Anybody Reading ever had that weird sense at some point that you are hated ? Disliked etc... Despite the fact that on front value everything is ok. To me atm, it sorta feels like that. A friend of mine I don't think actually wants to be, this upsets me.
Now of course there's more to it then just that. I feel like I lit this fire & now it won't go out, I really did cause the problems, I'll accept that now, and in all truth I don't deserve a friend from it. I want one though but, I honestly want to be the best friend I can be to this person, despite my shitty behaviour ! Y'see this is somebody who I would class as possibly a great friend, one of my best. And I want to try my very hardest to be that to them.
I just think though that despite the fact that we do talk and get on I feel that I really wouldn't be much of a loss if I dissapeared and I find that sad, especially when it's entirely possible to have a great friendship there. I don't deserve that, course not, but it won't stop me from trying.. Even if I don't like the shoes...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
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