"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes.... all you need is one."
~ Peyton Sawyer (One Tree Hill)
I'll Be Talkin To Yaa xxx
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Thursday, 7 May 2009
This Hard !
It is so wrong of me to act this way ? Really ?
I missed the opportunites, sure, i suppose it was obvious and what was on offer was what i think i want. But why should i suffer because i didn't take the chance. The reason i didn't was a good one. I didn't want to risk losing a friendship , not yet, i was comfortable like that, i'd grown used to it.
So now, the chnace is gone, and the friendship has probably went with it. Yeah, sure, i made a mistake, an error of judgement, but i was just trying to do the right thing. It's happened before...
Friends-Together-Fallout-Not talking-Lost a friend......
And seriously, how many times can that be salvaged ?
How come when i think, and try and act all nice and shit, does everything get fucked up ! I don't like it. I don't know if even i can fix this, not now.
I know that within a few weeks, if things keep declining, i'll look back on last Friday/Saturday and see that as my chance....
The chance i never took.....
The chance i let slip away.....
The one i fucked up.
I'll identify it and question my actions, as i forget the way i felt, right at that moment. But for now i know i was right, i make the best decision i could, to try and safeguard something that's important. Maybe it didn't work, What can i do ? Fuck all
I'll be talkin to ya xx
I missed the opportunites, sure, i suppose it was obvious and what was on offer was what i think i want. But why should i suffer because i didn't take the chance. The reason i didn't was a good one. I didn't want to risk losing a friendship , not yet, i was comfortable like that, i'd grown used to it.
So now, the chnace is gone, and the friendship has probably went with it. Yeah, sure, i made a mistake, an error of judgement, but i was just trying to do the right thing. It's happened before...
Friends-Together-Fallout-Not talking-Lost a friend......
And seriously, how many times can that be salvaged ?
How come when i think, and try and act all nice and shit, does everything get fucked up ! I don't like it. I don't know if even i can fix this, not now.
I know that within a few weeks, if things keep declining, i'll look back on last Friday/Saturday and see that as my chance....
The chance i never took.....
The chance i let slip away.....
The one i fucked up.
I'll identify it and question my actions, as i forget the way i felt, right at that moment. But for now i know i was right, i make the best decision i could, to try and safeguard something that's important. Maybe it didn't work, What can i do ? Fuck all
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Sick
Hmm, I feel sick !
Sore head etc, see if it's the bloody swine flu. though... ! Well, i might get in the newspaper .....
Oft, Feel like i'm gonna hurl.
I'll be talkin to yaa x
Sore head etc, see if it's the bloody swine flu. though... ! Well, i might get in the newspaper .....
Oft, Feel like i'm gonna hurl.
I'll be talkin to yaa x
Time Up, Over, Bye
Why is it, that nothing good can last ? Why must everything special slowly die ?
One month it lasted and for what it was, it was perfect. Sure, in reality it wasn't anything. A collection of random occurences, a long, long line of non-events. But so what ? It was fun, i felt good. Most importantly, i felt happy.
From the view i've got now however, it's over. The chance is gone and i missed the boat. An exciting part of my life sailed of without me. Why though ? Was it an inability on my part to act ? But i kinda did... Or ws it just another case of somebody moving on, backing out ?... Most frightening though, what if their was never anything ? Maybe it was all just a fanciful dream of mine, a flicker in my head thats ended up causing a fucking fire. Evidence can suggest either, but it's bothering me.
Again though, i shouldn't let this affect me. I have far more presing things that i should be worried about, exams mainly, but i''m struggling to focus, i'm being dragged down, mainly by myself in truth. It's been such a strange few months. When i should have been focusing on studying, i've been up and down so many times, dragged through the mud but done so willingly, always after moments of brillinace, seeking to satisfy my addiction.
So, what can i say ? It seems that another point in my life is over, a month that whilst meaning everything to me for the time it lasted, will prove to be nothing but one brief moment in my life, a long line of cause and effect. It will add to me. She will prove to be just another aquaintance, another who got away, an opportunity wasted... But don't be down. Appreciate it for what it was, and loook back and enjoy the memories. It was great, now it's gone. Shit, Deal with it !
