeping, just for a mother fucking giggle !

Jesus, i'm sure i'm going crazy ! I actually sat through a fim called 'Help, I'm a fish'... It's stupid, the stuff i do sommetimes to please others and seriously what do i get in return ? Fuck all is what, apart from the obvious anyway, But i'm never happy with that, i need things to be real and promised ! That however does sound slightly gay, and hypocritical aswel, considering my actions of the last few months anyway ! But it's true, as i stated before, it's all about feeling.

Looking at all the shit objectivly, i'd have to say that nothing will come of this, as it just doesn't seem to be on the cards, whilst all the hinting and chances are placed down, nothing seems to happen. And i'm sure as hell not gonna stretch out and make a first move, no way ! Not considering what happened the last time i tried that, not good ! But like, what should i do, ccasuse it's one of those cases were i could severely fuck up a good thing, just cause of some daft, insastionable need to feel close to something or somehow, as the case may be. Whilst some others would die to have the chances that i get, i'd swap it all to have one, but one thing that was real, and that would last. But i'm not holding my breath, i suppose time will decide what's going to happen. Not that i'm just gonna be sittin here, moaning the entire but ! Schemes are already in place, and the plan is in motion, as i type ! Boom !

Okay, i'm finished. Byes....

I'll be talkin to yaa xxx