Dancing With Myself

It's a funny thing this, but i'd go with it being completely true. That old sayin y'know, wait long enough for something then a whole bunch come at once. This is mostly used in regards to buses but let's look past that for just a moment shall we. It's like everytime is the same. There is a lull, a little down period, when my options are pretty much non-existant, and yeah sure that's really shitty, but it doesn't bother me to much becuase i'm not really thinking about it, you just get on with things. But then suddenly out of nowere you find yourself surrounded by potential and that is great, yeah sure, but it's also extremelly difficult.

So at this point in time, i'm not entirely sure were my heads at, the last two weeks have been strange, i've been feeling like crap basicly and to lift myself out of that i've done my usual and put on the act and tried to pretend i'm not caring. That is a lie. But during this period of time i've learned a few things, which i'm kinda surprised about, and make me feel prety good to be truthful. As it turns out now is one of those time, there are more than a few buses i could catch, it's all just a question of which one. And that's the tricky part.

Some would require some work on my part, basicly in terms of just building up something cause theirs isn't any real history, just a a notion and one event, others are fucked before it can even begin, some would be possible but maybe not a priority, it's confusing ! Most importantly here i think is what do i want exactly. I need to work that out first and foremost. Because i need to be sure i'm not gettign into something that i'm not comfortable with. It's not the catching the bus that i find hard y'see, that's never been an issue, it's staying on the bus, and not making a total mess of it. See i'm now back to a point were i actually think i could go for something proper. I'm aware that it'll take time but i'm positive, i just need to know if anybody is willing. What's most weird is the fact that one night/morning has thrown all my plans into complete dissaray, as my priorities could well have changed, but i'm not sure, it'll not be as easy as it seems in my head.

But yeah, it's unusual but at this very moment i'm feeling generally good about things, i'm just really gonna try hard to not be a dick and i'm hoping that something worthwihle might come from it. Something that i'm pretty sure i'm now ready for. I hope. It's funny that all it takes is one thing to completely lift me again, i'm feeling better now than in a long, long time. And i like that ! So i suppose in a weird way, even if it's never more then the nothing that it probably was, someone has really helped me, and i just wish i could thank them for it, but they'll never know, as i've not got the bottle to say, and i suppose it wouldn't make a differance, but it's good, i'm good. And i'm rather pleased with it all. Now i've just got to make a few little decisions. This is bound to be a laugh, watch this space...

I'll be talkin to ya xx