Whilst everything good must fade, i pray for a miracle...
As always...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
One month it lasted and for what it was, it was perfect. Sure, in reality it wasn't anything. A collection of random occurences, a long, long line of non-events. But so what ? It was fun, i felt good. Most importantly, i felt happy.
From the view i've got now however, it's over. The chance is gone and i missed the boat. An exciting part of my life sailed of without me. Why though ? Was it an inability on my part to act ? But i kinda did... Or ws it just another case of somebody moving on, backing out ?... Most frightening though, what if their was never anything ? Maybe it was all just a fanciful dream of mine, a flicker in my head thats ended up causing a fucking fire. Evidence can suggest either, but it's bothering me.
Again though, i shouldn't let this affect me. I have far more presing things that i should be worried about, exams mainly, but i''m struggling to focus, i'm being dragged down, mainly by myself in truth. It's been such a strange few months. When i should have been focusing on studying, i've been up and down so many times, dragged through the mud but done so willingly, always after moments of brillinace, seeking to satisfy my addiction.
So, what can i say ? It seems that another point in my life is over, a month that whilst meaning everything to me for the time it lasted, will prove to be nothing but one brief moment in my life, a long line of cause and effect. It will add to me. She will prove to be just another aquaintance, another who got away, an opportunity wasted... But don't be down. Appreciate it for what it was, and loook back and enjoy the memories. It was great, now it's gone. Shit, Deal with it !
Whilst everything good must fade, i pray for a miracle...
As always...
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Monday, 4 May 2009
I Think I ....
Howdy !
Getting my dvd back !!! Finally, took over a month and a half, but it's changed hands and it's gettin back to my good self. Scared little Bitch couldn't give it back herself though, clearly not got the backbone to actually look at me, after what she done, but still fuck her and the horse she rode in on ! I'm gettin the infinite playlist back. Woop !
So what's happening. Well, going on todays evidence, it looks as if i might well have screwed up the best thing going for me at the moment ! Such is life. I have a bad habit of this. I could gather this was gonna happen as early as Saturday, but in truth i thought i was just being paranoid, due to past situations, but once again, i proved myself right. Totally KB'd today by her and when contact was reached it was barely warm ! Haha. Wat a fucking mess !
I don't know why i'm so concerned though, i shouldn't be feeling this way, i promised i wouldn't, not again for christ sake !!
Aaahhhhhh, At least i'm used to it by now...
Signing out,
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Getting my dvd back !!! Finally, took over a month and a half, but it's changed hands and it's gettin back to my good self. Scared little Bitch couldn't give it back herself though, clearly not got the backbone to actually look at me, after what she done, but still fuck her and the horse she rode in on ! I'm gettin the infinite playlist back. Woop !
So what's happening. Well, going on todays evidence, it looks as if i might well have screwed up the best thing going for me at the moment ! Such is life. I have a bad habit of this. I could gather this was gonna happen as early as Saturday, but in truth i thought i was just being paranoid, due to past situations, but once again, i proved myself right. Totally KB'd today by her and when contact was reached it was barely warm ! Haha. Wat a fucking mess !
I don't know why i'm so concerned though, i shouldn't be feeling this way, i promised i wouldn't, not again for christ sake !!
Aaahhhhhh, At least i'm used to it by now...
Signing out,
I'll be talkin to ya xx
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Confused
It's really late saturday night, or really early Sunday morning, depending on how you want to look at it. I've had a brillinat few days, friday/Saturday, been out the house having fun for most of the time. Spend last night and this afternoon, through at some random spot in Fife, cause a girl invited me up to stay there, and meet her family etc, was pretty good fun, didn't get any sleep last night though ! Was too light outside and wasn't in bed till 5ish anyway. This afternoon, i was out and about with her in some wee towns and shit, then just lounged around the house, then train back to Edinburgh, home for a half hour shower and chinese, then back out again. This time to go camping. I don't like camping though, so i came home when it started to get really cold etc. The girl i was with went home too, she's back at her place now, looking after a drunken friend of mine.
So what is with the title of the post then ? Well for once it's up front and simple. I generally am fucking confused. So, this girl yeah, i have no idea what she's playin at. Sadly i do like her, which is no-use, cause i don't want to like anyone ! But i kinda do. But the weird thing is, it's not har to see, so i'm guessin she knows, but she also seems to like me, but nothing ever really seems to happen in terms of relationshipy shit. This wold all be fine, but it's strange, cause she's constantly asking me to do stuff, and had me meet like her entire family this weekend ! So i donno, what does she really want ? I just can't work it all out.. Especially now, as i've had about 2 hours of sleep in 48 hours, and i'm now actually just deliberatly trying to test how long i can go without sleeping, just for a mother fucking giggle !
Jesus, i'm sure i'm going crazy ! I actually sat through a fim called 'Help, I'm a fish'... It's stupid, the stuff i do sommetimes to please others and seriously what do i get in return ? Fuck all is what, apart from the obvious anyway, But i'm never happy with that, i need things to be real and promised ! That however does sound slightly gay, and hypocritical aswel, considering my actions of the last few months anyway ! But it's true, as i stated before, it's all about feeling.
Looking at all the shit objectivly, i'd have to say that nothing will come of this, as it just doesn't seem to be on the cards, whilst all the hinting and chances are placed down, nothing seems to happen. And i'm sure as hell not gonna stretch out and make a first move, no way ! Not considering what happened the last time i tried that, not good ! But like, what should i do, ccasuse it's one of those cases were i could severely fuck up a good thing, just cause of some daft, insastionable need to feel close to something or somehow, as the case may be. Whilst some others would die to have the chances that i get, i'd swap it all to have one, but one thing that was real, and that would last. But i'm not holding my breath, i suppose time will decide what's going to happen. Not that i'm just gonna be sittin here, moaning the entire but ! Schemes are already in place, and the plan is in motion, as i type ! Boom !
Okay, i'm finished. Byes....
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
So what is with the title of the post then ? Well for once it's up front and simple. I generally am fucking confused. So, this girl yeah, i have no idea what she's playin at. Sadly i do like her, which is no-use, cause i don't want to like anyone ! But i kinda do. But the weird thing is, it's not har to see, so i'm guessin she knows, but she also seems to like me, but nothing ever really seems to happen in terms of relationshipy shit. This wold all be fine, but it's strange, cause she's constantly asking me to do stuff, and had me meet like her entire family this weekend ! So i donno, what does she really want ? I just can't work it all out.. Especially now, as i've had about 2 hours of sleep in 48 hours, and i'm now actually just deliberatly trying to test how long i can go without sleeping, just for a mother fucking giggle !
Jesus, i'm sure i'm going crazy ! I actually sat through a fim called 'Help, I'm a fish'... It's stupid, the stuff i do sommetimes to please others and seriously what do i get in return ? Fuck all is what, apart from the obvious anyway, But i'm never happy with that, i need things to be real and promised ! That however does sound slightly gay, and hypocritical aswel, considering my actions of the last few months anyway ! But it's true, as i stated before, it's all about feeling.
Looking at all the shit objectivly, i'd have to say that nothing will come of this, as it just doesn't seem to be on the cards, whilst all the hinting and chances are placed down, nothing seems to happen. And i'm sure as hell not gonna stretch out and make a first move, no way ! Not considering what happened the last time i tried that, not good ! But like, what should i do, ccasuse it's one of those cases were i could severely fuck up a good thing, just cause of some daft, insastionable need to feel close to something or somehow, as the case may be. Whilst some others would die to have the chances that i get, i'd swap it all to have one, but one thing that was real, and that would last. But i'm not holding my breath, i suppose time will decide what's going to happen. Not that i'm just gonna be sittin here, moaning the entire but ! Schemes are already in place, and the plan is in motion, as i type ! Boom !
Okay, i'm finished. Byes....
I'll be talkin to yaa xxx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
