Like The Deserts Miss The Rain

It's been a very long summer for me. I've really Been 'on vacation' since mid-May. Which means that when I'm starting uni (September 7th) I'll have been doing my own thing for the best part of four months ! Mad eh ! But it has given me more time to think then i'd usually have, and with that a chance to really sort out my priorities.

What has dawned on me is that theirs one person who means as much to me as anyone, despite maybe not deserving such affection. It shouldn't have came as a surprise ! It's probably obvious to everyone but I do try and pretend that I can do without.... Truth is I can't, not at all.

I last saw her late June (26th) and since then she has went home for the summer. Last year it wasn't too difficult as we managed to meet up and afterwards talk almost everyday, sometimes fir more then ten hours at a time, sounds boring and pathetic, but it was something special , to be able to talk so much with a person with no breaks for such a long time. That kinda thing really confirms a strong bond.

This years been completely differant though. A few small chats here and there, but nothing major. We don't have the same relationship we had last year, or atleast we tell ourselves that, and therefore we aren't waiting patiently to speech to each other. She has new people and I do too I suppose. But nothing anywere near what their was between us. And I'd bet that works both ways ! It'll take a he'll of a lot to be in the same league as that, probably the most affection a person can feel for another, first love ? Maybe. Real love ? Definatly.

But for the first time, I'm going to admit the obvious. Despite acting as if it's not the case ! I'll just put it out there, despite it being really hard to admit.

I fucking miss her. Like so much that when I'm on my own I actually feel ill. It annoys me, that I can't get out of my system. I probably never will ! Every girl I've met since then is a substitute and fuck all more. I look for peices of her in any girl that has the bad luck of crossing my path. I don't feel the same way with any of the though. And so I pretty much just limit myself to one night only things. If I can't find anybody who in some way reminds me of you, I just pick the most damaged, crazy, screwed up person I can find, and that can't end up good for either side.

Basicly you were perfect, what I'd spend forever looking for and what I've lost and will maybe never find again ! I just miss you so much and I love you to peices, despite what happened. Their will always be something between us, it's just a question of whether we are. Willing to go through it all again.

I know you might be Reading, if so I'm sorry, but you know it anyways, and you know it's true. At some point we're both going to have to stop running, especially now that we're running in the same direction. It's just a question of when !

'I've seen your act, but I know the facts, I'm still in love with you, I wish you were hear'

I'll be talkin to yaa XxX