A Broken Bones Matilda

Anybody Reading ever had that weird sense at some point that you are hated ? Disliked etc... Despite the fact that on front value everything is ok. To me atm, it sorta feels like that. A friend of mine I don't think actually wants to be, this upsets me.

Now of course there's more to it then just that. I feel like I lit this fire & now it won't go out, I really did cause the problems, I'll accept that now, and in all truth I don't deserve a friend from it. I want one though but, I honestly want to be the best friend I can be to this person, despite my shitty behaviour ! Y'see this is somebody who I would class as possibly a great friend, one of my best. And I want to try my very hardest to be that to them.

I just think though that despite the fact that we do talk and get on I feel that I really wouldn't be much of a loss if I dissapeared and I find that sad, especially when it's entirely possible to have a great friendship there. I don't deserve that, course not, but it won't stop me from trying.. Even if I don't like the shoes...

I'll be talkin to ya xx

A Broken Bones Matilda

Anybody Reading ever had that weird sense at some point that you are hated ? Disliked etc... Despite the fact that on front value everything is ok. To me atm, it sorta feels like that. A friend of mine I don't think actually wants to be, this upsets me.

Now of course there's more to it then just that. I feel like I lit this fire & now it won't go out, I really did cause the problems, I'll accept that now, and in all truth I don't deserve a friend from it. I want one though but, I honestly want to be the best friend I can be to this person, despite my shitty behaviour ! Y'see this is somebody who I would class as possibly a great friend, one of my best. And I want to try my very hardest to be that to them.

I just think though that despite the fact that we do talk and get on I feel that I really wouldn't be much of a loss if I dissapeared and I find that sad, especially when it's entirely possible to have a great friendship there. I don't deserve that, course not, but it won't stop me from trying.. Even if I don't like the shoes...

I'll be talkin to ya xx

Mere Minutes, 'Till Midnight

It's always down to moments, split seconds, mere minutes.

Some of the most important events that i've ever experienced or been through have been down to split second decisions, spur of the momonet thoughts. It's scary really. That at any moment something could happen that can through your life in any direction, sometimes the complete oppostie of where you actually saw it headed. Just when you think you have it all worked out you sit down and something occurs to you that makes you re-evaluate and re-think. I'll never understand how this is.

It's these moments that we live and die by. Whether it's planned or just a spur of the moment though, our actions still count, they don't get washed away if we made the choice based on a circumstance that later might not be an issue, or was just at the time a pressing concern. It's not who we are underneath or how we think, but what we do that defines us. And sometimes a person can come out looking bad, without having any malice or desire to do so.

My life has been full of these moments and will conitniue to do so. I'm famously bad at choosing the correct option in these scenarios and probably always will be, but i accept that. I've learned to expect dissapointment, one day i'll get it all right hopefully, but that isn't going to be today. At the moment all i can do is continue to exist and make sure that i enjoy what i do.

For no reason at all today i feel weird, i can't place the reasons, i should be at my happiest for ages, but it just seems to be the way of it with me. I have this habit of making things difficult for myself. But fuck it, i'll just have to cheer up, i suppose i have a reason to be cheerful now. I appreciate that, and no matter what sorta split second decisions i'm faced, i promise i will not allow myself to fuck this one up.

Addicted.

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

Mere Minutes, 'Till Midnight

It's always down to moments, split seconds, mere minutes.

Some of the most important events that i've ever experienced or been through have been down to split second decisions, spur of the momonet thoughts. It's scary really. That at any moment something could happen that can through your life in any direction, sometimes the complete oppostie of where you actually saw it headed. Just when you think you have it all worked out you sit down and something occurs to you that makes you re-evaluate and re-think. I'll never understand how this is.

It's these moments that we live and die by. Whether it's planned or just a spur of the moment though, our actions still count, they don't get washed away if we made the choice based on a circumstance that later might not be an issue, or was just at the time a pressing concern. It's not who we are underneath or how we think, but what we do that defines us. And sometimes a person can come out looking bad, without having any malice or desire to do so.

My life has been full of these moments and will conitniue to do so. I'm famously bad at choosing the correct option in these scenarios and probably always will be, but i accept that. I've learned to expect dissapointment, one day i'll get it all right hopefully, but that isn't going to be today. At the moment all i can do is continue to exist and make sure that i enjoy what i do.

For no reason at all today i feel weird, i can't place the reasons, i should be at my happiest for ages, but it just seems to be the way of it with me. I have this habit of making things difficult for myself. But fuck it, i'll just have to cheer up, i suppose i have a reason to be cheerful now. I appreciate that, and no matter what sorta split second decisions i'm faced, i promise i will not allow myself to fuck this one up.

Addicted.

I'll be talkin to ya xxx

She Called It Love.

So just as I thought I had a pretty good handle on what was going on and things, it all seems to have taken an unexpected twist ! But a good twist, a welcome one.

I'll give a little background information here. I'm currently going out with a girl. We have been friends since around October, and started to have a more 'intimate' relationship at Christmas. Since them we have gotten along pretty nicely, but last month we finally decided to go the extra step & start a proper 'thing' and I have to be honest it's working out extremely well. She is actually much better as a girlfriend as I would have thought.

However, it seems that I have underestimated the seriousness of what I've gotten myself into. Last night, she told me she loved me. She noticed I hesitated and that I was surprised, but not in a bad way. We talked about it, and despite not being too good at communicating in actual words I feel I got my point across well. I'm not freaked out, I should be, but I'm not. I am actually pleased with this turn if events....

I'm still not completely sure, but she calls it love. And if she thinks so then, I think she might just be right.

I'll be talkin to yaa xxx

She Called It Love.

So just as I thought I had a pretty good handle on what was going on and things, it all seems to have taken an unexpected twist ! But a good twist, a welcome one.

I'll give a little background information here. I'm currently going out with a girl. We have been friends since around October, and started to have a more 'intimate' relationship at Christmas. Since them we have gotten along pretty nicely, but last month we finally decided to go the extra step & start a proper 'thing' and I have to be honest it's working out extremely well. She is actually much better as a girlfriend as I would have thought.

However, it seems that I have underestimated the seriousness of what I've gotten myself into. Last night, she told me she loved me. She noticed I hesitated and that I was surprised, but not in a bad way. We talked about it, and despite not being too good at communicating in actual words I feel I got my point across well. I'm not freaked out, I should be, but I'm not. I am actually pleased with this turn if events....

I'm still not completely sure, but she calls it love. And if she thinks so then, I think she might just be right.

I'll be talkin to yaa xxx

Wendy Clear

Let's take the boat out on the bay,
Forget your job for just one day,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad,
It might be inappropriate, because,
Either way, our band gets dropped, oh yeah,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad.

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

The 3 date theory's getting old,
Everyone's getting left out in the cold,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad,
So I'll see you with another guy,
Who pretends not to hear you when you cry, oh yeah,
I wish it didn't have to be so bad.

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

I'll be moving on, moving on, moving on and on....
Moving on, moving on, moving on and on and on....

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret
Why do I want what I can't get
I wish it didn't have to be so bad


A Great Song- Blink 182

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xx