Feeling

I Hate It !

How i can't go more than a day without having some huge breakdown ! I miss how i used to not care, didn't know any better. But it's not as simple anymore, i've been there too many times, should no better. But still i want it !

I don't even know what 'it' is anymore. I just know it when it's there, and i hate when it's not ! I felt it 4 weeks ago, but in the last two it's dissapeared again ! The only thing i can be sure of is that whenever i feel as happy as it makes me, it always leads to unhappiness, that's just the way it is. Nothing i or anyone else can do, it's a never ending fucking cycle !

However, i do need to feel something, and soon ! I don't care what, or even who, i just need something to happen, anything ! Please, please, please. I'm at a new low, even though the loss doesn't hurt nearly as much this time, it's the realisation that's killing me ! I wish this could be the last time, but i'm not clever enough to make it that, i'll fall, again and again, I'm addicted !

Fuck Sake Let me Feel something ! God damm it, i need it, just a change, something new or old i don't give a shit ! Please.... LET ME FUCKING FEEL SOMETHING !!!!!!

I need help, somebody please... Please, anyone ? ..... Help me .......

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx