What Should Have Been

Tomorrow is the day.

I Shoulda been on the plane.

I was meant to be leaving the country, for someplace new, somewere completely new. I was excited, it was going to be an adventure. An adventure with what was my family, tour of their world. With me and the othe tourist having an experience of something that we would have never thought to explore.

But now it's not happening, They are all still going, just minus me. To much has changed, since the idea was first floated, even more since it was accepted, but i still have a feeling of sadness that i'm not part of the group anymore. I loved that little false family. People saw us as together, could sense the closeness. Now i think i might just be another. A friend and nothing more, the intimite connection we shared as a group is probably lost forever.

I rember sitting with her, when it first became a possibilty. And how over the following months her excitement grew, as she told me all the places we'd go. The people we'd see. The things we'd do. It was going to be great, one of these trips that would have probably lived long in the memories. But alas it wasn't to be.

It crumbled around me, first the holiday, then everything else, i watched it happen, and i didn't lift a finger to stop it. I couldn't, i just had to nod and agree, but that doesn't mean i have to like were the resulting actions have taken us. I'd much rather be on that plane tomorrow. But i'm not so fuck it.

I can't dwell on this, i've been there in the past and it's not pretty. So i move on, i wake up and breathe, and what happens will happen. For once i'm not trying to influence anyway, i'm almost curious to see how the natural order works out. Who knows were i'll end up. I'd still rather be back there though, sitting tonight, with a suitcase, probably staying up all now, waiting for the next day flight. But instead i'm doing a driving test. Two pretty big events actually. But only one would bring me any sense of contentment.

So, with no sense of bitterness or anger, i genuinaly hope they have a fantastic time, i'm sure they will, they would have fun anywere as long as they are with each other. I'm just having to sit this round out...

I wonder if she ever did get that water trampoline ?

I'll Be Talkin To Ya xxx