A Kind Of Elusion

Maybe it's all as simple as this: Nothing is real, everything can be fixed. Until the very end.
Or maybe not... If only, but theirs some times were i'm pretty sure that no matter how hard i try or wish, a situation is really gone, past me, nothing i can do to solve the problem or anything. I can deal with that though, it's cool, it's better then worrying i suppose.

I'll come clean, of late i've been messed up pretty bad by a girl ( you may have noticed). This girl though was never some major, important part of my life ! No.. I knew her for like two weeks at tops, and it was great, yeah, but i was never serious with it, and never intended to get 'involved'. I could tell she wasn't the commitment type from the get go, that's what i wanted truth be told. But.... (always a but) I was dumb as fuck and might have stumbled too far into it all, and now even though it's clear as day it's over, i'm begining to wish that i could go again ! Why ? Christ knows, i'm 100 percent certain i can go and get another person without much effort, but this girl really was differant, i let myself get attached (all be it accidently) because their was a connection, the so called 'elusive spark' ! Haha, this is just silly, but i can't help it !!

Doesn't matter anyway now, she's away with some other guy and once again i'm on my Sweeney Todd. Used to this though so it's not a problem, i'll get over it, i have my own 'methods' most people probbably wouldn't approve, but fuck them ! I don't care, i can do whatever i need to in order to feel better whether they like it or not ! If anyother preachy mother-fuckers try and tell what i should or shouldn't do, i swear i'll castrate them with a razer blade ! Possibly slightly extreme actually.... Yeah ok, i'll just leave at a simple punch or something.. Happy ? Good, bet you're glad !

Oooh, to whom it may concern... I AM NOT A BLOODY EMO !!! I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF... I'M NOT A DAILY SELF FUCKING HARMER.... AND I'M NOT PARANOID ! .... yet

Apologies for the rant.

I don't like people who try and label me, none of their business like !

Ahhh, seriously, how do i get myself into these situations ! It's like one crazy drama after another. I wish did have a real person i could actually talk to sometimes. Can't afford a therapy session though ! And really nobody who i know would probably believe the stupid shit i get caught up in, no wonder, sometimes i can't believe it. The last time i can remember being completely care free would be like close to two years ago, in New York. After that things have just went mad, i've changed alot, but that seems to be a daily occurence like.

Take the wind with the clouds, and the sun with the rain. Keep moving on, cause seriously, things have to improve. I hope.

I'll be talkin to Yaaa xxx