It's always down to moments, split seconds, mere minutes.
Some of the most important events that i've ever experienced or been through have been down to split second decisions, spur of the momonet thoughts. It's scary really. That at any moment something could happen that can through your life in any direction, sometimes the complete oppostie of where you actually saw it headed. Just when you think you have it all worked out you sit down and something occurs to you that makes you re-evaluate and re-think. I'll never understand how this is.
It's these moments that we live and die by. Whether it's planned or just a spur of the moment though, our actions still count, they don't get washed away if we made the choice based on a circumstance that later might not be an issue, or was just at the time a pressing concern. It's not who we are underneath or how we think, but what we do that defines us. And sometimes a person can come out looking bad, without having any malice or desire to do so.
My life has been full of these moments and will conitniue to do so. I'm famously bad at choosing the correct option in these scenarios and probably always will be, but i accept that. I've learned to expect dissapointment, one day i'll get it all right hopefully, but that isn't going to be today. At the moment all i can do is continue to exist and make sure that i enjoy what i do.
For no reason at all today i feel weird, i can't place the reasons, i should be at my happiest for ages, but it just seems to be the way of it with me. I have this habit of making things difficult for myself. But fuck it, i'll just have to cheer up, i suppose i have a reason to be cheerful now. I appreciate that, and no matter what sorta split second decisions i'm faced, i promise i will not allow myself to fuck this one up.
Addicted.
I'll be talkin to ya xxx
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